The Impulsive Buy » Honey Bunches of Oats

REVIEW: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends

Marvo — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:23:30 +0000

Maybe it’s just me, but the combination of banana and blueberry seems weird.

Sure, the alliteration makes them sound like they belong together, but not even Yoplait has used this fruit combination in one of their yogurts. And Yoplait has stuffed almost every interfruity marriage into their conic containers that are impossible to eat out of if you have a large spoon.

Maybe Yoplait doesn’t combine them because when they tried to, it created something so unholy that it caused every Yoplait employee to simultaneously yell out, “sacrebleu.”

Because of my uncertainty with the banana/blueberry fusion, I opened the Post Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends cereal with some trepidation. The last time any cereal gave me this much fear was when I ripped open a box of All-Bran cereal to help me with constipation.

Oh wait, there was also that time I ate this cereal while driving to work.

When I tore open the packaging inside the Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends box, an aroma that smelled similar to a blueberry muffin wafted out of it. The pleasant aroma did ease whatever fears I had about combining bananas with blueberries and it also made me say, “sacrebleu.”

The cereal is made up of crispy banana flavored flakes and crunchy blueberry flavored granola clusters. However, while all the granola clusters were blueberry flavored, not all of the crispy flakes were banana flavored, which caused some flavor inconsistencies.

Some spoonfuls had a noticeable banana flavor, but to taste the banana with other spoonfuls I had to concentrate hard, as if I’m trying to recall the multiplication table in order to show a sixth grader that I’m smarter than him. And during that time of deep concentration all the crispy flakes turned limp and soggy while sitting in the milk and my head began to hurt. I don’t like having to think when eating cereal. It’s why I don’t solve any of the word find puzzles or mazes on the back of kids cereal boxes or read Highlights Magazine when eating cereal. When I did taste the banana, it was that familiar artificial banana flavor that I know and love from banana flavored candy and Slurpees.

What makes Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends really good are the crunchy blueberry clusters. Spoonfuls without them make me want to put down the bowl of cereal, slide it away from me, and then let out a disgusted “nay.” But, thankfully, there were a lot of blueberry clusters. The blueberry flavor was sweet, non-overpowering, and seeped into the milk while I was concentrating on the banana flavor.

Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends is a really good cereal. Sure, it has as much actual fruit in it than a strawberry soda, but it’s fortified with a bunch of vitamins and minerals. But despite the lack of fruit and inconsistent banana flavor, I have to say it’s now one of my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats varieties.

Sacrebleu!

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) 120 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 18 grams of other carbohydrates, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends reviews:
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp

Item: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends
Price: $2.99
Size: 14.5 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: One of my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats varieties. Smells like blueberry muffins. Blueberry clusters gave the cereal a nice crunch, which makes up for the soggy flakes. Nice blueberry flavor. Contains vitamins and minerals. Blueberry milk.
Cons: Inconsistent banana flavor. Crispy flakes don’t stay crispy for long in milk. Doesn’t contain actual fruit, just natural flavors. Being dumber than a sixth grader.

NEWS: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Fruit Blends To Smack Your Mouth With Two Fruit Flavors In One Cereal

Marvo — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 21:00:00 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Post Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends review

When I want to be smacked in the face with a combination of fruit flavors, I usually crash into an unmanned fruit stand without my seat belt on or have an Edible Arrangement catapulted at me. If I want a less bloody option, I’ll grab a box of Post Fruity Pebbles. But the folks at Post are now giving me another alternative with their new Honey Bunches of Oats Fruit Blends.

The new cereal comes in two varieties — Peach Raspberry and Banana Blueberry. Honey Bunches of Oats Fruit Blends combines the two flavors by including the peach and banana flavors on the crispy flakes and baking the blueberry and raspberry into the granola bunches.

A 3/4 cup serving of both varieties have 120 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 135 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 18 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and provides nine essential vitamins and minerals.

Honey Bunches of Oats Fruit Blends are available nationwide in 14.5- and 18-ounce boxes.

Thanks to our friend Roddy over at Rodzilla Reviews for the tip and image.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches

Marvo — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 22:42:21 +0000

Just come out and say it, Post.

You’re not 100 percent sure you like Honey Bunches of Oat with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches and Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches. They probably didn’t test well internally, but you’re going to put them out there as limited edition products to see if the general public likes them, and if they do, you’re going to distribute a press release that says they were so popular that you decided to make them permanent members in the Honey Bunches of Oats line.

Or, of course, I could be completely wrong because I’ve got my head so far up the ass of convenience food news that I think I’m able to read between the lines of every new product a company introduces.

I guess I just don’t understand why these two varieties are limited editions because both are much tastier than many of the current permanent Honey Bunches of Oats varieties. **cough** Pecan Bunches **cough** Real Peaches **cough** Real Strawberries **barf**

Both flavors are similar to others from Honey Bunches of Oats’ past. In 2004, Post released Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, which has been discontinued. If the term “EPIC FAIL” was part of my vernacular in 2004, I would’ve called Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas an EPIC FAIL for its disgusting, milk-absorbing banana pieces. As for a close relative of Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches, there’s current flavor, Honey Bunches of Oats with Cinnamon Bunches.

Like most Honey Bunches of Oats varieties, these two limited editions come with the standard crispy flakes that quickly get soggy in milk, crunchy oats, and a touch of honey. I’ve never been a fan of getting a touch of honey, and I really wish these two had an inappropriate massaging of honey instead.

The Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches have a pleasant cinnamon flavor, but not overpowering. That cinnamon flavor, along with the oat clusters, make the cereal taste like a Nature Valley granola bar. I was pleasantly surprised the dried apple pieces didn’t soak up milk faster than a chubby, thirsty cat on a hot summer day and that there were a decent amount of them. Although, they didn’t provide as much apple flavor as I hoped, but what can I expect from dehydrated versions of their former selves. Overall, I enjoyed it and think it should be a permanent member of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.

As for the Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches, I also liked it and think it should be a regular variety available to all, all the time. The bananas are baked into the oat clusters and they give the cereal a mighty good banana flavor. If you like how banana chips taste, then you’re going to like this cereal. Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches is what the banana-flavored Honey Bunches of Oats should’ve been in 2004.

I may want both these cereals to become regular additions to the Honey Bunches of Oats line, but, of course, it’s not up to me, it’s up to Post. To help, I could create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page, but I’m lazy, and I only like these cereals, I don’t LOVE them, which is just like how I imagine Post feels about them.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (just cereal) – with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 15 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals. with Banana Bunches – 120 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 18 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a whole lot o’ vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches
Price: $4.49 each (on sale)
Size: 17.5 ounces (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Size: 18 ounces (with Banana Bunches)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Banana Bunches)
Pros: Tasty. Bananas are baked into the bunches. Decent amount of apples. LEHBOOWRAACB tastes like a granola bar. LEHBOOWBB tastes like banana chips. Should be permanent members of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.
Cons: Needs inappropriate massaging of honey instead. Soggy flakes. Being too lazy to create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page. Limited Edition. My head being so far up the ass of convenience food news.

REVIEW: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley

Marvo — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 13:23:00 +0000

Raisins are the dark, shriveled Post-It Notes that remind me what happens if I spend too much time in the sun without sunscreen. So I like to have raisins around in the forms of Raisin Bran, Raisinets, and, of course, plain Sun-Maid raisins to ensure I put on some SPF before I go out to do a bit of nude sunbathing.

Thankfully, the folks at Post have given me something new to help remind me to rub on some sun protection — Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley.

The latest Honey Bunches of Oats variety is made up of multi-grain flakes, oat clusters, a touch of honey, and three kinds of raisins. What are the three types of raisins included? Well, in the ingredients list, the three are lumped together into the generic term “raisins.” However, without using any knowledge I gained from my Journalism 151 in college, which I earned a D in, I learned the cereal has three different types of raisins — natural seedless, jumbo seedless, and flame (red grapes).

Basically, Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley tastes almost like what would happen if you were really bored and decided to separate a box of raisin bran into raisins and bran flakes, and then throw the raisins into a box of Honey Bunches of Oats Honey Roasted cereal and feed the bran flakes to the birds that hang out near the car of someone you do not like.

Oh wait, that wasn’t very basic. But this is: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley is damn good.

The multi-grain flakes and oat clusters bring the crunchy, while the raisins bring the chewy. Although, the flakes in Honey Bunches of Oats are notorious for getting soggy quickly, but the oat clusters don’t and they provide a nice crunch when the flakes get milklogged. There were a lot of plump raisins in the box I purchased, and while eating through the box one bowl at a time, I found that most of my spoonfuls had a raisin in it. The three types of raisins pretty much look and taste the same, but that’s fine with me. However, all is not perfect with this cereal. I do wish it was a little sweeter and that instead of having a touch of honey, it had an inappropriate fondling of honey.

Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley is now my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats variety, and it might be one of my favorite cereals of all time. No, Post is not paying me to say that, although if they were willing to pay me for saying that, I’d gladly accept a check made out to “Cash” in an amount somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000 and the $2.99 I paid for the box.

Personally, I don’t why this marriage between cereal and raisins didn’t happen sooner because Honey Bunches of Oats have been around for over two decades and raisins have been around since someone got drunk on wine and left grapes out in the sun.

During those years of not having Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley, I’ve had to tolerate lame attempts at combining Honey Bunches of Oats with fruits, like Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Strawberries, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, and Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Peaches. I have so much disdain for those varieties that they’ve made me want to throw some Honey Punches of Oats at Sugar Bear’s Grape Nuts.

Although I’ve had to wait for it, Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley was worth it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup (cereal only) – 200 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 26 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Other Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley reviews:
Pegasus News

Item: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 17 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Awesome combination of Honey Bunches of Oats and raisins. My favorite Honey Bunches of Oats variety. Lots of raisins. Being the number one Google result for the phrase “Honey Punches of Oats.” Contains a bunch of vitamins and minerals. Sunscreen.
Cons: Could’ve had a little bit more honey flavor. Getting a D in Journalism 151. Didn’t come out sooner. No real taste difference between the three types of raisins. Feeding birds bran flakes. Sunburn.

NEWS: Honey Bunches of Oats Releases A Bunch of Honey Bunches of Oats

Marvo — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley review

Update 2: Click here to read our Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & with Banana Bunches review

If you think knowing every U.S. State and its capital is a waste of gray brain matter, only useful for Geography Bee participants and people who want to appear smart, but don’t realize that being able to remember U.S. states and their capitals are more about memorization, repetition, and using techniques like mnemonic devices, and not really about intelligence, then my knowledge of Post Honey Bunches of Oats cereal varieties is even more useless.

Post recently introduced a new regular variety to their Honey Bunches of Oats line — Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley. They also released two limited edition flavors — Honey Bunches of Oats with Apples and Cinnamon Bunches and Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches. Some of you might be thinking that these two flavors already exist, but you’d be so wrong. However, I understand your confusion, because currently there’s a Honey Bunches of Oats flavor with just cinnamon bunches and there was a Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, which was discontinued.

The Honey Bunches of Oats Raisin Medley contains three different types of Sun-Maid raisins — natural seedless, jumbo seedless, and flame (red grapes). One cup of the cereal provides 12 grams of whole grains, nine essential vitamins and minerals, and has 200 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

Raisin Medley, Apples and Cinnamon Bunches, and Banana Bunches joins Honey Roasted, Almonds, Real Strawberries, Real Peaches, Cinnamon Bunches, Vanilla Bunches, Pecan Bunches, Just Bunches Honey Roasted, and Just Bunches Cinnamon in the Honey Bunches of Oats cereal lineup.

Yes, I typed that list from memory.

REVIEW: Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Bunches

Marvo — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 11:35:47 +0000

Despite the fact that the corn flakes in any Honey Bunches of Oats cereal gets soggy faster than the armpits of the shirt I wear when I go running, I enjoy most of the varieties of Honey Bunches of Oats.

I guess the crunch from the oats make up for the limp flakes or maybe I’m just tired of women passing by me in the grocery store and giving me the you-must-be-a-virgin-look when they see boxes of Froot Loops and Count Chocula in my cart.

While I still like to buy cereals usually loved by eight-year-olds, I’m grateful for Honey Bunches of Oats because it helped me transition over to healthier cereals, like Raisin Bran and whatever wholesomeness Kashi pumps out to get their 7 Whole Grains into our bodies.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Bunches is the latest in a long line of Honey Bunches of Oats cereals. With so many varieties, I guess you can say there’s a bunch of Honey Bunches of Oats. And if you were hanging out with 1980s superduo, Hall & Oates, because you find Oates’ mustache mesmerizing, I guess you could say there’s a bunch of Honey Bunches of Oats, John Oates.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Bunches is by far not horrible tasting, but it doesn’t taste any different than regular Honey Roasted Honey Bunches of Oats. If you were to blindfold me with a Members Only jacket you stole from John Oates, or blindfold me with his huge mustache, and had me eat from a bowl of regular Honey Bunches of Oats and the Pecan Bunches version, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. The pecan flavor is almost non-existent, so I’m wondering if Post actually tried the cereal.

If you’re trying to accomplish a gastronomical equivalent of barhopping by trying to eat every single variety of Honey Bunches of Oats, you should go ahead and eat a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Bunches. But if you love pecan, like I love the feel of melted wax on my skin, you will disappointed.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cups without milk – 110 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 17 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Bunches
Price: $5.39
Size: 14.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not horrible tasting. A bunch of vitamins and minerals. Melted wax on my skin. John Oates’ mustache. Combing John Oates’ mustache. Being the comb that combs John Oates’ mustache.
Cons: Pecan bunches don’t have much flavor. Tastes just like regular Honey Roasted Honey Bunches of Oats. Flakes get soggy really fast. The pitiful amount of honey in it would piss Winnie the Pooh off.

Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats Just Bunches!

Marvo — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:01:49 +0000

When Post introduced the new Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats Just Bunches! cereal, I realized I no longer had a use for Sally (not her actual name, because I can’t pronounce her real name), the 8-year-old illegal immigrant Chinese girl I paid $1 a month to separate the bunches from my Honey Bunches of Oats cereal. Believe me it was worth the dollar to separate the flakes and the bunches in the cereal, because the bunches are the best part — they have all the flavor.

Some of you might be appalled by my blatant ignoring of child labor laws, but I will tell you that I treated Sally much better than she would have been treated in China. Not only did I pay her a dollar a month, I also let her eat all the Honey Bunches of Oats flakes she could eat, since I wasn’t eating them, but she had to provide her own milk, because I’m not a cow. I also taught her English by making her work in front of a television throughout the day. So far, she can say pretty well, “Survey says…” and “Come on down! You’re the next contestant on the Price is Right!”

When I showed Sally the box of Just Bunches! cereal and told her she was free to leave, she smiled and said, “cao ni zuzong shiba dai wonang fei” which at the time I thought it meant “thank you very much” in Chinese, but later found out that it really means, “Go fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation, loser.”

The Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats Just Bunches! cereal looks like I took a granola bar out of a hippie’s hands and beat them with it, causing the bar to break down into small pieces. The box it comes in is Grape Nuts-ish, which means it’s significantly smaller than most other cereal boxes because the cereal doesn’t take up much space, just like brains in the skulls of all contestants who are hoping to find love through a reality show. Because the bunches take up less space, I’m unable to determine what’s a good serving size without hauling out measuring cups. According to the box, there are eight 2/3 cup servings per box, but it took me four normal-to-me-sized bowls to eat all of it.

The cereal has a sticky, sweet smell and its caramel taste seemed very artificial, but neither of those were the most disturbing attributes of the Caramel Just Bunches! cereal. What was unsettling was its unnatural crunchiness after sitting in milk for ten minutes; its ability to turn skim milk brownish, a little thicker, and gross; and the use of a fucking exclamation point in its name. It’s a cereal, not a fucking energy drink.

As you can tell, I didn’t really care for the Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats Just Bunches! cereal, but there’s also a version with honey roasted bunches, just like the ones I paid Sally pick out, so maybe those will be better, but if not, I need to go find Sally and give her a 25 cent raise to encourage her to come back.

(Nutrition Facts – 2/3 cup – 250 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 135 milligrams of potassium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 25 grams of other carbohydrates, 5 grams of protein, a whole lot of vitamins and minerals, and one less illegal immigrant.)

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to TIB reader Jessica for recommending the Just Bunches! cereal. She now owes me protection from child labor laws.)

Item: Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats Just Bunches!
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 17 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Stays crunchy in milk. Vitamins and minerals. Monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fat. 4 grams of fiber. Paying someone a dollar per month to separate the bunches and the flakes in Honey Bunches of Oats cereal. Learning English through game shows.
Cons: Very artificial caramel flavor. Sticky, sweet smell. Turns milk gross. Enough in box for only four manly-sized bowls. Unnecessary use of an exclamation point in its name. Ignoring child labor laws.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters

Marvo — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:59:52 +0000

I do not know if any of you noticed, but Honey Bunches of Oats is reproducing like rabbits and I bet people in China are pissed. While each couple in China can have only one child, an asexual semi-healthy cereal can have seven offspring, with the possibility of more. I bet you right now that Honey Bunches of Oats is off somewhere breeding. Its most recent spawn is the Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters.

With a plethora of Honey Bunches of Oats variations, I am wondering when it is going to stop popping out new flavors. Right now, there is Honey Bunches of Oats Honey Roasted, Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Strawberries, Honey Bunches of Oats with Cinnamon Clusters, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Peaches, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, Honey Bunches of Oats with Vanilla Clusters and of course, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters.

You know what? Maybe Honey Bunches of Oats is on welfare and its timing these births so that it doesn’t have to go off of welfare. Just keep reproducing and it can keep getting welfare. There is an endless amount of Honey Bunches of Oats possibilities, like Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples, Honey Bunches of Oats with Caramel Clusters, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Starfruit or Honey Bunches of Oats with Orange Zest. If Honey Bunches of Oats is defrauding the government and stealing our tax dollars, I am going to get its tubes tied.

Or maybe Honey Bunches of Oats is a polygamist and part of the Fundamentalist Crunchy Cereal Church and it lives with all of its Honey Bunches of Oats wives in a secluded ranch in the middle of Texas. Oh, the inbreeding could lead to some fucked up offspring, like Honey Bunches of Oats with Bacon, Honey Bunches of Oats with Fluoride or Honey Bunches of Oats with Honey Bunches of Oats.

Anyway, I am exciting about Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters because it means we are one step closer to having Little Chocolate Donuts on our breakfast table. Fortunately, this cereal comes with real semi-sweet chocolate (with cocoa butter) and not that “chocolatey” bullshit, which is the equivalent of a Waikiki transvestite hooker — looks good on the outside, but do a little digging and you’ll have a bitter taste in your mouth. Unless a bitter taste in your mouth is something you are into and willing to pay extra for.

Like I wrote in the previous paragraph, this cereal has semi-sweet chocolate, which makes sense because having sweet chocolate would be retarded in a cereal that supposed to be healthy. Unfortunately, the semi-sweet chocolate clusters gives the cereal a really weak chocolate flavor and I was hoping that Barney Rubble would give me some his stolen Cocoa Pebbles to mix with this cereal.

Despite its weak chocolate flavor, I have to say that it is one of my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats variations. It has got the whole grain goodness for the adult in me, the chocolate goodness for the kid in me, and it allows me to buy a chocolate cereal that doesn’t make me look like a pathetic bachelor, puerile adult, or possible pedophile.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 120 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 16 grams of other carbs, 2 grams of protein, a whole lot of vitamins and minerals, and 1 step closer to getting mini Hershey’s Kisses into a cereal.)

Item: Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Chocolate Clusters
Price: $4.00 (on sale – 14.5 ounces)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Real chocolate in it. Clusters are crunchy. Honey Bunches of Oats. One step closer to having Little Chocolate Donuts. Vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Chocolate didn’t stand out. My excessive use of “Honey Bunches of Oats” in this review (to kill some time, count the number of times I used it). Honey Bunches of Oats with Fluoride. Chocolatey bullshit. Welfare fraud.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas

Marvo — Fri, 01 Oct 2004 10:00:01 +0000

Here at The Impulsive Buy we like to keep up with the latest product trends because we so desperately want to be cool and hip.

In our short existence, we have followed a few trends, like the breakfast smoothie trend and the low-carb soda trend. Another one we have been closely following is the cereal with real fruit trend, which we think is an awesome idea, but not as awesome as the Hypercolor clothing trend in the 1980s.

A few weeks ago we reviewed Corn Flakes With Bananas, which we found to be pretty damn good. Who would have thought adding bananas could make Corn Flakes, which is something just as bland as any Britney Spears’ CD, taste better?

So today we’re going to review another cereal with bananas, Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas.

We at the Impulsive Buy are fans of the original Honey Bunches of Oats, with its crunchiness and lightly frosted corn and wheat flakes. After our kick-ass experience with Corn Flakes with Bananas, we assumed the Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas would be just as good. Unfortunately, we were very disappointed.

To be honest, we were only dissatisfied with the dried bananas in the cereal. If we were able to pick out all the dried bananas, we would like it, but if we wanted that it would be easier to just buy a box of regular Honey Bunches of Oats.

The bananas in the Honey Bunches of Oats were soft and squishy, like Bob Dole without Viagra. So when we added the milk, the bananas absorbed it like a sponge and they got soggy faster than you can say, “These bananas suck ass.” This was unlike the Corn Flakes With Bananas, which had crunchy banana chips, like the kind you find in hippie health food stores in between the dried apricots and hemp bracelets.

These bananas in the Honey Bunches of Oats were so bad, we don’t think gorillas, monkeys, orangutans, or Robin Williams would like them.

After our positive experience with Corn Flakes with Bananas, we had such high hopes for Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas. To summarize how we felt about this cereal, we would like to use the following analogy: It’s just like getting caught in the rain without an umbrella. Things get soggy and it sucks.

Item: Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: The Honey Bunches of Oats part.
Cons: The soggy bananas part.