I haven’t had much luck with giant soft pretzels lately. The most recent incident involved a soft pretzel at a baseball game which had most likely been fashioned out of brine-cured leather and sawdust then stamped with a $5.95 price tag. Another episode involved the greasiest, most stale-tasting mall pretzel ever created, which tasted like its main ingredients were leaden biscuit dough and the leftover grease scooped from the bottom of a fast food fry vat.

There are clearly some pretzel standards that were not being followed here. Sure, they were hot. Sure, they were twisted. But they weren’t pretzels. They made me wish there was some sort of graduate school for pretzel-making. Most of these pretzel vendors understood the basics, but they really needed a more intensive education in order to perfect their soft-pretzel-making skills. Crust brown and crackly? Check. Innards hot, light and fluffy? Check. Salt applicator well-calibrated? Check. Bam, Masters degree!

I know some people really only use giant soft pretzels as a delivery mechanism for nacho cheese, ranch dressing, melted butter, or icing, and they couldn’t care less about how it tastes by itself…but I really like soft pretzels as an actual snack food, so it disappoints me when they turn out horribly. Little did I know that Hot Pockets would revive my love of hot, salty soft pretzel goodness. They’ve made a new line of stuffed sandwiches called Pretzel Bread Sandwiches. So far, there are two varieties: Queso Chicken and Cheddar Bacon Melt. The results were top-notch. Looks like someone matriculated at the National Conservatory of Soft Pretzels.

The Cheddar Bacon Melt is just as face-meltingly delish as it sounds. The melted cheddar cheese blends well with the generous chunks of bacon and tomatoes. I don’t know if the bacon is nitrate-free, but this is a Hot Pocket, guys. The bacon itself is slathered with creamy sauce, so it clearly doesn’t matter. The Queso Chicken is also a seriously tasty sandwich. The grilled white meat chicken breast is tender, and the cheddar cheese mixed with fire-roasted poblano peppers is a savory combination. And they are not kidding about the jalapeños – each stuffed sandwich contains large, chopped pieces that really turn up the heat. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn’t expecting the mega-spiciness these guys turned out. They would get an A+ in Jalapeño School.

But I’m burying the lead here. What you really want to hear about is the pretzel bread crust. Let’s just say that the creators of this pretzel crust must have built their graduate thesis around this recipe. It is exactly right for this sandwich. Meaning, it’s soft and crusty and salty, and once cooked, emits the distinctive aroma of freshly baked pretzel dough. The pretzel bread perfectly complements the creamy cheese in both sandwiches as well.

The only area where the pretzel bread crust gets a big fat F is ingredient seepage. The extremely hot insides can sometimes still ooze out during microwaving, so the somewhat firmer and sturdier pretzel bread crust doesn’t offer a solution to that little problem. But a little problem it is, especially when you’re chowing down on cheesy/bacon-y or cheesy/spicy deliciousness. So what if your fingers get a little burned? Try pursuing a Masters degree in Grubbin’, not Whining.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – Queso Chicken – 280 calories, 10 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 790 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, 20% calcium, and 15% iron. Cheddar Bacon Melt – 320 calories, 14 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 810 milligrams of sodium, 55 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, 25% calcium, and 25% iron.)

Item: Hot Pockets Pretzel Bread Sandwiches (Queso Chicken and Cheddar Bacon Melt)
Price: $2.28
Size: 2 sandwiches
Purchased at: HyVee
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Queso Chicken)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Cheddar Bacon Melt)
Pros: Enjoying pretzels as more than a delivery mechanism for gooey dips. Generous chunks of bacon. Getting an A+ in Jalapeño School. Earning a Masters degree in Pretzel dynamics.
Cons: Ingredient seepage. Overpriced pretzel creations from vendors who believe pretzel = twisted anything. Whining. Grad school loans that cannot be paid off with hot, delicious soft pretzels.

Hot Pockets had to eventually make their Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza because they were running out of normal pizza varieties to stuff into their crust.

Let me go through the list, which, by the way, IS NOT the list of pizzas I’m going to use to pull a prank on a particular person who knows what they did and deserves whatever punishment I give them. So if you happen to have a pizza delivery person at your door who says they have one or two dozen pizzas for either a Jack Ulf or Jack Haas, it wasn’t from me.

There are currently Hot Pockets in the following pizza varieties: supreme, cheese, pepperoni, sausage, and pepperoni and sausage. That pretty much covers the entire basic pizza spectrum, so Hot Pockets had to start going into “specialty pizzas.” Hell, I’m surprised Hot Pockets didn’t do a little Marvel/DC Universe-like crossover action with California Pizza Kitchen frozen products. Hot Pockets California Pizza Kitchen BBQ Chicken Pizza sounds tasty and verbose.

Each Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza is stuffed with Canadian-style bacon, pepperoni, pineapple, mozzarella cheese and sauce. There are also tiny chunks of jalapeño peppers which adds a little heat. The crust that envelops all those ingredients looks slightly different than your normal Hot Pocket. There’s appears to be some seasoning baked into it and it’s a lot less pale than a regular Hot Pocket. It looks like a classy Hot Pocket, which I know sounds like a total oxymoron. like jumbo shrimp or fast food salad.

I thought I wouldn’t care for this particular Hot Pocket because of my indifference towards Hawaiian pizza, but just like Katy Perry kissing a girl, I liked it. Although, before I ate the Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza I was really hungry, so perhaps I enjoyed it because of hunger pangs, which, if you think about it, are the beer goggles of the digestive system.

If you find Hawaiian pizzas offensive because of its use of pineapples, you’re not going to enjoy this Hot Pocket because every bite has the taste of pineapple. Although it gets that pineapple flavor mostly from pineapple juice because I counted only three small chunks of pineapple in each of the two Hot Pockets I consumed. But its flavor is noticeable and it gives the Hot Pocket a nice sweetness.

While there aren’t a lot of pineapple chunks, there’s a lot of Canadian-style bacon. Sadly, the pepperoni didn’t stand out as much as I hoped, getting lost in between the ham and jalapeño. Speaking of the jalapeño, its mild spiciness and flavor are the reasons why I enjoyed this Hot Pocket more than I thought I would. Its heat is not going to make you instantly reach for a glass of water, but it’s going to make you think you should have one handy.

Overall, if the idea of Hawaiian pizza doesn’t gross you out and the idea of eating a Hot Pocket doesn’t gross you out, then I really suggest you try the Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza before they disappear. The combination of sweet pineapple and savory meats with spicy jalapeño peppers makes for a very mouthwatering ménage à trois.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Hot Pocket – 290 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 610 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamin and minerals.)

*Uses partially hydrogenated soybean oil.

Item: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Spicy Hawaiian Style Pizza
Price: $3.89 (on sale)
Size: 2 Hot Pockets
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: A mouthwatering ménage à trois of sweet, savory, and spicy. Lots of Canadian-style bacon. Jalapeño adds a mild spiciness and makes this Hot Pocket better than I thought it would be. A future Hot Pockets/CPK crossover.
Cons: Pineapples might be off-putting for many. The idea of a Hot Pocket might be off-putting for many. Pepperoni wasn’t noticeable. Not a lot of pineapple chunks. It’s a limited edition product. Uses partially hydrogenated oil.

Do you watch Top Chef and think to yourself, “Damn, I want to try what they made, but licking my television isn’t helping.” Well, pretty soon you’ll be able to taste Top Chef-inspired meals in microwaveable form, thanks to a partnership between Healthy Choice and Top Chef.

The Top Chef-inspired line of Healthy Choice Café Steamers come in eight varieties:

Barbeque Steak with Red Potatoes – Beef with roasted potatoes, vegetables and uncured bacon in a whiskey BBQ sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 330 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, and 20 grams of protein.)

Chicken Fresca – Chicken tenderloins with red skin potatoes & vegetables in a Chardonnay wine sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 240 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 570 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, and 16 grams of protein.)

Chicken Linguini with Red Pepper Alfredo – Chicken tenderloins with linguini & broccoli in a roasted red pepper Alfredo sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 260 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 510 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, and 22 grams of protein.)

Chicken Margherita with Balsamic – Chicken tenderloins with angel hair pasta, roasted garlic & tomatoes in a balsamic vinaigrette sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 320 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 600 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, and 22 grams of protein.)

Grilled Chicken Marinara with Parmesan – Chicken tenderloins with whole grain penne & broccoli in a zesty marinara sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 280 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 570 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, and 20 grams of protein.)

Grilled Chicken Pesto with Vegetables – Chicken tenderloins with rotini pasta, zucchini, & spinach in a basil pesto sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 310 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 550 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, and 21 grams of protein.)

Grilled Vegetables Mediterranean with Rice – Grilled eggplant & vegetables, whole grain & barley, and olive oil in a mild tomato sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 230 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 600 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, and 6 grams of protein.)

Roasted Chicken Marsala with Mushrooms – Chicken tenderloins with whole grain penne, asparagus & sauteed onions with marsala wine sauce. (Nutrition Facts: 240 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 420 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, and 18 grams of protein.)

While all these varieties sound good, they also sound familiar. Very familiar. After doing several Google searches, I found Healthy Choice already has Café Steamers in some of the same varieties, like Roasted Chicken Marsala, Grilled Vegetables Mediterranean, Grilled Chicken Marinara, Chicken Margherita, and Grilled White Meat Chicken & Roasted Red Pepper Alfredo Sauce. Strange.

Healthy Choice Top Chef Inspired Café Steamers will be popping up in the frozen food aisle later this month.

Source: Bravo TV website

The longevity of Hot Pockets has hinged upon two things: 1) Their manufacturer’s ability to successfully stuff as many different things into a tender, seasoned crust as possible; and 2) Speedy microwave zap-ability. If either of these things changed for the worse, the Hot Pockets franchise would be deader than the skin on the roof of your mouth after biting into one too soon.

We’ve already seen the various styles of Hot Pocket crust filled with pizza toppings, deli meats, casseroles, meatballs, breakfast scrambles, taco/quesadilla fixings, and a plethora of hot sandwich combos (e.g. cheeseburger, sloppy joe, philly cheese steak, and barbecue chicken). Given this lengthy list of stuffed sandwiches, one may wonder, “Is there no limit to the ingredients they can stuff inside these crusts?” Trust me, there are limits. There are some things you would never want to see stuffed in a Hot Pocket: Bubblegum, iron ore, nothing but black olives, shoelaces, unshelled walnuts, Kleenex, eleven Habanero peppers, rubber cement, tripe… So barring these abominations, what other Hot Pocket flavor combinations could possibly tickle our taste buds? Mini penne in cheese sauce, that’s what.

We now have the Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket – a garlic-seasoned crust stuffed with pasta and cheese. It’s so ludicrously simple that I’m surprised Hot Pockets hasn’t tried to do this already. People tend to like pasta and people tend to like cheese. Pasta + Cheese + Crust = Yum. Never let it be said I didn’t excel at mathematics. Delicious mathematics.

As is the general rule within the Hot Pockets family, the Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake is simple to prepare – 2 minutes in the microwave in its specially-designed cooking sleeve, and you have a molten-hot stuffed sandwich. In this case, melted cheese (four different ones!) began to ooze out of the sides of my Hot Pocket and burned my fingers (four different ways!), but I’m used to that. They’re not called Room-Temperature Pockets for a reason. Definitely wait a few minutes before chowing down.

Upon first bite, you’ll quickly find that the garlic sauce and four cheese mixture has a nice, creamy, gooey texture, and the pasta has not become super-mushy. The crust is crisp around the edges and nicely seasoned – you can really taste the garlic. I’d say the sensation is like a highly-advanced grilled cheese sandwich. The pieces of miniature penne are very small… You would almost forget they were in there if it weren’t for the fact that the Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket has a decent noodle/cheese ratio. But we’re not talking mouthfuls of penne. The only mouthful you have with the Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket is when you say its name.

I’m glad they introduced the Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket. It’s quick and tasty and fills a flavor niche I didn’t know existed. Since it’s Limited Edition, I don’t know how long this variety will be sold, but I hope it’s popular enough to persuade the Hot Pockets gods to let it stick around permanently… and will dissuade them from introducing Limited Edition 2-Ply Toilet Paper and Rocks Hot Pockets.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 290 calories, 10 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0 grams of monounsaturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 670 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, 25% calcium, and 10% iron.)

Other Hot Pockets Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake reviews:
KJ’s Food Review

Item: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake

Price: $2.00 (on sale)

Size: 2 sandwiches

Purchased at: Ralphs

Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Speedy microwave zap-ability. Warm, crispy garlic-seasoned crust. Highly-advanced grilled cheese sandwiches. Creamy and gooey garlic sauce/four cheese mixture. Decent noodle/cheese ratio. Mini penne is not mushy. Mathematics can be delicious.
Cons: Limited Edition only, so may not be around later. Not called Room-Temperature Pockets for a reason. Amount of pasta in the Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake Hot Pocket isn’t a mouthful, but the name is. Hot Pockets stuffed with toilet paper and rocks.

Do you work in an office? Do you work in an office but don’t actually HAVE an office? If this is the case, you have probably eaten, or witnessed a co-worker eat, a Lean Cuisine lunch. They microwave fast, there’s nothing to assemble, and they’re usually on sale for pretty cheap. The perfect lunch for a cubicle monkey with a slim wallet and a half-hour to eat.

Unfortunately, for all that convenience, you sacrifice on flavor. I have eaten many a Lean Cuisine in my day; some are just bad, and some are, well.. acceptable. I have never eaten one where I went, “Wow, this is actually good!” They’re bland, but they keep you from starving for the rest of the day.

This is why I strongly recommend you assemble a Condiment Station in one of your desk drawers. (It should probably be right next to your Snack Station. What, you don’t have a Snack Station? Get thee some Cheez-Its and chocolate-covered espresso beans, stat!) My big three are Tapatio hot sauce, Sriracha, and soy sauce. These will bring flavor to just about any variety of frozen meal.

When I saw that Lean Cuisine had started a new line of snacks, I was intrigued. Not satisfied with blandifying your lunch, LC now strives to dominate your snack break, going up against Big Vending Machine. According to their website, “LEAN CUISINE® Snacks let you savor your snack time in so many ways! Enjoy creamy and cheesy in three flavors with our new dips, served with warm pita wedges.”

The dips come in three flavors: Spinach Artichoke, Broccoli Cheddar and Garden Vegetable. I chose the first two because I cannot resist trying any spinach artichoke dip and I also cannot resist broccoli cheddar soup. I’ve been burned before on both counts, but I’ve also had some delicious experiences. I quietly turned away from Garden Vegetable, because the word “vegetable” makes me break out in hives. I have to say “partially hydrogenated oil” three times whenever I see the word.

Each box comes with two snacks. Each snack consists of a small plastic cup containing the dip and a small half of a pita wrapped in plastic. Cooking couldn’t be easier – slit the plastic cover of the dip cup and microwave for 1 minute 45 seconds (for an 1100 watt microwave; add 30 seconds for a 700 watt), remove, stir, slit pita wrapper, pop in microwave for 20 seconds (30 for 700 watt), BOOM! A warm snack in just over two minutes, no outside containers or utensils required. Well, I guess you need something to stir the dip. Eh, grab a coffee stirrer. Or live on the edge and stir it with your pita. Get creative.

The mechanics make it sound like Lean Cuisine Dips are a fine substitute for a boring bag of Fritos out of the machine, but is the execution really there? And what about taste? Let’s find out.

Broccoli Cheddar Dip with Pita Bread

My microwave has to be “special” and operate at 900 watts instead of 700 or 1100, so I adjusted the cooking time accordingly. Both the dip and the pita came out perfectly; the dip was hot but not tongue-scorching, and the pita was comfortingly warm. I was surprised at how soft the pita was; it tore easily and was fluffy but thick enough to support dip. It wasn’t very flavorful, but that was okay; I considered it merely a humble vessel to carry the dip. It had just the right chewy consistency to compliment the dip as I tore off the pieces and shoved them in my mouth.

As for the dip, my first thought was, damn, this is a small cup. However, I had to remind myself that this was intended as a snack, not a meal. I would have preferred a wider but shallower cup, however, as the dip was quite chunky, which made dipping into such a small opening a little bit challenging and messy at times.

Speaking of chunky, I was surprised at how large the pieces of broccoli were in the dip. They also had a bright, fresh broccoli taste and just a bit of crunch, which was perfect. The cheese itself had an overly processed flavor that I tolerated, but I also willingly eat Easy Cheese, so others might not be so kind. It tasted more like Velveeta than like real cheddar cheese. I’m a little creeped out by Velveeta. It’s like a squishy, foil-covered brick of unnatural orange goop. Don’t ask me why that’s somehow more disturbing than unnatural orange goop that squirts out of a can.

There were some little red bits mixed in that I couldn’t identify; Lean Cuisine describes the dip as “cheddar cheese, broccoli and onion in a creamy cheese sauce”, but their website says they use white onion, so I don’t know what the red bits were. I deemed them “Mystery Food Confetti”. Regardless, there was a hint of onion on the back end, which was nice, but I would have liked a little bit more of it while I was chewing.

While in a deceptively small cup, there is a fair amount of dip for a good-sized snack. I found that the pita-to-dip ratio was almost spot on, although I’m not one to be stingy about the amount of dip that gets piled on the pita vessel. I was disappointed that some of my dip burned and got fused to the side of the cup, which is odd, since the rest of the dip wasn’t even lava-hot after I nuked it.

Overall, I was pretty pleased with both the pita and the broccoli cheddar dip. The cheese did taste processed and it did burn a little, but it cooked fast, came out just the right temperature for immediate consumption, and the broccoli was spot-on. And, hold on to your hats people, Lean Cuisine actually managed to add some goddamn salt to one of their products, which goes a long way in bringing out the flavor.

Spinach Artichoke Dip with Pita Bread

A lot of what I said in regards to the Broccoli Cheddar Dip applies to the Spinach Artichoke Dip, too. The pita bread was once again fluffy but largely flavorless, the dip was hot but not scorching, and there was some dip that got burned onto the cup. This dip was smoother than the Broccoli Cheddar, so there was less of an issue with big chunks and messiness.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Lean Cuisine really hit the spot on this one. This is one of the best frozen spinach artichoke dips I have ever had. The spinach was nice and creamy, there was a lovely touch of garlic, and while the artichoke bits were smaller than I’ve experienced in other dips, it works because of the small cup size. With smaller bits comes a little less flavor, but they were still welcome.

The real belle of the ball here was the Parmesan cheese sauce. Unlike the cheddar in the Broccoli Cheddar Dip, this cheese tastes totally authentic and is bursting with flavor. There is “American cheese spread” listed in the ingredients, but what really comes through is a lovely, creamy texture and the bold taste of Parmesan. I could even taste a hint of asiago. The Parmesan and the garlic together were fabulous. It was like two hot chicks making out in my mouth. I’m…not entirely sure that’s the right analogy, but I’ll go with it.

I went pretty easy on the Broccoli Cheddar Dip, praising Lean Cuisine for creating a food that actually has flavor and seasoning. After having the Spinach Artichoke Dip, however, I feel that Lean Cuisine could have done much better with the cheddar. The broccoli was great (despite the pieces being a little too big for the cup), but the cheese makes the dip, and that fell short. That said, if you want a warm snack and can’t find Spinach Artichoke, Broccoli Cheddar still beats the sad bag of Bugles that’s been sitting untouched in the vending machine for two months.

As for the Spinach Artichoke Dip, sign me up as a fan for life. Great spinach, delicious Parmesan cheese, and just the right amount of garlic, salted well and ready with a capable pita delivery system in-box in under three minutes. Perfect for the seriously lazy or the cubicle monkey with a short break and the mid-afternoon munchies. My only complaint is that there’s always a portion of the dip that burns and fuses to the cup – I’ve already eaten both servings of both dips, and the scorch fusion happened all four times.

I expected Lean Cuisine to take me on the usual trip to Blandsville, but I was instead routed to Flavor Country, which contains a small town called Holy Balls There’s Salt in This Thing. (Locals just call it Holy Balls, which makes for some interesting small talk with visitors.) They’ve actually got me intrigued enough that I might actually try the Garden Vegetable Dip. Crap, I said the V-word.

Partiallyhydrogenatedoil. Partiallyhydrogenatedoil. Partiallyhydrogenatedoil.

(Nutrition Facts – Lean Cuisine Broccoli Cheddar Dip with Pita Bread – 1 Pita Pocket & 1 Dip – 200 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 420 milligrams of sodium, 330 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, 20% vitamin C, 10% calcium and 10% iron. Lean Cuisine Spinach Artichoke Dip with Pita Bread – 1 Pita Pocket & 1 Dip – 200 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 460 milligrams of sodium, 290 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 2% vitamin C, 15% calcium and 10% iron.)

Other Lean Cuisine Dip with Pita Bread reviews:
If You Give A Girl Chocolate

Item: Lean Cuisine Broccoli Cheddar Dip with Pita Bread & Lean Cuisine Spinach Artichoke Dip with Pita Bread
Price: $2.99

Size: 2 snacks (8 ounces)

Purchased at: Safeway

Rating: 6 out of 10 (Broccoli Cheddar)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Spinach Artichoke)

Pros: Fast, warm, filling snack. Hot chicks making out. Pita was soft, thick and just the right size. Conquering Big Vending Machine. Broccoli was flavorful and had good texture. Mystery Food Confetti. Spinach Artichoke Dip was creamy and had great Parmesan and garlic flavors.
Cons: Part of dip consistently burned onto cup. Rebellious microwave wattage. Cheddar in broccoli dip too processed-tasting. Blandsville. Cup too small for size of broccoli chunks. Having OCD over the V-word. Admitting Lean Cuisine made a great Spinach Artichoke Dip.

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Now that IHOP has frozen breakfast items, perhaps it’s time for Denny’s to flash freeze their Grand Slams. (via Freezer Burns and Foodette Reviews)

This is quite possibly the saddest looking sandwich I’ve ever seen. (via Tasty Lies)

Hmm…I wonder what’s more mood relaxing — drinking a Marley’s Mellow Mood Relaxation Beverage or pouring out the contents of a Marley’s Mellow Mood Relaxation Beverage, turning the can into a bong, and then smoking some weed from it. (via What I Drink At Work)

Starbucks’ Red Velvet Whoopie Pie sounds good. But is it good enough to make me tolerate waiting in a Starbucks line. (via Brand Eating)

To be perfectly honest, I started a frozen food review blog just so I could blurt out a legitimate reason for buying Kid Cuisine meals just in case someone ever asked me if I’m a pedofile when they see the lone Kid Cuisine meal in my shopping bag as I get into my ice cream truck. (via Freezer Aisle Files)