REVIEW: Burger King Chicken Big King

Burger King Chicken Big King

It’s difficult to stop staring at the middle bun of Burger King’s Chicken Big King because it’s comically thick. I stared at this new sandwich’s buns for so long that if it was a human being, I’d be called into a Human Resources Department and told I’m making the Chicken Big King feel very uncomfortable.

Speaking of uncomfortable, it feels weird not being able to sing, “Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun,” while eating a sandwich that comes with a middle bun and a special sauce. I tried singing alternate lyrics to accommodate the Chicken Big King, but singing, “Two molded crispy chicken patties, sweet thousand island style dressing, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun,” just didn’t sound right in my head. However, that ingredients list also makes a decent chicken sandwich.

Let’s start with the component I noticed right after monstrous middle bun that makes the Chicken Big King look like a Duplo tower. The sweet thousand island style dressing? No. The lettuce.

One thing I don’t like about the McDonald’s Big Mac is the shredded lettuce which easily falls out of the sandwich. Have you ever found a piece of McDonald’s shredded lettuce in your shirt pocket? I have. But that won’t happen with the iceberg lettuce leaves on a Chicken Big King.

Yes, the pale leaves make the sandwich look a little depressing and provide nothing positive to the sandwich in terms of taste and texture, but at least I won’t find any hiding on or in my clothes on laundry day.

Burger King Chicken Big King Half

The Chicken Big King doesn’t come with the long chicken patties found on a Burger King Original Chicken Sandwich or their Tendercrisp chicken. Instead it uses the same patties found in BK’s Classic Crispy Chicken Sandwich, which I didn’t know existed five minutes ago. I thought BK’s Original Chicken Sandwich WAS their classic crispy chicken sandwich.

Anyhoo, the crispy chicken patty’s breading lacks the spices the McChicken’s patty has, but it is noticeably crisper. They aren’t horrible patties, but I wish they had more flavor than what’s offered in school cafeterias.

Now let’s talk about the sweet thousand island style dressing, onions, and pickles. The dressing was applied to all three buns, but they were stingy amounts. Apparently, Fast Food Santa Claus made my sandwich and I’ve been naughty. The lack of dressing made it hard for the most important ingredient to shine and most of the time it tasted like I was eating a plain chicken sandwich. The pickles provided a nice sourness that went well with the sweet and tangy dressing (when there was enough to taste it), but the rings of onions didn’t offer any flavor.

Again, Burger King’s Chicken Big King is a decent sandwich and if my sandwich had more sauce, I probably would’ve enjoyed it more. So if you’ve decided you want to try it, make sure you avoid being on Fast Food Santa’s naughty list for things like staring at buns for too long.

(Nutrition Facts – 660 calories, 37 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 1600 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, 23 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Chicken Big King
Purchased Price: $4.39
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: More flavor than BK’s Original Chicken Sandwich. The sweet and tangy thousand island style dressing when there’s a generous amount. Pickles have a nice sourness and crunch. Chicken patties have a good crispiness. Iceberg lettuce not shredded.
Cons: Getting a stingy amount of sauce in my sandwich. Chicken patties need a bit more flavor and they make the McChicken patties seems better than they really are. Onions lack flavor. It has iceberg lettuce. Getting on Fast Food Santa’s naughty list because of excessive staring at buns.

QUICK REVIEW: Burger King Spicy Chicken Sandwich

Burger King Spicy Chicken Sandwich

Purchased Price: $5.69*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Same size as Burger King’s Original Chicken Sandwich. Tastes fine and pretty much tastes like Burger King’s Original Chicken Sandwich with a teeny wittle spiciness. If you’re gradually trying to get used to spicy foods by taking baby steps, this would make a great first step. Can be purchased with the 2 for $5 Burger King promotion, which is probably the only time when it’s worth it.
Cons: Spicy specialists, heat heads, and burn bums will be disappointed with the level of heat the sandwich has. Cayenne and black pepper do not make a spicy chicken. Ugh…The promotional pics show green leafy lettuce, but we get pale iceberg lettuce. Should’ve used a spicy sauce instead of cooling mayo (they’ve got the Angry Whopper’s Angry sauce, so why not use it?). Way overpriced at $5.69. Overpriced at $4.69. Slightly overpriced at $3.99.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

Burger King Spicy Chicken Sandwich Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 640 calories, 38 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 1310 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 23 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Burger King Rodeo Burger

Burger King Rodeo Burger

Purchased Price: $1.59*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Awesome value for $1 (Decent value for $1.59). Love the sweet and spicy barbecue sauce, which there was just the right amount of. Size of onion rings ensure there’s a bit of it in every bite. Onion rings and barbecue sauce complement the beef patty well. Even though they were sitting in its wrapper for about 10 minutes, the onion rings were still a little crispy. 450 milligrams of sodium is surprisingly low for a fast food burger.
Cons: Having to pay $1.59 for a sandwich that’s being advertised at $1. It’s not at all filling. Beef patty was noticeably smaller than the toasted sesame seed bun. I really should say “Where’s the Beef?” but I think many of you are too young to know the reference.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. Most of you will pay just $1 for it.

Burger King Rodeo Burger Topless

Nutrition Facts: 310 calories, 110 calories from fat, 13 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King BBQ Rib Sandwich

Burger King BBQ Rib Sandwich

‘Tis the season.

The McRib season, that is. America’s favorite pork sandwich has finally returned to McDonald’s restaurants across the country. Ribheads far and wide began planning their yearly poetry slams in dedication to the rib sandwich…until terror struck.

When the folks over at Reddit posted an alleged picture of a frozen McRib patty, all hell broke loose. The public felt betrayed: How could such an unappetizing white block of flash-frozen pig meat really transform into the McRib, a sandwich worthy of the gods?

While McDonald’s was busy being condemned by the media, Burger King emerged from the shadows to offer the American people a porky alternative.

Just in time for the holiday season, Burger King has unveiled their value menu BBQ Rib Sandwich, an obvious McRib rival. For a single dollar, the customer can receive a boneless rib patty served on a sesame seed bun with onions, pickles, and barbecue sauce. It’s bound to be on all the kiddies’ Christmas lists. What five-year-old doesn’t look forward to unwrapping a slab of processed meat slathered in barbecue sauce on Christmas morning? Don’t answer that.

Now let’s get serious for a moment. It’s possible that Burger King’s rib patties undergo a process of flash-freezing similar to McDonald’s. But what you don’t know won’t hurt you, right? Sure, the saturated fat and high sodium content might slowly clog my arteries and lead to high blood pressure, but if there’s one thing Robin Williams ever taught me, it’s carpe diem. He also taught me that sometimes you need to dress up like an elderly Scottish nanny to spy on your family.

As I entered my local Burger King restaurant, I had high expectations. After all, the chain proved they knew how to handle barbecue pork through the their summer rib sandwich, which strongly resembles the new value menu BBQ Rib Sandwich.

As soon as I saw the generic, grease-stained hamburger wrapper that held the rib sandwich, I knew I was going to be disappointed.

Burger King BBQ Rib Sandwich 2

The BBQ Rib Sandwich is served on a standard Burger King sesame seed bun, which failed to impress due to its floppy and bland nature. Though the sweet, tangy barbecue sauce provided a kick of heat that complemented the porky flavor of the rib patty, there wasn’t enough sauce present on the sandwich.

The BBQ Rib Sandwich came topped with two pickles and a measly slice of onion. Though these toppings provided a minor crunch to the sandwich, both the pickle and onion flavors seemed masked by the barbecue sauce.

In comparison to the rib sandwich released by Burger King this past summer, the new BBQ Rib Sandwich is notably inferior. Though the rib patty and barbecue sauce on the two sandwiches seem very similar, the BBQ Rib Sandwich features a disappointing bun and fewer, less tasty pickles. In addition, the BBQ Rib Sandwich just looks miserable.

It seems the new BBQ Rib Sandwich will not be on my Christmas list this year. Instead, I’ll be asking Santa for a big ol’ sack of McRibs.

Saint Nick better not try to fool me with reindeer meat again. I know the difference.

(Nutrition Facts – 450 calories, 250 calories from fat, 28 grams of total fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 930 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugars, and 19 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King BBQ Rib Sandwich
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Sweet, tangy barbecue sauce complements pork flavor. Only one dollar. Robin Williams. McRibs for Christmas.
Cons: Pickle and onion flavors are masked. Floppy bun. Inferior to BK’s summer rib sandwich.

REVIEW: Burger King Big King (2013)

Burger King Big King

For every Diablo II, there is a Titan Quest. For every Bruce Lee, you get a Bruce Li (or a Bruce Leung if you’re really unfortunate). And for every Volcano, you are tortured by a Dante’s Peak. Is it me or am I the only who laughed when that old lady was screaming in that boiling lake? The melting legs in Volcano were funny too, but at least it had Anne Heche when she was “librarian-hot.”

They say people believe that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. (Run-on sentence warning.) I say people who say that are secretly wishing to bury a pickaxe into the skull of the imitation rather than spew some bullshit silver lining sayings.

Burger King’s Big King isn’t so much an imitation as it is more of a dare to size up a corporate “Who’s penis is bigger?” argument. The name itself, Big King, is a figurative flaming arrow shot Rambo-way at a certain clown who hawks a particular legendary two all-beef patties sandwich.

But if you plan on taking down a legend, you need to bring more than just empty talk.

You see, I envision this as a bonus stage in Mortal Kombat II, complete with a pixelated voice shouting “Round One, FIGHT!” and the secret blood code unlocked. It’s Big King versus Big Mac! (Cue the underrated Utah Saints’ remix of Mortal Kombat theme song.)

Then I picture the sap playing as Big King watching in silence as he is being barraged by multiple point punches. Soon, computerized shouts of “Toasty!” and “Flawless” pepper the air as the digitalized lettuce and pickles start flying around. Of course, the player smashes the Playstation controller onto the cold tile and walks out.

I believe Big King was introduced in the 90’s, the decade that brought such embarrassments like the soul patch, nipples on Batman’s suit or The Spin Doctors. However, not everything in the 90’s was bad, but Big King will make you think otherwise.

As you can imagine, Big King is two savory fire-grilled beef patties, special sweet thousand island sauce, lettuce, melted American cheese, crunchy pickles, crispy onions in a sesame seed bun. Don’t try to hum that tune while saying that because it won’t work. If you don’t detect the difference, your taste buds will certainly alert you to it.

The burger, to say at the very least, made me contemplate suicide after I poisoned all my goldfish by dropping an Alka-Seltzer in the bowl while listening to Interpol. Dramatic I know, but this burger was a complete Hindenburg disaster.

Burger King Big King Ooze

Upon examination, there was so much sauce. It was dripping off the sides like a glazed donut. The burger patties were dry and thin, like those cheap chocolate chip cookies you get from a subpar travel lodge. True to form in my experience, the cheese was not melted and limp. Yet, the lettuce and onions were abundant and crisp, and those pickles crunched like a sonata. Maybe those passive-aggressive people are right, there is a damned silver lining in everything!

Burger King Big King Topless 2

When I took my first bite, I wanted to throw it away angrily or 80’s-style wrestler stomp it on the ground. All I could taste was the tangy thousand-island dressing that had too much mayonnaise, the intense briny edge of the pickles and flavorless (but crispy) iceberg lettuce. If the sesame bun was toasted, I had no clue because it was soggy and disgusting. It was like eating a sweet mayonnaise and lettuce sandwich. The onions didn’t even add much, except depression.

The sauce drowned out everything. It doesn’t help the beef patties were wafer-thin as if it were pretending to be carpaccio and the flavorless lettuce only emphasized the sole flavor of sweet and tangy globs of mayonnaise.

I was so angry, the onion rings couldn’t even make me happy. Instead I smashed it with my fists and Frisbee’d the offensive sandwich into my neighbor’s lawn.

Burger King’s promise that “Taste is King” on its bags is akin to the corner escort who says “I love you long time.” I’m all for an alternative, but sometimes the old adage rings true…the original is sometimes better. Unless you’re talking about 2008’s Rambo, which I hate to admit, it kicks First Blood out of the jungle.

(Nutrition Facts – 510 calories, 29 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 780 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, 18 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Big King
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: The lettuce and pickles were crunchy. Jet Li. You will be find comfort being assured that McDonald’s still trumps in all other special sauce sandwiches. Unlocking the blood code and stomping things 80’s wrestler style.
Cons: Too much sauce. Cheese not melted. Bruce Li. Thin and dry patties. The onion rings won’t save you. Smashing your controller in a fit of rage as an adult.