Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

Wrigley’s 5 gum has a watermelon flavor called Prism. Hmm…Cobalt, Rain, Flare, Elixir, Solstice and now Prism. It’s like Wrigley is trying to encourage children to study science and math through chewing gum names. Or if you just count Rain and Solstice, they’re encouraging children to become TV news meteorologists. (via Gum Alert)

The latest Carl’s Jr. creation combines a burger with a Philly Cheesesteak. I’m not impressed. If they combined a burger with a Philly Cheesesteak, Coney Island hot dog, chicken strip and beef burrito, and called it the Carl’s Jr. Meat Megazord, then I would be impressed. (via Junk Food Betty)

Trader Joe’s sells something called manitaropita. Sounds like Trader Joe’s has gone into the business of selling rare sexually transmitted diseases. (via Gigi Reviews)

Hey, Jelly Belly! Quit making hard jawbreaking candy and just do what you do best, which is make unnatural tasting jellybeans. Oh wait, it seems you also make natural tasting jellybeans. (via Sugar Pressure and Foodstuff Finds)

Subway has an exclusive Sun Chips flavor — Monterey Jack and Sundried Tomato. Great. More options. Now extremely indecisive people will not only have a plethora of veggie options of mull over, but also a vast array of crunchy chips. (via Does It Hit The Spot?)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

Kawaii!!! Totemo kawaii!!! (via Candyblog and Snack Love)

Baconnaise = disgusting. Lite mayo = disgusting. Baconnaise Lite = The worst sounding condiment since belacan, a fermented ground shrimp paste. (via Grub Grade)

Wow! Someone ate the Carl’s Jr. Footlong Burger and didn’t die from doing so. Find that man and study his body for science. (via Holy Taco)

There’s an energy drink called Caffeine. But why isn’t there an energy drink called Energy Drink? With the clusterfuck of energy drinks available, mathematically there should’ve been an Energy Drink energy drink by now. (via Caffeine-A-Holic)

I’d really like to watch what happens to an unwitting mother who gives a caffeinated popsicle to her young child at an amusement park. (Sugar + caffeine) + child = birth control for spectators of the child at the amusement park. (via ED Junkie)

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a man using their wife’s eye moisturizer. Just like there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man using foundation to cover his blemishes or any skin discoloration, powder to set the foundation, eye shadow to accentuate his eyelids, lipstick to make his lips redder, mascara to make his lashes look longer and blush to make his cheekbones stand out. (via Review Spew)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

There’s a cereal that tastes like cupcakes, which I believe justifies all those times I ate actual cupcakes for breakfast. (via We Rate Stuff)

Japan has a Corn Kit Kat. I wonder if, just like eating actual corn, it comes out looking the same way it went in. (via Jen Ken’s Kit Kat Blog)

A grown man reviews the Easy Bake Oven. It sounds pedophile-ish, but I should admit I’d review it too if I got my hands on one. (via Everyview)

I wonder what the packaging would look like if the product was called Thorntons Lovebirds XXX. (via Jim’s Chocolate Mission)

Carl’s Jr. combined a grilled cheese sandwich with a burger, and called it a Grilled Cheese Bacon Burger. Or as it’s more commonly known — a cheeseburger. (via Junk Food Betty)

Rockstar now has an energy cola and an energy lemonade to help us “Party Like A Rockstar.” But I wonder if they’ll ever create a beverage to help us deal with STDs or become a one-hit wonder like a rockstar. (via ED Junkie)

Mexicans or Philadelphians? Who do you think should be more upset with the Taco Bell Mexican Cheesesteak? Or should the only things that get upset are the stomachs of those who ate the Taco Bell Mexican Cheesesteak. (via Would I Buy This Again)

Carl’s Jr. and McDonald’s need to stop the bickering. Okay, mostly Carl’s Jr.

So what if McDonald’s came out with burgers that uses Angus beef and Carl’s Jr. came out with their version of the Big Mac, called the Big Carl. Can’t they just get along because I’d hate to see this turn violent? I believe we lost Biggie and Tupac this way.

I love McDonald’s french fries and I love Carl’s Jr. burgers, so if I lost them both, I would have less places to get huge doses of calories, saturated fat and sodium from. I don’t want to have to eat at Quiznos! Also, I don’t want them to be killed and release new stuff from the grave, because as Biggie, Tupac and Dave Thomas have proven with their posthumous stuff, it won’t be as good.

Much like the McDonald’s Big Mac, the Big Carl is made of two beef patties, a Thousand Island dressing-eque sauce, American cheese and lettuce in between a sesame seed bun. For those of you keeping score at home, the Carl’s Jr. burger does lack the Big Mac’s middle bun, along with pickles and onions. The Big Carl is also supposed to be cheaper than the Big Mac, except here on this island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where it is one dollar more than a Big Mac and two dollars more than the advertised price of $2.49.

Size-wise, the Big Mac weighs in at 214 grams, while the Big Carl is significantly meatier at 315 grams. (Insert your favorite small penis/big penis joke here.) Flavor-wise, I do find the Carl’s Jr. burger to taste better because of the beef patties, which are of a higher quality than the Big Mac’s, and the Thousand Island dressing-ish sauce. But I wonder if my taste buds approve of the Big Carl because they’re bored with the Big Mac, which I’ve had so many times that I’m surprised I haven’t grown a third bun.

The Big Carl has almost twice the calories and saturated fat than the Big Mac, so it’s not something you should eat on a regular basis and I don’t think that will lure Big Mac enthusiast, Don Gorske, who has eaten over 20,000 Big Macs, to switch over to the Big Carl.

However, even though I just did so, I don’t know if one can truly compare the two burgers, since the Big Carl lacks pickles and onions, both of which helps give the Big Mac its unique taste.

While I believe it’s better tasting than a Big Mac, what I really like about the Carl’s Jr. Big Carl is the fact that it helps complete a rare kinky circle. A dude named Carl can go to Carl’s Jr., order a Big Carl and then perform a Hot Carl on someone.

Don’t know what a Hot Carl is? Look it up on Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary.

WAIT!!!

Don’t do that unless you want to upchuck the chuck you just ate at Chuck E. Cheese while listening to some Chuck Berry.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 920 calories, 59 grams of fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 145 milligrams of cholesterol, 1370 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber and 45 grams of protein.)

Item: Carl’s Jr. Big Carl
Price: $4.59
Size: 315 grams
Purchased at: Carl’s Jr
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Better tasting than the Big Mac. Tastier patties than the Big Mac. Heavier than the Big Mac. Being able to complete a kinky circle. Wikipedia. Inserting your own penis jokes into a vagina of text.
Cons: Lacks pickles and onions (and third bun). Has twice the calories and saturated fat than the Big Mac. Hot Carls. Pricey on this island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Posthumous stuff from Biggie, Tupac and Dave Thomas.

Like most store-bought egg nog and some counties in Kentucky, the bourbon sauce in the new Carl’s Jr. Kentucky Bourbon Burgers contains no alcohol. Of course, this probably disappoints alcoholics looking to drink a meal with alcohol, instead of their usual drinking a meal.

The Kentucky Bourbon Burger is available for a limited time in three varieties: single ($2.99), double ($3.99), and Six Dollar Burger ($4.89). The single and double versions have all-beef patties, while the Six Dollar Burger has a 100% Black Angus Beef Patty. All the burgers also consist of two strips of bacon, pepperjack cheese, garlic-pepper onion straws, lettuce, tomato and a sweet Kentucky Bourbon Sauce in a toasted, sesame seed bun.

The Six Dollar version has 970 calories, 40 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 2390 milligrams of sodium and 50 grams of protein. The Double version contains 1000 calories, 51 grams of fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 1850 milligrams of sodium and 51 grams of protein. The Single version has 730 calories, 32 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1470 milligrams of sodium and 31 grams of protein.

Carl’s Jr. has been promoting their new Charbroiled Steak Sandwich by saying it’s a cheap way for guys to get a steak dinner on a date, but I don’t think it’s the best strategy.

The cheapest way for some dude to get a steak dinner on date night is by going to an expensive steak place (Tip #1: Morton’s or Ruth Chris), ordering the most expensive steak on the menu, and when the bill comes, patting the pocket he usually keeps his wallet in and then frantically patting all of the pockets on his body (Tip #2: Wear cargo pants on the date because there will more pockets to pat). The dude should then deeply sigh, grimace, apologize, say he forgot his wallet at home, and ask his date if she could pay. After she does, he should tell her that he’s worried about identity theft so he needs to go home to find his wallet and he’ll call her later. When he gets home, he should call his date, tell her that he found his wallet, and then say he never wants to see her again because she is ugly and needs better personal hygiene, like flossing better or not putting on perfume that makes her smell like old fart.

(Tip #3: Get a new phone number after doing this. Actually, get a new phone number, move to a new city, and grow/shave off facial hair, because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.)

The attack on her self-consciousness will help her forget she just spent $100 on him and the only payment he’ll have to make is guilt, which goes away with a lot of alcohol.

(Tip #4: This freeloading has no gender bias. Women can also use these techniques on men.)

The Carl’s Jr. Charbroiled Steak Sandwich is probably the next cheapest way to get a steak dinner on a date. It’s significantly more compassionate than the best way, but it’s also significantly less tasty because it’s quite unexciting. The sandwich is made up of a 100% sirloin steak, topped with breaded onion rings, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise in a toasted roll.

The steak that comes with it is an actual piece of steak and not any of that ground Angus stuff that Burger King tries to push as a steak in their Steakhouse burgers. The steak was a little tough and didn’t really taste like steak, instead I thought it tasted more like pork chops. Being that there’s an actual piece of steak and the onion rings hardly added any flavor to it, I was hoping Carl’s Jr. would’ve added a steak sauce to it, like A1 Steak Sauce, Heinz 57, or maybe Worcestershire sauce.

The Carl’s Jr. Charbroiled Steak Sandwich is hearty like an steak, but unfortunately its flavor doesn’t match. It maybe a cheap way to get a steak dinner on date night, but I wouldn’t try it because hell hath no fury like a woman who is expecting a real steak dinner.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 700 calories, 38 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1080 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 32 grams of protein, and 0 grams of self-consciousness destruction.)

(Editor’s Note: See the Carl’s Jr. commercial for their Charbroiled Steak Sandwich below.)

Item: Carl’s Jr. Charbroiled Steak Sandwich
Price: $5.99 (sandwich only – $4.69 in the rest of the country)
Purchased at: Carl’s Jr.
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Hearty sandwich. Has an actual piece of steak. Lot of protein. Onion rings added a slight crunch. Getting a free steak dinner though deception.
Cons: Unexciting taste. Sirloin steak tasted like pork chops. Onion rings didn’t add much flavor. No steak sauce. High in sodium. The fury of scorn women. Guilt.