The Impulsive Buy » Burger King

REVIEW: New Burger King French Fries (2011)

Marvo — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 01:53:00 +0000

Some people love Burger King French fries, I’m not one of them. In fact, I believe it’s the third worst way for a potato to meet its end, right behind getting potato blight and being turned into Pringles.

As I’ve confessed in previous French fry reviews and to Ronald McDonald at knifepoint, I’m a McDonald’s fry guy and think they’re far superior than fries from other major fast food chains. They’re so far ahead of the competition, they’re like Tiger Woods before all the hookers.

Over the past several years, some of the major fast food chain have released new versions of their deep fried potato sticks. Jack in the Box has done it twice, Wendy’s did it last year, and now Burger King has introduced their new French fries.

What’s new about Burger King’s fries? According to the company, they’re thicker, have a better potato flavor, and have 20 percent less sodium than their previous fries. So what they’re basically saying in a press releases’ worth of words is that their old fries sucked. And they’re absolutely correct. They had a weak potato flavor, they weren’t salty enough, and, my goodness, what the hell was up with that starchy coating that made the fries seem a little unnatural.

But Burger King’s old fries are now in the past, joining their old old fries that were available until the mid-1990s. So what about Burger King’s new fries. Are they better than their old fries? Also, are they better than McDonald’s fries?

Well, I’m happy to say Burger King’s new fries are an improvement, but it’s slight. If you liked the flavor of Burger King’s old fries, you’ll enjoy these because they pretty much taste the same and they have the same starchy coating to keep them crispy and hot for longer. The potato flavor is slightly enhanced, but I really was expecting more. And, while having 20 percent less sodium than Burger King’s previous fries helps blood pressure, it doesn’t help with the flavor.

Also while I’m talking about sodium, can someone explain to me how it’s possible for Burger King’s fries to not have much of a salty flavor, even though they have significantly more sodium than McDonald’s fries, which have a wonderful saltiness to them. A small-value serving of Burger King’s new fries has 330 milligrams of sodium, while a small serving of McDonald’s fries has only 160 milligrams. Heck, a large McDonald’s fries has 350 milligrams of sodium. This blows my mind.

Perhaps the most noticeable difference Burger King’s old and new fries is that the new fries are thicker, which obviously makes them appear more substantial than other fast food fries. But I have a problem with Burger King putting their new bigger fries in the same Frypods and sleeves Burger King put their old fries in. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel kind of gypped getting less fries.

Burger King’s new fries are thicker, but are they better than McDonald’s fries? Oh, hell no.

The thing about McDonald’s fries is that they’re addictive, like potato chips. It’s hard to stop eating them. They have a flavor that’s robust enough that it doesn’t need ketchup. When I run out of McDonald’s fries, a part of me feels sad and wishes I had more. These are things I’ve never felt towards Jack in the Box, Wendy’s, or any of the Burger King fries, even these new ones.

But, again, I have to say Burger King’s new fries are an improvement over their old fries. It’s a slight improvement, but it might be enough for me to consider being turned into Burger King fries the fourth worst way for a potato to meet its end, right behind getting blasted into a wall with a potato gun.

(Nutrition Facts – Medium size – 410 calories, 18 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 570 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Other New Burger King French Fries reviews:
Serious Eats
Grub Grade

Item: New Burger King French Fries (2011)
Price: Part of Whopper Jr. value meal
Size: Medium
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Thicker fries. A slightly improved potato flavor. Starchy coating makes the fries crunchy and hot for longer. There’s 20 percent less sodium than Burger King’s previous fries. McDonald’s fries.
Cons: Tastes almost exactly like their old fries. Doesn’t even come close to being as good as McDonald’s fries. Has less sodium, but still much more than McDonald’s fries. Starchy coating makes the fries seem unnatural. Potato blight

NEWS: Burger King Revamps Their Fries…Again; I Hope Their Onion Rings Are Next

Marvo — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Update: Click here to read our new Burger King fries review

I’ll be honest. I don’t love Burger King fries. I don’t really care for the coating around them and I don’t think they’re salty enough. I pretty much consider them the starch that allows me to take breaks in between bites of a Whopper. However, maybe I won’t feel that way when I taste Burger King’s new and improved French fries.

Burger King last changed their fries in 1997, which is a long time when one compares it to Jack in the Box who have updated their fries twice since 2004. Of course, BK rival, McDonald’s has never revamped their fries. Unless you count those times when they started using a trans fat-free oil and stopped using beef fat to fry them.

BK says the new fries are larger, fluffier, and have better potato flavor than their old fries. Our pals over at Grub Grade gave the new fries a try.

While a few locations already have the new fries, they’ll be available in about 7,000 North American restaurants by December 5. The suggested price for Burger King’s new fries will remain the same as the previous version. The fries will have about 20 percent less sodium and will be cooked in trans fat-free vegetable oil.

If you’ve already tried the new fries, let us know what you think about them in the comments below.

Image via flickr user Håkan Dahlström / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: BK Chef’s Choice Burger

Marvo — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 22:42:23 +0000

Smokey the Bear taught me only I can prevent forest fires. Bell Biv DeVoe instructed I should never trust a big butt and a smile. And, Chef Boyardee made me learn to not have high expectations when it comes to foods with the word “chef” in its name. So I’m a little skeptical about the new BK Chef’s Choice Burger from the Home of the Whopper.

Burger King’s latest burger is constructed using a flame-broiled 5.5-ounce burger patty, American cheese, thick hardwood-smoked bacon, romaine lettuce, red onions, tomatoes, BK’s original grill sauce, and a Brioche bun.

It looks and sounds good, but, to be honest, so does a big butt and a smile. Speaking of things that are round and juicy, perhaps the most interesting part of the burger is the beef patty, which, according to the BK website, is made using United States Department of Agriculture-certified ground chuck and is seasoned with salt and pepper.

The USDA certification kind of worries me, but not about the BK Chef’s Choice Burger. I’m worried about everything else on the menu. I might be mistaken, but it’s the first time Burger King has ever used the USDA card to describe their meat. So it makes me wonder if their other beef, like the flame-broiled patty on the Whopper, is USDA-certified.

The BK Chef’s Choice Burger was smaller than I thought it was going to be. It’s roughly the size of a McDonald’s Big Mac. Just like the recent BK Toppers, the BK Chef’s Choice Burger has a thick patty. The seasoned ground chuck was a good choice because it created a flavorful meat disc. The puck of ground chuck was a little dry and I couldn’t taste the salt and pepper, but it was good nonetheless.

The BK grill sauce had a really tasty peppery parmesan flavor. It reminded me of a caesar salad dressing. Just like the use of ground chuck, I thought it was a good choice to put on the BK Chef’s Choice Burger. The Brioche bun was soft, pleasant, and held together as my mouth made its way through the burger. The use of romaine lettuce was surprising and it’s definitely a step up from the pale, pathetic lettuce they use on their other burgers. But the tomatoes were the same old tomatoes and the cheese was the typical cheese. As for the red onions, they had a nice mild flavor that complemented the flavor of the ground chuck patty.

You might be wondering why I haven’t mentioned anything about the thick hardwood-smoked bacon. Well, let’s just say that little piggy didn’t go wee wee wee all the way into my burger, thanks to a Burger King cook. Am I disappointed there wasn’t any bacon? Of course. But even without the bacon, I think the BK Chef’s Choice Burger is really good.

However, I do have a problem with its price. I understand that it’s being marketed as a premium burger and it should have a price that matches, but when I look at the size of the burger, I can’t help but feel kind of ripped off. As I mentioned earlier, the BK Chef’s Choice Burger is about the size of a Big Mac, which in this day and age of Angus Third Pounders is kind of small. I paid $6.49 for just the sandwich, but even if I paid a dollar less, I would still feel like I’m not getting my money’s worth.

(Nutrition Facts – 650 calories, 40 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,330 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, and 33 grams of protein.)

Other BK Chef’s Choice Burger reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: BK Chef’s Choice Burger
Price: $6.49 (sandwich only)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Really good burger. BK Grill Sauce was really good. Ground chuck patty was good. Getting to quote Bell Biv DeVoe. Romaine lettuce is a step up from the usual pale lettuce BK uses.
Cons: Pricey for the size of the burger. My burger didn’t come with bacon. Never trust a big butt and a smile. Typical BK tomatoes. USDA certification for the meat in this burger makes me wonder about their other burgers.

REVIEW: BK Toppers (Deluxe, Mushroom and Swiss, & Western BBQ)

Marvo — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 06:24:08 +0000

Burger King loves coming up with product names that end with -er as much as I love watching Maru the Cat videos on YouTube. First, there was the Whopper. Then, Burger King released the Stacker. And now, there’s the Topper.

BK Toppers come in three varieties:

Deluxe – American cheese, lettuce, onions, pickles and Stacker sauce.

Mushroom and Swiss – Mushrooms, Swiss cheese and Griller sauce.

Western BBQ – Onion rings, American cheese and Sweet Baby Ray’s Spicy BBQ sauce.

All come with a 3.2-ounce beef patty, cheese, and a sesame seed bun.

If you find yourself having to choose one because you lack the funds to buy two or three, I’d suggest avoiding the Mushroom and Swiss one. Its mushroom flavor is definitely strong. It made my mouth taste like I just tried to get rid of a bag of psychedelic mushrooms by eating them while cops break into my bathroom, which has a toilet clogged from trying to flush my weed stash, hence the reason why I’m eating all those mushrooms. But what makes this burger the least appealing of the three is the Griller sauce. I have no idea what Griller sauce is, but whatever it is, it makes the burger a bit too salty. It’s as if I’m French kissing a mermaid.

Update: The new BK Chef’s Choice Burger also has the same sauce and I enjoyed it, so it’s pretty much the mushrooms that ruin this burger. Sorry, grill sauce.

Because my mind is like the World Book Encyclopedia of fast food, the first thing I noticed about the Deluxe and Western BBQ BK Toppers is that they both have ingredients similar to past Burger King burgers. As Grub Grade points out in their review, the Western BBQ BK Topper is basically a Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburger. As for the Deluxe BK Topper, it sounds like a smaller version of the discontinued BK Big King.

Anyhoo, unlike the Mushroom and Swiss BK Topper, both the Deluxe and Western BBQ BK Toppers were worth the $2.49 I paid for each of them. So it’ll be worth the $1.99 you’ll probably pay because you don’t live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

If you enjoy the tangy, Thousand Island dressing flavor of a Big Mac, you’ll like the Deluxe BK Topper. The pickles and onions are larger than what you’ll find in a Big Mac, but it’s almost as messy as a Big Mac. It’s a tasty burger, but I have to say the Western BBQ BK Topper tops it. (Tops. Get it? I. Am. Lame.)

The BBQ sauce sets the Western BBQ BK Topper apart from the others. According to this article, Burger King is using Sweet Baby Ray’s Spicy BBQ sauce. While tasty, I wouldn’t consider the sauce to be spicy hot. However, the sauce’s flavor made me wish it came in Costco-sized tubs so that I could dunk the Mushroom and Swiss BK Topper into it to make it taste better. The onion rings gave the burger a little crunch and a bit of onion flavor that complimented the beef patty and BBQ sauce.

Overall, the BK Toppers are a pleasant addition to the Burger King menu. Well, the Deluxe and Western BBQ ones, but two out of three ain’t bad.

(Nutrition Facts – Deluxe – 420 calories, 26 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 820 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 15 grams of protein. Mushroom and Swiss – 410 calories, 27 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 850 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein. Western BBQ – 400 calories, 23 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 720 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein.)

Item: REVIEW: BK Toppers (Deluxe, Mushroom and Swiss, & Western BBQ)
Price: $2.49 each
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Deluxe)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Mushroom and Swiss)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Western BBQ)
Pros: Western BBQ BK Topper is damn tasty. Deluxe BK Topper is tasty. Thick patties. BBQ sauce is pretty good. Inexpensive. Even more inexpensive if you get to pay the $1.99 price. Maru the Cat.
Cons: Mushroom and Swiss is the worst. Griller sauce is salty. Available for a limited time. Weed clogged toilets. Deluxe is kind of messy. Having to eat a bag of psychedelic mushrooms before the cops get you.

NEWS: Burger King Reveals Soft-Serve Desserts and Takes Another Step Closer to Becoming McBurger King

Marvo — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 10:12:04 +0000

Yesterday, Burger King rolled out a soft-serve desserts menu, which includes premium sundaes, traditional sundaes, soft-serve cones or cups, and milkshakes.

Yes, most of those soft-serve desserts sound similar to what McDonald’s offers.

The premium sundaes, which aren’t really like anything McDonald’s offers, come in four varieties:

Peach and Granola (Nutrition Facts: 280 calories, 5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 43 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Oreo (Nutrition Facts: 440 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 57 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.)

Oreo Brownie (Nutrition Facts: 530 calories, 17 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 70 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.)

Mini M&M’s (Nutrition Facts: 450 calories, 13 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 62 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.)

The Peach and Granola Sundae has a suggested retail price of $1.79, while the others have a SRP of $2.49.

The traditional sundaes, which are like something McDonald’s offers, come in three flavors:

Chocolate Fudge (Nutrition Facts: 280 calories 7 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 43 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)

Caramel (Nutrition Facts: 280 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 37 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Strawberry (Nutrition Facts: 190 calories, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 31 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

All flavors have a suggested retail price of $1.

The milkshakes come in three classic flavors: chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla. All will come with whipped topping. A regular size will cost $2.49, while a large will go for $3.49. As for the vanilla soft serve cones and cups, they will sell for 89 cents.

Image via flickr user aabrilru / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Burger King Quaker Oatmeal

Marvo — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 11:38:57 +0000

I’m disappointed with Burger King.

They’re the “Home of the Whopper,” not the “Home of Whole Grains and Fiber,” so their new Burger King Oatmeal puzzles me. Instead of clogging my arteries, the fiber in their new oatmeal is scraping away the stuff that shrinks my arteries’ passageways, some of which was put there by their food. By scraping away that plaque that lines my arterial walls, what they’re really doing is scraping themselves away.

I wonder if I just blew Burger King’s mind.

So Burger King should forget about oatmeal and get back to doing what they’re good at — making Whoppers, making other burgers and sandwiches that aren’t as good as the Whopper, and making crappy French fries.

But, if they’re really attached to making oatmeal, I’d suggest revamping their menu with nothing but healthier fare and changing their name to Garden King. Although, if they do, I’m pretty sure a bunch of Chinese restaurants will be upset with the name change.

But until either one happens, it’s going to be oatmeal and a whole lot of fried stuff on Burger King’s menu boards.

Oh, but their oatmeal isn’t just any ol’ oatmeal. It’s Quaker oatmeal, which means two things:

1. Burger King wants people to know they’re serious about their oatmeal.

2. I could make the exact same thing at home in 3-4 minutes.

Burger King’s oatmeal is quite good, if you get it with the dried fruit (raisins, golden raisins, and dried cranberries). While the oatmeal is sweetened with brown sugar, it’s easily ten times better with the fruit, which there is enough of to have a little dried fruit in every spoonful. The oatmeal does have a nice thick consistency, even though the picture above may show otherwise.

Although I really do like Burger King’s oatmeal, I prefer McDonald’s Fruit & Maple Oatmeal. Burger King’s oatmeal (7 ounces) is smaller than McDonald’s Fruit & Maple Oatmeal (9.2 ounces) and McDonald’s oatmeal includes fresh apples. Although McDonald’s uses fast food black magic to prevent the apples from turning brown. Also, Burger King’s oatmeal is only available during breakfast hours, while McDonald’s oatmeal is available throughout the day.

So now that Burger King has oatmeal, does this mean we’ll see more wholesome items on their menu board or will their oatmeal end up like the BK Veggie and just be a novelty stuck in the sea of saturated fats and grease on Burger King’s menu board.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oatmeal with fruit – 270 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 4 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 55 grams of carbohydrates, 29 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Quaker Oatmeal
Price: $2.49
Size: 7 ounces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It’s good. Uses Quaker oatmeal. Lots of dried fruit. Thick consistency. Burger King Whopper. Made using whole grain oats. Good source of fiber.
Cons: Only available on the breakfast menu. I could probably make it at home in 3-4 minutes. The number of King Garden restaurants. Fiber scraping away the Burger King inside of me. BK Veggie.

NEWS: Burger King Starts Selling Oatmeal…No, Seriously

Marvo — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 23:00:00 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Burger King Quaker Oatmeal review

BK Chicken Fries are weird, but Burger King’s new oatmeal is weirder.

It’s frickin’ weird because everything on the Burger King menu board is the opposite of oatmeal. Well, except for their garden salad, the apple slices they offer with their kids meals, and the water you can get from the self-serve soda dispenser. But that’s it.

I guess with new ownership comes new ideas to stop being McDonald’s floor mat.

Burger King’s oatmeal isn’t just any ol’ oatmeal, it’s Quaker-brand oatmeal, so you know you’re getting something you could easily make yourself. Their oatmeal comes in Original and Fruit Topped Maple flavors. The fruity version includes dried cranberries, raisins, cherries, and blueberries.

Burger King Oatmeal has a suggested retail price of $1.99. The Original flavor has 110 calories and just one gram of fat, while the Fruit Topped Maple flavor has 270 calories and 4 grams of fat.

However, if you’re looking to get your fiber on with Burger King’s oatmeal, you’ll be able to do so only during breakfast hours, from 6 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. So if you need an oatmeal fix from a major fast food chain after 10:30 a.m., you gotta go to McDonald’s.

Update: Click here to read our Burger King Quaker Oatmeal review

Source: Nation’s Restaurant News

Image via flickr user Håkan Dahlström / CC BY 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 7/30/2011

Marvo — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Hmm. First, it was Pepsi Blue Hawaii. And now Pepsi Japan has released Pepsi Caribbean Gold. What tropical islands and color will they do next? I don’t know, but my money is on Fiji Fuchsia. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

This bologna has a first name it’s B-U-B-B-L-E-G-U-M. This bologna has a second name it’s the sound of vomiting into a toilet. (via Clearance Cuisine)

One. Two. Three. Four. Four BK Minis reviews. (thunder and lightning) AH AH AH AH AH! (via An Immovable Feast, Grub Grade, Foodette Reviews, and Fat Guy Food Blog)

Thin ‘n Trim Garden Vegetable Chicken Sausage? I believe there are six words in the previous sentence that should never be in the same sentence as “sausage.” (via Dave’s Cupboard)

Image via flickr user tiarescott / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Burger King Says Goodbye To The King And Hello To Testing New Menu Items

Marvo — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 11:11:17 +0000

Did Burger King’s The King freak you out and appear in your dreams robeless to give me…I mean, you a massage, using his beard to spread massage oil on your back, chest, and your inner thighs?

Well, you no longer have to worry about The King sneaking up on, waking up next to or massaging you anymore, because The King has been overthrown by Burger King’s new owners and advertising agency. Along with the King-less advertising, Burger King is also testing a slew of new menu items in markets across the country.

The test items include an Asian chicken salad with baby edamame, red cabbage, and a sesame lime vinaigrette; mango and mixed berry smoothies; low-fat yogurt berry parfait with granola; oatmeal with dried fruit and maple sugar, vanilla soft-serve ice cream sundaes; a chicken and apple salad with blue cheese; a chicken BLT wrap with bacon and Dijion mustard; and a new premium burger with thick-cut bacon, romaine lettuce, and a spicy pepper grill sauce in between a brioche bun.

If you’re a connoisseur of fast food, you probably noticed that many of those items are currently available on McDonald’s menu. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, Burger King. Although Burger King did come out with Angus beef burgers before McDonald’s. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, McDonald’s.

Anyhoo, it’s important to note again that all of those items are just being tested and some of them may not make it as a regular item on every Burger King menu board.

Source: Miami Herald and Burger Business

Image via flickr user Sean Davis / CC BY ND 2.0

REVIEW: Burger King California Whopper

Marvo — Sun, 08 May 2011 11:03:00 +0000

The Burger King California Whopper is not a new product.

In the United States, it’s been available exclusively at BK Whopper Bars since 2009 (Warning: Automatic music playing website), and last year it was available throughout the fast food hungry countries of Norway, Sweden and Denmark.

I find it a bit strange that California didn’t get to experience the California Whopper before the Scandanavians did. I’m not one for conspiracies, but it’s as if the United States-based Burger King, wanted to knock Sweden and Denmark out of the Top 10 World’s Healthiest Countries so that the United States, which is the 11th healthiest country in the world, can sneak into the top ten.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

But, of course, a conspiracy to get the United States to move into the top 10 healthiest countries in the world can’t be true. Besides, the Burger King California Whopper is now available to all Americans, so just like a person who ate a large-sized Burger King Whopper value meal, the United States won’t be moving anywhere anytime soon.

To make a California Whopper, Burger King takes their regular Whopper; leaves out the ketchup, pickles, and onions; and replaces them with bacon, swiss cheese, and guacamole. The green Mexican dip made from avocados is the only ingredient that allows this burger to be called the California Whopper.

At first, I thought it’s called the California Whopper because guacamole is Mexican and there are a lot of Mexicans in California. But then I realized that might be a little racist. Thankfully, I found out California produces 95 percent of the country’s avocados and Fallbrook, California claims itself to be the “Avocado Capital of the World.” So the avocados in the guacamole is the reason why it’s called the California Whopper.

As for the amount of guacamole in the California Whopper, there’s a lot of it. So much so that if Ghostbusters 3 ever comes to fruition, Burger King should do a movie tie-in using the California Whopper, but renaming it to the Ecto Whopper, because with the amount of guacamole it has, it looks like it’s been slimed. But despite it oozing guacamole everywhere, its flavor is subdued enough that, at times, it’s almost like I’m eating a regular Whopper.

Taco Bell makes a better tasting guacamole.

Shit. I never thought I’d type that sentence above EVER.

That’s how little I think of Burger King’s guacamole. When one makes a guacamole that’s worse than Taco Bell’s, they should be running towards the border and past it…so that they can learn how to make a better guacamole. Perhaps add some onion flavor. Or a little more salt. Or a little bit of spice.

I sound upset, because I am upset. I really wanted to love this burger, because I love guacamole. I wanted to get fat from this burger. I wanted my doctor to tell me I should stop eating them. I wanted it to be my only source of polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, along with saturated and trans fats.

Not even the other ingredients in the burger help. The swiss cheese doesn’t add anything. And the bacon is typical fast food bacon that, despite being called “crispy” in every promo, is never crispy and hardly brings any flavor. I really wish fast food companies would tinker with their bacon instead of their french fries.

Look, I know I just used the last 265 words to rant about the Burger King California Whopper, but I sort of liked it whenever I could taste a little guacamole. Do I feel like it could’ve been better? Oh, hell yes! But I also realize my expectations for it (Whopper = YUM! Guacamole = YUM! Whopper + Guacamole = YUM! YUM!) were probably too high and that I shouldn’t expect Burger King to make a burger that moves me as much as the San Andreas Fault moves California.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 California Whopper – 820 calories, 500 calories from fat, 56 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1400 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein.)

Other California Whopper reviews:
Tampa Bay Food Monster
Grub Grade
Fat Guy Food Blog

Item: Burger King California Whopper
Price: $5.99 (sandwich only)
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: I kind of liked it, but it could’ve been so much better. Smooth guacamole. Lots of guacamole. Flame-broiled patties. Avocados are a great source for poly- and monounsaturated fats. U-S-A!
Cons: Guacamole needed more flavor. Bacon was useless. Cheese was useless. Pricey for just the sandwich. Not being able to watch Ghostbusters 3. There’s a guacamole worse than Taco Bell’s. Saturated and trans fats negating the poly- and monounsaturated fats.

REVIEW: Burger King Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse Burger

Marvo — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 11:23:23 +0000

Children have such innocent minds, and those minds ask silly, but innocent questions, like:

Does chocolate milk come from a brown cow?

Why is the word “dictionary” in the dictionary?

Does daddy like to drive a car with no top because daddy has no top on his head?

Another silly question a child might ask a parent is: To make the new Burger King Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse burger, do they make the cows eat jalapenos and cheese?

If a child asks a parent that, it’s the responsibility of the parent to set them straight and tell them that pieces of jalapenos and small chunks of cheddar cheese are added later to the ground beef. However, if a child turns the question into a statement, he or she might be eating glue.

Stuffing a burger patty with ingredients that are usually on top of it isn’t something Burger King came up with first, although they are the first of the fast food giants to do so.

Almost exactly two years ago, Burger King released the Angry Whopper for a limited time. When I reviewed it back then, I was disappointed to discover it wasn’t as angry as I hoped. I would consider it having a level of anger that could easily be controlled with taking a timeout or deep breathing exercises.

However, the Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse is definitely angrier than the Angry Whopper, but not drunk Mel Gibson talking on the phone to his girlfriend angry. It’s angry enough that I think it might need to take anger management classes or a low dose of prescription drugs.

The jalapeno pieces in the burger patty aren’t the only ingredients that make the Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse spicy hot; it’s also the creamy poblano sauce, which tastes like a spicy thousand island salad dressing. These spicy ingredients not only brought the heat, but they also gave it a flavor that I think makes it tastier than any other BK Steakhouse burger I’ve tried. Although, in my eyes, that’s not hard to do, since I think other Steakhouse burgers are quite bland.

The Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse has the same lettuce, tomatoes and bun as the regular Steakhouse, so I’ll only spend these 26 words on them. Surprisingly, the thick burger patty didn’t turn out as dry as I thought it would be. Perhaps my slightly juicy burger turned out the way it did because of the liquid from the jalapenos, or maybe the Burger King I went to has a flame-broiling master.

As for the cheddar stuffed in the ground beef, it does add to the flavor of the burger, but the spicy ingredients are definitely the screaming children trying to gain your attention. I’m just glad they didn’t go all Pizza Hut on this burger and stuff the cheese into the bun.

Oh great, I probably gave Burger King another idea. I hope if Burger King does come up with a Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse with a stuffed bun, it’s as good as the regular Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 590 calories, 34 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,240 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar and 26 grams of protein.)

Other Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse reviews:
Grub Grade
An Immovable Feast
Me So Hungry
Junk Food Betty

Item: Burger King Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse Burger
Price: $3.99
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice heat from jalapeno and poblano sauce. Tastiest of the Steakhouse burgers. Poblano sauce tastes like a spicy thousand island dressing. Stuffing jalapenos in burger patty and not under the bun means no falling jalapeno slices. Surprisingly slightly juicy burger patty.
Cons: Probably not good to eat daily, or every other day. Lame iceberg lettuce. Buying a convertible to make up for balding. Eating glue. Mel Gibson drunk dialing.

NEWS: Burger King To Stuff Jalapeno and Cheddar Into Burger Patty Which Will Then Be Stuffed Into A Bun and Then Stuffed Into a Mouth

Marvo — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 12:36:48 +0000

Update: Click here to read our review

Hot dogs have been stuffed with cheese for years, so it surprises me that no fast food company has come up with an idea like the upcoming Burger King Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse burger until now.

According to BurgerBusiness.com, the Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse’s beef patty has cheese and jalapeños stuffed into it, while the rest of the burger is made up of a creamy poblano sauce, lettuce and tomato in between a premium bun. I guess the benefits of stuffing the jalapeños and cheddar into the beef patty would be not having jalapeño slices fall out and melted cheese oozing everywhere.

The Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse by itself is expected to cost $3.99. Although, on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the Burger King locations here tend to charge a bit more than their mainland counterparts. Nutritional information isn’t available yet, but do you really want to know?

Source: Burger Business

Image via flickr user chriscoyier / CC BY ND 2.0

REVIEW: BK Breakfast Ciabatta Club Sandwich

Marvo — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 11:59:00 +0000

The new BK Breakfast Ciabatta Club Sandwich has so much pork, in the forms of sliced ham and bacon, that if one were to put a white gown on it, a blonde wig on top of it and somehow make it say moi, Kermit the Frog would fall in love with it.

However, the most interesting ingredient found in this breakfast sandwich are the two slices of tomatoes. I don’t know about you, but it feels a little weird to be eating vegetables in the morning. I think they do it on a regular basis in some European countries, but I’m too lazy to Google it to see if it’s true. I guess I’m just used to fast food breakfast sandwiches only having filling that was either slaughtered or comes from the poop hole of a chicken.

Along with the ham, bacon and tomatoes, the BK Breakfast Ciabatta Club Sandwich also comes with cheese, a layer of scrambled eggs and a smoky tomato sauce in between a rectangular whole grain ciabatta bun. Wait…tomatoes AND a whole grain bun? Those ingredients almost make it sound kind of healthy and makes me think I won’t need a Zumba workout to burn it off.

Unfortunately, it contains 23 grams of fat and seven grams of saturated fat so I’m still going to need the workout sensation that’s sweeping the nation — Zumba!

The sandwich is a decent size and is as heavy as Burger King’s Sausage, Egg & Cheese Croissan’wich. The slightly stiff crust of the ciabatta bread makes it quite sturdy and helps prevent ingredients from falling out of the sandwich. If only celebrity dress were made out of the same stuff, then maybe The Superficial would have less nip slip photos.

Oh wait, that would be a bad thing.

While the ciabatta bun is nice, what really makes this sandwich are the tomatoes and the sauce. They give the sandwich a nice flavor that compliments well with the ham, cheese, egg and bread. What about the bacon? Well, the typical flavorless BK bacon doesn’t contribute anything, which makes it seem unnecessary, like news anchor banter in between stories. But the ham definitely makes up for the bacon.

Overall, I really enjoyed the BK Breakfast Ciabatta Club Sandwich. It’s not your typical egg, meat, cheese and bread breakfast sandwich, thanks to the addition of something simple — a couple slices of tomatoes. At first, I thought having vegetables for breakfast sounded weird, but now that I think about it, it doesn’t sound too crazy at all since I already eat cereal for dinner.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 480 calories, 23 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 210 milligrams of cholesterol, 1270 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar and 24 grams of protein.)

Item: BK Breakfast Ciabatta Club Sandwich
Price: $5.19 (small combo)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty sandwich, thanks to the tomatoes and sauce. Decent amount of ham. Eating cereal for dinner. Sturdy ciabatta bun. Bun made from whole grains. Zumba! Nip slip photos.
Cons: BK Bacon is useless and a poor excuse for bacon. Eating tomatoes in the morning might seem weird. Despite tomatoes and whole grain bun, it has typical fast food nutritional facts. Finding out chickens poop and lay eggs from the same hole.

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 6/19/2010

Marvo — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 10:00:07 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

If you thought Cookie Monster was frenzied before, imagine him on caffeinated cookies. COOKIE!!! (via ED Junkie)

With the Shrek franchise coming to an end, expect the number of bright green colored products that promote the movie to disappear and then expect bright blue colored products to promote next year’s Smurf movie to replace them. (via The Candy Enthusiast)

The bright green color found in this mint candy bar is unusual enough that it might turn people off. If only there was a cartoon movie franchise that would make the color more appealing. (via Jim’s Chocolate Mission)

Adam over at Grub Grade got it his way at Burger King and created the Cluck Double, which combines two BK Spicy Chick’n Crisp filets, cheese, lettuce, ketchup and mustard in between a bun. I really hope the next custom sandwich he makes is called the Chicken Coop and is made up of ten BK chicken sandwich patties stacked on top of each other in between a bun and wrapped in a net made of bacon. (via Grub Grade)

Bearded Dr. Andrew Weil has a line of line organic fruit and nut bars. I hope another organic ingredient included is Dr. Weil’s beard trimmings. (via I Ate A Pie)

This pen holder is cool. But you know what else makes a cool pen holder? A desk. (via Office Supply Geek)

Cookie Monster image via Flickr user nickstone333 / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: BK Fire-Grilled Ribs

Kelley — Sun, 23 May 2010 10:00:26 +0000

Burger King has ribs now! Is that the appropriate level of excitement? I can’t tell, because The King has given me no direction on how to feel about his new ribs. I look to fast food restaurants’ media and marketing departments to tell me how I should feel about their food, and there is absolutely no information about the ribs on their website. Usually, companies assault you with their new products on the front page of their sites, making sure you know damn well that there’s a new product and you’re going to love it. I couldn’t even find the nutritional information on the ribs. I had to find that through other, nefarious means. Is Burger King trying to hide them? Should I be worried?

I’m glad I called my local BK earlier to make sure they were carrying the ribs, because, again, there was no indication of their existence at the restaurant. No big pictures on the drive-thru menu, no posters in the window…nothing. There is no way in the world for you to know these ribs exist, unless you stumbled upon a news story about them on the Internet. (Or the editor of the website you review for told you about them.) I felt like I was in on some sort of secret, like In-N-Out’s not-so-secret secret menu.

I don’t even actually know what these things are officially called. The box says, “Straight from the grill”, but there’s no name on it. The side of the box at least has little pictures of ribs on it, so at least I know I’ve got the right product.

Edit: The Internet just told me they’re called BK Fire-Grilled Ribs. Mystery solved.

According to the box, you can get either six or eight pieces, but my secret nutritional information source says that you can also get a three-piece box. Who knows? Burger King certainly isn’t going to tell me. And that creepy King never talks, so he’s of no help. Yeah, you just keep standing over there with your arms crossed, The King. Looking all creepy and smug, knowing that nobody knows a damn thing about your ribs.

I dunno about these guys. They look kind of weird. And…burned. There is a pleasant smell of grilled meat faintly wafting from the box, but it does smell a little like what happened when I tried to use a grill once. Considering I once managed to ruin a package of ramen, I think you see where I’m going with this.

These certainly don’t look like any ribs I’ve ever seen before. I guess they’re supposed to be short ribs? Hey, wait, is that…is that a bone I see? Oh, these are actual ribs! Up to this point, I thought they were just going to be strange and boneless, like that mutant piece of meat on the McRib. Burger King copies all of McDonald’s other ideas, so I just figured this would be more of the same. Good thing I noticed the bones before I bit into them. That could have gone poorly.

They look mostly like seriously failed chicken wings. Or perhaps the severed limbs of infant burn victims? Okay, that’s just tasteless. C’mon now. Seriously though, it looks like a Chihuahua caught on fire in the Burger King parking lot and they decided to call it a “happy accident.” I mean, I’m not a rib expert, but these just don’t look right.

They don’t taste right, either. The first one I tried was dry and terribly burned. The second one was moist, and by that I mean greasy, and burned. And that’s pretty much the story for the rest of the box. The few moist bites I got showed that the meat closest to the bone had some good flavor and texture, but there wasn’t much of that on those little ribs. One person on the Internet noted that they got barbecue sauce with theirs, so I made sure to ask for some at the window. The King’s serf assured me that it was in the bag. It was not in the bag.

The ribs seemed like they didn’t have any seasoning on them, unless you count “burned” as a seasoning. If I’ve learned anything from Bobby Flay, besides the fact that you can cook anything on a grill (I think I saw him make a bowl of Frosted Flakes on there once), it’s that your ribs need to be properly seasoned, whether that’s with a dry rub or a wet one. If I’ve learned anything from the various barbecue shows I’ve seen on the Travel Channel, the nation is polarized between wet and dry rubs, but I’m pretty sure they’d all agree that a naked rib is a no-no.

Honestly though, any seasoning they might have applied to it would have been overpowered by the taste of charred flesh. The flavor stayed in my mouth long after I’d finished the ribs, leaving me feeling like I’d just eaten a box full of the remains of someone’s tragic house fire. No amount of barbecue sauce is going to cover that up. Speaking of covering up, I see now why Burger King is keeping these ribs under wraps. These ribs just ain’t right.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 ribs — 450 calories, 33 grams of total fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 140 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,290 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars and 35 grams of protein.)

Here are other BK Fire-Grilled Rib reviews:
Brand Eating
Everyview
Hamburger Calculus
Wandering Foodie
Mishen’s Fast Food Reviews

Item: BK Fire-Grilled Ribs
Price: $5.69
Size: 6 ribs
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Some meat was moist. Feeling like part of a secret club. Actual meat on a bone and not fake, formed ribs. Getting to call a Burger King employee a serf.
Cons: Charred as all get-out. The King, being smug and creepy. Lots of dry meat. Making infant burn victim jokes. Charcoals-in-my-mouth taste will not leave.