REVIEW: Burger King Mac n’ Cheetos

Burger King Mac n' Cheetos

The more I look at Burger King’s new Mac n’ Cheetos, the more I want to call them Mac n’ Cheeturds. I assume they’re supposed to look like Cheetos Puffs, but they’re not orange enough or curved enough, which gives me the urge to rename them.

The fast food side appears to be the successor to Doritos Loaded, a fried, triangular cheese-stuffed product that debuted at 7-Eleven locations in 2014 and was available at select Burger King locations last year, which, now looking back, was probably a test to see if Burger King patrons would buy a newfangled mozzarella stick. SPOILER ALERT: It appears they would. I didn’t have the fortitude to try Doritos Loaded after reading a bunch of negative reviews, so I can’t compare it with Mac n’ Cheetos.

The product is basically deep fried mac n’ cheese, a staple at carnivals, state fairs, and the Cheesecake Factory, but with a sprinkling of Cheetos dust in the crispy coating. A serving is five golden orange pieces that come in a Chester Cheetah-less package. I guess the rights to use Chester Cheetah would’ve cost Burger King some money, but it would’ve made the packaging as fun as what the Chicken Fries come in.

Burger King Mac n' Cheetos 2

The golden orange coating has a slight crispiness to it, but Burger King’s Onion Rings have a better crunch. I nibbled on the exterior to taste whatever Cheetos seasoning may be on in it, but my taste buds didn’t register anything that made me think of the crunchy cheese snack. But the crispy coating did remind of another popular cheesy snack — Cheez-Its.

Burger King Mac n' Cheetos 3

As for the interior, it’s a combination of orange cheese goo and tiny macaroni. The macaroni were tender, although they’re small enough that your teeth might not even notice them. The cheese tastes like cheddar and has a consistency that more like toothpaste than ooey-gooey cheese, making it slightly weird. The mac and cheese is adequate, but it too doesn’t have anything that makes me think of Cheetos.

As you can probably tell, I’m not impressed with Burger King’s Mac n’ Cheetos. They somewhat look like Cheetos, but they don’t have that distinguishable Cheetos flavor, not even a hint of it. And what about Cheetos dust on my fingers! They don’t even give me that.

Look, I admire Burger King for their willingness to try something like this. Someone said you can’t be successful without failure. I’m not sure who said that, probably someone who came up with hundreds of failing sayings before coming up with that winner. It’s a great idea and I was excited about them, but the execution was poor. Maybe they do deserve the name Mac n’ Cheeturds?

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website yet.)

Purchased Price: $3.29*
Size: 5 pieces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: They kind of look like Cheetos. Adequate. Interesting concept and name. Breading reminds me of Cheez-Its.
Cons: Disappointing they don’t taste at all like Cheetos. Don’t give me Cheetos dust fingers. No Chester Cheetah on the packaging. Cheese doesn’t have an oozy-gooey consistency.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Burger King Whopper Dog

Burger King Whopper Dog

I’ve tried the original Burger King Grilled Dogs and I thought they were nothing to hot dog emoji, smiley face, and thumbs up about. They’re okay fast food fare, and I’d probably buy them again if I wanted to giggle internally by buying hot dogs from a fast food chain with the word “burger” in its name.

The newest Grilled Dog is the Whopper Dog, which is exactly what you’re thinking it is — a way to use ingredients restaurants already have to create a new product that doesn’t cost much to develop, is easy to make, and can be rolled out to all locations without much effort. The Whopper Dog combines the same lettuce, tomatoes, onions (although chopped), pickles, mayonnaise, and ketchup on a Whopper with a flame-grilled 100 percent beef hot dog and fluffy bun.

I’m not sure mine was made correctly. If you look at the photo above or below, the hot dog appears to be the topping for the toppings.

While trying to fit the Whopper Dog into my mouth for the first time, the fluffy hot dog bun’s seam tore, making consumption an adventure. The ketchup and mayonnaise acted as a lubricant to make the lettuce, onions, pickles, and tomatoes fall out of my Whopper Dog at a rate equal to the 30th level of Tetris.

At first I thought the Whopper Dog was topped with a weird combo on ingredients. But after thinking about it, it’s not too weird. Half of the toppings — ketchup, onions, and pickles — are things one can usually find on a hot dog (I’m counting the pickles, since they’re kind of close to relish). And the lettuce and tomato don’t really have strong flavor profiles.

Burger King Whopper Dog 2

After trying it, the only topping that made this hot dog taste different was the mayonnaise. And combined with the ketchup they created a decent creamy tomatoey sauce that I thought was a tasty condiment for the wiener (yes, I know fry sauce). The pickles added a nice relish-like sour bite; the chopped onions added a little crunch and mild onion flavor; the sad, white lettuce also provided a slight crunch; and the tomatoes didn’t really do anything. They were more of an obligation than anything else.

The flame-grilled wiener’s flavor with the Whopper toppings doesn’t stand out as much as the flame-grilled patty does with those same toppings. Its flavor would’ve stood out more if it was thicker, but it was the same size as one of those you’d get from a $2 10-pack at the store.

What I most disliked about the Whopper Dog I received was its temperature. After taking my first bite, the first thought that came to my mind was, “There are too many cold ingredients.” I know nothing about thermodynamics, but the toppings seem to transfer their coldness to the wiener. I imagine the hot dog started off hot when it was being made, but by the time I started chomping on it, it was lukewarm. It brought down the whole experience.

Despite it being four-napkin messy and having a lukewarm small wiener, I somewhat enjoyed my Whopper Dog. All the ingredients give it a familiar Whopper flavor, and maybe I’m too much of a Whopper fanboy to completely hate on it. But it’s definitely not something to hot dog emoji, smiley face, and thumbs up about.

(Nutrition Facts – 380 calories, 24 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1040 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $6.99* (meal)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not horrible. Familiar Whopper flavor. An easy way for Burger King to come up with a new product.
Cons: Messy as heck. Wiener’s flavor doesn’t stand out very well among all the other ingredients. Ingredients may have brought down the temperature of my wiener. Tomatoes were useless.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Burger King Chicken Fries Rings

Burger King Chicken Fries Rings

Chicken Rings.

Doesn’t that have a logical ring to it.

Sorry.

But Burger King didn’t follow my logic, they went with the convoluted name Chicken Fries Rings. I can understand their logic. These rings of chicken fall under the Chicken Fries banner, but I imagine when most folks order them they’ll call them Chicken Rings, which is what I did and the cashier knew exactly what I wanted.

So Burger King’s Chicken Fries Rings are what’s next in fast food chicken finger food technology.

Cue up Richard Strauss’ “Also Sprach Zarathustra.”

Oh, it’s not?

Cue up “Yakety Sax” to take us back to 2011 when White Castle introduced their Chicken Rings.

Burger King’s version looks exactly like White Castle’s — flat rings with a seasoned golden brown coating. They’re aerodynamic enough that if you wanted to fling them they’d probably get more airtime than a Burger King onion ring. So let the food fights begin!

Burger King Chicken Fries Rings 2

A serving has six pieces and comes with your choice of dipping sauce. I went with BK’s Zesty Sauce. I’m sure the breading and spices are the same ones used on their straight Chicken Fries, but these rings taste better. They have a stronger flavor and the spices stand out a bit more. Maybe it’s because there’s more surface area touching my tongue with each bite. I don’t know. I’m no food physicist. But I do know they have enough peppery flavor that I’d be fine eating these without a dipping sauce, which is something I can’t say about McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets.

Their exterior is not what I would consider crispy, but it’s also not soggy. When I bit into them there was a little noise, but not enough to rattle my brain with every chew. I wish these came out crispier. The white meat chicken was on the dry side, but the dipping sauce hides that.

Burger King Chicken Fries Rings 3

One issue I’ve always had with Burger King’s Chicken Fries is their lack of chicken meat. Of course, being the shape of fries makes it hard to fit a decent amount of chicken into one. But I don’t feel the same about these Chicken Rings. Their flat and round shape allows them to have about twice the amount of chicken.

Overall, I enjoyed Burger King’s Chicken Fries Rings and I do think taste-wise they’re a step above their Chicken Fries and miles above their regular chicken nuggets. But for those looking for value will probably prefer BK’s regular Chicken Nuggets, which currently are available for $1.49 for 10-pieces.

(Nutrition Facts – 310 calories, 18 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 1020 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 17 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $6.99 (value meal)*
Size: 6-pieces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: They have more flavor than BK’s Chicken Fries, even though they’re made with the same breading. I’m fine with eating them without a dipping sauce. Zesty Sauce. More aerodynamic than a BK Onion Ring.
Cons: Its name. Looks like White Castle’s version. Breading isn’t very crispy. Chicken meat was on the dry side. BK’s Chicken Nuggets.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Burger King Angriest Whopper

Burger King Angriest Whopper

It was a Saturday, just like any other Saturday. I woke up, brushed my teeth, and got ready for the day. I read the newspaper and had a cup of coffee. I went for a morning run.

Eventually, I grew hungry for lunch. I got in my car, drove to the nearest restaurant, and placed my order. I paid the cashier and waited while my food was prepared. The cashier handed me a bag and I was on my way.

Once home, I sat down at my dinner table, bowed my head, and said a prayer.

“Dear almighty (Burger) King, please don’t let me end up in a Yahoo! article for whatever color this bright red bun turns my poo.”

Okay. Maybe it wasn’t just like any other Saturday.

In the Burger King family tree, the Angriest Whopper is the livid sibling of 2009’s Angry Whopper, and the extremely sunburned cousin of last year’s A.1. Halloween Whopper (which made headlines last year after customers reported that its black bun turned their poop green).

Burger King Angriest Whopper 2

As I unveiled the burger, I was greeted by an ominous proclamation: “I SURVIVED THE ANGRIEST WHOPPER.” So there’s a chance I might not survive this thing? Were my last words really going to be a prayer about the effects a fast food cheeseburger might have on my bowels? I will admit, as gimmicky as this burger seemed, I was intrigued to see whether it would live up to its spicy billing.

Burger King Angriest Whopper 3

The Angriest Whopper’s bun is very squishy. I certainly wouldn’t think of it as a “premium” bun used in similarly-priced burgers at other restaurants. The textures of the various ingredients are mostly similar, with some decent crunch from the lettuce and bacon. Having said that, the produce is what you would expect from Burger King—more functional (to provide some color and hold the components together) than attractive.

The tamer ingredients in the Angriest Whopper are decent. The bacon is crispy and provides a good meaty flavor. The patty itself has Burger King’s strong charbroiled taste, but it is relatively thin for its menu price and not at all juicy. The other two standard ingredients, the mayonnaise and American cheese, struck me as odd choices for this burger. The mayo adds little and actually seems to dull the other flavors. The American cheese is similarly underwhelming. I think Burger King missed a chance to use pepper jack cheese to add some heat.

Burger King Angriest Whopper 4

Now, the “spicy” ingredients. If this Whopper is Burger King’s definition of “Angriest,” I’d like to point them to my mother’s reaction when I stuffed a bag of Ritz Bitz in our VCR as a child. The only real heat comes from the four jalapeño slices, which are spicy and somewhat sour. I tried the bun separately, and if there is hot sauce baked in, I definitely couldn’t taste it. The angry onion petals are soggy and limp, but actually quite tasty. They reminded me of a slightly spicier version of Burger King’s onion rings. The angry sauce is undetectable for the most part. It seemed to have mixed with the mayo, and the little taste I could pick up was more sweet (almost like barbecue sauce) than spicy.

The Angriest Whopper is a decently flavorful sandwich, with a good amount of heat coming mostly from the jalapeños. But at $5.49 for just the burger, you’re basically paying for the novelty of the blindingly red bun. At a lower price and with a few recipe tweaks, however, this burger could be a heavy-hitter as one of Burger King’s regular offerings.

(Nutrition Facts – 830 calories, 51 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 1530 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 34 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Innovative ingredients. Onion petals and bacon provide great flavor. Decent heat from jalapeño slices. Managed to survive eating a fast food cheeseburger.
Cons: Lacks heat. Bun contains no flavor whatsoever. High price for one sandwich. Getting yelled at by your mom. Bathroom prayers.

REVIEW: Burger King Dr Pepper Shake

Burger King Dr Pepper Shake

I, Vin, know all of Dr Pepper’s 23 flavors.

I know em all, and I’m ready to tell the world. I’m not afraid anymore. What are they gonna do, sue me? Arrest me? Bust into my house, incapacitate me, take me away in a black van and finish this blog post pretending to be me, while never actually telling you guys the 23 flavors? Pff, I’d like to see them try. They don’t have the guts.

So without further ado, here are the 23 flavors that go into every batch of Dr Pepper.

Cola

Cherry

Vanilla

(knocking at the door)

Ah, come on! Gimmie a sec, someone’s banging on my door. I’ll be back before you can say “Dr Pepper’s deepest darkest secret.”

I’m back. It was just a…vacuum salesman. Yup, just a boring, non-threatening salesman.

I know you’re anxious to read your best pal Vin’s review of Burger King’s new Dr Pepper shake…and this is most definitely Vin.

Where was I?

Burger King Dr Pepper Shake 2

This shake is nothing to look at. It’s just tan. A few syrup ribbons of dark red would have been nice, but I have to imagine that was deliberate on Burger King and Dr Pepper’s part. They don’t need to win you over with flashy colors. It’s not like they’re Surge.

Ever walk into a bakery after a fresh batch of amaretto cookies are brought out? It’s an amazing almond smell with a hint of cherry in some cases. That’s what this shake smells like.

As far as the flavor goes, here’s a very specific taste for you to imagine. Have you ever gotten a vanilla shake with whipped cream and a maraschino cherry on top, but just let those ingredients sink to the bottom? You know those last few pinkish sips of vanilla infused with the juice runoff from the cherry? That’s what this tasted like. Vin likey.

Burger King Dr Pepper Shake 3

The Dr Pepper you know and love is definitely there, but it’s more subtle than you’d expect. It punches through a bit more once the shake starts to liquefy, but that’s only on the last few sips as this holds its texture well. Dr Pepper may have 23 amazing flavors, but I really only tasted the cherry and vanilla, which is totally fine. In fact, don’t even worry about the other 21 flavors, they don’t concern you, and trying to figure them out will not end well for you…or anyone for that matter.

Moving on…

Some shakes are so cloying they’re tough to finish. That isn’t the case here. The Dr Pepper Shake is delicious from the first sip to the last.

People like to write Burger King off, but they’ve been crushing it with menu items like this. They’re trying to offer innovative choices as of late, excelling mostly with their drinks. Here’s hoping they expand on this concept and blend up more sodas into shakes. I mean, they’ll probably be good, but not Dr Pepper good.

In conclusion, Mr. Pibb worships Satan. Drink Dr Pepper.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 fl oz – 330 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams dietary fiber, 44 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein..)

Item: Burger King Dr Pepper Shake
Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: Small (12 oz.)
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Great cherry/vanilla flavor. Olfactory satisfaction. Perfect shake consistency. Maraschino cherry flavor without the plastic fruit. Burger King owning the shake game. Doctorate degrees.
Cons: Secretive recipes. Dr. Pepper flavor could have been somewhat stronger. Super thick shakes. Home invasions. Mr. Pibb.

REVIEW: Burger King Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger

Burger King Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger

If you’ve enjoyed Jack in the Box’s Buttery Jack topped with garlic herb butter and are looking at trying Burger King’s new Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger because you expect the garlic and butter in it to make it enjoyable too, STOP!

Stop following your nose to the flame-grilled aroma coming out of the vents at the Burger King location you’re planning to go to.

However, if you’ve never had the pleasure of trying a Buttery Jack from Jack in the Box because there isn’t a location anywhere near you or their mascot’s head freaks you out or you stopped going because you looked up “jack in the box” on Urban Dictionary and can’t stop giggling every time you hear those words, you might like the Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger.

The limited time only cheeseburger features two beef patties topped with onions, lettuce, ketchup, mayonnaise, American cheese, and a buttery garlic flavored sauce on a toasted hoagie bun. So it’s basically the chain’s regular Extra Long Cheeseburger with another condiment.

Burger King Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger 2

Comparing Jack in the Box’s garlic herb butter with Burger King’s buttery garlic flavored sauce would be like comparing chocolate with chocolatey. Chocolatey is not quite chocolate because it’s missing cocoa butter, and buttery garlic sauce is not quite garlic butter because it doesn’t contain butter. Instead it’s got a bunch of oils and natural flavor that try to make it buttery.

As for the garlic flavor, according to the BK website, the sauce has garlic powder, garlic, and natural garlic flavor listed as ingredients. All those oils, natural flavor, and garlic ingredients create a sauce that not at all buttery and slightly garlicky. Although there are actual garlic products in it, the sauce tastes cheap and artificial.

As you read three paragraphs ago, this burger has a lot of different parts and that combined with the sauce not having strong flavors make it hard for any butteriness or garlic to shine through. The flavor of Burger King’s flame grilled beef stands out and whatever garlic flavor does enhance it. But, again, there’s a lot going on with the burger that distracts my taste buds. I mean, is ketchup and mayonnaise REALLY necessary?

The burger as a whole doesn’t make me want to put on a Burger King kids meal crown, run up to strangers, and praise it. It’s okay, but it’s basically an Extra Long Cheeseburger with a hint of garlic. To be honest, it really should’ve been called the Extra Long Garlicky Cheeseburger, because no buttery flavor comes through.

(Nutrition Facts – 710 calories, 420 calories from fat, 47 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 1250 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 26 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger
Purchased Price: $5.49*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Whatever garlic flavor there is does enhance the flavor of the flame-grilled patties. Jack in the Box’s Buttery Jack. Available on BK’s 2 for $5 menu.
Cons: Sauce isn’t buttery and not very garlicky. Having too many toppings helps dampen whatever garlic flavor there is. Is three condiments really necessary? Just an Extra Long Cheeseburger with an extra sauce.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.