The Impulsive Buy » Chips

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 2/4/2012

Marvo — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

A Wienerschnitzel Junkyard Dog comes with chili, cheese, onions, fries, and mustard. Sadly, it does not come with a wheel from a 1970′s Datsun Sunny. (via An Immovable Feast)

The British sure love mystery. They gave us Sherlock Holmes and the PBS show Mystery! I wouldn’t be surprised if the Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine was a Vauxhall. Now the British have mystery flavored potato chips. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Here’s a fun little game: Get completely wasted and try to click one of the links in this sentence that lead to the alcohol-related candy reviews Candyblog posted this past week. (via Candyblog)

Trader Joe’s Choczilla Nut Pie makes me giggle. Perhaps it’s because choczilla, nut, and pie have all been used in porn titles. (via What’s Good at Trader Joe’s)

If you hear the name Sweet Blossom Lavender Flowers and think it’s either a women’s deodorant or perfume, you’d be wrong. (via Thirsty Dudes)

Image via flickr user Hugo90 / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Limited Edition Doritos (Sour Cream and Onion & Salsa Rio)

Stephanie — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:30:25 +0000

I once had a vivid dream that I traveled back in time to 1980. I don’t exactly remember why I’d chosen to time travel to that particular year, but I do recall being acutely aware that I had to avoid running into my parents at any cost. I also recall eating at a McDonald’s and being freaked out that I received my fast food in un-biodegradable Styrofoam containers. Faster than you could say “Marty McFly,” my alarm clock started buzzing, and I was whisked from my 80’s dream world, back to the present. I still have no idea what instigated my impromptu fast food run across the space-time continuum. Guess I was seriously jonesin’ for some junk food.

Which brings us to Doritos. Thanks to them, not only can we time travel in our sleep, we can also time travel at snack time! Old-timey, discontinued flavors, Sour Cream and Onion and Salsa Rio Doritos are out once again, sold in jaunty retro packaging, which I am assuming is Doritos’ attempt to duplicate the success of its re-released, late-60s era “Taco Flavor.”

Sour Cream and Onion Doritos were originally introduced in the early 80’s (… so I guess that means I could’ve bought some of those in my dream instead of destroying the environment with Mickey D’s). It’s strange that the Doritos people think we’d want that flavor again NOW, especially considering that we already have, like, eight thousand other Doritos flavors that more or less duplicate or improve upon the simplicity of sour cream and onion. Anyway, having come back to us now in the 21st century, Sour Cream and Onion Doritos have a robust onion flavor, which is balanced nicely by the sour cream taste. Not bad. But I can’t really tell the difference between this and Cool Ranch — a fact that does little to convince me that this flavor needed to be re-released.

Salsa Rio Doritos are also visitors from the recent past… this time, from the late 80s. And we all know how awesome the late 80s were! I’m looking at you, Gorbachev! Just like glasnost, Salsa Rio Doritos are bold and delicious. These chips approximate the flavor of fresh tomato salsa with chopped onion very well and even have a little kick of heat. It’s interesting to note that this flavor had the shortest shelf life of the two when it was first introduced 25 years ago. Maybe people were too busy being coked up and rocking out in their leggings and Members Only jackets to Terence Trent D’Arby to go shopping for salsa-flavored tortilla chips.

I posit that Sour Cream and Onion and Salsa Rio Doritos have come in special Limited Edition retro bags so that they will attract more attention. Well, it worked. I like the detail and both flavors make charming little additions to the Doritos flavor spectrum, even if their Limited Edition status means they won’t be around forever. Not unlike Terence Trent D’Arby.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bag (28g) – Sour Cream & Onion – 290 calories, 17 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Salsa Rio – 290 calories, 16 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 4 grams of protein)

Other Limited Edition Doritos (Sour Cream and Onion & Salsa Rio)
Junk Food Guy (Salsa Rio)
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp
Food Junk (Sour Cream & Onion)
Fatguy Food Blog (Sour Cream & Onion)

Item: Limited Edition Doritos (Sour Cream and Onion & Salsa Rio)
Price: $1.09 (on sale)
Size: 1 ounce 
Purchased at: CVS 
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Sour Cream and Onion)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Salsa Rio)
Pros: Time traveling in your sleep. Retro packaging. Two swell additions to the pantheon of flavored tortilla chips. Delicious, fresh tomato salsa flavor. Glasnost. Terence Trent D’Arby.
Cons: Styrofoam fast food containers. Being too coked up to care about salsa. Sour Cream and Onion tastes similar to Cool Ranch. “Limited Edition” means these Doritos won’t be around forever.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 1/7/2012

Marvo — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

If I ever want to see two peanut mascots fight, I’d like to see the monocle-wearing Mr. Peanut in an olde tyme bare knuckles brawl with the handlebar mustache-wearing Lord Nut Levington. (via Eat!Drink!Snack!)

There are all kinds of gummy vitamins, but I think drug companies need to make gummy pharmaceuticals like Gummy Viagra. I can imagine the slogan right now…It’s soft, but it’ll make you hard. (via Healthnuttxo)

This everything bacon bullshit has to end! It was awesome in 2009. It was funny in 2010. It got a little old in 2011. But now it’s 2012 and we need to end it. If we don’t, I hope the Mayan calendar does it for us. (via Food Junk)

I’ve always wanted to eat my vegetables in chip form. I already get my dairy in chip form thanks to Doritos. (via Junk Food Guy)

Image via flickr user Tomas Fano / CC BY SA 2.0

NEWS: Put On Your Leg Warmers to Celebrate the Return of Sour Cream and Onion Doritos and Salsa Rio Doritos

Marvo — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 19:09:09 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Limited Edition Doritos (Sour Cream and Onion & Salsa Rio) review

Do you remember the 1980s?

Don’t remember the 1980s because your parents hadn’t met until the 1990s? Well, back then we had Sour Cream and Onion Doritos and Salsa Rio Doritos. I didn’t get to try those flavors because my parents bought generic chips in black and white packages, which is also something you young whippersnappers don’t remember.

Thankfully, Frito-Lay has brought back Sour Cream and Onion Doritos and Salsa Rio Doritos for a limited time. Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp has a review of both flavors, while Junk Food Guy reviewed Salsa Rio Doritos.

I look forward to eating these chips while wearing a Members Only jacket and listening to Duran Duran on a record player.

If you’ve tried them, let us know what you think and where you found them in the comments.

REVIEW: Kettle Brand 40% Reduced Fat Sea Salt Potato Chips

Marvo — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Oh, potato chips. I wish I could quit you, like I’ve stopped downloading freaky foreign internet porn and buying awful movies from the $5 DVD bin at Walmart with laughable titles like Mexican Werewolf In Texas and Hoochie Mama Drama. But you’re so difficult to shake, like a guy with vice grips for hands holding on to the roof of a speeding car while it goes around the Nürburgring in Germany.

I wish there was some kind of 12-step program to help me overcome my potato chip addiction because I have a weak soul that easily gives in to tater temptations. It’s so hard for my tongue to resist the equation: potato + hot oil = delicious. Once I pop, I can’t stop until half the bag is gone or until I get a sore stomach or until the bag is taken away from me using force.

It wouldn’t be so bad if potato chips had less fat. Although folks have tried to make low-fat potato chips using the synthetic oil, Olestra. However, for some reason people didn’t care for its possible anal leakage side effect.

A one ounce serving of Lays classic potato chips has 10 grams of fat, which is 16 percent of our daily value. So if I ate half a bag of Lays potato chips in one sitting, while watching a NCIS marathon on the USA Network, I would have consumed 60 grams of fat or 96 percent of my daily value. Oh, if only there was a way I could eat half a bag of potato chips without the guilt and the need to eat raw vegetables for the rest of the day to compensate for the potato chips.

Oh wait, it looks like Kettle Foods might have something with their Kettle Brand 40% Reduced Fat Sea Salt Potato Chips.

How did Kettle Brands make these chips have less fat? Don’t know and don’t care, unless it involves Olestra or a deal with the Devil. But it’s not the ingredients since it’s as simple of a list as their regular Sea Salt potato chips — potatoes, safflower and/or sunflower oil, and sea salt. It probably involves something that includes the word “proprietary” in its name.

As a fan of regular Kettle Brand Sea Salt potato chips, I’m quite familiar with its flavor. Heck, I’m such as fan that just thinking about them makes my mouth water and my hands shake. God, I need a potato chip fix right now. So does this reduced fat version taste just as good as the full fat version, which has 9 grams of fat per serving? Not quite. Does it taste good for a 40% reduced fat potato chip? Most definitely.

(Sidenote: The 40% is determined by comparing these chips with “regular potato chips” (i.e. Lays potato chips) and not their own regular sea salt potato chips.)

The chip’s potato flavor isn’t as robust as the regular version, but it does have the same delightful crunch. It seems Kettle Foods tries to make up for the slight loss of flavor due to the reduction in fat by including 45 milligrams more sodium per serving than the regular stuff, but I don’t think it’s saltier. However, the flavor difference is slight enough that I think if you emptied a bag into a bowl and left it out for your guests, no one would be any the wiser. After all, not everyone’s tongue and gut fat is as familiar with Kettle Brand Sea Salt potato chips as mine.

The Kettle Brand 40% Reduced Fat Sea Salt Potato Chips are pretty gosh darn good and I’ll probably end up replacing the regular stuff with it so that I can go on a potato chip bender with less guilt.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 13 chips – 130 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 4.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 480 milligrams of potassium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Kettle Brand 40% Reduced Fat Sea Salt Potato Chips
Price: $4.00 (on sale)
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Pretty damn good for 40% reduced fat potato chips. 40% less fat than “regular potato chips.” Less calories than Kettle Brand Sea Salt potato chips. Less guilty. No preservatives. Non-GMO ingredients. Gluten free. Potato + hot oil = delicious.
Cons: Flavor isn’t as robust as the regular stuff, but most won’t notice. My potato chip addiction. More sodium than the regular stuff. More expensive than “regular potato chips.” Some of the movies found in the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 12/31/2011

Marvo — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

No beverage can improve someone’s golf game. But I know having extramarital affairs with enough women to fill a bus and having to look into the eyes of a betrayed ex-wife and children can hurt someone’s golf game. (via Thirsty Dudes)

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal…understandable. Peanut Butter Toast Crunch Cereal…I eat peanut butter on toast all the time. French Toast Crunch Cereal…of course. But now General Mills is just making shit up. (via Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp)

Hey, Starbucks! You offer your breakfast blend in VIA form, but how about making a special VIA morning blend for the I-Can’t-Believe-I-Had-A-One-Night-Stand-With-You crowd that’ll help us forget about it. (via Hot Ink Reviews)

Four words: Japanese hospital food review. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

I didn’t know potato, tortilla, and pita chips could be so festive. Maybe I’ll hang them on my Christmas tree next year. Or eat them while looking at my Festivus pole. (via Junk Food Guy)

I really wish these soylent green crackers were made from real humans. Because if they were, I wouldn’t have to hunt some random unsuspecting stranger walking alone in a shady part of town to be able to enjoy human flesh. (via Food Junk)

Image via flickr user GorillaGolfBlog / CC BY SA 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 10/15/2011

Marvo — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 10:26:14 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Awesome! Now I have something I can dip my marshmallows in that’s not fire. (via Crazy Food Dude)

It turns out these cookies aren’t Smurftastic. Or as Drunk Smurf would say, “They’re smurfin’ smurfy. They taste like a piece of surf. Smurf that smurf!” (via Review Spew)

With a name like Smucker’s, I thought I’d be able to use these to write in jam, but there’s no jam in them. (via Clearance Cuisine)

Oh, Trader Joe’s. These makes me yearn to be closer to one of your stores. Instead, I will have to settle for Ruffles dipped in chocolate pudding. (via Candyblog)

With the Phillies out of the playoffs and the Eagles off to a horrible start, this probably won’t make Philadelphians happy. But, this might. (via Grub Grade and Eat!Drink!Snack!)

Image via flickr user katerha / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles

Nichol — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 10:00:23 +0000

So you’re hosting a fall harvest barbecue with a backwoods gourmet theme heavily influence by your lack of funds and the fact that you ran over a wild animal on your way home from work last night. Frankly, this sounds a bit questionable, but lord knows, I’ve got no room to judge.

Anyway, the meal is shaping up to be a disaster (big shock there). With your first guests set to shuffle over from their neighboring trailers in about fifteen minutes, your found opossum entrée still isn’t done (at least, it doesn’t look done – but I’m no opossum roasting expert) and your multi-layer Jell-O jiggler hors d’oeuvres aren’t setting nearly as fast as you’d hoped. You don’t have nearly enough time left to whip up your beloved cheese puff casserole! Whatever will you do for a side dish?

Well, lucky for you, you’ve got me, and a local Walmart. Simply send a significant other/friend/child out for some limited edition Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles and you’ll already be halfway to neighborhood acclaim. Seeing as you’ve prepared no other sides, I’d recommend, oh, roughly 1/3 bag per person.

“But Nichol,” I assume you’re asking, “I can’t just serve them bagged. That’s not gourmet! And the only bowl I have big enough for the five bags of chips you estimate I’ll need has snowmen and dancing Santas all over it!”

Holy crap! Chill out! I’ve got you covered. Quit interrupting.

Do you have construction paper? No? Well, quick – call the person you sent out for chips and have them pick some up. I’ll wait.

Okay? Okay. Now, what you want to do next is come up with an appropriate replacement theme for the bowl. You’ve already got the Fall thing going, so let’s work with that. Now’s the time to get creative. I recommend covering Frosty and St. Nick’s faces with lots and lots of paper leaves. If, however, you wish to take things a bit further, maybe shift forward a few weeks with your décor, you could also craft zombie parts for the Santas, so that they appear to be hunting down the poor snowmen, or vice versa.

In either case, that’s not a problem you’ve got on your hands so much as a fantastic crafting opportunity.

“But what about the chips themselves?” You now say because you’re just horribly whiny and out of sorts today. “What makes them classy? And shouldn’t I opt for more of a variety?”

First off, no. Just these. Don’t confuse your guests with five thousand similar looking lesser chip varieties. They deserve better.

Second, these chips happen to be a limited edition, fan-chosen, Walmart exclusive. If that’s not enough for your crowd of snobbish rednecks, tell them this: Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles are a one-of-a-kind treat, occupying a blurry middle ground somewhere between Funyuns and their comparatively mundane Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles cousins.

They are the mellow, potato chip equivalent to French’s French Fried Onions, by which I mean the oniony notes are vivid, sweet, and unmistakably Vidalia-like, and the chips taste very much deep fried in some batter you won’t recognize but will wish you could replicate. They offer just a hint of completely unnecessary brown sugar (which I assume is supposed to lend a caramelized taste) and subtle buttermilk undertones. The coating is light, sidestepping both the weird film Funyuns leave behind in one’s mouth and the heaviness one feels by one’s second or third handful of sour cream and onion chips.

The flavor pairs wonderfully with a nice peppery Saison. What? I lost you all there? Fine. These chips pair decently with any cheap beer devoid of fruity elements, wheat, and most other adjectives. Is that what you want to hear? Honestly, why do I even try with you?

Basically, if your guests enjoy onion rings, they will enjoy these chips. And if they are the kind of crowd that enjoys opossum, I’m just going to stereotypically assume they’re onion ring fans. Or at least fans of fried things, which is close enough.

Oh, and I should probably mention that the layers of flavor flatten out to nothing but semi-fake onion as you keep shoveling the Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles into your gullet. Make sure to periodically offer up more beer and opossum parts to avoid potential party-killing monotony.

Good Luck!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/ about 11 chips– 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 0% calcium, 8% Vitamin B6, 10% vitamin C, 4% thiamin, 2% phosphorous, 4% magnesium, and 2% iron.)

Other Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles reviews:
Fat Guy Food Blog

Item: Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles
Price: $2.98 (on sale)
Size: 9 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: No Funyuns film. DIY re-holiday-ification. Buttermilk. Jell-O hors d’oeuvres. Vidalia sweetness. Good addition to the existing faux-fried onion flavor family. Zombie Santas.
Cons: Found opossum entrees. Attempt at caramelized flavor lends a weird barbeque-like edge. Jell-O refusing to cooperate. Descends into an oniony borefest after a few minutes.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 9/24/2011

Marvo — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I wish there was a way to stick one more “pop” and “corn” into the name Popcorners Popped Corn Chips. (via I Ate A Pie)

Creamed Chipped Beef? I didn’t know BBQ Shredded Pork had a cousin that sounds unappetizing. (via Tasty Lies)

Is this how The Most Interesting Man in the World keeps both sides of the pillow cool? (via We Rate Stuff)

I didn’t know there were limited edition Tootsie Pops. And I still don’t know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. (via The Candy Fan)

Mama Zuma made these potato chips to get revenge for losing the love of her life in a potato peeler accident. Because the chips involve burning, I thought she was getting back at someone who gave her an STD. (via Junk Food Guy)

Image via flickr user storyvillegirl / CC BY SA 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 9/3/2011

Marvo — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

A churros cereal? I hope the next state fair food that gets turned into a breakfast cereal ends up being deep fried Twinkies. (via Rodzilla Reviews)

There’s steak-flavored potato chips. There’s baked potato-flavored potato chips. Now all I need are asparagus-flavored potato chips and I can have a complete steak meal in potato chip form. (via Dave’s Cupboard)

I might be because I just watched Moulin Rouge for the 50th time, but I think sweet southern heat would make a pretty good cabaret show name. (via Hot Chicks Eatin’ Spicy Chips)

This brings back a lot of memories from my childhood. Memories of me pretending to stick chewing tobacco under my lip, hitting the game winning home run in the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs, and yelling, “Who’s the greatest now, Rickey Henderson?” (via TV & Gum Are Awesome)

Remember Cocaine Energy Drink? Well, there’s now an energy shot version. I wonder if they’re working on an energy enema that comes wrapped in a condom with the end tied. (via ED Junkie)

Image via flickr user Claudia_midori / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion

Jeff — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 10:00:41 +0000

Machismo + 90’s Xtreme = the present day douchebag.

I have concluded that the above is the correct formula. Or as a recipe it would read, one part exaggerated masculinity and one equal part X-Games generation, a gallon of penis envy, and a pinch of misdirected anger will give you the douchebag.

Everyone remembers the late 90’s where every…fucking…thing was so damned EXTREME! (Extreeeeme!!!) And you know it was extra extreme when they got rid of the “e” and it was just X-treme or some stupid variation. Images of snowboarders, tats, overdone spiked hairdo’s with goatees grasping some neon green drink, you know XXXXXTREME MUTHAfuckas!!! Red Bull’s and Frïs Vodka anyone?

Once the 90’s gave way to the new millennium, the very common denominator of the public latched on to all the worst things about the EXTREME (Extreeeeme!!!) crowd. After the Y2K scare, Buckle clothing stores were popping up all over the malls like a gonorrhea infection. Davidoff’s Cool Water cologne stepped aside for Axe Tiger Cock or something like that. Walking billboards for midlife crises were wearing Affliction shirts with Ed Hardy jeans and populating posh bars as they imbibed Jager-bombs (note: Sake bombs fall in this category too and if you order a sake bomb in a sushi restaurant, I guarantee your sashimi has been deservedly seasoned with ass-crack sweat).

This is the mutated ugly side of men who were not smart enough to understand metrosexual (which is a term I hate as well). And yes, food wasn’t immune to this movement either. You aren’t a real man unless you can eat those fucking ghost-chili hot wings or scotch bonnet poppers filled with Szechuan whatever the hells. Be a man and eat it!

Or at least that’s what the sticky laminated stained menu tells me and douchebags gotta eat too. As much as I love hot food, I know it’s entering the realm of overly macho men who either eat it hot or eat it big (and sometimes both). Fuck me.

Our love of spicy food is demonstrated in the growing popularity of Thai and Indian cuisines. The general public is beginning to accept flavors more exotic than a Cajun spiced chicken finger. In fact, sriracha is now offered at a lot of restaurants. I assure you it won’t be long before we slather some kimchi on hot dogs, I have and it’s good.

Like anything that becomes popular, they are dumbed down for a dumb public. So as much as I admire those Trekkie-like hot sauce collectors and the adventurous eater tucking into a Ethiopian goat stew scorching with berbere, I was a little pessimistic when I saw the Fiery Fusion flavors for Doritos and Cheetos. I love hot food and normally when it is in snack form, it’s tepid.

The name was a bit douchebaggy too, Fiery Fusion. It sounds like it’s some kind of new scent. When I hear “fusion” in regards to food, I picture bad Asian cuisine mixed with western elements. Ahi-tuna salad comes to mind. Like flies, these places are inhabited by shaved headed “bro’s” in an un-tucked shiny shirt using a pair of chopsticks in one hand and bumping fists with other “bro’s” Tapout-style. Good God.

Fusion, however, for Frito-Lay means “Sizzlin’ Cayenne & Cheese.” Both respective packages have “Fiery Fusion” written in red orange to clue you in that it is “sizzlin’” which may be different from sizzling.

Frito Lay has played around with spicy offerings before in regards to both brands. The wasabi dusted Mr. Dragon’s Fire Chips Doritos were a bit flaccid in the heat department but tasty. The progressively hot “Degree Burn” series released by Doritos are another good example. Not one to be eclipsed, Cheetos brought out their FLAMIN’ HOT and Cheddar Jalapeño variations. Without a fist bump to spare, I gave in and bought both at the gas station bro.

Doritos Fiery Fusion

Upon opening, an immediate rich smell of peppers emanated from the bag and this was a good sign. The chips had the normal orange look of Doritos without a fleck of red powder. At first crunch, it tastes like a nacho chip crossed with a barbecue potato chip if you can imagine that. Then the comforting vinegar tang hits your senses. The chips had a faint earthy sweetness, almost like brown sugar. While it tasted good, I was ready to chalk up my $1.29 as a casualty because I didn’t sense any heat.

Like sleight of hand, I never saw it coming or in this case…taste. A slow burn started to build on my tongue and then it crept to the back of my throat before I even knew it. This was really good. The more I ate, the hotter my mouth became. Surprisingly, the heat also never competed with the flavor unlike so many other spicy chips. I prefer the gradual fire that builds into a storm and would say the effect is similar here.

These chips are the hottest Doritos I’ve eaten. They taste better and are spicier than the Doritos Flamas that has been selling as of late. And unlike the Flamas, I left no red handprints all over my walls like it was the freaking ending of Blair Witch.

Let me caution you, do not expect a capsaicin-fueled roller coaster or your tongue to IGNITE (as the bag claims it will). Even though these are the spiciest Doritos I’ve had, it is far from the spiciest food I’ve ever eaten. I would place the Doritos way above the level of Taco Bell’s Fire sauce but below Tabasco. Still, it’s a welcome punch from a bag of corn tortilla chips. My only complaint is wishing Doritos would turn up the heat a bit more, but that’s negligible.

Despite my feelings, these Doritos really can back up their claim that these are hot. The burn will linger around for a minute and then it’s gone, like a sip of good angry bourbon. I would buy these again. It satiated my hunger for something spicy and who doesn’t love a Dorito chip now and then? Or a bourbon? Fistbump yo!

Cheetos Fiery Fusion

I waited almost a day to open these, partly because I didn’t want to eat them immediately after the Doritos and not get a clean taste. …Mostly because I spent the rest of the day on a scotch fueled bender celebrating my friend’s birthday. (Extreeeeeme!!!)

So here I am staring at Chester Cheetah’s mug at five in the morning. That creepy ass show about missing people in America is on with a theme song that is as scary as the one from Unsolved Mysteries.

I stared at the bag over the chorus chanting “Missing. These people are missing” (see? I told you it was creepy). I went ahead and opened the bag in a clumsy manner. The smell of corn and fake cheese powder made its presence. I took one out and noticed there were patches of red splotches as if the Cheetos had a rash.

Eating one, it tasted very bland. What the hell? These were really boring. Taking a swig from a can of Sprite that has been lying on the counter since the day before, I went back to bed. I needed to sleep off my impending hangover. Additionally, my mouth felt like I went down on a bag of mulch.

I awoke to the sound of that CBS Sunday Morning opening. Feeling better, I decided to give those Cheetos a second try. Lulled from the trumpet of Wynton Marsalis, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bag. After eating a few, I confirmed it for myself.

These were so boring and dry. All I could taste was the corny corn puffs and fake-o cheese powder. The heat barely registered but like the Doritos, it would come up from the backside. That is the only similarity between the two.

I would compare the heat to that of a paper cup filled with coffee and too much non-diary creamer that has been sitting in a conference room for a day because the cleaning staff was too lazy to toss it away and now there is a ring on the table, so please clean it. I don’t care if that is a run on sentence, but it’s the best way I can describe the lack of any burn.

Sizzlin’ Cayenne & Cheese hmm? The cheese part is right but these were terrible if you could not tell. I couldn’t taste the cayenne and eating them felt like a mouthful of Styrofoam peanuts. I don’t know if it needed more salt or more cheese. More heat for sure.

Compared to the Doritos, these Cheetos are the lazy brother who sits around all day smoking pot, perpetually borrows money to buy more vinyls, and at the end of the day has accomplished nothing but a big fart. I know I’m being harsh, but these just plain sucked. I would rather wear a stupid Affliction t-shirt than eat another.

Even though it cost me $1.29, I want my money back. I feel ripped off and now I know why Chester is dancing on the bag. I want to knock his stupid sunglasses off. The bag is pushing “0 grams of trans fat” instead of how these things are so hot it will melt your eyeballs into a soup that you can drink later. This should have been a clue.

I’m not sure what makes me angrier, the fact that they are so bland or that the heat is neutered. I want my $1.29 back assholes! And in pennies so I can put them in a sock and flail it into Chester’s face.

(Nutrition Facts – Doritos Fiery Fusion – 1 ounce/12 chips – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein. Cheetos Fiery Fusion – 1 ounce/21 bland pieces – 150 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion review:
Food Junk
That Bootleg Guy
Hot Chicks Eatin’ Spicy Chips

Items: Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion
Prices: $1.29 each (A bargain for the Doritos, an obscene rip off for the Cheetos.)
Size: 3 ounces (Doritos Fiery Fusion)
Size: 3.25 ounces (Cheetos Fiery Fusion)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven (where the bottled water is spicier than these friggin’ Cheetos)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Doritos Fiery Fusion)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Cheetos Fiery Fusion)
Pros: In a saturated market of spicy chips, Doritos Fiery Fusion stand out. The Doritos are hot and the flavor alone was delicious, I would eat it even if they weren’t spicy. The heat lingers on both snacks and stays in the back of your throat comfortably. The Cheetos are not as bad as getting scrotum cancer. The Cheetos are also not as bad as a robot led apocalypse.
Cons: The Doritos could be a tad hotter. Cheetos are devoid of taste or heat. Fist bumps and sake bombs. The Cheetos have an unpleasant feel in your mouth. Theme song to Unsolved Mysteries. Chester and his sunglasses annoy me. Cunnilingus on mulch.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 8/20/2011

Marvo — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I’m no beer drinker. I’ll stick with adult beverages that have either umbrellas or straws in them. But this Newcastle Brown Ale Ice Cream sounds good. It definitely sounds much better than Old Milwaukee Light Ice Cream. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Frito-Lay combines cheesy and spicy for the billionth time. Okay, I’ll admit, billionth time is a complete exaggeration. It’s more like the millionth time. (via Food Junk)

Do kids in Japan giggle whenever they see the words “Crunky Ball Nude“? Because If I were to say those words to a typical sixth grader here in the US, I would make them giggle. Then they would tell their parents about what I said to them and soon after I would find myself being taken into police custody. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

I can’t believe this is a favourite in Canada. It’s flavour doesn’t sound very good and it’s colour doesn’t look very good. But I kinda still want to eat it. (via Tasty Lies)

Wendy’s adds more cheese to a cheeseburger. I look forward to the day when they add more frost to their Frosty. (via We Rate Stuff)

Image via flickr user Sean Davis / CC BY ND 2.0

NEWS: Frito-Lay Launches Cheetos Crunchy and Doritos Fiery Fusion Snacks

Marvo — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 10:36:00 +0000

Update: Click here for our Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion review

Snack powerhouse, Frito-Lay, has come out with a new line of spicy snacks called Fiery Fusion. According to the Frito-Lay website, the Fiery Fusion line currently consists of Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Crunchy Fiery Fusion.

What is Fiery Fusion?

According to the packaging, it’s a combination of “Sizzlin’ Cayenne & Cheese.” But looking through the ingredients list, it’s much more than that. It also includes jalapeno pepper powder, paprika, and other spices.

The Fiery Fusion line continues Frito-Lay’s push into spicy crunchy snacks. Earlier this year, the company released a line of Tapatío hot sauce-flavored snacks.

The nutrition facts for a one-ounce serving of Cheetos Crunchy Fiery Fusion: 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

A one-ounce serving of Doritos Fiery Fusion has 140 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Update: Click here for our Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion review

Source: Frito-Lay website

Image via flickr user wwarby / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles To Be Available Next Month At The-Giant-Blue-Superstore-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named

Marvo — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 10:23:34 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Beer Battered Onion Rings Ruffles review

Earlier this year, Frito-Lay held a contest to determine what the next flavor of Ruffles potato chips would be. The flavors that were pitted against each other mostly read like a menu at a truckstop diner and included Sloppy Joe, French Dip, Pepperoni Pizza, Beer Battered Onion Rings, Fried Pickles, Baby Back Ribs, Smothered Chicken Fried Steak, Wasabi Ranch, and Spinach Bacon Dip.

After the voting was completed and the flavor dust settled, Beer Battered Onion Rings ended up victorious and next month they’ll be available as an exclusive flavor at The-Giant-Blue-Superstore-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named.

The Ruffles Beer Battered Onion Rings continues Ruffles foray into unique savory flavors and follows Molten Hot Wings and Loaded Chili & Cheese, which were introduced earlier this year.

Unfortunately, the flavor will only be available at U.S. location of The-Giant-Blue-Superstore-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Hello Foodbeast.

Source: Frito-Lay Snacks Blog

Image via flickr user Shockingly Tasty / CC BY SA 2.0

NEWS: Kettle Brand Reduced Fat Chips Will Make Me Feel Slightly Less Guilty About Eating An Entire Bag

Marvo — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 22:00:00 +0000

Because I inhale Kettle Brand potato chips with a suction that is only bested by a Dyson vacuum cleaner, I tend to consume an entire 8-ounce bag in one couch potato-ing session. Of course, doing so makes it hard for me to keep my girlish figure. Fortunately for my girlish figure, Kettle Brand is releasing new line of reduced fat potato chips that come in some of their most popular flavors — Sea Salt, Sea Salt & Vinegar, and Salt & Fresh Ground Pepper.

The reduced fat potato chips will have 40 percent less fat than their regular counterparts. But, just like the regular versions of their chips they will contain non-GMO ingredients and contain no preservatives, no artificial colors or flavors, and no MSG.

To give you an idea of how different the reduced fat version is from the regular version:

A 1-ounce serving of Kettle Brand Reduced Fat Sea Salt chips has 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 4.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

A serving of regular Kettle Brand Sea Salt chips has 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 115 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

Kettle Brand Reduced Fat Sea Salt potato chips are available now in 8-ounce bags and have a suggested retail price of $3.49. Salt & Fresh Ground Pepper and Sea Salt & Vinegar will be released in August.

Image via flickr user soleiletoile / CC BY SA 2.0