The Impulsive Buy » Burger King

REVIEW: Burger King Cilantro Lime BK Big Fish

Marvo — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 10:52:12 +0000

The combination of cilantro and lime sounds like one that we would find either on the menu at a fine dining establishment or in the recipe book that comes with a Magic Bullet blender. But it’s not something I would expect to see on a fast food menu board that also contains Crown-Shaped Chicken Tenders and funnel cake sticks.

Actually, let me take back that last sentence because if there’s any fast food company who has the balls to introduce the Cilantro Lime BK Big Fish, it would be Burger King, or BK if you’re lazy, or McDonalds’ Bitch if you’re nasty. Only a company that could invent chicken fries could create this fish sandwich.

For those of you who have never had a BK Big Fish, it takes everything a McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish has, except the cheese and annoying singing fish commercials that make you want to punch your computer monitor, and makes it bigger. But if you’ve seen the minuscule Filet-O-Fish, you know making a larger variation of it is an extremely easy task. Between the buns of the Cilantro Lime BK Big Fish, the usual tartar sauce is replaced with a cilantro lime sauce that looks equally as disturbing as the tartar sauce. While the sauce is made with two green colored ingredients, the sauce isn’t green at all, just like most of the lettuce in the sandwich.

The flavor of the sauce in the Cilantro Lime BK Big Fish almost goes beyond my threshold of what I consider tasty. The cilantro is noticeable, but thankfully isn’t too heavy. However, if the cilantro was kicked up a slight notch, it would probably be more than what I can tolerate. As for the lime flavor, it’s as subdued as the cilantro and does for this sauce what it has done for Corona Beer, which is make something shitty taste a little bit better.

Yes, I did enjoy this sandwich. The fish filet had a crunchy exterior and a soft interior; its bun was of higher quality than the Filet-O-Fish’s; and the sauce had the right balance of cilantro and citrus. I’d probably eat it again if I’m in the mood for something that doesn’t come from a cow or chicken, and if I want to consume trans fats and enough sodium to make my blood pressure as high as the final score of any past NBA All-Star Game.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 630 calories, 31 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 1570 milligrams of sodium, 65 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar and 23 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Cilantro Lime BK Big Fish
Price: $5.49 (small combo)
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Interesting, tasty sauce. High in protein. High quality bun, when compared to other fast food fish sandwiches. Fish filet had a crunchy exterior with a soft interior. Sauce doesn’t come in a disturbing green color. The Magic Bullet.
Cons: It’s a regional item so it’s not available everywhere. If you hate cilantro, you will curse this sandwich. Contains trans fat and over 1500 milligrams of sodium. Most of the lettuce in the sandwich isn’t green. McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish commercials.

NEWS: Burger King’s New Hot Fries Snack Makes Me Want To Add A New Entry At Urban Dictionary

Marvo — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:00:36 +0000

The Burger King Hot Fries Potato Snacks have got me thinking about an appropriate definition for the term “hot fries” for the Urban Dictionary website, which is a collection of slang words and phrases. So far, I’ve come up with three possible definitions.

1. A phrase expressing excitement like one would have after realizing they’ve received a fresh batch of french fries straight out of the fryer. Interchangeable with the phrase “hot damn.”

2. Sexy legs that may or may not be covered with red pantyhose.

3. Crabs-infested pubic hair.

Of course, the Burger King Hot Fries Potato Snacks have nothing to do with any of these definitions, but they are similar to the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks I reviewed awhile back. I didn’t really care for those, so I’m not too eager to try these, even though its packaging claims it’s spicy, which is a flavor that my tastebuds enjoy, along with licking hot fries.

I’ll let you figure out which definition of hot fries I’m referring to.

REVIEW: Burger King Funnel Cake Sticks

Marvo — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:08:50 +0000

Thank goodness for carnivals and circuses.

They give us the opportunity to consume foods we normal wouldn’t eat anywhere else, like cotton candy; something deep fried that shouldn’t have been, like a Snickers, Oreo or Twinkie; and you can eat funnel cake, which has a shape and look that makes it appear to be poop that got snowed on.

Carnivals also allow you to upchuck those foods, thanks to rides with names like “The Zipper,” “Gravitron,” “Twister,” “Tilt-A-Whirl” and the appropriately named, “Vomit Comet.”

Like beauty and the fame from being the first person booted off of a reality show, getting to enjoy carnival food is fleeting, unless you’re a carny or follow the carnival from town to town, sort of like an overweight Deadhead, except a carnival follower’s munchies aren’t caused by smoking weed.

Sure you could make your own funnel cake, but you know it won’t be as good as the stuff at the carnival, because you lack carny magic. If you’re hoping the new Burger King Funnel Cake Sticks are a good substitute for carnival funnel cake, think again…or think about growing a long beard, if you’re a woman, or working on your throwing accuracy with knives so that you can have your own tent to show off your freakish beard or pinpoint knife flinging.

The BK Funnel Cake Sticks come with nine pieces and a container of white icing dipping sauce. Each stick is 3.5 inches long, is covered in powdered sugar and has almost the same consistency as Burger King french fries — a slightly crunchy outside and soft inside.

The funnel cake sticks without the icing didn’t have much flavor, unless you count greasiness and my salty tears of disappointment. It didn’t remind me of funnel cake, instead it reminded me that I don’t really care for what Burger King produces in deep fried stick form, like their french fries and Chicken Fries.

Not even the container of icing helped make it sweeter and taste better because it just couldn’t subdue the greasiness. Adding more sugar might improve it. Or maybe casting some carny magic.

(Nutrition Facts – 9 sticks – 300 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 30 grams of sugar and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Funnel Cake Sticks
Price: $2.49
Size: 9 sticks
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Comes with 9 sticks. Crunchy outside, soft inside. No trans fat. Comes in a convenient box that hold the sticks and dipping icing. Carnival rides. Carny magic.
Cons: Really greasy flavor. Didn’t remind me of funnel cake. Icing didn’t help with the greasy flavor. The Vomit Comet. How quickly people forget the first person kicked off of a reality show. Fried Twinkie/Oreo/Snickers. Carnival rides after eating carnival food.

REVIEW: Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake

Marvo — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:19:07 +0000

I wanted to use the festive-looking Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake as my birthday cupcake replacement, but it probably wouldn’t have been suitable.

Because by the time someone lit the candle and everyone finished singing “Happy Birthday” to me in English and Japanese, while holding sparklers, the candle probably would have melted through the whipped cream and sprinkles and then extinguished itself in the ice cream.

Also, since I wouldn’t have blown out the candle, my wish for either world peace or the 2010 Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year to be “redonkidonkulous” wouldn’t come true.

By the way, “redonkidonkulous” is used to describe how ridiculous it is to use the word “redonkulous” all the time.

Like all fast food milkshakes, the Cup Cake Sundae Shake is high in saturated fat and sugar, which means, if you have children and want to lower their weight and your electricity bill, just get a hamster wheel that your child can fit in, connect it to something that can convert the motion of the wheel into electricity and let the dozens of grams of carbohydrates and sugar power your child as they provide energy for your home by making the hamster wheel move and a brisk, consistent pace.

The milkshake really did taste like a cupcake, thanks to the yellow cake-flavored ice cream. It looked and tasted like I was eating yellow cake batter, except without the possibility of getting salmonella or getting my tongue stuck in a hand mixer. It also almost tastes like egg nog ice cream. The milkshake was really good and brought back memories of those days when my classmates would call me “Cupcake Face,” not because I ate a lot of cupcakes, but because when I put a rain hat my head, it would look like an upside down cupcake, thanks to my chubby cheeks and lack of a hamster wheel for me to get some exercise.

The whipped cream and candy sprinkles didn’t add much flavor, but it did make it look prettier, like normal clothing does with Lady Gaga. The sprinkles did end up getting stuck on my molars, but since I didn’t brush my teeth right after consuming it, I got a little treat about 20 minutes later.

Overall, the Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake was a pleasant treat, and if it could hold a candle without melting the dessert, I would blow it out and wish for it to come back again.

(Nutrition Facts – 22 ounces – 680 calories, 25 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 115 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 103 grams of sugar and 10 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: Thanks to TIB reader Nadia for suggesting the Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake. Also, here’s another review of it from The Ridiculous Food Society of Upstate New York.)

Item: Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake
Price: $2.89
Size: Small
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a cupcake. Also kind of reminds me of egg nog ice cream. Looks like yellow cake batter. Comes with a fat ass straw. Candy sprinkles made it look pretty. Hamster wheels for children to power your home. Lady Gaga with normal clothes.
Cons: Whipped cream and candy sprinkles didn’t add flavor. Not wise to eat with a value meal from Burger King, unless you love being overweight. Candy sprinkles got stuck in my molars. My head in a rain hat. Lady Gaga with whatever she usually wears. Excessive use of the word “redonkulous.”

REVIEW: Burger King French Toast Flavored Snacks

Marvo — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:37:23 +0000

I didn’t think it was possible, but I found something that frickin’ scares me even more than The King from Burger King — the Burger King French Toast Flavored Snacks.

At least with The King I can kick him in the testicles and run away, but with these syrup-flavored snacks, I don’t know how to defend myself from them. In reality, they look exactly like they do on the package, which isn’t the scary part.

What’s frightening about them is that they look like Muppet penises. Seriously, they do. Take one of these french toast snacks, then go grab an Ernie doll and make him anatomically correct with the crunchy treat. Watching Ernie sing the Rubber Duckie song in a bathtub on Sesame Street will NEVER be the same.

Opening a bag of the Burger King French Toast Flavored Snacks is like opening the door to a Denny’s during breakfast time; a strong aroma of maple syrup smacks you across your Grand Slam yearning face. Think of them as sweet, thicker Cheetos because they’re made out of puffed corn and have the same crunchy texture, but instead of orange cheesy goodness, they taste like syrup and pancakes with way too much butter.

However that sweet, buttery flavor was dampened when I ate the next piece right after the first piece and it stayed that way through the others I ate one after another. After letting my taste buds reset by not having any of it in my mouth for about a minute, that strong sweet flavor came back with the next chip I consumed, but it lessened again while eating the next one. I think this roller coaster of flavor was caused by the thickness of the pieces, which were almost twice the thickness of Cheetos. Since all of the flavor is on the outside of the snack, once that outer layer of flavor dissolves, it’s nothing but plain old corn meal.

Overall, I didn’t care too much for the flavor, when I could taste it. I guess the strong buttery flavor was slightly unappetizing. I wish it had more of a cinnamon flavor or, at least, a maple flavor that permeates more through each piece, instead of having to taste plain corn meal.

So I guess the outside and inside of the Burger King French Toast Flavored Snacks scare me.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 17 pieces – 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 2% iron.)

(Note: Here’s another review of them. He liked them much more than I did.)

Item: Burger King French Toast Flavored Snacks
Price: 99 cents
Size: 2.25 ounces
Purchased at: PriceBusters
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Crunchy. About twice the size of Cheetos puffs. Kicking The King in The Balls.
Cons: Looks like a Muppet penises. Strong buttery flavor was unappetizing. Once each piece loses its outer coating it tastes like plain corn meal. Scarier than The King. Strong aroma of maple syrup when you open the bag. Making Ernie anatomically correct.

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 8/1/2009

Marvo — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 10:00:58 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

It turns out I can finally stick Duplo in my mouth without fear of choking or plastic shards, but this Duplo doesn’t come in a rainbow of colors. (via Chocolate Mission)

The great thing about video food reviews is the opportunity to see the faces of disgust while eating a microwaved meatloaf meal. (via Heat Eat Review)

Want something a little fancier than instant Cup Noodles? Try the classier instant yakisoba. (via Cheap Eats)

I’m trying to think of a purpose for these filing tabs. Oh, I know. To take up space on my shelf, never to be used. (via Office Supply Geek)

The problem with the BK Double Crispy Cheesyburger is that it needs more Y’s in its name. Give it some jalapenos and it can be the BK Double Spicy Crispy Cheesyburger. Give it jalapenos and the power of adverbs and it could be the BK Doubly Spicy Crispy Cheesyburger. (via We Rate Stuff)

REVIEW: Burger King Angry Tendercrisp & Angry Original Chicken Sandwich

Marvo — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 04:03:29 +0000

The Angry Tendercrisp and Angry Original Chicken Sandwich think they’re angry, but they’re not. I’ll show you angry, muthabitches!

Woke up at 4 am ’cause someone was dragging a bag of cans on the street.
Pissed me off because they interrupted me in the middle of REM sleep.
Got to my feet, looked outside and saw a bum digging through the trash.
Told him to be quiet or else that can in his hand would be his last.
He slurred something I didn’t understand, I think he had too much wine.
Said to him I’m going to pop a cap in his ass with my muthafuckin’ nine.
Pulled out my gat and flashed it at the defenseless homeless man.
Then he mumbled some gibberish to me I couldn’t quite understand.
I said, “Don’t make me come down there and mess you up, you bum.”
“I dare you” is what I think he slurred with his alcoholic tongue.
But my gat was a water gun I got for 100 skee ball tickets at the arcade.
So I told him, “Oh, you’re lucky I don’t have bullets. Now go away.”
Then someone yells “Shut up you two or else I’m going to call the cops.”
Then I quickly hide behind my curtains and the argument stops.

You see that? I was so angry that I might’ve killed a man. If I had a real gun, some bullets, and I wasn’t scared of firearms due to a pellet gun accident at Boy Scout camp, I would’ve dropped that hobo dead. What kind of anger do those two chicken sandwiches wield? All they have are Pepper Jack cheese, jalapenos, angry onions and angry sauce.

Ooooh, that’s angry. I’m scared of them. I better lock my doors. I better have 911 on speed dial incase they get angrier. I should go find Betty Ross so that she can calm them down when they turn into the Incredible Hulk. Pfff…Their ingredients aren’t angry. Let me show you angry.

Waiting in line to pay for my banana Slurpee.
Watching the old lady pull out her coin purse in front of me.
Oh, she better not be paying with pennies, nickels and dimes,
or else I’m going to end her life before her time.
Driving Miss Daisy spills the contents of her purse on the counter,
I was going spill my Slurpee on her head and then pound her.
Counting off each coin one by one by one by one,
She owed $5.23 for a sandwich and a bag of Funyuns.
The cashier tried to speed things up by collecting her amount,
but the old hag didn’t want anyone to help her count.
I lose my mind and yell at her, “Could you go any slower?”
I cause her to miscount and now she has to start all over.
Now everyone in the back of the line is yelling at me.
“How could you be so mean to the elderly?”
Some guy grabs my Slurpee and pours it over my head.
I ran out of the store and cried like a baby as I fled.

Yeah, that’s right. I was so angry that I would’ve beat up an old lady. And if it weren’t for that guy who was smart enough to cool my hot head down with a Slurpee, who knows what I might’ve done to that grandma who says “hi” to me every time I pass her on the sidewalk.

The Angry Tendercrisp and Angry Original Chicken Sandwich are like their weak ass cousin, the Angry Whopper — all talk, no burn. The only thing that saves their asses from being total wussies is the fact the both of them are kind of tasty, although I thought the Angry Tendercrisp was a little better. The angry sauce gives both of them a nice barbeque flavor with a little kick, but not enough to be considered “angry.” The jalapenos also provide a little more heat than the sauce and the “angry onions” don’t add anything, except a little crunch. The bacon gets lost with the smokey angry sauce and the lettuce and tomatoes help to cool each sandwich’s “anger” even more. But, again, both sandwiches are tasty.

I guess in order for me to consider them angry, the Angry Tendercrisp and Angry Original Chicken Sandwich would have to either kill a hobo for making too much noise or bitch slap an elderly person for paying in pennies.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – Angry Tendercrisp – 1030 calories, 61 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 2670 milligrams of sodium, 82 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar and 40 grams of protein. Angry Original Chicken Sandwich – 870 calories, 55 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 2430 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of sugar and 34 grams of protein.)

(We Rate Stuff reviewed the Angry Original Chicken Sandwich and the Angry Tendercrisp.)

Item: Burger King Angry Tendercrisp & Angry Original Chicken Sandwich
Price: $6.49 (Angry Tendercrisp)
Price: $5.49 (Angry Original Chicken Sandwich)
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Angry Tendercrisp)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Angry Original Chicken Sandwich)
Pros: Tasty sandwiches. Hearty sandwiches. Angry sauce has a nice barbeque flavor. Chicken coating was crispy. Angry onion provide crunch. Lettuce and tomatoes provide vegetables. My skee ball skills.
Cons: Not angry. Extremely high in sodium. Contains trans fat. Bacon gets lost with the smokey angry sauce. Elderly abuse. Killing hobos. Paying for purchases with pennies. My rhyming ability.

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 7/4/2009

Marvo — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 10:00:03 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

Sixteen beers and ten sake reviews in one evening? May God have mercy on their livers. (via TBQ)

Fried ice cream that’s not fried. There’s an F-word I would use to describe that and it’s not fried. (via I Ate A Pie)

Apple and banana ketchup is popular in the Philippines; apple and banana mush is popular with babies; and apple and banana martinis are popular with sorority girls. (via A.V. Club)

The only thing I think the BK BBQ Double Stackticon can transform is my beating heart into a non-beating heart. (via We Rate Stuff)

There’s a white powder energy drink mix called Blow. I’m waiting for a black energy liquid-filled syringe called Black Tar Heroin. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

Photo via http://www.flickr.com/photos/leunix/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 5/23/2009

Marvo — Sat, 23 May 2009 10:00:20 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

If you’re afraid of nutrition facts that involve lots of high double digit percentages, DO NOT read this review. (via Frozen Food Journal)

This Dale Earnhardt Jr. inspired Amp Energy Drink will probably wash away the taste of the Jeff Gordon Energy Drink in the mouths of NASCAR fans, because apparently most of them hate Jeff Gordon. (via Everyview)

I’m a sucker for foods that contain green rice. (via Heat Eat Review)

This is probably one of the least visually appetizing Butterfinger products ever. (via Foodette Reviews)

I guess I didn’t get the memo. It turns out that it’s Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms review week. (via Gigi Reviews, Candy Blog, We Rate Stuff and Snack Love)

NEWS: New BK Bacon Cheddar Ranch Tendercrisp Was Also New In 2005

Marvo — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:08:31 +0000

Before there was…

Gimme back that filet-o-fish
Gimme that fish
Gimme back that filet-o-fish
Gimme that fish
What if it was you hanging up on this wall?
If you were in that sandwich you wouldn’t be laughing at all!

(YouTube link here)

There was…

When my belly starts a-rumblin’
And I’m jonesin’ for a treat.
I close my eyes for a big surprise
the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.

I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
The breasts they grow on trees
And streams of bacon ranch dressing
Flow right up to your knees

There’s tumbleweeds of bacon
And cheddar paves the streets
Folks don’t front you ’cause you got the juice
There’s a train of ladies comin’ with a nice caboose
Never get in trouble, never need an excuse
The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

(YouTube link here)

I point this out to show proof that the new Burger King Bacon Cheddar Ranch Tendercrisp is not so new.

And to get that Filet-o-Fish song stuck in your head…again.

Sticklers will point out that the 2009 version is called the Bacon Cheddar Ranch Tendercrisp, while the 2005 version was called the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch, but both pretty much contain the same ingredients. The latest version has crispy white meat chicken, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cheese and a bacon ranch sauce in between a premium bun.

The BK Bacon Cheddar Ranch Tendercrisp contains 990 calories, 58 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, and 2190 milligrams of sodium. It’s available for a limited time and may come back in the future as the Bacon Tendercrisp Cheddar Ranch.