Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong!

With the introduction of Domino’s Handmade Pan Pizza, we’ve just entered Pizza War II. Or it could be Pizza War III, I’m really not keeping track. With their new pan pizza, they’re trying to do what Pizza Hut has been doing for decades — make a pizza with a crispy golden crust that has a buttery flavor.

In a press release, Patrick Doyle, Domino’s Pizza president and chief executive officer, said, “There is a standard out there for pan pizza that we realized could be better.”

Oh snap! Pizza Hut burn!

The new Domino’s Handmade Pan Pizza are made from fresh, never-frozen dough and features two layers of cheese and toppings. To celebrate the new pan pizza, Domino’s is offering a medium two-topping Handmade Pan Pizza for $7.99 each at participating locations.

Our friends over at Grub Grade have a review.

It’s a wonderful time for cheese lovers. Cheesy Christmas music is playing everywhere, Cheeseheads can purchase shares of the NFL champion Green Bay Packers, and Domino’s recently introduced their new Stuffed Cheesy Breads. While watching another Packers victory as well as the 60 Minutes segment on Michael Bublé’s Christmas special, my roommates and I decided to make it 3-for-3 on the cheesiness for the day and ordered all three Stuffed Cheesy Breads varieties: Spinach & Feta, Bacon & Jalapeno, and Cheese only.

The Stuffed Cheesy Breads looked like big calzones with garlic and cheese seasoning on top. One order had eight pieces, with each piece weighing in at 140-160 calories. Normally we’d be concerned about such high caloric intake, but since it took us so much energy to sit on the couch in our underwear and watch football that day, we felt completely justified in carbo-loading before the rigorous evening TV lineup. I had expected the orders to come with marinara sauce, and I was disappointed to find out that wasn’t the case. But sometimes life throws you curveballs, and all you can do is roll with the punches and mix your sports metaphors, so we dove right in sans dipping sauces.

Domino’s claims each Stuffed Cheesy Bread contains as much cheese as their medium pizza. The pieces on the ends, then, were akin to the pizza crust, as no cheese was actually inside the two end pieces. The remaining six pieces really were quite cheesy. The gooey mozzarella and cheddar mix on the inside played well with the different texture and taste of the crusty Romano cheese seasoning on the outside. Similarly, the top of the bread had an appropriate amount of crunch, while the inside was soft and doughy (though occasionally too doughy). The bottom of some pieces got to be a bit soggy and grew soggier as we slowly made our way through each Stuffed Cheesy Bread.

jalapeño

The Cheese Only one was fine but quickly became boring, especially in the absence of any dipping sauces. I won’t ever order it again if only because the other two varieties were clearly tastier. The Spinach & Feta Stuffed Cheesy Bread contained a reasonable amount of both titular ingredients, and the sharp, salty tanginess of the feta really shined. I only wish the feta had been spread more evenly throughout the order. The Bacon & Jalapeno one had a hefty amount of both ingredients, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the bacon came in actual strips and the jalapeño came in whole slices that gave the Cheesy Bread a real spicy heat. I suppose I don’t have any Bacon & Jalapeno-specific complaints, unless you count the fact that Domino’s doesn’t use a tilde in their spelling of jalapeño (in which case, you and I would probably make great friends, but possibly only because you’ve driven away all your other friends with your grammatical nitpicking).

One final thought: This might sound silly to a lot of you, but it kind of bothers me not to know what role these Stuffed Cheesy Breads should play in a meal. Is it a side dish or is it a main dish? Breadsticks are clearly appetizers, but ordering bread stuffed with the cheese of a medium pizza to serve as the appetizer to an actual pizza feels like a convenient semantic loophole for fat people to exploit. (Note: I may be one of these fat people.) If you don’t particularly care about the identity crises of your foods, just go out and get cheesy this December. Take a Lactaid supplement, turn up the Michael Bublé Christmas album, and order a couple Domino’s Stuffed Cheesy Breads.

(Nutrition Facts – Cheese – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 420 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Spinach & Feta – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Bacon & Jalapeno – 160 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 350 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Other Domino’s Stuffed Cheesy Bread reviews:
So Good Blog
dillonpapst (YouTube)
Poor Food and Wine

Item: Domino’s Stuffed Cheesy Bread (Cheese, Spinach & Feta, and Bacon & Jalapeno)
Price: $5.99 each
Purchased at: Domino’s
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Cheese Only)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Spinach & Feta)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Bacon & Jalapeno)
Pros: Really cheesy. Nice contrast between gooey mozzarella and cheddar on the inside, crusty Romano on the outside. Top of bread has crunch, inside of bread is soft and doughy. Spinach & Feta had good amount of spinach and feta. Bacon & Jalapeno had tons of bacon and jalapeños. Bacon came in strips. Jalapeños came in whole slices, which added some nice heat.
Cons: Bottom of some pieces grew soggy. Two of eight pieces had no cheese inside. Didn’t come with marinara sauce. Cheese Only got boring fast. Feta could have been more evenly spread. Domino’s doesn’t use a tilde when spelling jalapeño. Grammar nitpicking. Semantic loopholes. My roommate is going to be mad when he reads I think Michael Bublé’s music is cheesy.

I’m still waiting for Domino’s Pizza to bring back their “30 Minutes or It’s Free” offer and the Noid, but until then I’m going to have to settle for their new Stuffed Cheesy Bread line.

The line comes in three varieties: regular Stuffed Cheesy Bread, Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Spinach & Feta, and Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Bacon & Jalapeno. All varieties are come with eight pieces, are stuffed with the same amount of cheese as a medium pizza, and are covered in a blend of 100 percent mozzarella and cheddar cheese. They’re also seasoned with garlic, parsley, and Romano cheese. Marinara or your favorite dipping sauce can be added for an additional charge.

A piece of Stuffed Cheesy Bread has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 420 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

A piece of Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Spinach & Feta has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

A piece of Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Bacon & Jalapeno 160 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 350 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

And if the Stuffed Cheesy Bites are enough carbs for you, Domino’s also introduced their new Parmesan Bread Bites, which are oven-baked, bite-size breadsticks lightly sprinkled with Parmesan, and seasoned with Asiago cheese and garlic. They’re available in 16- or 32-pieces. Four pieces have 150 calories, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

Source: Nation’s Restaurant News

When I signed up to review Domino’s new Artisan Pizzas, I immediately began thinking of disparaging comments to make about their choosing to use the word artisan. “Domino’s employees are to artisans,” I imagined myself writing, “as the Noid is to a relevant cultural icon.” That’s not even the cleverest or pithiest analogy I had lined up, if you can believe that’s even possible.

I was so ready to do the whole snarky-blogger thing, but Domino’s has preempted any snark by actually embedding it into their ad campaign. The text on their new pizza boxes starts with, “We’re not artisans, we don’t wear black berets,” and their new TV ad vilifies some vaguely French chef who’s acting like a prima donna. By acknowledging the images associated with artisans and wink-winking at the ridiculousness of their artisanal aspirations, the folks at Domino’s have managed to take all the fun out of making fun of them. (Although it’s great we can all still make fun of the French – what is with those berets, amirite?)

While they could get out in front of my snarkiness, I knew they couldn’t stop me from criticizing their crappy pizzas, and I was intent on writing a blistering review. There was only one problem: these pizzas were actually pretty good.

Each pizza was rectangular and cut into eighths, with all the toppings reasonably well-distributed across the slices. Both pizzas had crusts that were thinner and crispier than usual Domino’s fare but still structurally sound enough to support the toppings.

The Spinach & Feta pizza had alfredo sauce, feta and parmesan-asiago cheeses, fresh baby spinach, and onions. I was pleasantly surprised to find that there was a significant amount of feta, as its sharp tanginess was the primary flavor of the pizza. In some places the cheese was spread almost from edge-to-edge, leaving the crusts quite tasty, as well. The spinach and onions were noticeable in their contributions to the texture of the pizza, but I wish there had been more of each topping, as both were mostly overwhelmed by the feta.

The Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio had parmesan-asiago cheese, sliced Italian sausage, and red, green, and banana peppers. The sausage was nothing special; it had some sweetness but wasn’t particularly spicy. I imagine it was the same as can be found on any other Domino’s pizzas, but serving it in thicker slices rather than the usual crumbles seemed to hold in the flavor better. The green and red peppers added some mild crunch, but they were completely upstaged by the banana peppers. The banana peppers were the clear-cut stars of the Pepper Trio, much like Beyonce to Destiny’s Child or Joe to the Jonas Brothers or somebody else that would make you look less poorly upon my musical tastes. I had never ordered a pizza with banana peppers before, but their strong vinegary, spicy presence on the Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio has convinced me to add banana peppers to the toppings rotation from now on. A generous dusting of oregano rounded out a pretty well-made pizza.

As far as other complaints go, the pizza was relatively pricey and fairly small compared to their regular offerings (they measure in at 13″ x 9″, so roughly the size of one of their medium pizzas for the price of a large). Still, I give these pizzas a thumbs-up, and they’re certainly better than Domino’s re-launched pizzas from last year. Domino’s, you guys are running some annoyingly self-aware ad campaigns, but as long as you keep up the tastiness of these Artisan Pizzas and the Francophobia in your commercials, I will make sure to keep my blogger snark in check.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/6th of a pizza – Spinach & Feta – 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 250 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio – 160 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 330 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Other Domino’s Artisan Pizza reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: Domino’s Artisan Pizza (Spinach & Feta and Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio)
Price: $7.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Domino’s
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Spinach & Feta)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio)
Pros: Crust was thinner and crispier than regular Domino’s pizzas. Spinach & Feta had significant amount of feta cheese spread from crust-to-crust. Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio had delicious banana peppers and thickly-sliced sausage. Vilifying French people. Referencing the Noid. Beyonce’s having a baby!
Cons: Not enough spinach and onion to stand out against the feta. Green and red peppers were kind of useless. Pizzas were a bit expensive for the size. Domino’s pre-empting my snark. Spellcheck not recognizing snark as a word.

Update: Click here to read our Domino’s Artisan Pizza review

Our friends over at Grub Grade broke the news last month about the new Domino’s Artisan Pizzas, and now they’re available nationwide.

The new pizzas come in three varieties:

Spinach & Feta: Alfredo sauce, feta and parmesan-asiago cheeses, fresh baby spinach, and onion toppings on an artisan-style crust.

Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio: Parmesan-asiago cheese and sliced Italian sausage with a trio of roasted red, green, and banana peppers on an artisan-style crust topped with a dash of oregano.

Tuscan Salami & Roasted Veggie: Salami, spinach and onions, roasted red and banana peppers, and a dash of oregano, all over a garlic parmesan sauce on an artisan-style crust.

Grub Grade also posted a review of all three Artisan Pizza varieties.

The rectangle-shaped pizzas serve two and measure 13 inches by 9 inches. They also bring back memories of the rectangle Little Caesar’s Pizza and the rectangle-shaped pizza they served in the cafeteria when I was in grade school.

In Grub Grade’s review, the Artisan pizzas are cut up into six slices, but according to the nutrition facts there are eight servings per pizza. So you’re gonna have to do some math to figure out how many calories and grams of fat each slice provides. I would do it for you, but I’m an Asian who sucks at math, but is awesome at lovemaking.

The nutrition facts for a serving of the Italian Sausage & Pepper Trio has 160 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 330 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein. A serving of Spinach & Feta has 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 250 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Finally, the Tuscan Salami & Roasted Veggie has 150 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 280 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

Source: Grub Grade

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Dr Pepper Ten is a 10 calorie version of the soda made for men. Ha ha! Take that women! You have your Secret deodorant that’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman, and we’ve got Dr Pepper Ten that’s low calorie enough for a woman, but made for a man. Suck it! (via BevReview)

Domino’s first changed their pizza recipe, now they’re changing their chicken. I hope Domino’s can change the dirty looks their drivers give me whenever I give them a quarter tip. (via Foodette Reviews)

There’s a new Skittles rainbow I can taste to help make up for not being able taste an actual rainbow. Why won’t you let me taste you rainbow? Why do you keep running away from me? (via Candyblog and Sugar Pressure)

Dairy Queen does salads? Is the Dairy Queen, Queen Victoria? English monarchy history reference! High five! (via On Second Scoop)