Last summer, I reviewed Rita’s Swedish Fish Italian Ice (or Water Ice where I’m from) and it certainly deserved a perfect ten rating. I mean, seriously, if this thing was in a figure skating competition, it would have wowed the judges, even the hard as nails Russian judge who gives everyone, probably including his or her mama, extremely low scores.
If the Swedish Fish Italian Ice was on this season of Dancing With The Stars, it could call Kate Gosselin a terrible mother, motorboat Pam Anderson’s wonder titties and tell Buzz Aldrin the moon landing was filmed at a sound stage in West Hollywood and it would still be adored by the judges and the other “celebrities.” Unfortunately, Rita’s Peeps Italian Ice wouldn’t be able to get away with any of this, despite Peeps being oddly adorable and resembling a yellow-colored piece of Tamagotchi poop.
Or maybe it could, because it turns out Peeps have a massive following. Heck, there’s even an entire store that only has Peeps paraphernalia. I know a lot of people are part of some fandom, but Peeps? Come on, even the Trekkies think these
single, middle-aged women with seven cats fans are nerds. If you can’t get enough of Peeps after buying a year’s supply, a “Hanging With My Peeps” t-shirt and a Swarovski crystal pin from the Peeps store, you always can check out a website called Peeps Show and bask in good ol’ fashioned, sticky and sweet marshmallow-flavored food porn.
Like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, there’s more than one way to eat a Peep. Some people create Peepsicles (why does typing that give me the willies?) by freezing them, others eat them au natural, some people deep-fry them, and a few
single, middle-aged women who have waaaaay too many pictures of their cats in their work cubicle hardcore fans prefer them stale and hard. For those of you who have never had the sugary pleasure of eating a Peep, it’s just marshmallow (sugar) coated with colored sugar (more sugar). So basically, it tastes like sugar, and so does the Rita’s Peeps Italian Ice, except in frozen form. This proves once again that Rita’s is wonderful at developing flavors that taste exactly like its non-frozen counterpart.
I haven’t had Peeps in years, but this frozen version brought back memories of why I never liked them. It’s sickening sweet, and this is coming from a person who sometimes adds Splenda to her Frosted Flakes. It’s so sugary that a regular-sized Peeps Ice will provide enough sugar to fuel an evening of fist pumping at a club, while wearing a dress that shows one’s lady bits, like a true guidette.
Rita’s has dozens of Italian ice flavors that are far superior, and which are also much more Italian and colorful than Snookie, so I won’t be purchasing another Peeps Italian Ice. If the taste of pure sugar doesn’t turn you off, maybe its radioactive yellow color will. Or maybe the line of
single, middle-aged women who smell like cat litter hardcore fans who want to try this frozen variation of their favorite treat will.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 regular cup – 320 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 35 milligrams of sodium, 80 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 77 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 2% vitamin C.)
Item: Rita’s Peeps Italian Ice
Purchased at: Rita’s
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Tastes just like Peeps. Playing with Peeps. Deep-fried anything. Smaller quantity is enough. Peepsicles. Rita’s Swedish Fish Ice. Peeps bling bling.
Cons: Way too sweet. Fist-pumping. Creepy Peeps fangirls. Even creepier Peeps fanboys. 80-year-old Buzz Aldrin punching you in the face. Cleaning up Tamagatchi dookie. Rotten teeth.