REVIEW: Nabisco S’mores Chips Ahoy Cookies

Nabisco S'mores Chips Ahoy Cookies

Ahoy-hoy!

It is believed s’mores were invented in 1927. Chips Ahoy (!) first hit shelves in 1963. We had to wait ’til 2016 for the first collaboration. What took so long?

Just in case you live under a rock that rests under a boulder and don’t know what’s in a s’more, please allow Hamilton “The Great Hambino” Porter from The Sandlot to explain the recipe:

“First you take the graham. You stick the chocolate on the graham. Then, you roast the mallow. Once the mallow’s flaming, you stick it on the chocolate. Then, you cover it with the other end.”

Graham. Chocolate. Marshmallow. Simple as the simplest of pies.

So, after 53 years in the making, do S’mores Chips Ahoy stack up to the classic campfire staple? The better question would be, is “s’more” the singular or is it always “s’mores”? Inquiring minds (me) would like to know.

Nabisco S'mores Chips Ahoy Cookies 2

Nabisco claims their new S’mores Chips Ahoy cookies contain choco and marshmallow flavored chips. Despite no hint on the packaging, they seem to have tweaked their classic cookie recipe to make it taste like a graham cracker. I think. I’ll get back to that.

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Each cookie has standard chocolate chips and a chocolate center, which instantly put me in mind of the brownie-flavored Chips Ahoy put out recently. From memory, the taste was almost identical.

I tried my best to dissect the cookie and eat a white chip by itself. They’re supposedly “marshmallow flavored” but they just tasted like indistinguishable vanilla chips. Marshmallow flavor only goes so far, you really need the texture to go along with it. That was definitely the most disappointing part.

These cookies really just taste like a regular Chewy Chips Ahoy with extra chocolate. They are a campfire misfire! The middle should have been marshmallow. I don’t understand why they didn’t go that route. Why skimp on arguably the most important detail? You’re killing me, Smalls!

What about the graham?

Each cookie has a tinge of cinnamon, which I assume was their attempt to mock the graham flavor. I had to eat a few and really think about whether or not I tasted it before I read the ingredient list to confirm my cinnamon suspicions.

A crunchy graham cracker is the foundation of a great s’more. Sure, they’re a pain in the neck to eat, but not having one is akin to making a BLT with a pickle instead of a tomato. No one’s ever heard of a BLP!

That actually sounds kinda good. Scratch that from the record. Still, without a tasty graham, you’re only two-thirds of the way to a s’more.

You’ll never hear me say what I’m about to say again. I wish these were regular crunchy Chips Ahoy. I’m of the opinion that since the advent of the chewy variety, the blue bag has been rendered pointless, but when we’re talking s’mores, I need a crunch substitute for the graham cracker.

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The package advises to pop these in the microwave for ten seconds. While they didn’t get super gooey or “s’morsey,” they did taste a bit better. But again, it was just a warm Chewy Chips Ahoy.

I don’t think you’d ever in a million years guess the flavor of this cookie without a hint. They don’t look like a s’more, they don’t smell like a s’more (but they still smell delicious), and they don’t taste like a s’more.

I’ve whined a lot, but in the end these taste like a Chewy Chips Ahoy, and I like Chewy Chips Ahoy.

They still go down easy, but if you’re expecting that classic s’mores flavor, tough break.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 9.6 oz.
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Chewy Chips Ahoy are a solid cookie. Chocolate center is fine. Even though they don’t smell like s’mores, they smell delicious. Cinnamon Suspicions is a good band name. The Sandlot. BLPs.
Cons: Tastes like previous flavors. Marshmallow chips don’t taste or feel like marshmallow. Needs s’more graham. In no way, shape, or form a s’more. Punctuation in product names.

REVIEW: Keebler Limited Batch Birthday Cake Fudge Stripes Cookies

Keebler Limited Batch Birthday Cake Fudge Stripes Cookies

During the 45 years or so of the Cold War, the United States and Soviet Union built up massive quantities of nuclear weapons in an effort to counter each other and become the world’s leading super power.

Each had their own spheres of influence, but since separate hemispheres weren’t enough, both nations just kept building more and bigger missiles until one couldn’t keep up any longer.

A quarter century after the Berlin Wall fell, another arms race is occurring. The good news is that the entire existence of the human race is no longer at stake. The bad news is that we are all going to get massively obese.

It’s a trade I am totally cool with.

Gone are the days when Oreo was content with being the world’s leading chocolate sandwich cookie; likewise, Keebler’s elves aspire to an empire greater than just fudge covered shortbreads. The two companies have fought for cookie supremacy in recent limited time offerings of red velvet and pumpkin spice, but the latest flashpoint in the great cookie conflict is one flavor that I never get tired of celebrating: Birthday Cake.

While I give the elves credit for creating a cookie that has all three traditional elements of birthday cake (sprinkles, frosting, and uh, “cake”) I do need to point out that the box artwork features a cupcake. At first I thought this was just a celebration of portion control, but since the package also happens to be non-resalable — thus increasing my chances of inhaling all the cookies in one sitting — I realize the elves probably just suck at making distinctions.

I, however, do not. And to be sure, the distinction of Birthday Cake vs. Cupcake is one I take seriously. If you show me a cupcake, I expect the frosting to steal the show. That’s not the case with these cookies, though.

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Oh, I mean the shortbread element is fine. It’s buttery with a delectably fine crumb and the non-overpowering element of sweetness I admire about the original Fudge Stripe.

But whereas the original Fudge Stripe can get away with a faux-chocolate glaze that works to balance the shortbread, the frosting glaze on the latest batch of shortbread just tastes like that generic palm oil glaze we’ve all had a million times. It’s not buttercream frosting; it’s not cream cheese frosting; it’s not even a damn Swiss meringue. It’s just way too sweet, and lacks that luscious mouthfeel of an actual frosting element. Likewise, it’s cut off from the sprinkles, which themselves lack the crunchy contrast I want buried in frosting.

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Fortunately, since my pantry is always willing to celebrate an actual birthday, I had some rainbow chip frosting handy. Now, while I realize this stuff would be good on anything from pancakes to Ritz crackers, I did find it especially wonderful when stuffed between the Fudge Stripe Birthday Cake cookies.

Biting through the crunchy shortbread into actual, sprinkled-filled frosting — even in an artificial, shelf-stable form — reminded me of Oreo’s birthday cake attempt and how providing just a level of textural contrast can go a long way to really making a birthday cake-flavored product worth the purchase.

Does the fact that Oreo makes a better birthday cake cookie than Keebler mean that the Elves are destined to toil in a downtrodden economy until an ex-KGB spy who likes to take his shirt off attempts to assert them as the world’s leading cookie makers? Probably not. But in the arms race of cookie flavors, Keebler’s latest gambit just can’t keep pace.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: $2.99
Purchased at: Weis Markets
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Delectable shortbread crumb. Crunchy sprinkle pieces. Wonderful vehicle birthday cake frosting.
Cons: Waxy, mostly tasteless frosting element. Too much shortbread taste for a birthday cake product. Non-resalable packaging. Cookie company flavor arms races.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Blueberry Pie Oreo Cookies

Limited Edition Blueberry Pie Oreo Cookies

I imagine there are some of you out there who are absolutely sick of all these limited edition Oreo flavors. You’ve probably left a comment on someone’s Facebook post about a new Oreo variety that was somewhere along the lines of “Enough with the Oreo flavors” or “Oreo needs to stop” or “OreOh no, not moreo Oreos.”

But think of the food scientists who develop these flavors. Oreo is the canvas on which they can use natural and artificial flavors to unleash their creativity. Would you take away a paintbrush from Van Gogh? Would you cut the strings in Beethoven’s piano? Would you smash Hemingway’s typewriter with a sledgehammer? Would you take Chicago away from Dick Wolf?

Without the Oreo cookie, some food scientists might have less fun jobs to do, like coming up with new ways for Nature Valley to use granola or trying to shoehorn Kashi’s seven whole grains into something edible.

The latest flavor that’ll make Oreo haters roll their eyes is Limited Edition Blueberry Pie.

The cookie combines the graham-flavored wafer that comes with S’mores, Strawberry Shortcake, and Key Lime Pie Oreo cookies with a Violet Beauregard-colored blueberry creme.

These aren’t the first blueberry Oreo cookies to enter my mouth. I’ve had blueberry ice cream flavored Oreo cookies from Asia that used chocolate wafers. While they were good, they didn’t make me instantly call Nabisco’s Customer Service line and demand the company bring blueberry Oreo cookies to the U.S. But these Blueberry Pie Oreo Cookies make me want to call the Nabisco Customer Service line and demand they never leave shelves or send me a signed letter from the current Mondelez CEO promising they’ll be back next year.

Limited Edition Blueberry Pie Oreo Cookies 2

While I’ve never had a blueberry pie with a graham cracker crust, I’ve mostly had the lattice top ones depicted on the front of the packaging, this Oreo makes me pie-curious. Now I must try a blueberry pie with a graham cracker crust, because I think these are the best fruit-flavored Oreo cookies so far.

The slightly tart blueberry flavor reminds me of what I’d get from a blueberry pie, muffin, scone, or (insert baked good here). Good job, food scientists! The graham-flavored wafers do a great job of complementing the creme. They go together like Cagney & Lacey, Norm & Cliff, and Ren & Stimpy. The wafers don’t heavily dampen the creme’s flavor and there’s the same level of graham flavor as there would be a crust flavor in an actual blueberry pie. It’s a great combination and one that’s surprising because of my previous blueberry Oreo experience.

But there are two minor issues. Even though, these are wonderful cookies, the image of the lattice top pie on the packaging doesn’t represent what the cookies taste like. Also, these are currently available only at Target for a limited time. But again, minor issues.

Overall, I think these Limited Edition Blueberry Pie Oreo Cookies are good enough to make new Oreo flavor haters still hate new Oreo flavors. Yes, haters are going to still hate no matter what. But if you’re a fan of blueberry baked goods, I think you’ll love these.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 10.7 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Blueberry flavor reminds me of baked goods. My favorite fruit-flavored Oreo cookie. Letting food scientists be creative. Creme and wafers are a great combination. Wafer doesn’t mute the creme’s flavor much.
Cons: Limited edition Oreo haters are gonna to hate these. Blueberry haters are gonna hate these. Limited edition. Available only at Target.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Fruity Crisp Oreo Cookies

Nabisco Limited Edition Fruity Crisp Oreo Cookies

Well, I guess this is how it starts.

Yes, “it.”

Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s only the single worst thing in the universe; the thing people have been warning us about for years. It’s the reason why I’ve been stocking up the shelves in my basement, quietly prepping for the disaster I knew would eventually befall us. And to think the harbinger of the impending doom is America’s most beloved cookie company.

The cerealapocalypse.

After tasting the new Fruity Crisp Oreo Cookies I’m convinced the end of cereal eating as we know could be near. We already knew people were ditching cereal because they’ve been too damn lazy to wash out their bowls, but now that Oreo has managed to pack the flavor of Fruity Pebbles in between their Golden wafers, well, Post might as well file Chapter 11.

Every time Oreo releases a new flavor people say things like, “This is a game-changer.” But I’m not here to tell you what is and is not a gamer changer; I’m here to tell you these cookies taste exactly like Fruity freaking Pebbles, right on down to that initial Paleolithic burst of cloying artificial fruit flavor.

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From the moment I opened the bag the unmistakable aroma of Fruity Pebbles assaulted my nostrils like a friendly prehistoric child with a large club, while an initial sampling of the Golden Oreo base revealed the distinct aftertaste of the Fruity Pebbles cereal we all remember from the days when we smuggled it into our mommies’ shopping carts at the supermarket.

Nabisco Limited Edition Fruity Crisp Oreo Cookies 3

After effortlessly separating the filling from the cookies, I sampled the frosting-like creme on its own. This is not your standard Oreo creme. It’s not as chalky or stiff as regular Oreo creme, and it has a shelf-stable frosting like quality in the way you can pluck it from the cookie with your finger. The taste, bursting with crispy, fruity cereal pieces, is unmistakably milky and sweet, like cereal that’s been steeped in milk for the better part of a day. If I was going to make an ice cream out of cereal, I imagine it would taste a lot like the creme.

Yes, the cerealapocalypse is upon us.

Biting into each cookie, you get every element of a bowl of Fruity Pebbles; the milk is there, the crispy cereal texture is there, and of course, the hypersweet fruity taste dominates. Basically, each cookie renders the cereal box and carton of milk a relic from the past. As a traditional cereal eater, even I will admit it tastes insanely awesome.

But there may be one hope for those of us used to eating cereal the old fashioned way. For as much as I enjoyed the first couple of cookies, I couldn’t get into the same kind of mindless cookie eating groove that I can get into with a standard Oreo. I mean, you have to really love Fruity Pebbles to make it through an entire package, mostly because the overwhelmingly sweet, artificial taste of Fruity Pebbles is so accurate that you feel like you’ve just eaten 3-4 bowls of Fruity Pebbles after just 3-4 cookies. With that in mind, I can see some Oreo fanatics loving these cookies, but not making them a repeat purchase.

In any case, that’s my only hope for the cereal industry, because these cookies are so accurate in copying the taste of Fruity Pebbles, they’ll make you forget Fred Flintstone existed.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 80 mg of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 10.7 oz
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Perfectly captures the taste of Fruity Pebbles in every bite. Milky, frosting-like creme. Crispy textural contrast. Golden wafers that have fruity cereal taste.
Cons: Exceptionally sweet and artificial, to the point where the Fruity Pebbles taste can wear on you. Packaging literally out of the Stone Age. Not as good as some of the other limited edition Oreo flavors. Needs a chocolate lovers equivalent with chocolate wafers and Cocoa Pebbles.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo Cookies

Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo

Just like the Earth is going to eventually run out of fossil fuels, Nabisco is going to run out of Oreo flavors. I’m no Oreologist, so I can’t estimate when that’ll happen, but unless Oreo starts going the salmon pâté route, they’re going to run out of ideas.

Every year for the past few years, Oreo has come out with around half a dozen new flavors, and that doesn’t even include brand spinoffs like Oreo Thins. It’s an impressive rate. The creators of these new Oreo varieties must be frantically working with natural and artificial flavors to keep up this pace. I’m talking as frantic as North Korean rocket scientists.

The latest flavor to come out of Nabisco’s DRPK (Development of Really Pleasurable Kookies) is the Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo.

You might be thinking, “Isn’t strawberry shortcake a Valentine’s Day and Easter thing now and both holidays have passed.” Yeah, I know. But strawberry shortcake is like Tom Hanks. It can be whatever it wants to be.

At first, the cookies had an aroma that reminded me of the Strawberry Nesquik plume I accidentally inhaled after dumping a spoonful of the powder into a glass. But later sniffs had a more generic strawberry candy vibe.

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If you go by what’s on the packaging, the sandwich cookie features a Pepto-Bismol-colored creme with, at first glance, what appears to be a Golden Oreo wafer. Unfortunately, the computer generated image on the package doesn’t accurately portray what the wafers look like in real life. They’re a bit more tanned and that’s probably due to the “graham flour” in it. Yes, it’s the same graham flour found in the S’mores and Key Lime Oreo wafers.

When eaten by themselves they do have a noticeable graham to them, but I’m not quite sure they’re the exact same ones because the other two proudly promoted the fact they had graham-flavored cookies and this flavor doesn’t.

Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo 3

As for the creme, I had a few ideas of how it would taste. After all, there have been almost enough strawberry-flavored Oreo varieties for Buzzfeed to create a listicle of them. There’s Strawberries ’n Creme, Strawberry Milkshake, and Berry Burst Ice Cream. However, after licking the creme, I wasn’t sure if it was from any of them.

It has an artificial, but pleasant and mild strawberry flavor with a hint tanginess. I also got a slight milkiness at the back end, which I guess could represent the whipped cream of a strawberry shortcake. Its flavor reminds me of a particular strawberry candy, but I can’t exactly put my tongue on it after a dozen licks.

As a whole, the creme goes nicely with the graham wafers, but these Limited Edition Strawberry Shortcake Oreo Cookies were a slight letdown. I mean, they’re not bad cookies by far. I enjoyed them and I think most of you would like them.

But the sandwich cookie doesn’t make me think of strawberry shortcake. The cookie has the strawberry part, it obviously has the short part, and it might even have the whipped cream part, but I’m not sure it has the cake part. When I think of strawberry shortcake, graham doesn’t come to mind. I know there are recipes out there that use a graham cracker crust, but does the strawberry shortcake image on the packaging look like it uses one? Maybe Golden Oreo wafers would’ve made more sense. But, again, I’m no Oreologist, so I don’t know if that would’ve made a difference.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: Purchased on eBay at a significantly higher price than retail
Size: 10.7 oz package
Purchased at: eBay (but it’s a Walmart exclusive)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: A decent Oreo flavor. Strawberry creme has a slight tanginess and milkiness. Getting more use out of those graham flavored cookies. New Oreo varieties coming out at an impressive rate.
Cons: Doesn’t make me think of strawberry shortcake. Pepto-Bismol colored creme. Strawberry creme might be from a previous flavor. North Korean rocket scientist reference.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy Soft Chunky Original Cookies

Chips Ahoy Soft Chunky Original Cookies

When I first saw these new Chips Ahoy Soft Chunky Original Cookies, I experienced junk food deja vu.

It turns out, even though the word “New” is printed on the packaging of these cookies, they aren’t really new and they don’t taste new.

I’ll explain.

While doing some research on these cookies, I happened to come across a 2005 review about Chips Ahoy Soft BAKED Chunky Cookies written by some guy named Marvo from a website called The Impulsive Buy. In that review, he said those tasted exactly like regular Chips Ahoy. And that’s also the case here, so it’s not something new in terms of flavor.

Although the cookie has more of an emphasis on the semisweet chocolate chips and chunks. With every bite, your taste buds will get slapped with chocolatey flavor. It’s almost to the point where your mouth might think it’s eating a candy bar.

As for the cookie part of the cookie, it’s not as soft as regular Chewy Chips Ahoy. But these could also easily be called Chunky Chewy Chips Ahoy or given its predecessor’s name, Chips Ahoy Soft Baked Chunky Cookies.

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Whether or not you’ll enjoy these soft cookies really comes down to what you think of Chips Ahoy in general. If you dislike the flavor of any of them, then you’ll obviously dislike these since they don’t taste very different. But if you’re fine with the cookie that has an exclamation point in its name, then stuff your face with them!

Actually, don’t stuff your face with them! Because according to the nutrition facts the serving size is ONE COOKIE. So if you crowd your maw with them, you’ll easily be eating four or five servings.

As someone who likes Chips Ahoy cookies, I think their flavor is fine, but the idea of these cookies are a bit of a letdown. Again, they’re not a new idea. Nabisco has done it before. I think to go from the creative, and yummy, Hot Cocoa Chips Ahoy and then down to this rehashed product, makes me disappointed in the Nabisco ingenuity engine.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 90 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 10.5 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like Chips Ahoy with more chocolatey flavor. Lots of semisweet chocolate chips and chunks. Hot Cocoa Chips Ahoy. I’ve reviewed a lot of stuff.
Cons: Not really a new product. Tastes like all other Chips Ahoy. Serving size is ONE COOKIE. Who eats just ONE COOKIE? I wish I bought the peanut butter version.