THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 4/9/2011

Rabbit ! / Kaninchen!

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

With this Peter Rabbit Gummy Candy, I can finally make a video version of the new dark Peter Rabbit story I wrote called, The Tale of Peter Rabbit Getting His Limbs Bitten Off One At A Time. (via Candyblog)

Hey, Twix! Now that you’ve got Twix Coconut out of the way, how about bringing back Cookies-n-Creme Twix from the 1990s? Come on, man. Retro is in. (via Rodzilla Reviews)

Innovative Candy Concepts may call their product Too Tarts Melted Ice Cream Spray Candy, but I’m going to call it Something To Give My Future Children To Spray Into The Eyes Of Strangers Who Come Too Close To Them. (via Clearance Cuisine)

As a kid, and after being told you are what you eat, I thought eating Hello Panda would turn me into a panda, so I ate a lot of them. It didn’t turn me into a panda, but it did make me as round as one. (via Food Junk)

I’m no cardiologist, but I believe dipping a sub sandwich filled with chicken, bacon and spicy mayo into cheese is perfectly fine. (via Junk Food Betty)

NEWS: Quiznos New Chicken Bacon Dipper Lets You Dip Your Sandwich into Cheese Sauce; This Is Not An April Fools’ Day Joke

Cheese Fondue zurich

There’s an arms race going on amongst fast food restaurants to create the new Weird Food That the Internet Will Gasp at in Horror. Quiznos has decided to throw its hat into the ring with their new Chicken Bacon Dipper, which is a sub sandwich that comes with a side of cheese sauce. For dipping.

There’s already a lot going on with this sandwich. It contains all-white-meat chicken, smoky bacon, mild chipotle mayo and chipotle jack bread. Right there it already has two kinds of meat and a double chipotle punch. Also, I find the idea of chipotle jack bread intriguing.

Quiznos isn’t done yet, though. You also get a side of cheese sauce, which contains tomatoes, diced green chiles and traditional Mexican spices. This is for you to dunk your sandwich into before you stuff it in your face.

That’s a lot of bold flavors coming together, but it seems like they would all play nice with each other.

What do you think? Is this overindulgent and disgusting, or tasty and ingenious? You can find out for $5.19 for a small sub, which seems kind of steep to me, but hey, that cheese sauce doesn’t come cheap!

There is no nutritional information available at this time, but I’m sure it’s a doozy.

Sources: Shopping Blog and Quiznos website

REVIEW: Quiznos Prime Rib on Garlic Bread Sandwich

Quiznos Prime Rib on Garlic Bread

There are few things more appealing to a man than the prospect of a well-made sandwich.  An extra hour of sleep.  A come hither look from his wife or girlfriend, or casual female friend, or that woman who winked at him in a bar on June 18, 2003, who may or may not have had something in her eye.  A YouTube video of monkeys smoking and throwing poop.  Ladies, take a lesson. If you want your man to do something, be it overthrowing your brother or finally taking down those Christmas lights (plus light-up dreidel and menorah), be waiting in his bed with smoky eyes, a video of monkeys fighting, and a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich.  It worked for Cleopatra and it will work for you.

So needless to say, I was looking forward to Quiznos’ Prime Rib on Garlic Bread sandwich.  I don’t frequent Quiznos often because there’s only one nearby and they’re a bit on the pricier side, but I’ve always enjoyed their food when I’ve eaten there, and how can you go wrong with prime rib and garlic bread? Admittedly I was expecting it to be made with actual garlic bread, which I still maintain would be awesome.  Instead it’s regular bread with garlic aioli sauce liberally (depending on your server) spread across it.  This has the effect of giving the sandwich a garlic smell, and the flavor of the sauce is definitely in the garlic family, but not as bold or in-your-face as pure garlic.  More refined, if that makes any sense, a smoother garlic taste, like if you’re used to drinking IPAs and someone slides you a wheat beer.

Apologies to any non-alcoholics who don’t get that reference.

Note that it also comes with lettuce and tomato. They’re not pictured because Drew does not do healthy things.  Hilariously, as soon as I pulled out my camera to take the photographs, the woman who prepared the sandwich came over like eight times to make sure it tasted good and wasn’t too burnt.  My fault, I guess, for not wearing a sign saying “I AM NOT A QUIZNOS CORPORATE SPY SENT TO EVALUATE YOUR SANDWICH-MAKING SKILLS, I AM A LOWLY FOOD BLOGGER WHO WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING YOUR SPECIFIC LOCATION.”  I still have a lot to learn, I’m afraid.

Quiznos Prime Rib on Garlic Bread Innards

The amount of prime rib in the sandwich is what I would describe as perfectly adequate.  (Unlike the sodium, which is impressively obscene.)  At no point did I find myself biting down on nothing but
bread, like a teenager finding out his date’s bra is filled with Kleenex; but neither was I ever pleasantly surprised by the sheer quantity, like realizing she’s been wearing a sports bra all evening. You might be able to finagle a little extra meat if you’re more attractive than I am, or if you throw in a little hip shake or some free tickets to the gun show.  Still, what was there was flavorful, and they didn’t skimp on the cheese.  

The bread was, of course, toasted and made for a nice contrast with the creamy garlic sauce.  The edges got a little blackened, as you can see; I don’t mind a little char myself, but be on the lookout if you’re not okay with that.  I’ll offer that the sauce could maybe have been spread out a bit better — in some bites it overpowered the prime rib flavor, in others I could barely taste it — but again, that’s more attributable to your individual sandwich preparer.  (No, I will not call them “artists” until they use my tax dollars to create something that A) doesn’t look like anything, and B) is colossally ugly.  Veggie subs don’t count.)

Overall, the garlic sauce manages to complement the meat and cheese nicely to create a good sandwich. I’d like to give it a higher score, but that price is just ludicrous for the size of what you’re getting. I know Quiznos brands itself as the “high end” fast food sub joint, but while the sandwich WAS tasty and I’m presuming the meat was taken from only the most pampered, humanely euthanized cows, there is absolutely no way you should be paying $5.49 plus tax for a 6-inch sandwich.  (It’s also available in medium and large sizes, which undoubtedly come with paperwork for the mortgages necessary to buy them.) I reserve the right to change that score if I spontaneously start dropping gold nuggets in my boxers tomorrow, but until then, this is a yummy sandwich that I would suggest you let someone else buy for you.

(Nutrition Facts — 1 small sandwich — 560 calories, 245 calories from fat, 27.5 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of artificial trans fat, 0.5 grams of natural trans fat, 85 milligrams of
cholesterol, 1820 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)

Item: Quiznos Prime Rib on Garlic Bread Sandwich
Price: $5.49
Size: Small sandwich
Purchased at: Quiznos
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty garlic aioli sauce suitable replacement for garlic bread.  Made quickly.  Pleasant, non-overpowering smell.  Visually appealing when bread is closed.  Reasonable amount of meat.  Sports bras.  Attentive servers.
Cons: Given the price, apparently made with truffles and lobster. Sodium explosion.  Not actual garlic bread.  Reasonable amount of meat… if it was a $3 sandwich.  Burns easily.  Paranoid servers.

Quiznos Makes Jared Cry By Having As Many Meatball Subs As Subway

The Primo Meatball sub from Quiznos may consist of seasoned meatballs, zesty marinara sauce, and mozzarella cheese, but the one thing it probably doesn’t have is the ability to make Italian mothers everywhere cry. With 1000 calories, 45 grams of fat, and 2,950 milligrams of sodium in the large version of this sandwich, the only thing it can make Italian mothers do is feel extremely sluggish after eating it and have the desire to take a nap. Fortunately, Quiznos offers smaller versions of the sandwich, like they do with all of their sandwiches. I’m personally not much of a meatball sandwich kind of guy, because I’ve ruined in way too many white shirts while eating spaghetti and meatballs. But if you’re not afraid to ruin a shirt and want to eat something hearty, this Primo Meatball sub might be for you.

Quiznos Prime Rib Sub

Mmmm…Prime rib.

It’s one of the staples of the all-you-can-eat dinner buffet, along with soft serve ice cream, a salad bar with your choice of ranch, thousand island, and Italian dressing, soggy corn on the cob, belts that need to be opened up a notch, and smelly, smelly restrooms.

The prime rib stop always holds up the rest of the buffet line, sometimes stopping the buffet traffic all the way back to the cauliflower at the salad bar.

When people see prime rib, they want prime rib, unless they like their meat well done, they’re a member of PETA, or they believe Adam’s rib, which formed the sexy, naked Eve, can be the only thing called “prime rib.”

An all-you-can-eat dinner buffet is usually the only place where people consume prime rib, because cooking a prime rib is not a job for the impatient or really hungry people.

However, thanks to Quiznos, which is probably the easiest 25-point Scrabble word there is using the letters “Q” and “Z,” we can all enjoy prime rib without the “goodness” of a Las Vegas buffet, like long lines or old ladies in motorized carts bumping into you.

The Quiznos Prime Rib Sub consists of thinly-sliced, slow-roasted prime rib with mozzarella cheese, sauteed onions, and mild peppercorn sauce.

I felt compelled to purchase one after seeing the commercial for it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

If you haven’t seen the commercial, go visit the Quiznos site, it’s wonderful food pr0n.

The commercial shows an orgy of prime rib that glistens with the shine of the greasy mild peppercorn sauce, stuffed in between two long buns, with white mozzarella cheese oozing out from between the meat. Of course, the sandwich in the commercial looks nothing like the picture above, which looks like two haggard hobos getting it on.

Although, the Quiznos Prime Rib Sub looks like two haggard hobos getting it on, it tastes like whatever the opposite of two haggard hobos getting it on would be. In other words, it was pretty good. The peppercorn sauce was good, but thankfully it wasn’t overpowering, which allowed the flavor of the meat to be noticed. The meat wasn’t tough and there really was an orgy of it, as you can see from the picture above.

However, just like most good prime rib buffets, the Quiznos Prime Rib Sub was very pricey. A regular-sized prime rib sub, which is about eight inches long, costs about ten dollars.

Too bad it wasn’t all-you-can-eat prime rib subs, because then it would’ve been worth it.


Item: Quiznos Prime Rib Sub
Purchase Price: $9.29 (Regular-Sized)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: An orgy of meat. Mmmm….Tasty! Good peppercorn sauce. All-you-can-eat buffets. Using “Quiznos” in Scrabble.
Cons: Hella expensive. Cauliflower. All-you-can-eat buffets. Old ladies in motorized wheelchairs running to me.