REVIEW: Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie

Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie

Since I received the news that my fantasy baseball team was mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, I’ve been beating myself up a little bit. I mean, me, a three-time champion in the seven-year existence of The Super Best Friend’s League, missing the playoffs? That’s something that sad losers do, not Trevor. I honestly think it may be one of the first signs of the apocalypse. Now maybe, just maybe it isn’t end of the world-related, but just to be safe I’d keep an eye out for rivers running red with blood, swarms of locusts, The Four Horsemen, and seven angels with trumpets.

With the recent hardship and possible apocalypse looming, I was in need of a pick-me-up. I sought it in the form of Pizza Hut’s Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Now being in the ultimate state of depression I was in, my dumbass forgot to buy milk before ordering the cookie. When I got it back to my apartment, I didn’t want to lose out on the just-from-the-oven taste of the cookie, so I settled for no milk. This joins drafting Tampa Bay Rays Outfielders Wil Myers and Desmond Jennings on my recent list of regrets.

Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie 2

The first thing I notice about the Ultimate Cookie when I open the box is that it’s just a cookie cake without frosting. I’m not sure why I was expecting it to be a giant cookie. Pizza Hut should really put “cake” at the end of the title to avoid confusion. I was really hoping for a giant cookie, the kind that Paul Bunyan would eat. But alas, it was cut into eight pieces, thus becoming a cake and not one cookie.

The best part about this dish is the heavy amount of Hershey’s chocolate. It’s made with semi-sweet chocolate chips and they were melty and delicious, kind of like Hershey’s chocolate in a s’more.

The cookie was good, but I wanted a lot more. My mother makes my brother and I cookie cakes for our birthdays every year, so my standards are a bit inflated, but I was still a bit disappointed. It didn’t have enough of that salty-sweet that I look for in a cookie cake. But I guess that’s why it’s not called a cookie cake.

It’s a tasty cookie, but it will dry out your mouth. You won’t die if you order the cookie and don’t have any milk on hand but at the same time you will miss out on a lot of the experience.

Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie 3

I ate four of the eight slices while it was still fresh and after a full day had passed I went back to see how it held up to the test of time. I had put it in plastic wrap and in the cupboard and it really was not worth keeping. The cookie’s flavor is dependent on it being warm. It’s not like when you make a batch of your favorite chocolate chip cookies and they will still be good for a few days. It makes you realize how average the cookie part is and that without melty chocolate chips, it’s really nothing special.

I really wish there was a frosting on it. It’s just a cookie cake somebody forgot to finish decorating. It’s like they got three-quarters of the way there and said, “Ah, good enough.” It’s not essential for the taste or anything, though it would be better, but it’s really confusing looking at a frosting-less cookie cake.

This giant cookie is decent, but like your friend who only wears jeans and a t-shirt whenever you go out, it needs something more to reach it’s true potential.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 slice – 180 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Pizza Hut Ultimate Hershey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie
Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Loads of chocolatey goodness. Winning three fantasy baseball championships in first seven years of your league’s existence.
Cons: Cookie is a tad dry. Doesn’t taste great the next day. Forgetting to buy milk before eating a giant cookie. Having a bad fantasy baseball season and unintentionally setting the wheels of the apocalypse in motion.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza (Canada)

Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza

I like Pizza Hut. It might be my favourite of the big pizza chains. Not that I even think the pizzas are that great, but I appreciate that they know exactly what they are: a purveyor of junky fast food.

They don’t have the delusions of grandeur like some other chains; there’s no “rustic” this or “artisan” that. What they will do, however, is cram cheese, hot dogs, and whatever else they can think of into a crust so oil-laden that it will leave your hands slick with grease if you handle it for even just a second or two. They’ll top the pizza with stuff like poutine or butter chicken.

They know exactly what they are, and they’re not ashamed of it. I like that.

Which is to say that replacing the tomato sauce in a pizza with sriracha is a distinctively Pizza Huttian creation. But is it actually good? The short answer: better than you’d think! The long answer: read on, my friend.

The base of the pizza is the standard Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. It is what it is; you either like it or you don’t, and personally, I like it (and I’m a little bit in awe of how they’re able to cram so much grease into the thing). It’s not something you’d want to eat every day, but when you’re in the mood for that crispy, greasy goodness, it satisfies.

Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza Closeup

It’s topped with sriracha, green peppers, banana peppers, grilled chicken strips, and, of course, mozzarella. And they’re definitely not kidding around with the sriracha: when I was driving the pizza home, it so thoroughly filled the car with that very distinctive sriracha aroma that the spice vapours actually tickled my nose a bit.

Sadly, it’s not quite as spicy as I might have hoped. It’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but on the mild-medium-hot scale, it falls squarely in the middle. It’s certainly not as spicy as any variety of sriracha that I’ve tried — and sriracha isn’t even close to the hottest hot sauce out there. Clearly, they’re using a very mild sriracha, or they’re diluting it with something.

Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza Slice

The flavour is certainly there, however — it’s got that satisfyingly sweet, slightly garlicky flavour that’s made sriracha so hot over the last couple of years (Get it? Hot?? World Pun Championships, here I come!).

The banana peppers are banana peppers. Personally I’m not a fan, and this pizza did nothing to change my mind. I don’t mind them in theory, but every time I get them on a pizza — without fail — I wind up chomping down on a rock-hard stem. I’m convinced that banana peppers are at least 50 percent borderline-inedible stems. And they’re not even that hot, so what’s the point? Banana peppers are the spicy pizza topping for people who don’t actually like spice.

The other toppings were fine. The green peppers added some crunch and a bit of flavour, which worked well with the other elements of the pizza. The chicken is, I’m pretty sure, of the processed variety rather than actual pieces of chicken. It’s a bit rubbery, but it’s okay. It’s not egregious, and there’s enough else going on here that you can’t really tell either way.

The cheese, like the crust, is standard Pizza Hut. Gooey, slightly salty, and abundant.

All in all, it’s not a bad pizza. Subbing out tomato sauce for sriracha could have been a disaster, but somehow, it works. It certainly earns its name, as that distinctive condiment is very much the dominant flavour here. I wish it were spicier, but if you like Sriracha and don’t mind pizzas of the bastardized variety, I’d give this one a shot.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on Pizza Hut Canada website.)

Item: Pizza Hut Hot Sriracha Chicken Pizza
Purchased Price: $18.00 CAN
Size: Large
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Serious sriracha flavour. The toppings (mostly) work pretty well together. Pizza Hut Pan Pizza crust continues to be a junky classic.
Cons: Not as spicy as you’d think. Banana peppers are the worst. Slightly chewy chicken. Realizing that the “hot” pun is not nearly good enough to get me to the World Pun Championships.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Blake’s Smokehouse BBQ Pizza

Pizza Hut Blake's Smokehouse BBQ Pizza

Blake Shelton. A name that only vaguely registered in my mind before this review. Some sort of pop country superstar? I was out of my wheelhouse.

Until I saw this.

Now I know exactly who Blake Shelton is. Blake Shelton is an insane person.

You see, Blake Shelton has apparently inspired or contributed to or somehow been involved in the line of Pizza Hut’s new BBQ pizzas, most specifically Blake’s Smokehouse BBQ.

Thank god for Pizza Hut that he’s not actually part of their marketing process, or else this rather pedestrian moniker (and the other two, Honey BBQ Chicken and Hawaiian BBQ) could have gone rather differently. Here are some of Blake’s suggestions:

Chicky Chicky Boom Boom
Cutie Fruity
The Shellshocked
The Aloha-Broha
Dorky Porky
Cluckadoodle-DOOOOO
Hawaiian Piiiiie-ian
P.S…It’s B.S.
The Oklahoma Stuffer
Super Pork Fucker 3000
Barba-who? Barbecue
Meat Sphere
Grab a Fork! It’s Time for Pork!

Only one of the above is fake. Can you guess which one? I’d be hard pressed to.

Pizza Hut describes Blake’s Smokehouse BBQ as “A toasted Cheddar crust topped with sweet Honey BBQ sauce, hardwood smoked bacon, smoked ham flavored with a hint of sugar, and juicy pork.”

In case you’re keeping track, that’s three porks. I’m perfectly okay with this amount of pork. Ignore the quiet screams emanating from my heart at the amount of sodium this potentially presents.

I think the most important player here is the Honey BBQ sauce, and who am I to bury the lead, so let’s start with that.

I have to say that I was quite impressed with this sauce. I was expecting a sweet mess; there was a fair amount of it on each slice, but it added subtle BBQ undertones that didn’t overwhelm the other toppings but instead added a nice smoky flavor. The sauce was also thick, so it stuck to the pizza without creating stickyhands.

Pizza Hut Blake's Smokehouse BBQ Pizza Slice

As you can see, Pizza Hut wasn’t skimpy with the toppings. Beyond the Honey BBQ sauce, the flavor profile went in this order: sausage, then ham, and then…well, it seemed like they just nodded at the bacon from across the room. I mean, I could see bits of “hardwood smoked” bacon, but they added none of the crunch or smoky flavor I want out of bacon on my pizza.

Oh, did I say “sausage” earlier? What I meant to say was “juicy pork”. Which is, apparently, Pizza Hut code for crumbled sausage pizza topping. There was a lot of it, and it was, indeed, juicy and flavorful, but it wasn’t exactly anything new or special.

The same seemed to go for the smoked ham that Pizza Hut claims to have a hint of sugar. Maybe it was the bit of sugar in the Honey BBQ sauce that masked it, but again, it just seemed like good ol’ ham pizza topping. Again, nothing wrong with that, but nothing special, either.

I was surprised at what a difference the toasted cheddar on the crust made. I haven’t had Pizza Hut in ages, but apparently they changed their hand-tossed formula earlier this year and I have to say, it was much better than I remember. I’ve found in the past that baked-in cheese crusts lack flavor, but the cheddar was really noticeable here.

While I cannot legally stab Blake Shelton, I’m glad I took a stab at Pizza Hut’s Blake’s Smokehouse BBQ Pizza, even if it came with mixed results. That was a forced joke and I’m sorry. While the juicy pork (sausage bits) and ham seemed to be regular pizza toppings, they certainly were plentiful; however, I had to wonder where the bacon went and lamented its absence.

On the plus side, the Honey BBQ sauce wasn’t nearly as cloyingly sweet as I thought it was going to be, and it added a little smokiness that complimented the pork toppings. The toasted cheddar crust was surprisingly flavorful, which beats a regular crust any day. When you add it all up, Blake’s Smokehouse BBQ won’t blow your mind, but it’s a decent pork pizza with a bbq twist. Dorky Porky.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 slice – 370 calories, 150 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 790 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.)

Item: Pizza Hut Blake’s Smokehouse BBQ Pizza
Purchased Price: $11.00
Size: Large pizza
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Honey BBQ sauce wasn’t too sweet and adds some smoky flavor. I didn’t have to drink a gallon of water because of excess salt like I thought I would. Lots of sausage and ham toppings. No stickyhands. Cheddar crust was surprisingly flavorful. Fine, I kind of like “Dorky Porky”.
Cons: Bacon crunch and smokiness were conspicuously absent. Blake Shelton’s pizza names. “Juicy pork” and ham tasted like regular pizza toppings. It’s illegal to stab pop country singers (or anyone else, I guess).

REVIEW: Pizza Hut 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza

Pizza Hut 3 Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza

Pizza Hut knows we all have the internet, right?

Because how can they consider their new 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza to be the latest and greatest they can offer in the United States when many of us know about–via the internet–a pizza they introduced in the Middle East last year with cheeseburgers as the outer crust, which still hasn’t made its way here. I mean, if this was the 1980s and they released a pizza with cheeseburgers as the outer crust in the Middle East, I’m pretty sure no one in the U.S. would’ve found out about it, unless someone was fortunate to have a Middle Eastern pen pal.

But it’s not the leotard and leggings 80s, it’s 2013 and information spreads easily. When actresses climb out of a car awkwardly, their upskirt photos are posted all over the internet within minutes. When the Boston Red Sox won the World Series, their Wikipedia page was updated within seconds after the final out.

Yes, I’m upset.

This should be a review about a pizza with frickin’ cheeseburgers, but instead I’m writing about a pizza with three cheeses in its crust. I mean, that would be impressive if that was the most cheeses they ever put into a crust, but it’s not. Remember their Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza? Well, that had five.

But enough of my desire to see that pizza-cheeseburger hybrid in the United States. And it’s not as if other countries now have it…

Wait! What the fu…! Ugh. Seriously? Whatever.

Pizza Hut 3 Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza Closeup

The three cheeses stuffed into the outer crust of this pizza are mozzarella (boring because it’s all over the rest of the pizza), white cheddar (the albino brother of regular cheddar), and provolone (my first cheese option at Subway). The Pizza Hut 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza is a hand tossed-style pizza and you can get whatever toppings you want on yours, but I ordered mine with pepperoni because I’m as boring as the mozzarella, white cheddar, and provolone stuffed into the crust of this pizza.

Let me move away from the stuffed crust for a moment and talk about the rest of the pizza, which won’t be much because it’s just the normal hand-tossed Pizza Hut pizza. If you’re not familiar with their hand-tossed pizza, it’s thinner and not as crispy as their pan pizza. As for the sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, it’s the typical stuff you’d find on any Pizza Hut pizza.

Now back to the stuffed crust.

Pizza Hut 3 Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza Super Closeup

Seeing the large puffs on the edge of the pizza, might make you think that each one of them is stuffed with cheese, but they’re not. If you’re an optimist, you’d say they’re half-full of cheese. But if you’re a pessimist, you’d say they’re half-full of air. The combined flavor of the three cheeses is a nice change of pace from the typical mozzarella in the original Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Pizza. Each cheese has a mild flavor so one isn’t going to overwhelm the others. When combined they have a decent flavor that does entice me to eat the crust instead of throwing it away, feeding it to birds, or use them as horns on my head while my friends and I play pizza crust bull and pizza box matador.

However, I don’t see myself ever buying this pizza again. Yes, it’s an improvement over the previous stuffed crust pizza, but I can’t help but think they could’ve done more to encourage non-crust eaters to scarf down the additional carbs. Maybe include a dipping sauce, like they did with their oddly familiar looking Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza? Or, since the stuffed crust is half-full of air, why not stuff a little sauce, meat, and veggies. Or maybe do something crazy, like attach cheeseburgers.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/8 of a pizza – 300 calories, 160 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 880 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.)

Item: Pizza Hut 3-Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza
Purchased Price: $16.99* (for one topping)
Size: Large
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Flavor of the three cheeses is a step up from the usual mozzarella in the original Stuffed Crust Pizza. Ample pepperoni. If you enjoy Pizza Hut hand-tossed pizzas, this one will not offend you. The internet. The Pizza Hut cheeseburger crust pizza. Playing pizza crust bull and pizza box matador.
Cons: Stuffed crust is half-full of air; could’ve used that space to fit more ingredients. Could’ve also used a dipping sauce. Still waiting for Pizza Hut’s cheeseburger crust pizza in the U.S. Doesn’t beat the record for number of cheeses in a Pizza Hut crust. Looks like a Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza. Having my upskirt photos posted on the internet.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza

Pizza Hut Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza

Pizza Hut likes to do things differently. In the past, they’ve been known to shove hot dogs inside of their pizza crusts, or even decorate the perimeter of a pie with cheeseburgers. It seems that Pizza Hut has once again decided to deviate from the traditional pizza crust formula with the introduction of the new Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza, which was launched in the United States on April 3 and will be available for a limited time only.

The Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza encircles a pizza with cheese pockets containing a blend of five different cheeses: asiago, fontina, mozzarella, provolone, and white cheddar. For just $12.99, hungry citizens all over the US can purchase a single topping Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza. Today, I was one of those citizens.

As my stomach growled with unimaginable voracity, I picked up the phone and dialed my nearest Pizza Hut. The exchange went something like this…

Pizza Hut Employee: Pizza Hut. How can I help you?

Me: Hi, I’d like to order a Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza.

Employee: …a what?

Me: A Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza.

Employee: Do you mean…a Stuffed Crust Pizza?

Me: No, I mean a Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza.

Employee: *silence*

Me: It’s a new pizza that was released yesterday. Do you have it?

Employee: Oh, umm…please hold.

After being placed on hold for a short while, the employee returned and allowed me to finish my order, assuring me it would be thirty minutes until my pizza arrived. I was nervous, worried that the delivery person would hand me a pizza box containing a normal, non-crazy pizza.

I can only imagine the chaos that occurred at that Pizza Hut when I hung up the phone: employees running every which way, knocking over boxes of crusts, cheeses, and sauces, searching for some sort of clue to help them learn what exactly a “Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza” is, and exactly how one can be prepared. Soon, a riot begins, and a few unfortunate individuals lose their lives while searching for the Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza recipe.

(A moment of silence for the victims of the Great Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza Massacre of 2013.)

The thirty minutes I spent waiting for my pizza were long and trying. Eventually, the delivery person arrived, and I gave him the cash in exchange for his Cheesy Crust. I opened the box, and found myself standing before a pizza somewhat shaped like a chrysanthemum. Extending from the main body of the pizza were sixteen cheesy prongs, begging to be devoured. I could wait no longer; I picked up my first slice and took a bite.

Pizza Hut Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza Slice

The main pizza portion of Pizza Hut’s new Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza offers few surprises. The sauce is Pizza Hut’s usual sweet tomato sauce, and the cheese provides a pretty standard mozzarella taste. The crust, however, is noticeably thinner than a standard Pizza Hut pizza’s crust, providing a bit less support, which leads to a sagging slice. However, this might not be deemed an issue for fans of Domino’s and Papa John’s.

Pizza Hut Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza Pocket

The real difference shines through with the pockets of cheese. Whether eaten before the rest of the slice or after, the five cheese blend tastes noticeably different compared to the rest of the pizza. The lack of sauce in the pockets really serves to highlight the flavor of the cheeses. I was unable to identify the unique flavor of any of the five cheeses. Instead, the five cheese flavors blend into one uniform taste, which comes through as slightly sharper than the standard Pizza Hut mozzarella.

The texture of the cheese inside the pockets is nearly identical to the texture of the cheese in the main body of the pizza, though slightly more spongy. I was hoping that the crust surrounding the pockets would be crispier than the rest of the crust, but it was softer than expected, most likely moistened by the cheese that sat inside of the pockets.

The pizza, though slightly overcooked, was still pretty satisfying. I imagine it would be best eaten straight out of the oven, with the cheese inside of the pockets still slightly melted from the heat. As the pizza cools down, the cheese becomes more spongy and less appealing in general.

Overall, the Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza was a pleasant deviation from the standard pizza offered by Pizza Hut, but I feel like the inclusion of the cheese pockets was not enough to warrant a repeat purchase of this pizza. Its flavor is not a significant improvement over the standard pizza’s flavor, and in my opinion, Stuffed Crust is a much better option for those pizza fans looking for that extra cheese kick. All things considered, I encourage any cheese-lovers out there to try the Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza while it lasts!

This review is dedicated to the victims of the Great Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza Massacre of 2013: Michael “Cheesy Crust” Robinson III, Edward “Big Eddie” McPizzaPants, and Sergeant Tony O’Sauce. Our love goes out to their friends and family.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website.)

Other Pizza Hut Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza reviews:
Grub Grade
Brand Eating

Item: Pizza Hut Crazy Cheesy Crust Pizza
Purchased Price: $12.99
Size: Large
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: An enjoyable pizza. Five cheese! Cheesy prongs.
Cons: Sagging slices. Five cheese flavors blend into single flavor. Unappetizing when cooled down. Cheesy massacres.