If you think about it, Oreo cookies are like the cockroach of the cookie world. They’re both dark on the outside, make a satisfying crunch when crushed, they’ve been around for what seems forever, and they may never die.

This year, Oreo turned 100 years old and to celebrate Nabisco released their Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo. Yes, Oreo can now be considered a centenarian, if it was human.

Also, if it was human, Oreo would probably be given a shout out on The Today Show by Willard Scott and/or be used in a segment to fill airtime on the local news, which will most definitely involve the centenarian being asked the obligatory question, “What is the secret to your longevity?”

Of course, the secret to Oreo’s long life is the fact they’re a sweet little treat adored by millions and the millions of dollars Nabisco has spent in Oreo advertising over the past ten decades. I’m pretty sure Donald Trump and the person who has to sculpt his hair do not come cheap.

Sadly, don’t expect a long life for Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo because, obviously, it’s a limited edition variety.

At a quick glance, the limited edition Oreo cookie looks like any regular Oreo, but one of the chocolate cookies has a special birthday design that sort of reminds me of a $100 black poker chip. And if you twist a chocolate cookie off, you’ll see the white filling has colored candy sprinkles in it.

After opening the Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo package for the first time, an overpowering sweet aroma of cake frosting rushed out of the bag. It’s an aromatic bum rush I imagine I’ll experience again on my wedding day when my future bride grabs the piece of wedding cake I just cut and smushes it into my face.

While it has a strong cake frosting scent, its flavor is too much like a regular Oreo cookie. If I were to twist off one of the chocolate cookies and discard it, the cake frosting flavor gets a bit more noticeable when I eat the non-sandwich version of the cookie. It’s disappointing the frosting flavor wasn’t stronger, because, after all, the frosting is the best part of a birthday cake.

The white creme filling in the Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo is softer than regular Oreo cookies. The amount of filling is more closer to Double Stuf than regular stuf, so you’re getting less cookies per package than with regular Oreo cookies, but that’s been the case with almost all of the limited edition Oreo varieties. The candy sprinkles add a little extra crunch to the cookie, much like the candy pieces do in the Limited Edition Candy Cane Oreo.

The Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo cookies are a slight disappointment because of its flavor. Don’t get me wrong, they are quite tasty, but I really wished it had a stronger birthday cake flavor. Although I’m not completely thrilled about them, I still think you should purchase a package to help celebrate Oreo’s 100th birthday and to help cover the cost of a Donald Trump appearance in any future Oreo commercials.

(Disclaimer: We received this package of Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo for free from Nabisco. If you’re looking for Birthday Cake Oreos, they’ve been seen at Walmart and Target.)

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oil

Other Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo reviews:
Junk Food Guy
Foodette Reviews
Foodbeast

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo
Price: FREE
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Oreo is 100 years old. Candy sprinkles add a little extra crunch. Living until you’re 100 years old. Milk dunkable. Getting a shout out by Willard Scott.
Cons: Slightly disappointing. Frosting flavor needed to be stronger. Tasted similar to regular Oreo cookies. Made with partially hydrogenated oil. The cost to have Donald Trump appear in your commercial.

We’ve reviewed several Ritz Crackerfuls varieties over the past few years and they’ve all been filled with cheese. But Nabisco is stuffing their oversized Ritz crackers with something sweet instead of savory.

Ritz Crackerfuls will come in three new varieties: Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter & Chocolate, and Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Extreme Peanut Butter, which has 75 percent more filling than the regular Peanut Butter Ritz Crackerfuls. Ooooh, 75 percent more peanut butter is sooooo “extreme.”

A pack of Peanut Butter Ritz Crackerfuls has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 190 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein. A pack of Peanut Butter & Chocolate Ritz Crackerfuls has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 160 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. A pack of Extreme Peanut Butter has 180 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 220 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

*made with partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil

Update: Click here to read our Spicy Buffalo and Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins review

Nabisco has yet to make a Wheat Thins flavor I don’t enjoy. They’re really good at combining whole grain wheat flour, soybean oil, cornstarch, malt syrup, and a bunch of seasonings to make crunchy snacks that make me feel like I’m eating something healthier than potato chips.

Last year, Nabisco introduced their Smoky BBQ Wheat Thins, which got a positive review not only from us, but also several of our fellow review bloggers. This year, if a couple of placeholder pages on Amazon are correct, Nabisco plans to soon release two new Wheat Thins flavors — Spicy Buffalo and Zesty Salsa.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know me likey the spicy, so I’m looking forward to the Spicy Buffalo flavor. Although, I also believe zesty is besty, so I can’t wait to try the Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins.

A serving of 15 Spicy Buffalo Wheat Thins has 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. A serving of Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins has 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Both varieties will be available in 9-ounce boxes.

Ah, crackers.

For some reason I always find it hard starting off a cracker review.  Maybe it’s because crackers aren’t a very sexy food.  Candy is sexy.  Fruit can be very sexy.  Ice cream?  Ice cream is definitely sexy, which is ironic since eating a lot of it will have the opposite effect on you.  But crackers are not sexy.  Nobody has ever eaten crackers off someone’s naked body, and if they have, I don’t want to know about it.

But hey, it can’t all be fast food and desserts — at some point you’ve got to devote some time to the staples, the unsung members of the snack world.  And if that snack knows it isn’t glamorous but has gone to the trouble of decking itself out in sweet cinnamon for the holidays to make a good impression on your visiting relatives?  Well, that says a lot.  Be honest, ladies: what impresses you more, the guy who’s naturally gorgeous, or the one who goes out of his way to clean up, dress up, and put his best foot forward?  Exactly.  Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon are the homely guy who knows he doesn’t stand a chance with you, but dammit, he’s going to give it his best shot anyway.  You’ve got to admire that.

Mind you, I do like regular Wheat Thins, but I’m used to eating them as little sandwiches with cheese and/or pepperoni slices in between.  It’s rare that I’ll eat straight from a box of Wheat Thins, but that’s what seems most appropriate here, since neither cheese nor meat makes for a natural combination with cinnamon.  I would guess that’s why these are limited edition for the holidays, since they lose a little bit of their versatility for party settings, where you’re more likely to want to make cracker sandwiches.  However, what the cinnamon Wheat Thins lose in party food-ability, they gain back in solo use.  After all, you’re more likely to dig into a box of something on the couch if it’s sweet and can be enjoyed straight out of the package, without needing to cut cheese slices or get out the platter and martini glasses, or whatever people without two young kids do at parties these days.  (Network?  Spin the bottle?  Get crunk?  I just don’t know.)

It’s fair to say my expectations were pretty high for this product, because let’s be honest, cinnamon is awesome and it’s pretty hard to screw up sprinkling it on a cracker.  That’d be like praising me for writing a review that successfully uses the word “ass” three times… it’s just kind of expected.  Plus the snowman on the box predisposes me to wanting to like whatever’s inside, a tactic the government would do well to remember when issuing jury summons.  With all that being the case, my takeaway is that the cinnamon Wheat Thins are pleasant, and that’s probably the correct adjective.  Not “amazing” or “mind-blowing” or “pulchritudinous,” but pleasant.  A nice winter treat that would probably pair well with some hot chocolate while snuggled up with a loved one, watching Jimmy Stewart tough-talk an angel on Christmas.

[As an aside, do you know how hard it is to type "thins" rather than "things"?  Your fingers just want to add that "g".  Try it!]

You’re familiar with what you’re going to get if you’ve ever had Wheat Thins before, because the size, consistency, and texture are the same as they’ve always been, the only difference being the addition of cinnamon and sugar.  Speaking of which, I suspect this will be a polarizing product based on the amount of cinnamon per cracker.  It’s not insignificant — no one will confuse these with having a “hint of” cinnamon.  That said, they aren’t comprised solely of cinnamon and sugar pressurized and molded into the vague shape of a Wheat Thin either.  I personally found them tasty and think most people will as well, but anyone hoping these would equate to a slightly larger version of Cinnamon Toast Crunch is advised to keep walking.  (However, I did dip some in milk, just out of curiosity.  Not bad, but not something you’d want to eat out of a bowl with a spoon.)

Like a lot of you would have guessed, Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon is a product that offers zero surprises.  It’s exactly what the name implies it to be, and it looks and tastes exactly how you’d expect.  That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though — the crackers ARE tasty, and they’re a safe snack food you can enjoy equally with friends or home alone in your pajamas.  (Those of you who wear them, anyway.  I know our readers like to walk on the wild side.)  If snack foods were an ’80s movie, they’d be the quiet nerd who never gets noticed until finally the stars align and Molly Ringwald takes a chance on him, only to discover that, hey, this guy’s got a little spice to him!  That’s Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon.  Enjoy them, and enjoy the holiday season!

(Nutrition Facts – 14 pieces – 140 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Limited Edition Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon reviews:
Junk Food Guy
So Good Blog
Dave’s Cupboard

Item: Limited Edition Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon
Price: $2.99
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Reasonably nutritious.  Snowman on box.  Homely crackers who doll themselves up for you.  Can be readily enjoyed solo.  Unsurprising but pleasant taste.  Decent in milk.  Nabbing Molly Ringwald at the end.
Cons: Not bringing sexy back to crackers.  No good for making mini-sandwiches.  Doesn’t keep you guessing.  Not an effective breakfast cereal replacement.  Probably not enough cinnamon and sugar for some people.

Through my experiences, I’ve learned if you’re at a party that’s serving Ritz crackers as hors d’oeuvres, you should walk out as soon as possible. Because it’s probably going to be either a party filled with people spitting crumbs while they talk about things that bore you or you’re about to watch a timeshare presentation.

Let’s face it. Ritz Crackers have never lived up to their name. If you live in a wealthy, gated community and you offer Ritz Crackers to your haughty guests, you will probably be punished by the neighborhood association and banned for life from any ritzy activities, like dinner parties, hunting endangered species, orgies, or whatever rich people in gated communities do for fun. They’re a step above saltines and oyster crackers, but many steps below any cracker found next to the Stinking Bishop and Neufchâtel cheeses.

Not even serving the new Ritz Cracker varieties — Garlic Butter and Honey Wheat — could prevent rich folks from getting banned from their neighborhood polo match or losing their opportunity to be a part of a human hunting expedition on a private island in the Bahamas.

Honey Wheat Ritz Crackers appear to be “healthy” because it has the word “wheat” in its name and each cracker provides one gram of whole grain, which allows eaters to physically count the number of whole grain they’re consuming. So if you want to get the daily recommended 48 grams of whole grain by eating nothing but Honey Wheat Ritz Crackers, you’ll have to eat one and a half of the four sleeves in the Ritz box.

Or, if eating 48 crackers in one sitting isn’t your thing, you could also eat six bowls of Lucky Charms.

The Honey Wheat Ritz Crackers have a decent sweet and salty flavor, but I thought the honey flavor could’ve been amped up a little. Its sweetness is light enough that I don’t think a bee would touch it with a 10-foot stinger. I think it tastes like another Nabisco cracker, but because they produce enough cracker varieties to dry my mouth if I were to either eat them all one after another or say their names one after another, I’m not sure which one it is. Also, the whole grain is a little noticeable in the cracker’s flavor and texture.

I think the Garlic Butter Ritz Crackers taste slightly better than the Honey Wheat. Although, at times, the cracker’s garlic flavor confused my tongue into thinking I was eating something slightly burnt. But then again, maybe me tasting something burnt could just be a symptom of a rare medical condition.

Or maybe I watch too much House, M.D..

The pleasant garlic flavor is mild and does linger in your mouth after eating them, so I’d recommend having a mint or piece of gum afterwards.

Or stop being a mouthbreather.

(Nutrition Facts – 5 crackers – Garlic Butter – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein. Honey Wheat – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

*Uses partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil

Item: Ritz Crackers (Garlic Butter and Honey Wheat)
Price: $3.00 each (on sale)
Size: 15.1 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Garlic Butter)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Honey Wheat)
Pros: Garlic Butter has a pleasant garlic flavor. Honey Wheat has a decent sweet and salty flavor. Honey Wheat provides 1 gram of whole grain in each cracker. Funny cheese names.
Cons: Uses partially hydrogenated oil. Honey flavor could’ve been amped up a little. Self-diagnosing yourself. Can’t stare at Dr. Cuddy’s cleavage on House anymore. Gated communities.

If you’re anything like me, people are constantly stopping you on the street to ask, “Drew, how do you choose what product you’re going to hilariously [they usually cough when they say that part] review in any given week?”  (I’m assuming your name is Drew.  If not, sorry, but that’s on your parents, not me.)  Most of them are hoping the answer is something sexy like opening an envelope from Marvo that self-destructs after reading it, or picking a briefcase at random held by bikini models.  But the truth is, what products we review are largely dictated by our circumstances.  For instance Marvo, debonair man-about-town and walking STD factory that he is, reviews condoms.  Kelley likes armed insurrection and mustachioed men who look like they might be named Sanchez, so she opts for survivalist food and Tapatio products.

And I, devoted family man and perpetual runner-up for the Whitest Man Alive award (stupid Wayne Brady), review crackers.  I’m not complaining… it’s what we do here in the suburbs.  Sometimes I’ll invite my honky friends over, put my 2.3 kids to bed, and break out the chablis and a cracker platter so we can sample a few new varieties (brie optional).  Usually I’ll spring for some imports — Sweden has some wheat-based thins to die for — but this time I decided to stick closer to home.  Pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a man whose proudest moment was the time he was in a 3-second audience reaction shot at a Jeffrey Ross special.  (I’m the handsome one.)

Triscuit Thin Crisps aren’t an entirely new product, but they have new packaging that I’m guessing is just going to annoy the hell out of stockboys.  They’re thicker at the top than at the bottom, thus leaving noticeable empty space between each package.  It at least looks kind of cool, if you don’t think too hard about the fact that it means you’re getting less food for your money.  Along with the packaging revamp comes a new flavor, Chile Pepper, which we’ll be looking at alongside preexisting variety Parmesan Garlic.

I was both enthused and apprehensive to try the new flavor because chile pepper and I are fairly recent acquaintances.  The wife finally convinced me a few years ago to try pepper flakes on pizza, and to my great surprise I ended up liking them immensely.  But I’m still a skeptic at heart when it comes to new stuff; and much like putting a strapless dress on a supermodel, what works on pizza isn’t always going to work on everything else.  So I was happy to bite into my first Chile Pepper Thin Crisp and discover that I liked them.  They have just a little bit of heat to them, which thanks to the triangular shape of the crisps kind of flattens out over your entire tongue.  But to the disgust of Texans everywhere, the spicy flavor remains infuriatingly mild.  If a Texan ever ate one, he would immediately complain that it must’ve been made by a Northerner, then probably mumble something about the Alamo or giant belt buckles or whatever.

The spice is also fairly short-lived in duration; I had two beverages nearby but never even thought about reaching for either, even right after the initial crunch of flavor.  To put it in perspective, my almost 3-year-old ate two in rapid succession, then asked for another as a reward for using the potty.  When your spice can’t even make a toddler blanch, it’s clear you’re not pursuing the eXtreme demographic.  I’ll grant that some of the crackers seemed to carry more heat than others — I don’t know if that’s due to the residue on some of them flaking off, but you could easily get one that makes you check the box to make sure it’s not the plain variety, followed immediately by one that brings the heat rushing back.  They also smell extremely good, with that familiar chili powder scent.  I’d go so far as to say the smell might actually trump the taste, like coffee or scented candles.

And hey, you know what else smells good, he segued flawlessly?  Garlic and parmesan cheese.  This variety also emits a nice scent, though a bit subtler… you really have to get your nose in there and sniff.  Go ahead, don’t be shy — grocery store managers like when you sample their wares so you can give informed feedback to other shoppers.  And really, “subtler” is the perfect word to describe the Parmesan Garlic Thin Crisps in comparison to their (semi-)spicy brother.  The garlic is present but doesn’t overwhelm, and that distinct parmesan flavor that New Jerseyans constantly taste even when we’re not eating anything is present and accounted for.  That said, they’re not something I could see snacking on for the entire duration of a football game or a movie.  If you’re looking for a flavor explosion, you’re likely to find Parmesan Garlic a bit bland, but cracker aficionados like myself can see past all that to the pleasant neutrality contained within.

And that’s your cracker review for today from CRKR — all crackers, all the time.  Neither of these varieties completely knocked my socks off, but they’re both decent flavors that could stand a little more prominent flavor profiles, or maybe just to include a prize inside the box.  They’re probably a lot better when paired with cheese, but taken on their own merits, Chile Pepper and Parmesan Garlic are pretty good if unspectacular crackers.  Like my high school swim team.

(Nutrition Facts — 14 crackers — Parmesan Garlic – 130 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of mono saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.  Chile Pepper – 140 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 135 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Other Triscuit Thin Crisps Chile Pepper reviews:
Dave’s Cupboard
Kirbie’s Cravings
Junk Food Guy

Item: Triscuit Thin Crisps (Chile Pepper and Parmesan Garlic)
Price: $2.99 each
Size: 7.6 oz
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chile Pepper)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Parmesan Garlic)
Pros: Getting fellow reviewers on the FBI watch list.  Pissing off stockboys.  Both smell great, especially the Chile Pepper ones.  Nice and crunchy.  Pleasing aftertaste.  Garlic and parmesan will always be a great flavor combo.  Angering Texans.
Cons: Not being named Drew.  Strapless dresses on those who… should not wear strapless dresses.  3-year-olds who laugh at your heat.  Uneven spice distribution.  Parmesan Garlic is good, but wears out its welcome quickly.  No prize in the box.  A bit dull.