Update: Click here to read our Burger King Quaker Oatmeal review

BK Chicken Fries are weird, but Burger King’s new oatmeal is weirder.

It’s frickin’ weird because everything on the Burger King menu board is the opposite of oatmeal. Well, except for their garden salad, the apple slices they offer with their kids meals, and the water you can get from the self-serve soda dispenser. But that’s it.

I guess with new ownership comes new ideas to stop being McDonald’s floor mat.

Burger King’s oatmeal isn’t just any ol’ oatmeal, it’s Quaker-brand oatmeal, so you know you’re getting something you could easily make yourself. Their oatmeal comes in Original and Fruit Topped Maple flavors. The fruity version includes dried cranberries, raisins, cherries, and blueberries.

Burger King Oatmeal has a suggested retail price of $1.99. The Original flavor has 110 calories and just one gram of fat, while the Fruit Topped Maple flavor has 270 calories and 4 grams of fat.

However, if you’re looking to get your fiber on with Burger King’s oatmeal, you’ll be able to do so only during breakfast hours, from 6 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. So if you need an oatmeal fix from a major fast food chain after 10:30 a.m., you gotta go to McDonald’s.

Update: Click here to read our Burger King Quaker Oatmeal review

Source: Nation’s Restaurant News

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Hmm. First, it was Pepsi Blue Hawaii. And now Pepsi Japan has released Pepsi Caribbean Gold. What tropical islands and color will they do next? I don’t know, but my money is on Fiji Fuchsia. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

This bologna has a first name it’s B-U-B-B-L-E-G-U-M. This bologna has a second name it’s the sound of vomiting into a toilet. (via Clearance Cuisine)

One. Two. Three. Four. Four BK Minis reviews. (thunder and lightning) AH AH AH AH AH! (via An Immovable Feast, Grub Grade, Foodette Reviews, and Fat Guy Food Blog)

Thin ‘n Trim Garden Vegetable Chicken Sausage? I believe there are six words in the previous sentence that should never be in the same sentence as “sausage.” (via Dave’s Cupboard)

Did Burger King’s The King freak you out and appear in your dreams robeless to give me…I mean, you a massage, using his beard to spread massage oil on your back, chest, and your inner thighs?

Well, you no longer have to worry about The King sneaking up on, waking up next to or massaging you anymore, because The King has been overthrown by Burger King’s new owners and advertising agency. Along with the King-less advertising, Burger King is also testing a slew of new menu items in markets across the country.

The test items include an Asian chicken salad with baby edamame, red cabbage, and a sesame lime vinaigrette; mango and mixed berry smoothies; low-fat yogurt berry parfait with granola; oatmeal with dried fruit and maple sugar, vanilla soft-serve ice cream sundaes; a chicken and apple salad with blue cheese; a chicken BLT wrap with bacon and Dijion mustard; and a new premium burger with thick-cut bacon, romaine lettuce, and a spicy pepper grill sauce in between a brioche bun.

If you’re a connoisseur of fast food, you probably noticed that many of those items are currently available on McDonald’s menu. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, Burger King. Although Burger King did come out with Angus beef burgers before McDonald’s. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, McDonald’s.

Anyhoo, it’s important to note again that all of those items are just being tested and some of them may not make it as a regular item on every Burger King menu board.

Source: Miami Herald and Burger Business

The Burger King California Whopper is not a new product.

In the United States, it’s been available exclusively at BK Whopper Bars since 2009 (Warning: Automatic music playing website), and last year it was available throughout the fast food hungry countries of Norway, Sweden and Denmark.

I find it a bit strange that California didn’t get to experience the California Whopper before the Scandanavians did. I’m not one for conspiracies, but it’s as if the United States-based Burger King, wanted to knock Sweden and Denmark out of the Top 10 World’s Healthiest Countries so that the United States, which is the 11th healthiest country in the world, can sneak into the top ten.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

But, of course, a conspiracy to get the United States to move into the top 10 healthiest countries in the world can’t be true. Besides, the Burger King California Whopper is now available to all Americans, so just like a person who ate a large-sized Burger King Whopper value meal, the United States won’t be moving anywhere anytime soon.

To make a California Whopper, Burger King takes their regular Whopper; leaves out the ketchup, pickles, and onions; and replaces them with bacon, swiss cheese, and guacamole. The green Mexican dip made from avocados is the only ingredient that allows this burger to be called the California Whopper.

At first, I thought it’s called the California Whopper because guacamole is Mexican and there are a lot of Mexicans in California. But then I realized that might be a little racist. Thankfully, I found out California produces 95 percent of the country’s avocados and Fallbrook, California claims itself to be the “Avocado Capital of the World.” So the avocados in the guacamole is the reason why it’s called the California Whopper.

As for the amount of guacamole in the California Whopper, there’s a lot of it. So much so that if Ghostbusters 3 ever comes to fruition, Burger King should do a movie tie-in using the California Whopper, but renaming it to the Ecto Whopper, because with the amount of guacamole it has, it looks like it’s been slimed. But despite it oozing guacamole everywhere, its flavor is subdued enough that, at times, it’s almost like I’m eating a regular Whopper.

Taco Bell makes a better tasting guacamole.

Shit. I never thought I’d type that sentence above EVER.

That’s how little I think of Burger King’s guacamole. When one makes a guacamole that’s worse than Taco Bell’s, they should be running towards the border and past it…so that they can learn how to make a better guacamole. Perhaps add some onion flavor. Or a little more salt. Or a little bit of spice.

I sound upset, because I am upset. I really wanted to love this burger, because I love guacamole. I wanted to get fat from this burger. I wanted my doctor to tell me I should stop eating them. I wanted it to be my only source of polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, along with saturated and trans fats.

Not even the other ingredients in the burger help. The swiss cheese doesn’t add anything. And the bacon is typical fast food bacon that, despite being called “crispy” in every promo, is never crispy and hardly brings any flavor. I really wish fast food companies would tinker with their bacon instead of their french fries.

Look, I know I just used the last 265 words to rant about the Burger King California Whopper, but I sort of liked it whenever I could taste a little guacamole. Do I feel like it could’ve been better? Oh, hell yes! But I also realize my expectations for it (Whopper = YUM! Guacamole = YUM! Whopper + Guacamole = YUM! YUM!) were probably too high and that I shouldn’t expect Burger King to make a burger that moves me as much as the San Andreas Fault moves California.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 California Whopper – 820 calories, 500 calories from fat, 56 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1400 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein.)

Other California Whopper reviews:
Tampa Bay Food Monster
Grub Grade
Fat Guy Food Blog

Item: Burger King California Whopper
Price: $5.99 (sandwich only)
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: I kind of liked it, but it could’ve been so much better. Smooth guacamole. Lots of guacamole. Flame-broiled patties. Avocados are a great source for poly- and monounsaturated fats. U-S-A!
Cons: Guacamole needed more flavor. Bacon was useless. Cheese was useless. Pricey for just the sandwich. Not being able to watch Ghostbusters 3. There’s a guacamole worse than Taco Bell’s. Saturated and trans fats negating the poly- and monounsaturated fats.

Children have such innocent minds, and those minds ask silly, but innocent questions, like:

Does chocolate milk come from a brown cow?

Why is the word “dictionary” in the dictionary?

Does daddy like to drive a car with no top because daddy has no top on his head?

Another silly question a child might ask a parent is: To make the new Burger King Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse burger, do they make the cows eat jalapenos and cheese?

If a child asks a parent that, it’s the responsibility of the parent to set them straight and tell them that pieces of jalapenos and small chunks of cheddar cheese are added later to the ground beef. However, if a child turns the question into a statement, he or she might be eating glue.

Stuffing a burger patty with ingredients that are usually on top of it isn’t something Burger King came up with first, although they are the first of the fast food giants to do so.

Almost exactly two years ago, Burger King released the Angry Whopper for a limited time. When I reviewed it back then, I was disappointed to discover it wasn’t as angry as I hoped. I would consider it having a level of anger that could easily be controlled with taking a timeout or deep breathing exercises.

However, the Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse is definitely angrier than the Angry Whopper, but not drunk Mel Gibson talking on the phone to his girlfriend angry. It’s angry enough that I think it might need to take anger management classes or a low dose of prescription drugs.

The jalapeno pieces in the burger patty aren’t the only ingredients that make the Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse spicy hot; it’s also the creamy poblano sauce, which tastes like a spicy thousand island salad dressing. These spicy ingredients not only brought the heat, but they also gave it a flavor that I think makes it tastier than any other BK Steakhouse burger I’ve tried. Although, in my eyes, that’s not hard to do, since I think other Steakhouse burgers are quite bland.

The Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse has the same lettuce, tomatoes and bun as the regular Steakhouse, so I’ll only spend these 26 words on them. Surprisingly, the thick burger patty didn’t turn out as dry as I thought it would be. Perhaps my slightly juicy burger turned out the way it did because of the liquid from the jalapenos, or maybe the Burger King I went to has a flame-broiling master.

As for the cheddar stuffed in the ground beef, it does add to the flavor of the burger, but the spicy ingredients are definitely the screaming children trying to gain your attention. I’m just glad they didn’t go all Pizza Hut on this burger and stuff the cheese into the bun.

Oh great, I probably gave Burger King another idea. I hope if Burger King does come up with a Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse with a stuffed bun, it’s as good as the regular Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 590 calories, 34 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,240 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar and 26 grams of protein.)

Other Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse reviews:
Grub Grade
An Immovable Feast
Me So Hungry
Junk Food Betty

Item: Burger King Jalapeno & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse Burger
Price: $3.99
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice heat from jalapeno and poblano sauce. Tastiest of the Steakhouse burgers. Poblano sauce tastes like a spicy thousand island dressing. Stuffing jalapenos in burger patty and not under the bun means no falling jalapeno slices. Surprisingly slightly juicy burger patty.
Cons: Probably not good to eat daily, or every other day. Lame iceberg lettuce. Buying a convertible to make up for balding. Eating glue. Mel Gibson drunk dialing.

Update: Click here to read our review

Hot dogs have been stuffed with cheese for years, so it surprises me that no fast food company has come up with an idea like the upcoming Burger King Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse burger until now.

According to BurgerBusiness.com, the Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse’s beef patty has cheese and jalapeños stuffed into it, while the rest of the burger is made up of a creamy poblano sauce, lettuce and tomato in between a premium bun. I guess the benefits of stuffing the jalapeños and cheddar into the beef patty would be not having jalapeño slices fall out and melted cheese oozing everywhere.

The Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse by itself is expected to cost $3.99. Although, on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the Burger King locations here tend to charge a bit more than their mainland counterparts. Nutritional information isn’t available yet, but do you really want to know?

Source: Burger Business