REVIEW: Burger King Bacon Gouda Muffin Sandwich

Burger King Bacon Gouda Muffin Sandwich

You know what three things scare me regarding food?

Cilantro, balut, and Burger King drive-thrus. In that exact order.

And yes, I would rather eat a soapy-tasting weed or a bird embryo than deal with a Burger King drive-thru. Because it took two attempts and two different Burger King drive-thrus to get a proper Burger King Bacon Gouda Muffin Sandwich in my hands.

Now before I begin my foul-mouthed rant about my Burger King visits, I want to add that both were done on the weekend and before 8:30 am when the only person up is my neighbor with OCD who brushes the lawn so it is “straight.” Lastly, it was a rare cold morning in central Florida where the temperature was in the low 40s. So, basically, nobody was on the road except me, my wife, and my neighbor who ensures each leaf is pointed correctly on her tree.

My first attempt to get this sandwich was abysmal. You can get the Burger King Bacon Gouda Sandwich on either a comfy biscuit or stodgy, yet classy, English muffin. You Francophiles are also in luck; the menu indicates it comes as a Croissan’wich too. I didn’t want the bread to overwhelm the mild Gouda so I decided on the English muffin.

I’m also leery of fast food biscuits because biscuits are a Southern institution as my wife would attest. To me, fast food biscuits (for the most part) are clunky, flavorless and unpleasantly dense. Alas, as luck would have it, “We don’t have no English muffins” buzzed through the speaker.


Window jockey, can you at least feign a sorry?

Burger King Bacon Gouda Biscuit Sandwich

Annoyed, hungry, and not thinking clearly, I settled on the biscuit and waited six fucking minutes for it. Yes. Six…fucking…minutes in the drive-thru for basically a damn bacon and cheese sandwich. Needless to say, the cheese was not melted and appeared it was thrown on the sandwich like it was a discarded Band-Aid.

I felt like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. At least my wife got a good chuckle until I horse-stomped the sandwich in the bag on the passenger side carpet.

Sure, my behavior could be the result of the three hours of sleep I had after a marathon-gaming session, but I don’t think so because I’m still angry and want to choke slam the idiot that made my sandwich. Then I want to take that person’s teeth and put it in the sandwich so I can make them eat it too.

Boy, I need anger management.

My second attempt at another Burger King only reiterated their crappy drive-thru service in my area. I ordered the same thing with an English muffin which they actually had. Great, right?

No, because apparently I’m an asshole for thinking a drive-thru works as simple as:

Step 1. Place your order.
Step 2. Pay.
Step 3. You get your order.

I got up to the window and the manager goes (and I’m paraphrasing), “Uh, did you want cheese and sausage?” Why the hell did I order from the stupid speaker if I have to tell you again what I ordered? So, I repeat my order with disdain and in a minute she hands me the sandwich.

They were fast…almost too fast. My wife, of course, thought the whole thing was funny, but also reminded me to check my sandwich.

Hey! What do you know? It’s a bacon sandwich sans the herb spread and with orange American cheese. Not what I ordered!

After a half-assed apology and dealing with my outrage (I’m pretty sure there was spit in my sandwich now), I received only what I can say was close to perfection, but not enough to quell my anger.

Burger King Bacon Gouda Muffin Sandwich Top

The sandwich was warm and felt great in the cold morning. It radiated in my hands in its neat little package. Unwrapping the white paper, I smelled the buttery eggs embracing me. The English muffin was toasted, yet fluffy, and it was generously slathered with the rich herb sauce.

Burger King Bacon Gouda Muffin Sandwich Closeup 2

The nooks and crannies of the muffin created flavor pockets of butter and it carried the Gouda and eggs away to breakfast heaven. The herb spread and rich buttery flavor complemented each other well. The bacon provided a pleasant fatty saltiness that heightened the sandwich and made me ask myself, “Do I still want to make that person eat their own teeth?”

The melted Gouda was mild, but flavorful. The cheese immersed itself into the egg and buttery spread. The combined components of the sandwich created one lush flavor. I would order it again, although from inside a Burger King. Here’s a tip too, the Bacon Gouda Muffin Sandwich has 140 less calories than the biscuit version. So decide wisely.

Admittedly, it’s hard to beat the trifecta of a good breakfast — bacon, cheese, and eggs — but Burger King slightly elevated it with this sandwich. It was so good that I don’t care if a BK employee’s DNA may have been in it. In fact, if you put balut, complete with tiny feathers and beak, into that sandwich, I would still eat it.

(Nutrition Facts – 380 calories, 22 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 195 milligrams of cholesterol, 920 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of sugar, and 21 grams of protein.)

Other Burger King Bacon Gouda Sandwich reviews:
Man Reviews Food
Brand Eating
Grub Grade

Item: Burger King Bacon Gouda Muffin Sandwich
Purchased Price: $3.39
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The muffin sandwich was buttery, salty, crispy, warm, and lush all at the same time. Horse-stomping things. The herb spread complemented the sandwich’s butteriness. The Gouda melded well with the eggs. Falling Down.
Cons: Burger King Drive-Thrus in my area are manned by imbeciles. This is a limited offer. Unmelted cheese on breakfast sandwiches is disgusting. My wife laughing at me. Cleaning up the car after my antics.

REVIEW: Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger

Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger

If I had a dollar for every time Burger King released a burger topped with their mediocre onion rings, I’d have enough money to buy a Burger King burger topped with their mediocre onion rings. But even though Burger King’s onion rings aren’t anything special, when BK combines them with one of their burgers, it usually creates magic. There was the Rodeo Cheeseburger, Angry Whopper, Western Angus Steak Burger, Western BBQ BK Toppers, Rodeo Whopper, and now there’s the Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger.

This new Burger King sandwich isn’t the first one topped with onion rings and it also isn’t the first one to have a beef patty stuffed with, um…stuff. In 2011, they attempted to burn our mouths with their Jalapeño Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse Burger.

I’m now going to explain what’s in the Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger like I’m an overzealous marketing person and use more adjectives than I need to. The Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger is made up of a juicy and cowtstanding USDA-Inspected fire-grilled ground beef patty stuffed with yummy, swinesational hardwood smoked bacon and delicious, gooey cheddar cheese, topped with fresh-cut, crisp, and greenish lettuce; ripe, succulent tomato slices; red, vinegary, and stain-causing ketchup; creamy, white, and oozable mayonnaise; and crispy, golden brown, and bad breath-causing onion rings all on a warm, squishy artisan-style bun.

With the inclusion of onion rings, I thought the Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger would’ve followed in the footsteps of many other onion ring-topped BK burgers and come with barbecue sauce. But alas, I had to settle for barbecue sauce’s condiment cousins, ketchup and mayo. However, and this is going to sound strange, the ketchup and a few other ingredients, at times, made the burger taste as if it had barbecue sauce. Besides that, the ketchup and mayonnaise made my hands look like I turned into the Incredible Hulk and SMASH STORE CONDIMENT SECTION!

Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger Closeup

If you’re like me and complain regularly on a semi-popular food review blog about how I can rarely taste the bacon in most fast food burgers, then you’ll be happy to hear the flavor of the bacon in the thick patty stands out. Every bite I took from this burger had a nice smoky and swinetastic flavor. It feels a little weird to be biting on bacon bits instead of strips of bacon and it makes the patty taste even saltier, but who cares? I can finally taste the bacon in a fast food burger!

Let’s celebrate with bacon!

However, what didn’t stand out were the bits of cheddar in the beef patty, which was the same issue the Jalapeño Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse Burger had. But the onion rings did somewhat make up for the cheese by providing a mild onion flavor that went well with the beef and gave the burger a slight crunchiness.

With Burger King’s limited time only spring menu, they’re giving you a lot of new sandwich choices — a turkey burger, a new Whopper variety, a new chicken sandwich, a veggie burger, and this burger. If you’re having trouble deciding what to eat, I think you can’t go wrong with the Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger.

(Nutrition Facts – 650 calories, 350 calories from fat, 39 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1420 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 23 grams of protein.)

Other Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger reviews:
Brand Eating
The Food Chain Review
Grub Grade

Item: Burger King Bacon Cheddar Stuffed Burger
Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice flavor. I can taste the bacon in a fast food burger. Thick patty. Onion rings provided a little crunchiness. At times, the burger tasted as if it has barbecue sauce. BK burger + onion rings = magic.
Cons: Cheddar in the patty didn’t add anything. Someone may have put too much ketchup and mayonnaise in my burger. Awesome source of sodium. Available for a limited time. Going adjective crazy.

REVIEW: Burger King Turkey Burger

Burger King Turkey Burger

The paleness of the turkey patty used in Burger King’s limited time only Turkey Burger may make it look a little unappetizing and tofu patty-ish, but think of it this way: it’s pretty much the same color as the white meat turkey you’d eat on Thanksgiving and the turkey leftovers you’d eat for many days after Thanksgiving.

Although Burger King is not the first fast food chain to sell turkey burgers (Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s had/have turkey burgers), they are the first of the big three burger chains to offer one. And, to be honest, I’d like to see McDonald’s and Wendy’s attempt their own versions, especially McDonald’s since they’re always trying to create healthier fare.

Yes, a turkey burger is supposed to be a healthier option and it was in Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s case. But what about Burger King’s Turkey Burger? Let’s dish the digits and compare nutrition facts, shall we?

A Burger King Whopper has 630 calories, 35 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, and 980 milligrams of sodium. A Burger King Turkey Burger has 530 calories, 26 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, and 1,210 milligrams of sodium. As you can see, BK’s Turkey Burger is mostly better nutrition-wise when compared to a Whopper. However, a Burger King Tendergrill Chicken Sandwich, which has 470 calories, 18 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, and 1330 milligrams of sodium, makes the Turkey Burger look like a Whopper.

But how does Burger King’s Turkey Burger stack up against another turkey burger?

Hardee’s Original Turkey Burger has 390 calories, 17 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, and 860 milligrams of sodium, so it’s significantly better for us than Burger King’s Turkey Burger. However, the reviews for the Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. Turkey Burger haven’t been glowing.

To be honest, those reviews had me worried about Burger King’s Turkey Burger. But after tasting it, it turns out I shouldn’t have been concerned.

Burger King Turkey Burger Side

My sandwich with the pale fire-grilled turkey patty was supposed to be topped with almost-as-pale lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, ketchup, and mayonnaise on a premium, artisan-style bun. I say, “supposed to” because instead of red onions, my sandwich came with onion rings, which I took out and placed on the side before eating the burger.

The turkey patty had a mouthfeel somewhat similar to a beef patty and was slightly juicy. While it’s the same color as white meat Thanksgiving turkey, it doesn’t quite have the same flavor. It’s flavorful, but my taste buds didn’t immediately register it as turkey. It turns out that it’s not 100 percent turkey. According to the ingredients list, the turkey patty contains a smidgen of dried chicken and dried chicken broth.

Dammit! If Burger King added some dried duck, they could’ve had a turducken patty!

The lettuce, tomato, ketchup, and mayonnaise did an awesome job of falling out of the sandwich and/or getting all over my hands. But the ketchup was also one of the dominant flavors in the burger, masking somewhat the patty’s flavor.

Overall, my Burger King Turkey Burger was surprisingly tasty, even without the red onions. I’ve had better turkey burgers at casual dining places, but for fast food, it’s good. I enjoyed it enough that I hope Burger King decides to create other turkey burger variations.

(Nutrition Facts – 530 calories, 240 calories from fat, 26 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 1210 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 27 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Turkey Burger
Purchased Price: $4.89*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice flavor, although doesn’t instantly register as turkey. Surprisingly tasty. Better for you than most BK burgers and sandwiches. Burger King continuing to release a slew of new products on a regular basis.
Cons: Pale turkey patty may look unappetizing to some. Messy ass sandwich. Pale lettuce. Ketchup masks the patty’s flavor. No dried duck to make it a turducken patty. Burger King location messing up an order.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the price I paid is probably much higher than you’ll pay.

REVIEW: Burger King Smooth Roast Coffee from Seattle’s Best Coffee

Burger King Smooth Roast Coffee

Like many Americans, I consider myself completely incapable of functioning without the glorious benefits of caffeine. I’ll kick around a couple Coke Zeros a day and maybe even an energy drink now and then, but by far, my shaking, yet functioning, hands rely on a strong cup of coffee every morning to get me through the work day.

Being that coffee seems to be one of the few beverages left that science says can actually lengthen my life and not just send me to an early, morbidly obese (if not cancerous) grave, I don’t feel too bad about this otherwise breath-killing addiction.

Embracing this habit, I figure I might as well be drinking something reasonably good and affordable too. I fancy myself something of an everyman when it comes to coffee, mind you, but I do recognize an objective hierarchy in the kinds of roasted beans I want to ingest. And no, I’m not just talking about Jelly Belly Cappuccino jelly beans.

I really don’t think about Burger King when it comes to coffee. At least, I haven’t thought about it much since that one time when I actually had their coffee. Perhaps slightly better than stale DMV coffee but not quite up to the level of West Virginia roadside truckstop brews, Burger King’s previous BK Joe was, at best, a black substance that was (sometimes) hot.

But with the chain deciding to take one step closer towards becoming McDonald’s by ditching its traditional burgers and fries only lineup in place of something bordering on vaguely café-ish, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see if the new Seattle Best Smooth Roast Coffee could take the bitter taste (pun completely and egregiously intended) of my past experience from my mouth.

Burger King Smooth Roast Coffee Cup

Seeing that my local Burger King just happens to be right next to my local McDonald’s, I figured a side-by-side comparison was in order. I’ve never been wowed by the “100% Arabica beans” of the Premium Roast from the Golden Arches, but it seems popular enough amongst those who frequent fast food for breakfast.

The first thing I noticed about Burger King’s coffee was, like McDonald’s, the lack of control you have over flavoring. True, ask for a few creamers (thankfully of the real variety) and sweeteners of your choice and each chain is happy to provide them, but when it comes to spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, or vanilla (like Starbucks or Einstein Brothers provides) you’re out of luck. You’re also out of luck for multiple cream/milk options, although I guess you could always purchase a kid’s meal milk separately.

Advantage? It’s a draw, with both chains clearly not catering to the consummate coffee drinker.

Burger King Smooth Roast Coffee McDonald's Coffee Lids

While both chains serve iced coffee with a variety of flavors, when it comes to keeping coffee hot, and not just lukewarm, both did the trick. But where McDonald’s coffee was served in a scalding hot manner that left a nasty little burn bump on my upper lip, Burger King’s was just right. It really doesn’t help that the McCafe cups come with an awkward lid that doesn’t funnel hot beverages so much as it releases liquid in the coffee equivalent to a surging river. It’s a point I probably wouldn’t have noticed had it not been for Burger King’s more drinker-friendly lid, which funneled the just-right Smooth Roast Coffee into my sleep deprived system.

Advantage? This one goes to Burger King.

Now, on to flavor. The Seattle’s Best Coffee is indeed smooth, especially when compared to McDonald’s “Premium” McCafe blend. Taking initial sips from each chain’s coffee, I find the McCafe coffee bland, bitter, and a touch watery, with no substantial flavor notes or earthy characteristics. Burger King’s blend is naturally a bit sweeter, slightly nutty, and noticeably less bitter, and has a higher drinkability factor all on its own. I didn’t pick up any of the advertised “chocolaty,” notes, but on its own it came across as sharper and better tasting than McDonald’s blend.

After initially tasting both coffees black, I added the prerequisite cream and sweetener (Splenda). Here again I enjoyed the Seattle Best Coffee more, and felt like the smooth and light flavor complimented the cream better than McDonald’s coffee, which still came off as watery and underwhelming to me.

Advantage? Clearly, the King did something right here.

Burger King Smooth Roast Coffee Closeup

Is Burger King’s coffee something that a serious coffee drinker should seek out? Only if you’re a serious coffee drinker in a town full of truckstops offering stale tasting coffee. But even though I wouldn’t take the Smooth Roast over chains like Starbucks or even my own favorite, Einstein’s Brothers, Burger King’s Smooth Roast Coffee from Seattle’s Best Coffee is a real improvement over Burger King’s previous java attempts.

(NOTE: For a limited time, you can get a small cup for just a quarter and, according to the worker taking my order, you can get a shot of flavor for free.)

(Nutritional Facts: 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbs, 0 grams of sugar, 0 gram dietary fiber, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other BK Smooth Roast Coffee reviews:
Brand Eating
Man Reviews Food (Iced Mocha version)

Item: Burger King Smooth Roast Coffee from Seattle’s Best Coffee
Purchased Price: .25 cents (limited time only price)
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Caffeine! Better than McDonald’s “Premium” coffee. Not watered down. Mellow and slightly sweet flavor. Not overly bitter. User-friendly lid. Free flavor shot.
Cons: Won’t appease serious coffee drinkers. Only comes in one flavor. Not very bold or complex. Add-ins like cinnamon or cocoa not available. Costs extra for whipped cream. Not as tasty as Jelly Belly Cappuccino jelly beans. Contemplating burger and coffee pairings.

REVIEW: Burger King Molten Fudge Bites

Burger King Molten Fudge Bites Closeup

Is there something about chocolate and volcanoes that I should know about?

First, Domino’s came out with their Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake. Arby’s followed with the Chocolate Molten Lava Cake. Now, Burger King has new Molten Fudge Bites. Listen, fast food marketers. Volcanoes are scary. Just look at Pompeii.

Well, at least Burger King stayed away from the direct implications of lava. They describe their Molten Fudge Bites as “warm, bite-sized treats featuring a fudge-brownie outside and creamy molten chocolate filling on the inside. Served hot and finished off with a dusting of powdered sugar.”

Hey BK, you need to decide if these Bites are warm or hot. You can sugar coat it (sorry) all you want, but your own marketing has led me to believe that your Molten Fudge Bites want to squirt hot chocolate filling into my mouth that sticks like napalm and leaves me screaming and reeling around my house in agony.

Okay, so that’s not really true. I wasn’t afraid of these Molten Fudge Bites for two reasons: one, I’ve eaten a Hot Pocket straight out of the microwave before, so my mouth has already experienced the feeling of screaming-hot fillings fused to my tongue, and two, the only time a fast food item has actually burned my mouth has been either coffee or french fries, no matter their claims of warm or hot.

I also had this weird vision of the chocolate squirting into my mouth like the liquid center of a piece of Freshen-Up gum, which I couldn’t decide if I would like or hate.

Burger King Molten Fudge Bites

Coming in a group of four packaged in the paper sleeve usually reserved for sissy-sized french fries, these little guys were plump and about the size of a half-dollar. Nobody knows what a half-dollar looks like anymore, making this analogy completely worthless, so let’s just say they were the perfect size to bite in half, or shove the whole thing in your mouth if you have a giant maw.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that my Fudge Bites were, indeed, warm. I was more afraid they’d be cold as opposed to mouth-scorching hot. Each bite also had an aesthetically pleasing dusting of powdered sugar on it.

Burger King Molten Fudge Bites Inside

Upon biting one in half, my mouth was flooded with rich chocolate. I was surprised at the amount of layers Molten Fudge Bites had; the gooey inside dominated, filling my mouth with chocolate fudge that was very rich and not at all artificial-tasting. The outer “fudge-brownie” shell was pretty thin, and while the strength of the chocolate filling canceled out most of the shell’s taste, it added a surprising amount of crunch to compliment all that goo. I would liken it to the crunchy edge of a pan of brownies, which everyone knows is the best part, especially given the proliferation of “all edge” brownie pans now available.

Powdered sugar has a distinctive yet delicate flavor, and I found that if I popped a whole Fudge Bite into my mouth, you couldn’t detect the flavor at all, but if I bit a Bite in half, the sugar coated my lips, which made for a nice finishing flavor when I licked my lips. I would suggest that this is how you eat Molten Fudge Bites, as long as you don’t mind looking like the character Tyrone Biggums from Chappelle’s Show.

Despite all my huffing and puffing about volcanoes and the like, I really wasn’t expecting anything special from Burger King’s Molten Fudge Bites. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had a depth of flavor, from the gooey, fully-fudge-flavored inside to the crunchy brownie outside that worked so well with the goo. The powdered sugar seemed like an afterthought, but when eaten in two bites, it did contribute to the flavor.

My biggest complaint about Molten Fudge Bites is that they are so very, very rich. That fudge filling ain’t playin’ – imagine eating a spoonful of fudge ice cream topping straight from the jar and then biting into a brownie. Repeat that three more times.

If you’re a really serious chocoholic, four of these Molten Fudge Bites will definitely satisfy your cocoa craving. I myself was more than satisfied after two, yet felt obligated to eat all four, which left me feeling like I had turned into a fudge golem.

(Nutrition Facts – 4 bites – 330 calories, 17 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Molten Fudge Bites
Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 4 bites
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Chocolate fudge filling was gooey and non-artificial. Old-school liquid-squirting gum. Bites were actually warm. Will satisfy chocoholics. Outside was pleasantly crunchy. Powdered sugar was a nice touch. Fudge golems.
Cons: Too rich for some people’s tastes. Looking like Tyrone the Crackhead. Even four pieces still seemed like too much. Volcanoes.