Jack in the Box’s new Bacon Shake is damn intriguing, but it also sounds gross and I’m scared of it. I’m pretty sure I’m afraid of it because I haven’t gotten over that time I spent with my lips around a Jones Bacon Soda.

Oh dear, I just gagged. Will these emotional scars ever heal?

The Jack in the Box Bacon Shake isn’t like the Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae we reviewed last year, which was topped with real chopped bacon. Instead, the Bacon Shake uses bacon-flavored Torani syrup, which is blended with vanilla ice cream.

To maximize the unusualness of the bacon shake, I hoped the suckable dessert was bacon colored, but as you can see in the picture on the right, the Jack in the Box Bacon Shake looks as harmless as a vanilla milkshake. It’s not even raw bacon pink.

The bacon-flavored shake also smells harmless. There’s a very slight hint of smokiness, but not enough to cause a bunch of red flags to pop up in your head. When I ordered my shake, I was asked if I wanted whipped cream and a cherry on top. I said yes and then asked if I could also get chopped bacon on top of that. The Jack in the Box employee laughed and then said “I’m sorry, no.” A part of me wanted to slam both hands on the counter and yell, “I’m not going to settle for that answer!”

I find it a little strange the shake didn’t come with bacon sprinkled on top of it. Every Jack in the Box restaurant has the means to fry up bacon and chop it up, so why not take that extra step and add a little texture to the shake? It would’ve made this bacon shake many times more fascinating.

Many of you might be expecting me to say the Jack in the Box Bacon Shake is repulsive, but, surprisingly, it’s not. Although I have to admit it was slightly off-putting at first. But the more I ate, the more I enjoyed the bacon flavor of the shake, which wasn’t anything close to being overpowering. Instead it had a very mild smokiness, albeit an artificial smokiness. The weirdest thing about this shake (yes, weirder than the fact it’s bacon flavored) is the way it ends up tasting like coffee at the back end.

Overall, I wouldn’t call the Jack in the Box Bacon Shake “scrumptious,” but I also wouldn’t call it “revolting.” I think “pleasant” would be the best word I could use to describe it. If you’re REALLY into bacon, you should definitely give it a try. Would I buy another? I probably would. Although, if it came topped with chopped bacon, I’d change my answer to most definitely.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces/regular size – 773 calories, 358 calories from fat, 40 grams of fat, 28 grams of saturated fat, 2 gram of trans fat, 127 milligrams of cholesterol, 319 milligrams of sodium, 691 milligrams of potassium, 89 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 75 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Bacon Shake
Price: $3.99
Size: Regular
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Not revolting. Pleasant flavor. Creamy. Tastes like coffee at the back end of the flavor. Bacon lovers will probably enjoy it.
Cons: Not sprinkled with chopped bacon. Might be gross to some people. There’s no signage for it in restaurants. Not bacon colored. The deep emotional scars from drinking a Jones Bacon Soda two years ago.

Update: Click here to read our Jack in the Box Bacon Shake review

Denny’s combined ice cream and bacon. And now Jack in the Box is getting into the act with their Bacon Shake. However, unlike Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae which was topped with chopped bacon, Jack’s Bacon Shake uses a bacon-flavored syrup.

Bacon-flavored syrup…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

According to Jack in the Box’s Marry Bacon website:

The bacon shake is limited as limited can be. There’s no telling when it might disappear, so go get one right now. Right now at participating restaurants.

Grub Grade just posted pictures of it.

Update: Click here to read our Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger review

I’m greatly disappointed Jack in the Box’s new BLT Cheeseburger doesn’t consist of a beef patty and cheese placed in between two BLT sandwiches.

That would get me excited and nutrition groups upset about this new burger. Instead, it’s just a burger that uses Jack in the Box’s improved 100 percent beef patty and is topped with hickory-smoked bacon, shredded lettuce, tomatoes, American cheese, pickles, and a mayo-onion sauce, all of which is in between a sesame seed bun.

Sigh.

So if I were to take away the ketchup and onions in a Jack in the Box Jumbo Jack with Cheese and replace it with bacon, I’d have a BLT Cheeseburger.

Sigh.

Well, the Super Bowl commercial that’s promoting this BLT Cheeseburger better be more creative that the burger itself.

The Jack in the Box BLT Cheeseburger will be available for a limited time starting today and comes in a combo meal that also includes a 20-ounce drink and small fries for $4.99.

Maybe it’s just me, but the combination of banana and blueberry seems weird.

Sure, the alliteration makes them sound like they belong together, but not even Yoplait has used this fruit combination in one of their yogurts. And Yoplait has stuffed almost every interfruity marriage into their conic containers that are impossible to eat out of if you have a large spoon.

Maybe Yoplait doesn’t combine them because when they tried to, it created something so unholy that it caused every Yoplait employee to simultaneously yell out, “sacrebleu.”

Because of my uncertainty with the banana/blueberry fusion, I opened the Post Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends cereal with some trepidation. The last time any cereal gave me this much fear was when I ripped open a box of All-Bran cereal to help me with constipation.

Oh wait, there was also that time I ate this cereal while driving to work.

When I tore open the packaging inside the Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends box, an aroma that smelled similar to a blueberry muffin wafted out of it. The pleasant aroma did ease whatever fears I had about combining bananas with blueberries and it also made me say, “sacrebleu.”

The cereal is made up of crispy banana flavored flakes and crunchy blueberry flavored granola clusters. However, while all the granola clusters were blueberry flavored, not all of the crispy flakes were banana flavored, which caused some flavor inconsistencies.

Some spoonfuls had a noticeable banana flavor, but to taste the banana with other spoonfuls I had to concentrate hard, as if I’m trying to recall the multiplication table in order to show a sixth grader that I’m smarter than him. And during that time of deep concentration all the crispy flakes turned limp and soggy while sitting in the milk and my head began to hurt. I don’t like having to think when eating cereal. It’s why I don’t solve any of the word find puzzles or mazes on the back of kids cereal boxes or read Highlights Magazine when eating cereal. When I did taste the banana, it was that familiar artificial banana flavor that I know and love from banana flavored candy and Slurpees.

What makes Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends really good are the crunchy blueberry clusters. Spoonfuls without them make me want to put down the bowl of cereal, slide it away from me, and then let out a disgusted “nay.” But, thankfully, there were a lot of blueberry clusters. The blueberry flavor was sweet, non-overpowering, and seeped into the milk while I was concentrating on the banana flavor.

Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends is a really good cereal. Sure, it has as much actual fruit in it than a strawberry soda, but it’s fortified with a bunch of vitamins and minerals. But despite the lack of fruit and inconsistent banana flavor, I have to say it’s now one of my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats varieties.

Sacrebleu!

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) 120 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 18 grams of other carbohydrates, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends reviews:
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp

Item: Post Honey Bunches of Oats Banana Blueberry Fruit Blends
Price: $2.99
Size: 14.5 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: One of my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats varieties. Smells like blueberry muffins. Blueberry clusters gave the cereal a nice crunch, which makes up for the soggy flakes. Nice blueberry flavor. Contains vitamins and minerals. Blueberry milk.
Cons: Inconsistent banana flavor. Crispy flakes don’t stay crispy for long in milk. Doesn’t contain actual fruit, just natural flavors. Being dumber than a sixth grader.

I once had a vivid dream that I traveled back in time to 1980. I don’t exactly remember why I’d chosen to time travel to that particular year, but I do recall being acutely aware that I had to avoid running into my parents at any cost. I also recall eating at a McDonald’s and being freaked out that I received my fast food in un-biodegradable Styrofoam containers. Faster than you could say “Marty McFly,” my alarm clock started buzzing, and I was whisked from my 80’s dream world, back to the present. I still have no idea what instigated my impromptu fast food run across the space-time continuum. Guess I was seriously jonesin’ for some junk food.

Which brings us to Doritos. Thanks to them, not only can we time travel in our sleep, we can also time travel at snack time! Old-timey, discontinued flavors, Sour Cream and Onion and Salsa Rio Doritos are out once again, sold in jaunty retro packaging, which I am assuming is Doritos’ attempt to duplicate the success of its re-released, late-60s era “Taco Flavor.”

Sour Cream and Onion Doritos were originally introduced in the early 80’s (… so I guess that means I could’ve bought some of those in my dream instead of destroying the environment with Mickey D’s). It’s strange that the Doritos people think we’d want that flavor again NOW, especially considering that we already have, like, eight thousand other Doritos flavors that more or less duplicate or improve upon the simplicity of sour cream and onion. Anyway, having come back to us now in the 21st century, Sour Cream and Onion Doritos have a robust onion flavor, which is balanced nicely by the sour cream taste. Not bad. But I can’t really tell the difference between this and Cool Ranch — a fact that does little to convince me that this flavor needed to be re-released.

Salsa Rio Doritos are also visitors from the recent past… this time, from the late 80s. And we all know how awesome the late 80s were! I’m looking at you, Gorbachev! Just like glasnost, Salsa Rio Doritos are bold and delicious. These chips approximate the flavor of fresh tomato salsa with chopped onion very well and even have a little kick of heat. It’s interesting to note that this flavor had the shortest shelf life of the two when it was first introduced 25 years ago. Maybe people were too busy being coked up and rocking out in their leggings and Members Only jackets to Terence Trent D’Arby to go shopping for salsa-flavored tortilla chips.

I posit that Sour Cream and Onion and Salsa Rio Doritos have come in special Limited Edition retro bags so that they will attract more attention. Well, it worked. I like the detail and both flavors make charming little additions to the Doritos flavor spectrum, even if their Limited Edition status means they won’t be around forever. Not unlike Terence Trent D’Arby.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bag (28g) – Sour Cream & Onion – 290 calories, 17 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Salsa Rio – 290 calories, 16 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 4 grams of protein)

Other Limited Edition Doritos (Sour Cream and Onion & Salsa Rio)
Junk Food Guy (Salsa Rio)
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp
Food Junk (Sour Cream & Onion)
Fatguy Food Blog (Sour Cream & Onion)

Item: Limited Edition Doritos (Sour Cream and Onion & Salsa Rio)
Price: $1.09 (on sale)
Size: 1 ounce

Purchased at: CVS

Rating: 7 out of 10 (Sour Cream and Onion)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Salsa Rio)
Pros: Time traveling in your sleep. Retro packaging. Two swell additions to the pantheon of flavored tortilla chips. Delicious, fresh tomato salsa flavor. Glasnost. Terence Trent D’Arby.
Cons: Styrofoam fast food containers. Being too coked up to care about salsa. Sour Cream and Onion tastes similar to Cool Ranch. “Limited Edition” means these Doritos won’t be around forever.

Faithful TIB readers will recall Jasper reviewing Kellogg’s Krave Chocolate Cereal, stating that while it wasn’t exactly an “adult” cereal, it was tasty without making him feel like the 11-year-old that he actually is (probably) (just kidding, Jasper!).  I read that with great interest, then scooped up a box of Krave Double Chocolate at the first opportunity, determined to see whether upping the chocolate quotient would make me less wizened and grinch-like.  While I’m still cursing at people who don’t use their turn signals, I have noticed a 54 percent decrease in shuffling, complaining about the chill, and watching Jay Leno, so I’m going to call this one a success!

On opening the box and taking a whiff, I was greeted with a vague chocolate smell, similar but not entirely like other chocolate cereals like Cocoa Pebbles or Cocoa Puffs.  Even holding a piece right up to my nose, it’s not as powerful a scent as I would have expected out of double chocolate anything; but the smell may just be locked in by a non-nutritive cereal varnish, semi-permeable but not osmotic, which coats and seals the piece.  Regardless, I started by trying a few pieces dry, and I was happy with what I experienced.  The cereal bits are suitably crunchy without being too hard or jagged edged, and the small burst of chocolate inside hits you like a little surprise a second or two after your taste buds have registered the outer layer.  It’s a well timed one-two punch, with the outer part being a bit of a subtler, less intense chocolate, but the inner component being richer.  High marks all around.

Given that, I was really eager to get the milk on and see how I liked them.  Regrettably, I have to report that while milk is almost always an improvement to cereal, it had the opposite effect on Double Chocolate Krave.  Don’t get me wrong, they’re still flavorful, but almost too much so — my teeth seemed to be on the verge of hurting with every bite.  My suspicion is that when the milk penetrates to the inside layer of chocolate, it turns it more liquidy; and while you’d think that would be a good thing, it actually makes it overly chocolate-y, if such a thing is possible.  I mean, I have a sweet tooth and all, but a 17-year-old girl who got dumped a week before prom would say this was a little too much chocolate.  I feel like I visited a guy on the street corner looking for an ounce of weed and he injected me with black tar heroin.

Aside from the flavor, I found that they didn’t stay crunchy in milk very well at all — a mere five minutes of soaking reduced them to the firmness of a mushy banana, so either they don’t maintain consistency or someone at the grocery store is slipping acid into my milk.  Probably both.  (I have a lot of enemies.)  Since Jasper reported that the uni-chocolate variety held its crunchiness pretty well in milk, I’m wondering if it’s something to do with the different outer layers — maybe nutella and whatever else is in the casing of the regular variety is better at saying no than chocolate, the village bicycle.

While I can only give Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate a moderate score due to its overpowering taste and loose consistency in milk, I’d definitely recommend picking some up to eat dry as a party snack or something.  All told, it appears to simply be that rare cereal that’s better without the milk.  The back of the box makes reference to “chocovores,” so I guess I’m just one of those chocovores who likes his meals raw and unseasoned.  Grrrrr.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Cereal reviews:
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp

Item: Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Cereal
Price: $3.99
Size: 11 ounces
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes great dry.  Good crunch.  Not overpowering scent.  Nice one-two chocolate flavor combo.  Satisfying your chocolate craving for the next five years.  Would probably make for a good party snack food.
Cons: Milk somehow makes it too sweet and chocolate-y.  People who don’t use their turn signals.  Gets soggy quickly.  They misspelled “crave.”  Being the only product in the world where more chocolate is a bad thing.  Comparing chocolate to hardcore drugs.