REVIEW: Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito

Jack in the Box Sausage Grande Breakfast Burrito Foilless

When I put the Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito on the table, I said out loud, “Holy crap! It’s as large as my forearm.”

Then I thought, “Holy crap! Do I have small forearms? Do I have weak forearms? Are my small forearms the reason why I could never win at arm wrestling? Why is this pen so heavy?”

After I stopped being self-conscious, I peeled back the foil the burrito was wrapped in and then I peeled back the flour tortilla to reveal the burrito’s sausage, scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon crumbles, shredded pepper jack cheese, cheddar cheese sauce, and creamy sriracha sauce.

The burrito also comes with a container of fire roasted salsa. But if you decide to spend your hard earned money on a Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito, grab that container of salsa, throw it as far as you can, yell, “Suck it, salsa! Your services are not needed at this time!”, and then get ticketed for littering.

This breakfast burrito doesn’t need the chunky condiment thanks to the sriracha sauce, which has a mild garlicky and chili pepper flavor. If you do use the salsa, you’ll find it chompblocks the sriracha’s flavor. While the sriracha has a lot of flavor, it doesn’t have much heat. So if you’re a fan of spicy sriracha, you’ll be one sad rooster.

You’ll also be one sad piggie if you were hoping the bacon crumbles would have your mouth bursting with salty, greasy, and porky goodness. They don’t, but the sausage does.

Oh wait. One more. Sad animal.

You’ll also be one sad cow if you were hoping the shredded pepper jack would bring a little heat and peppery flavor. It doesn’t. The cheddar cheese sauce definitely dominates the other cheese.

Jack in the Box Sausage Grande Breakfast Burrito Cut

The scrambled eggs didn’t really stand out, flavor-wise, which I expected. But my burrito came with a good serving of it, which helped the burrito look as large as my weak forearms.

Being wrapped in a flour tortilla with sauces and warm proteins and then all that being wrapped in a foil wrapper, I expected the hash browns to be soggy from sitting in that saucy sauna. But they still had a bit of crispness to them as I ate my way through the burrito.

Although the bacon and pepper jack cheese don’t add much to the Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito, the sausage, sriracha, eggs, cheddar cheese sauce, and hash browns more than make up for them. The breakfast burrito has a lot of flavor and a variety of textures, and, overall, it makes me one happy human with small forearms.

(Nutrition Facts – 1044 calories, 632 calories from fat, 70 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 391 milligrams of cholesterol, 2132 milligrams of sodium, 532 milligrams of potassium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 36 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Grande Sausage Breakfast Burrito
Purchased Price: $3.89*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Makes my forearms look small. Creamy sriracha sauce has enough flavor that the included salsa is unnecessary. Hash browns are still a little crispy. Sausage provides all the salty, greasy, and porky goodness.
Cons: Makes my forearms look small. Bacon crumbles and pepper jack cheese don’t add much. Sriracha lacks heat. Sad animals.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Croissant Donuts

Jack in the Box Croissant Donuts

Are you one of those people who hate greeting cards that are booby trapped with confetti and glitter because, despite how careful you are, you end up showering your floor with sparkling envelope puke?

If that bothers you, I’d suggest you avoid Jack in the Box’s new Croissant Donuts because there’s a good chance you’ll get cinnamon sugar everywhere. But if that doesn’t bother you or it does bother you, but you have an awesome vacuum, love ants, or you’re eating them at a location where you don’t care if you make a mess, like at a Jack in the Box restaurant, you shouldn’t hesitate picking up the fast food croissant donut hybrid.

In 2013, Dunkin’ Donuts in South Korea and Krispy Kreme in the Philippines were the first major fast food chains to offer knockoffs of Dominique Ansel’s popular Cronut. But both specialize in donuts, so it’s not really impressive. However, having a burger chain like Jack in the Box attempt to make a Cronut knockoff is impressive…and a bit scary.

Jack’s Croissant Donuts are made with buttery croissant dough rolled in cinnamon sugar. They’re served warm and sprinkled with more cinnamon sugar, which provides all the flavor. Oh wait. Did I say “sprinkled”? I meant to say suffocated with cinnamon sugar. Each one is around 2 1/4 to 2 1/2 inches wide, but just like the spiky hair on my head makes me look slightly taller, the cinnamon sugar coating on the Croissant Donuts make them look slightly bigger.

I bought a 3-piece serving and, at the bottom of the sleeve they came in, there was enough cinnamon sugar to make a batch of snickerdoodles jealous. If I tilted the sleeve at a wrong angle, it would’ve meant sparkling sleeve puke everywhere. And I have a horrible vacuum cleaner.

Jack in the Box Croissant Donuts Innards

The Croissant Donut’s innards don’t have that impressive flaky layered look that Cronuts have. Instead, it looked more like airy bread, but at least the innards’ texture was soft. The outer shell wasn’t oily and had a nice crispiness, although some of that crunch could’ve been the heavy cinnamon sugar layer. The exterior was also a smidge tough, but not enough to take away from how wonderful these Croissant Donuts are.

I’m not a huge fan of Jack in the Box’s previous warm desserts, like their Mini Churros, Mini Cookies, and Brownie Bites, so I came in with low expectations. But these Croissant Donuts are a sweet tooth satisfying dessert that I would see myself buying again, even if they force me to have a vacuum at the ready whenever I bring them home.

Jack in the Box Croissant Donuts Closeup

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pieces – 136 calories, 56 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 58 milligrams of sodium, 21 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Croissant Donuts
Purchased Price: $2.69*
Size: 3 pieces
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Suffocated with cinnamon sugar. Slightly crispy exterior. Sweet tooth satisfying. Not oily. Soft innards. Best when served warm. Much better than most previous warm Jack in the Box desserts. Strong vacuums.
Cons: Can be messy if you’re not careful. Exterior is slightly tough. Doesn’t have that neat flaky layered look. Having a piece of crap vacuum. Doesn’t have a creme filling like real Cronuts. Booby trapped greeting cards.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

QUICK REVIEW: Jack in the Box Jalapeño Ranch Ultimate Cheeseburger

Jack in the Box Jalapeno Ranch Ultimate Cheeseburger

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Jalapeños provide almost all of the flavor and a little bit of heat. Jalapeño in every bite. Awesome if your taste buds are tired of eating regular Jack in the Box Ultimate Cheeseburgers. Although it’s almost all jalapeño, it’s a tasty burger. Ranch sauce and cheese give the burger a slightly creamy texture which kind of makes you forget about the slightly dry beef patties. Enough ranch sauce to make salads jealous.
Cons: Even with enough ranch sauce to make salads jealous, its flavor is overwhelmed by the jalapeños. Heck, the flavor of the ranch sauce, meat, and cheese take a back seat to the jalapeños, and that back seat is on a school bus. Let’s be honest, all Ultimate Cheeseburgers aren’t even close to being “ultimate.” I mean, if I add another beef patty and another slice of cheese, then that’s proof the Ultimate Cheeseburger isn’t the ultimate.

Jack in the Box Jalapeno Ranch Ultimate Cheeseburger Topless

Nutrition Facts: 797 calories, 432 calories from fat, 48 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of trans fat, 147 milligrams of cholesterol, 1783 milligrams of sodium, 545 milligrams of potassium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 50 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Breakfast Monster Taco

Jack in the Box Breakfast Monster Taco

I believe I’ve put more thought into deciding which witty t-shirt I’m going to wear, than the amount of effort that went into creating Jack in the Box’s Breakfast Monster Taco (BMT). In fact, describing the breakfast taco can be done with a simple equation:

(Jack in the Box Monster Taco – Lettuce) + Scrambled Eggs = Jack in the Box Breakfast Monster Taco.

Hey! That equation would make a great t-shirt in emoji form!

According to this Businessweek article, Taco Bell’s Waffle Taco went through 80 iterations, which is probably 80 times more than what the Breakfast Monster Taco went through. However, even though it seems not much effort went into developing the Jack in the Box Breakfast Monster Taco, I enjoyed it slightly more than Taco Bell’s offering.

Of course, if you’ve read my Taco Bell Waffle Taco review, you’d know that I didn’t care for it, so being slightly better doesn’t make the Breakfast Monster Taco special. It’s like saying a Purple Nurple is slightly better than a Wet Willy.

At a quick glance, the BMT looks like a regular Monster Taco. It has the same taco sauce, the same American cheese oozing out from under the shell, the same seasoned ground beef, the same crunchy taco shell, and the same grease spot that looks like an armpit sweat stain.

Jack in the Box Breakfast Monster Taco Eggs

However, instead of shredded pale green lettuce that easily falls out of the taco, the BMT has pale yellow scrambled eggs that easily falls out of the taco. According to the signage at the bottom of my Jack in the Box’s drive-thru menu, there is an option to make the taco more breakfasty by adding bacon, but like all the girls I asked to cut a rug with at my 8th grade dance, I declined.

Now that I think about it, perhaps it wasn’t so cool saying, “cut a rug” and then moving my hips side-to-side like a downhill skier when I asked them to dance.

Jack in the Box Breakfast Monster Taco Innards

My BMT came with a decent serving of scrambled eggs, which looked more substantial than the taco meat. However, the fluffy eggs didn’t have a flavor that’s strong enough to cut through the slightly spicy taco sauce and finely ground seasoned beef, making the Breakfast Monster Taco taste pretty much like a regular Monster Taco. Even the American cheese, which had melted into a thick goo, had more flavor than the eggs.

While I do enjoy Jack in the Box’s tacos, I can’t say I was impressed with their Breakfast Monster Taco. I mean, it’s as tasty as Jack in the Box’s regular tacos, but because it tastes like their regular tacos, I’m not sure why I would purchase it over their regular taco, which I can also purchase any time of day. I should’ve gotten it with bacon. Never say no to bacon.

Oooh! “Never Say No To Bacon” would make a great t-shirt.

(Nutrition Facts – 324 calories, 191 calories from fat, 21 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 186 milligrams of cholesterol, 668 milligrams of sodium, 262 milligrams of potassium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Breakfast Monster Taco
Purchased Price: $1.99*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: As tasty as a Jack in the Box Monster Taco. Decent serving of fluffy scrambled eggs. BMT doesn’t mean Bowel Movement Taco. The option to have it with bacon. Coming up with t-shirt that would sell poorly.
Cons: Tastes too similar to a Jack in the Box Monster Taco. It seems not much effort went into developing the BMT. The Jack in the Box taco and its armpit sweat stain. If you think Jack in the Box tacos are disgusting, this will not change your mind.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Jack’s Blazin’ Chicken Sandwich

Jack in the Box Jack's Blazin' Chicken Sandwich

I don’t think Jack’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Jack in the Box is spicy. Whenever I’ve eaten one, I’ve never felt the need to reach for whatever Coke beverage that came with my meal, or jump over the cash register counter at Jack in the Box and place my mouth under the ice cream machine’s nozzle, in order to soothe my oral cavity.

Because of my feelings towards Jack’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich, I was hesitant to believe a new Jack in the Box chicken sandwich with Ghost Pepper Ranch Sauce would satisfy masochistic desire to burn my taste buds and give me a good reason to jump over a Jack in the Box cash register counter so I can suck on an ice cream machine’s teat.

For those of you who aren’t Scoville scale scholars, Ghost Peppers, or Bhot Jolokia, were once the hottest peppers in the world. In 2012, the title of world’s hottest pepper was taken by the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion, and, in 2013, both peppers were overtaken by the Carolina Reaper from the PuckerButt Pepper Company. I mention the other peppers because with the information I just gave you, I believe you can now consider yourselves Scoville scale scholars and it allows me to put “PuckerButt” into a paragraph.

Well, it turns out my feelings about the sandwich’s spiciness were right because Jack’s Blazin’ Chick’n Sandw’ch is not blazin’ and its name doesn’t contain that many apostrophes. I added a couple extra.

Jack in the Box Jack's Blazin' Chicken Sandwich Sauce

With the Ghost Pepper Ranch Sauce, I was hoping for a level of spiciness that would, um, make me tear up a little as if I was watching Toy Story 3’s ending, but that didn’t happen. It didn’t even make me sweat. While the Ghost Pepper Ranch Sauce has some heat, the sliced jalapeño are spicier, which emphasizes how tame the sauce is. The sandwich comes with the same spicy chicken patty used in Jack’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich, but as I mentioned at the beginning of this review, it’s not spicy to me. However, the chicken patty did have a little crispiness, but it was also slightly dry.

If your mouth prefers the extreme safe side of the Scoville scale, this sandwich still might be a little too much for you. To give you a reference point for how spicy this sandwich is, it’s noticeably less so than McDonald’s Habanero Ranch Quarter Pounder or their Southwest Premium Chicken McWrap, both of which have made me sweat a little.

But even though it’s not blazin’ and the lettuce I received with my sandwich was the saddest looking piece of lettuce I’ve ever seen, it’s a tasty sandwich.

The flavor from the pickled jalapeño stood out, followed by the Ghost Pepper Ranch Sauce, which has a nice smokiness and pepperiness. It also kind of tastes like a milder version of McDonald’s Habanero Ranch sauce.

The sandwich is also topped with grilled onions, Swiss-style cheese, and tomatoes. I didn’t get very many grilled onions on my sandwich, and I thought it was weird to have grilled onions on a chicken sandwich, but they didn’t add anything flavor-wise because they got lost behind the jalapeño and Ghost Pepper Sauce. The Swiss-style cheese’s flavor does come through a little bit and it slightly tempers the sandwich’s spiciness.

Again, even though it’s not blazin’ to me, it’s a really good sandwich. And I guess it’s a good thing it wasn’t blazin’, because if it was overly spicy, the heat would’ve distracted my taste buds from the flavors. Jack’s Blazin’ Chicken Sandwich is a giant step up in terms of flavor and heat from Jack’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich, and, to be honest, I wish Jack in the Box would replace their Spicy Chicken Sandwich with it.

(Nutrition Facts – 665 calories, 269 calories from fat, 30 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1172 milligrams of sodium, 662 milligrams of potassium, 70 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Jack’s Blazin’ Chicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $4.99 (sandwich only)*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: A giant step up in terms of flavor and heat from Jack’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich. Ghost Pepper Ranch Sauce may not have a lot of heat, but it does have a nice flavor. Crispy jalapeño provided most of the flavor and heat. Slightly crispy chicken. Thank goodness they used Swiss-style cheese instead of American cheese. Toy Story 3.
Cons: Ghost Pepper Ranch Sauce is not blazin’. My computer’s autocorrect correcting “blazin'” with blazon. Received the saddest piece of lettuce. Grilled onions didn’t add anything. For some reason not available in Austin, Cincinnati, Denver, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Laredo, McAll/Brownsville, Palm Springs, Reno, or Tulsa. Jack’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.