REVIEW: Burger King Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries

Burger King Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries

You know what geometric phenomenon doesn’t get enough love these days? The curly object, that’s what. Think about it. Have you ever known something curly that wasn’t also straight up awesome? From Taylor Swift’s curly hair to the always dependable curl route, curly stuff has always been dependable even when it’s not in style.

You know what’s not dependable, though? Burger King’s new Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries. Launched as a limited time only menu item as part of the chain’s 55th birthday bash for the iconic Whopper, the new fries give the corkscrew treatment to the sweet potato fry Burger King originally brought out this summer. They also give the soggy, burnt, and cold treatment to the sweet potato, and mark another “just ok” development in a long history of “just ok” Burger King sides.

So why did I find myself chucking them in my mouth with all the intensity of Garfield letting loose on a hot lasagna? Because sweet potato fries are like pizza, that’s why. At best, they’re the kind of ethereal, salty-sweet-crispy addiction that makes downing hundreds of calories in the time it takes to read this sentence completely acceptable. And at worst, they’re still chock-full of sweet and salty sweet potato flavor that makes downing hundreds of calories in the time it takes to read this sentence moderately acceptable.

As any serious fry eater will tell you, making the perfect fry out of sweet potatoes is hard enough without trying to throw them through a corkscrew. Often soggy or burnt, with interiors that are more creamy that the ideal fluffy, sweet potato fries may taste great, but the texture is always off. It’s the same dilemma with Arby’s Curly Fries. I love the seasoning on Arby’s Curly Fries as much as the next guy, but unlike that always dependable curl route from your tight end to get your team a much needed first down, Arby’s drops the ball half the time when it comes to perfecting the texture of their signature side.

Burger King Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries Closeup 2

It’s the same story at Burger King. I only found one true, slinky-esque Curly Fry in my small order, and met a mixed bag carton of fries that ranged from overcooked and crunchy pieces of fry “burnt ends” to the aforementioned slinky, which while fun to look at, was limp and soggy. I can take limp and soggy, but the cold part was really what bothered me. If I wanted cold sweet potato taste, I could have at least bought a bag of chips, which would have at least been crunchy.

Burger King Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries Closeup 1

Still, like Sbarro pizza, there’s something just intrinsically tasty about it. Perhaps it’s the mere fact that it’s a French Fry made out of sweet potatoes. Obviously they’re naturally sweet and a bit earthy, but it’s the addition of a kind of raw sugar seasoning that allows for snacking on the fries plain to be particularly addicting. This is a good thing, because it took me all of three seconds to reaffirm my belief that ketchup and sweet potatoes just don’t mix.

Burger King Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries Front

If anything, I’d say the fries were a bit undersalted. Also, I’m scratching my head trying to figure out if their was some kind of cinnamon addition to the seasoning. I could have sworn I tasted the classic sweet potato sidekick on some of the fries, but a scan of the ingredient list via the BK website shows no signs. Not cool, Burger King. Sweet potatoes and cinnamon need each other.

Burger King could have done a lot worse with their Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries. Like, they could have made regular curly fries, which probably just would have sucked because of a lack of Arby’s signature seasoning. Still, with more and more fast food and fast casual restaurants going orange on us, you can do a lot better if you’re really looking for that salty-sweet mix.

(Nutrition Facts – Small size – 170 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Burger King Seasoned Sweet Potato Curly Fries
Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: Small
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Addictive sweet potato taste. Not greasy. Has a salty-sweet vibe working. Probably the healthiest fry in fast food (just 170 calories for a small order)
Cons: Horribly inconsistent texture. Served cold. Seasoning is sporadic and hit or miss. Could use a little more salt. One of the few things on earth that does not go with ketchup. Pricey for a small side.

NEWS: Burger King Shows It’s Still Milking the Whopper Teat By Introducing the Wisconsin White Cheddar Whopper

welcome to wisconsin

The Burger King Whopper has had many costume changes. It’s like the Madonna of the fast food world. The list of Whopper variations gets longer every year. There’s been the California Whopper, Angry Whopper, Windows 7 Whopper, Western Whopper, Texican Whopper, Whiplash Whopper, and many more.

This week, the list got a little longer with the introduction of Burger King’s Wisconsin White Cheddar Whopper. The burger features fire-grilled beef, naturally smoked thick-cut bacon, Wisconsin white cheddar cheese, iceberg lettuce, onions, tomatoes, and pickles on a sesame seed bun.

The Wisconsin White Cheddar Whopper has 950 calories, 62 grams of fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 135 milligrams of cholesterol, 1660 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, and 46 grams of protein.

Holy hell! 62 grams of fat! 23 grams of saturated fat!

It’s a good thing there’s also a Wisconsin White Cheddar Whopper Jr. which has “just” 480 calories, 30 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 810 milligrams of sodium, and 23 grams of protein.

NEWS: Add Some Holiday Cheer To Your Burger King Meal With BK’s Gingerbread Cookie Sundae and Shake

cookies

This week, Burger King introduced two limited time only holiday desserts — the Gingerbread Cookie Sundae and Gingerbread Cookie Shake.

The Gingerbread Cookie Sundae features vanilla soft serve, topped with a gingerbread sauce and crumbled gingersnap cookies. It has a suggested retail price of $2.49. The hand-blended Gingerbread Cookie Shake is made up of vanilla soft serve and gingerbread syrup blended together with whipped topping and crumbled gingersnap cookies on top. It has a suggested retail price of $1.99.

Personally, I would’ve liked to have seen the Gingerbread Cookie Sundae feature a gingerbread man cookie dunked into the soft serve feet first to make him look like he’s lounging in the sundae.

That’s would’ve been extremely adorable.

Source: Business Wire

REVIEW: Burger King Italian Breakfast Burrito

Burger King Italian Breakfast Burrito 1

I’m guessing there was a conversation between two junior execs at Burger King Headquarters that went down like this.

Junior Executive Douche #1: “Hey, would you rather do an Italian chick or a Latina?”

Junior Executive Douche #2: “What kind of Spanish chick? That’s important.”

Junior Executive Douche #1: “Good point yo, hmmm….Mexican. Mexicans are hot, Selma Hayek is hot. Those broads on Univision are friggin’ balls hot.”

Junior Executive Douche #2: “Bro, so true, so true. Italian chicks are cute too, like that bangin’ one with the nice rack (gestures with two hands by his chest as if he were holding oranges) on that witch show.”

Junior Executive Douche #1: “Witch show? Buffy?”

Junior Executive Douche #2: “No, that’s vampires or something. You know that girl who was a kid actress with Pesci or Danza, I think.”

And after twelve offensive minutes with numerous references to “Sabado Gigante” and Xuxa”, the sordid origins of Burger King’s Italian Breakfast Burrito went from spank bank ammunition to reality.

I imagine this because the burrito tastes exactly like what douchbags would make, rave about, and chow down on before drinking a Red Bull and vodkatini. The name is funny too…Italian…Breakfast…Burrito. Seriously. I can already see popped collars and smell the Axe body sprays.

I have to give Burger King credit for adding a little Italian flavor to make their stale menu a little more eccitare. They had to do something to help them get back the title of Number Two Burger Chain from Wendy’s.

What else can Burger King do?

Well, maybe bring back the subversive King to the forefront in their ad campaign. I love that guy. Also, take this burrito off the menu.

There are several reasons why, including one that is not the corporation’s fault but the individual franchisees. Now before I wake up with a horse’s head next to me wearing a frosted mane and a sombrero, let me plead my case.

Burger King Italian Breakfast Burrito 2

Junior Executive Douche #2: “Ya gotta make it the size of my cock!”

Junior Executive Douche #1: “Yeah, Broski. Not mine because the amount of sausage would bankrupt BK if it were the size of mine! (high five slap)”

Yes, Junior Executive Douche #1, the burrito was the size of a porno boner. I was impressed it was similar in size to one of those Taco Bell seven layer behemoths. I incorrectly assumed it was going to be one of those rinky dink skinny breakfast burritos from McDonald’s. The burrito had an alarming heft and I was left stunned because I wasn’t expecting this. Of course, the old adage is quantity does not mean quality and this crappy burrito proves it with an exclamation point.

Burger King Italian Breakfast Burrito 3

Forget about the projected bacon shortage, Burger King must be aware of a tomato shortage we know nothing about because I’ve had their chicken parmesan sandwich and there was very little marinara. That was also the case with this lousy burrito.

Both times I purchased it, there was only a smidge (smudge?) of marinara. I actually got angry about it and wanted to place it on the floor so I could stomp on it.

Potatoes are awesome in a burrito and the hash browns in this heavy package were a welcomed surprise. This was a smart move by Burger King. We love fried potatoes and we love them in burritos dammit! They were still crispy despite the moisture that collected inside, but it also may have been due to the minute, non-existent ghost of tomato sauce.

Burger King Italian Breakfast Burrito 4

The sausage was too peppery and a bit salty. The flavors were intense on its own, but the hash browns really tempered the pork. The scrambled eggs were just sad puffy yellow blobs but they too assisted in keeping the overpowering sausage at bay. It was, at best, on par with airline scrambled eggs where they look like an obligation rather than something edible.

Along with the marinara sauce, I’m assuming the diced red and green peppers with onions make this Italian. The watery vegetable slurry did give the burrito a nice bitter edge, but something didn’t taste right. I felt there were too many flavors beating each other “Goodfellas”-style trying to grab your taste buds’ attention.

You know “A Tale of Two Cities”? Well, let me give you a tale of two cheeses.

In casseroles, the cheese is important because it binds things together. The melted mozzarella in this burrito was creamy and it blended very well with the multiple ingredients. The mozzarella did its job.

However, the mozzarella couldn’t do its job in the second Burger King Italian Breakfast Burrito I purchased because instead of mozzarella, I was given a burrito with slices of American cheese (which I suppose made it an Italian Americano Breakfast Burrito).

What’s with that, Burger King? You’re as consistent as the writing of How I Met Your Mother this year. Oh, and Ted, you’re a fucking loser…

A Vespa scooter, which I proudly own but can no longer ride, is an iconic Italian image. This burrito is not a Vespa, it’s a clunky Buddy scooter from China with scuff marks and questionable stains on the seat. Avoid.

(Nutrition Facts – 490 calories, 28 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 175 milligrams of cholesterol, 1220 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar, 20 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Italian Breakfast Burrito
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Fried potato in a burrito. Big for a fast food breakfast burrito. Vespa! Potato was still crispy. Red and green peppers lend well to the flavor. Placing things on the floor and stomping on them. Sabado Gigante and Xuxa.
Cons: American or Mozzarella cheese couldn’t save it. Hardly any marinara sauce. Sad eggs. Axe products. That guy who screams, “Gooooooaaaaaaaal!!!” (drives me nuts). Over-seasoned sausage. This season of How I Met Your Mother. Porno boners.

REVIEW: Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich

Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich

When I think of Italian comfort food, Burger King comes to mind.

Mmmm…rich garlicky marinara, creamy mozzarella, and herbaceous basil. Wait a minute, you don’t think of Burger King? Neither do I but when I found out BK was putting a Super Mario Bros. twist on their menu, I just had to try it.

Wait. That’s an understatement, I must try it!

I really wanted to grab their new Italian Breakfast Burrito, which is an amusing name if you think about it hard enough, but I was too late. However, I didn’t go away empty handed because I was greeted with their new Chicken Parmesan Sandwich. Admittedly, I am biased because I have a disturbing obsession with chicken parmesan. And while the ingredients are simple, the execution is not.

Chicken parmesan is my litmus test for an Italian ristorante. It’s like how egg rolls or fried dumplings can tell me how good a Chinese restaurant will end up being. If they cannot make a staple dish, their General Tso’s chicken most likely tsucks.

Ah, but let’s not kid ourselves, this is Burger King. I’m not even going to compare the level of its Italian items to depressing faketalian Olive Garden. I would probably place the sandwich at the expectations of canned Chef Boyardee pasta. Until that creepy spider fiasco, I was a connoisseur of canned ravioli and Boyardee was the bareback cowgirl of awesomeness. Damn you spiders, damn you all to hell.

I should also note I was given the option to have the chicken grilled or breaded. Grilled? You might as well serve me sushi made with brown rice or mix twelve year Van Winkle “Lot B” bourbon with Coke. I opted for the only correct choice which is breaded and if you’re wondering what the grilled version tastes like…tough, I’m not eating that (or so I thought, more on that later).

Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich Top

So now that I properly shifted my paradigm, I looked at the sandwich and couldn’t help but feel sad. It looked like their normal fried chicken sandwich with some tomato paste jizzed on it as an afterthought. I couldn’t taste the “shaved” parmesan and BK’s definition of artisan style (their words, not mine) must mean shabby. And, as a final “eff you”, the mozzarella is just drooped on top of the fried ugliness.

I guess the chance to get this “grilled” should have been ominous enough but who else can say they ate a BK Chicken Parmesan? Probably the homeless who scoured garbage cans and found these half-eaten chicken sandwiches tossed out by unhappy customers.

Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich Split

Indeed there were a couple of slices of mozzarella but when I split the sandwich in half, you can see where one layer was placed on top of another. Both layers were pretty much unmelted. I think the cadavers in the autopsy rooms at the local morgue are warmer.

Burger King’s website states that the chicken is generously breaded but my chicken was entombed with batter. It was like eating a brick filled with white chicken meat. Not surprising, the marinara was dreadful and tasted like pasty ketchup. Those On-Cor frozen chicken parmesan family entrées in the unattractive yellow boxes taste better.

Italy hasn’t been this disappointed since pre-tomatoed Mussolini. Yeah, I was pissed. Coupled with the fact that this sandwich was also expensive ($5.89!), I was ready to chalk this up as a big fail. Alas, (overdramatic sigh) I wouldn’t be giving a fair review if I didn’t purchase another one at a different Burger King.

Try Number Due. (Get it? It’s Italian for two.)

Here is something annoying to me and I’m not sure this is the case at all Burger King locations, but if you do not specify you want the chicken grilled or breaded, it will come grilled. That makes no sense for two reasons:

1. I don’t know of any restaurant that offers chicken parmesan grilled.

2. Every picture BK has of this product, from their menu in the eatery to its website, shows that it’s breaded.

Needless to say, I didn’t indicate which one and was handed a grilled chicken version. I took a bite and was happy the cheese was melted but the chicken was spongy and bland. I returned it and got the correct artery clogging breaded sandwich.

The cheese was melted properly and this made a huge difference. The creamy mozzarella followed by the breaded chicken was excellent. The chicken was breaded with the right amount, unlike the “colostomy in your future” fried rock in my original sandwich. It was not as light as tempura (which would be gross) but heavy enough to give it that crispy bite. I could actually taste the parmesan, but suspect the cheese was sprinkled from a can versus shaved.

Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich Top 2

There was still too little of the marinara sauce, which tasted like tomato paste out the can, but the melted cheese carried the sandwich’s flavor. Also, the artisan bun the second time was devoid of weird flecky sesame seeds and other random speckles, but it didn’t affect the sandwich’s flavor.

The second Chicken Parmesan Sandwich from the second Burger King was miles better than other one I tried. That is shitty because we shouldn’t have to play Russian roulette with our Burger King locations.

I really enjoyed this sandwich even though it’s still a bit pricey for a fast food sandwich. Not sure if Little Caesars still sells their own chicken parmesan sandwich, but I believe theirs is the best fast food version I’ve eaten.

Using an old slogan of Burger King’s, my suggestion is to ensure that the cheese is melted by telling them you want to “have it your way.” And for God sakes, demand the breaded one or you will eat something horrible.

The Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich won’t blow your mind (maybe your arteries and heart), but I do think it’s a great option if you don’t feel like eating a Whopper or have always dreamt of having onion rings with your chicken parmesan.

(Nutrition Facts – 470 calories, 15 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1600 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, and 37 grams of protein.)

Other Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich reviews:
Junk Food Critic
Snackfood Appreciation Society (video)

Item: Burger King Chicken Parmesan Sandwich
Purchased Price: $5.89
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Melted mozzarella on breaded chicken. Burger King offering something different from the norm. The sandwich is a hit, but it depends on the BK you go to.
Cons: Grilled chicken parmesan sucks. Expensive. Having to specify which chicken you want is stupid. The sandwich is a hit, but it depends on the BK you go to.

REVIEW: Burger King Popcorn Chicken

Burger King Popcorn Chicken

If you want to see what kind of terrain the Curiosity Rover on Mars is experiencing, you could visit the NASA Mars Science Laboratory website or you could just stare at the picture above of Burger King’s Popcorn Chicken because they look like rocks that have been sitting on Mars’ surface for thousands of years.

The new Popcorn Chicken is part of Burger King’s new limited time only premium chicken menu that also consists of a Chicken Parmesan Sandwich and Italian Basil Chicken Sandwich.

If you used the Curiosity Rover’s Alpha Particle X-ray Spectrometer, or visited the Burger King website, you’d discover the Popcorn Chicken’s composition is white meat chicken breast and seasoned breading. When I purchased a medium-size serving, I got many pieces that had very little or no chicken at all.

The large pieces that did have a decent amount of chicken in them had dry meat and had me thanking the Roman god of war, Mars, for the two dipping sauce containers that came with my order. Speaking of dipping sauce, there are eight from which you can choose from. There’s King Kung Pao, BBQ Roasted Jalapeño, Barbecue, Honey Mustard, Sweet and Sour, Ranch, Buffalo, and Zesty. I went with Honey Mustard.

The breading was dry and depressing. It was supposed to be seasoned, but my Papillary Gustatory Receptors couldn’t detect much seasoning besides salt. Instead, I mostly tasted the flour in the breading. It also didn’t have a satisfying crunch, instead it was like a crumbling muted crunch. If the Curiosity Rover had a Despondency Detecting Moisture Discharger, it would use it to cry about the dry breading…and to, perhaps, give it some moisture.

As you can tell, my first experience with BK’s Popcorn Chicken was Spirit-Rover-stuck-in-the-soil disappointing, so I decided to order it again, but from a different Burger King location.

Burger King Popcorn Chicken Innards

My second serving of BK’s Popcorn Chicken was much better and I thought they were as good as McDonald’s Chicken McBites. The chicken was still dry, but not as much. The breading had a better crunch and my Papillary Gustatory Receptors could taste the seasoning in it, which was slightly peppery. They’re flavorful enough that I could eat them without any dipping sauce. By the way, I went with Honey Mustard again because I like mustard and the word “honey” has been stuck in my head thanks to Honey Boo Boo.

I have to say I really like what Burger King has been doing with their menu every few months. Instead of introducing one or two new products, they’ve released a slew of new items at one time. In June, they rolled out a summer BBQ menu with BBQ pulled pork sandwiches, two new BBQ Whoppers, sweet potato fries, two new BBQ chicken sandwiches, and a bacon sundae. And now they have this premium chicken menu with Popcorn Chicken, Chicken Parmesan Sandwich, Italian Basil Chicken Sandwich, three chicken salad wraps, and an Italian Basil Chicken Wrap.

I really hope Burger King continues this.

(Nutrition Facts – medium size – 300 calories, 14 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1090 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of sugar, and 22 grams of protein.)

Other Burger King Popcorn Chicken reviews:
Chow (video)

Item: Burger King Popcorn Chicken
Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Medium
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: As good as McDonald’s Chicken McBites. Wide selection of sauces. Good enough to eat sans sauce. Awesome if you want to recreate what the Curiosity Rover sees. Burger King releasing new products at a crazy pace.
Cons: Chicken was a little dry. Inconsistencies between locations. Spirit Rover getting stuck in soft soil on Mars. Awesome source of sodium. Honey Boo Boo.