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REVIEW: Kellogg’s Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts
Oh. Dear. Lord. Stop reproducing, Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts! You’re making the Octomom and all the reality show fertility families on TLC look normal. What are you up to now, forty or so offspring? I bet they just slide right out of you now, yelling “Weeeeee!!!” as they come through your birth canal. Aren’t [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Kellogg’s Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts
9 March 2009
The banana split is a highlight of American dessert ingenuity and the ultimate dessert for those who want to give a big middle finger and a loud “fuck it” to their diets. A classic version of this ice cream dessert includes scoops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream placed in single file on [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Kellogg’s 20% Fiber Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts
23 February 2009
Remember when low-carb foods were the big food trend? You couldn’t walk down an aisle in your local supermarket without running into a food that claimed it was LOW-CARB in, ironically, fat letters. But the oddest thing about this craze was finding low-carb versions of items that were nothing but carbs, like low-carb [...]
Continue reading...NEWS: Kellogg’s Ensures There Will Never Be More Saw Movies Than Pop-Tarts Flavors
7 January 2009
I think it’s now official. I need to jump into a body of water contaminated with nuclear waste in order to grow more toes and fingers so that I can count the number of Pop-Tarts flavors out there. Kellogg’s recently introduced two new flavors to go along with the 4,349 other flavors available at your [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Fiber One Chocolate Fudge Toaster Pastry
25 November 2008
Dear Tim Kang, You don’t know me, but if you look in the mirror, you will know what I look like. According to numerous co-workers and people I don’t know, I look like you. No, I do not work at a beer testing facility, opium farm, or Tim Kang clone factory. Ever since [...]
Continue reading...NEWS: New Limited Edition Pop-Tarts Flavors Prove Kellogg’s Is Far From Running Out of Toaster Pastry Ideas
24 November 2008
Just when it seemed like Kellogg’s couldn’t come up with a new Pop-Tarts flavor, they reached into their magical hat of random flavors and pulled out two: Dulce de Leche, which I’ve always thought sounds more like a World of Warcraft expansion set, and the exotic Guava Mango. Both sound appealing to me, [...]
Continue reading...The Week in Reviews – 9/13/2008
13 September 2008
Let’s take a gander at reviews from other blogs this week, because you probably need something to cleanse your palate after seeing the photo of the poop toothpaste. This review of Lean Cuisine’s Chicken Chow Mein with Rice is, I’m guessing, the 10,000th Lean Cuisine review on Heat Eat Review. Well, at least it seems like [...]
Continue reading...Kellogg’s Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts
21 August 2008
Vanilla is a synonym for boring and boring can best describe how I feel about the Kellogg’s Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts. I guess vanilla had to be the next natural progression for Pop-Tarts flavors since the Pop-Tartologists at Kellogg’s have pretty much squeezed out every single chocolate flavor from the cow’s udder of toaster pastry [...]
Continue reading...Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts
27 March 2008
Like how Britney avoids court dates, for many years, I stayed away from Whole Grain and visa versa. I’m not sure when the dislike began between us. Maybe it was the time when I dropped the letters W, L, and E from its first name and went around calling it “Ho Grain.” Or [...]
Continue reading...Hot Chocolate Pop-Tarts
29 April 2007
In college, my nickname was “Hot Chocolate.” Well at least I wanted my nickname to be “Hot Chocolate,” but it didn’t catch on with anyone, despite my numerous attempts, like whenever I had to introduce myself in Japanese language class I would say, “Boku no namae wa Marubin desu. Dozo yoroshiku. Nikkunemu wa Hatto [...]
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1 July 2009
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