Here are a few SCARY product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

BOO! Orange candy coated chocolate pieces in chocolate chip cookies. Oh, that’s SCARY! (via Junk Food Betty)

Even scarier? How about Sugar-Free Pumpkin Peeps that, according to its packaging, “may cause stomach discomfort and/or a mild laxative effect.” Muahahaha! SCARY…FOR YOUR UNDERWEAR! (via Rodzilla Reviews)

When I saw pictures of this scary item it shook me to the bone, which the scary item does not have. It would make Dr. Frankenstein proud. (via Tampa Bay Food Monster)

Want to scare the kiddies this Halloween? Nothing scares the kiddies more than…VEGETABLES! (via Freezer Burns)

This gummy candy is spooky. But not when you first look at them, because you can’t really tell what they are. But if you look closely and let you brain process it, then you’ll figure out what they are, and then they’ll be SPOOKY! (via Candyblog)

If you’re looking to piss off the trick or treaters in your neighborhood and ensure your home will get either egged or TP-ed, then pass out Chips Ahoy! Halloween chocolate chip cookies. Their chocolatey goodness puts them just a step above a roll of pennies, but their fragility puts them several steps below any candy.

Chips Ahoy! Halloween are somewhat similar to Chips Ahoy! American Summer, except instead of red. white, and blue candy coated pieces, they just have orange candy coated pieces. Since they aren’t very different, I also expect Chips Ahoy! Halloween to taste just like regular Chips Ahoy! cookies.

Let’s just hope Nabisco decided this time to make Chips Ahoy! Halloween in an appropriate country, unlike with Chips Ahoy! American Summer which were made in Mexico. So I hope Nabisco had these Halloween holiday chocolate chip cookies made in Transylvania.

Chips Ahoy! Halloween are currently available for a limited time in 13 ounces packages.

Thanks to @NickL3git on Twitter for letting us know about Chips Ahoy! Halloween and for the image above.

Chips Ahoy cookies are like the human drug testing subjects of the cookie world because Nabisco will stick anything into them to see if it works. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups…yup. Heath Candy Bar pieces…yup. Candy coated chocolate pieces…yup. Oatmeal…yup. Patriotism…yup.

This time around they’re putting fudge into the center of their signature chocolate chip cookies to create Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey Chocofudge and Megafudge cookies. Yes, the fudge puts the “gooey” in the Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey. Yes, Chocofudge and Megafudge sound like Godzilla’s gigantic blob-like neighbors on Monster Island. And, yes, I wish one of them was named Superfudge so that, much like Nabisco stuffs fudge into these cookies, I could stuff this review with Judy Blume references.

The Chocofudge version looks like a regular Chewy Chips Ahoy cookie, while the Megafudge looks like a Chips Ahoy cookie from a bizarro dimension with its chocolate cookie and white chocolate chips. Although, due to the fudge injection, both varieties look a little more plump than regular Chewy Chips Ahoy.

Fudge fills each cookie like a Great Dane fills a Smart Car. With the amount of fudge it’s almost impossible to not get fudge in every bite, unless you’re one of those odd people who nibbles a cookie like a bunny rabbit nibbles on a carrot.

The Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey cookies are chewy, but I’m not completely sold on the gooey part. In my mind I’ve always imagined gooey being something soft and sticky that holds together as if their lives depended on it as it’s being stretched apart and only separating because gravity demanded it. Although, I may have this mindset from watching way too many pizza commercials. There is some stretching, but the fudge gives up easily, much like I do when playing Madden at All-Madden difficulty. But the fudge doesn’t cry, throw a controller across the room, and scream “I suuuuuck.”

While they aren’t gooey in my eyes, the Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey Chocofudge are really good and a step above regular Chewy Chips Ahoy. Heck, let me say they’re also better than regular non-chewy Chips Ahoy. The fudge, while not quality stuff, does give the cookie a significantly stronger chocolate flavor which makes these cookies much more satisfying than regular Chips Ahoy.

As for the Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey Megafudge, I can’t say I enjoyed them as much as the Chocofudge. And I blame the white chocolate chips for that. The chocolate cookie and fudge give it a deep chocolate flavor, but the white chocolate chips disrupt it. They’re like those people who ruin the telling of a really good story by interrupting the storyteller at the most interesting moments with meaningless comments and questions, like “What happened next?” or “If that was me, I’d slap that bitch.”

What happened next? If you shut up, you’ll find out.

I’m glad Nabisco decided to stuff fudge into these Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey cookies instead of dipping them in fudge like they do with their Oreo cookies, because having fudge on the outside tends to get a little messy. Although, since Chips Ahoy are like the human drug testing subjects of the cookie world, I wouldn’t be surprised if a fudge filled and fudge dipped Chips Ahoy cookie popped up on store shelves.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – Chocofudge – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 grams of protein. Megafudge – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 grams of protein)

Item: Nabisco Chips Ahoy! Chewy Gooey Cookies (Chocofudge and Megafudge)
Price: $3.99 each
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Chocofudge)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Megafudge)
Pros: Chocofudge is a better Chips Ahoy cookie. Enough fudge to have fudge in every bite. Strong chocolate flavor. Not using an exclamation point after EVERY Chips Ahoy reference. Judy Blume.
Cons: Not as gooey as I hoped. White chocolate chips throw off flavor of Megafudge. People who interrupt storytellers. Playing Madden at All-Madden level.

When I bought the Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, I thought I was about to get my America on. But, my raging patriotism turned into dismay when I found out the cookies were made in Mexico.

Mexico? Really?

If your name has America in it, you better be made in America, just like Los Angeles-born actress America Ferrera. If these cookies wanted to truly be American, they should’ve been made in the good ol’ U-S-of-A…or where many American products are made — in China. Now some of you might be preparing blog comments in your head that include the words, “Mexico is in North AMERICA,” but that’s not the America I’m talking about, I’m talking about the good ol’ Red, White, and Blue, and not the good ol’…whatever colors make up the Mexican flag.

And…I just lost the four TIB readers that live in Mexico. You’re next, the two readers in South Korea.

On the Chips Ahoy! American Summer packaging, it says it’s “Crammed with Joy,” but it’s really chocolate chips; red, white, and blue candy coated fudge pieces; and disappointment crammed into a cookie that’s the same size as the regular version.

My displeasure with these cookies stem from the fact that they don’t taste any different from regular non-patriotic Chips Ahoy!

(See Nabisco. The previous sentence is why you shouldn’t use an exclamation point in your product’s name. People will see that exclamation point and think I’m really mad about Chips Ahoy! American Summer tasting like the regular version, but I only feel a little gypped.)

If you were to blindfold me with an American flag or blind me with the light from 50 stars, then tie my arms together using 13 stripes, and then have the ghost of Betsy Ross feed me Chips Ahoy! American Summer and regular Chips Ahoy! cookies using her sewing needles, the only way I could tell which is which is by the crunch of the candy coated fudge pieces, which is different from the crunch of the cookie. But, those two crunches combined with the rudeness of chewing with my mouth open, makes my maw sound like there are Fourth of July fireworks going on in there.

Yeah, that last sentence was a bit of a stretch, but I’m trying to make these cookies sound more American than they truly are. Because if you think about it, the red, white, and blue candy pieces could easily confuse people into thinking these cookies are Chips Ahoy! French Summer, Chips Ahoy! North Korea Summer, Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer, or Chips Ahoy! Faroe Islands Summer.

Again, with these Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, you’re just eating something that tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies. There really isn’t anything really spectacular about them. But, if you’re having a huge Fourth of July barbeque with excessive red, white, blue themed items, like napkins, plates, cups, balloons, types of tortilla chips, and inflatable outdoor playground bouncers, then Chips Ahoy! American Summer is perfect for you.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 cookies – 160 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 6% iron.)

*uses partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Chips Ahoy! American Summer
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 12.2 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Resealable packaging. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats. Fourth of July barbeques. Outdoor playground bouncers.
Cons: Tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! Nothing spectacular about them. Could easily be confused as Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer cookies. Chips Ahoy! having an exclamation point in its name.

Combining Chips Ahoy! chocolate chips cookies with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups sounds like the kind of trickery that only magical asexual elves living in the Hollow Tree Factory could come up with. But, of course, due to patents and trademarks owned by Nabisco, the magical asexual elves who get off on baking packaged treats, instead of woodland creatures, couldn’t have made the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies.

Through my decades of eating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, I know fusing peanut butter with chocolate makes an excellent combination, much like bringing together five crazy bitches from New Jersey makes for an entertaining train wreck on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. But merging that awesome combination of peanut butter and chocolate with the equally awesome Chips Ahoy! cookie has the potential to be mind-blowing and belt-busting.

But mostly belt-busting.

The merging of the two makes sense, much like a dinner between the women from The Real Housewives of New Jersey and the cast from The Real Housewives of Atlanta makes sense for the Bravo Network. It would be the Big Bang of Bitchiness, and I believe ratings would go through the roof because hair weaves would be pulled out left and right, police officers would get involved and profanity would be spewed out as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.

While the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies don’t make me want to pull out someone’s hair extensions, they do make me want to spurt out profanity in the form of verbs, nouns, adjectives, and pronouns. However, I would be cursing with delight and a smile on my face, and not in anger with crazy eyes, because the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the muthafuckin’ shit.

Actually, let me take that back. Not the profanity, but how much I enjoyed these cookies.

I’m downgrading how much of the shit it is because it’s hard to detect the unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup’s peanut butter in the cookie. There’s definitely a pleasant peanut butter flavor, which is nicely balanced with the chocolate and the rest of the crunchy cookie, but it’s not what I expected. I can see chunks of peanut butter cups in each cookie, but it’s hard for me to believe they’re actual pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Thankfully there’s an ingredients list, which tells me that there are actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces. But it’s near the bottom of the list, which tells me there isn’t much. However, there are other ingredients ahead of it on the list that relate to peanut butter cups: peanut butter baking cups, peanut flavored chips, and something called Reese’s Peanut Butter Drops. Since there are more of these ingredients, they might be the cause of the cookie’s unexpected flavor.

Although I’m disappointed Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups aren’t noticeable in the cookies, I do think they’re really good. They’ve got the same crunch as regular Chips Ahoy! cookies and are also hard to put down. While I don’t think they’re the muthafuckin’ shit, I do think they are the shit.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 160 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 4% iron.)

*may contain less than 0.5 grams of trans fat due to use of partially hydrogenated oils

(NOTE: Thanks to TIB reader Alex for letting us know about these cookies.)

Item: Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It is the shit. Really good. Nice balance of chocolate and peanut butter. Crunchy like regular Chips Ahoy! Being able to use profanity as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.
Cons: The unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup isn’t noticeable. Getting caught in the middle of a fight between the casts of Real Housewives shows. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces is listed near the bottom of the ingredients list. Getting hair weaves pulled out. Not the muthafuckin’ shit.

Once upon a time there was a chocolate chip cookie named Chips Ahoy, who wondered if there was someone special out there for him. He had dated a few other chocolate chip cookies, like Mrs. Fields, but he felt they were too similar to him. Chips Ahoy wanted someone different, maybe someone with M&M’s or white chocolate chips, instead of the regular chocolate chips he had.

While standing out on the edge of the shelf one evening, he noticed someone on the shelf below him. Chips Ahoy knew that it wasn’t a chocolate chip cookie and decided to take a closer look. He climbed down to the shelf below and hid behind a box of graham crackers.

Chips Ahoy slowly peeked out from behind the box to take a look at the stranger.

“Oh my goodness,” Chips Ahoy thought to himself. “She’s beautiful.”

He couldn’t stop looking at her big round dark colored cookies and her lovely white creamy center.

Attracted to her beauty, Chips Ahoy came out from behind the graham crackers and walked towards the beautiful stranger.

“Excuse me,” he said to get her attention.

The beautiful stranger turned around and was surprised by the sight of Chips Ahoy. She had never seen a cookie that big before.

“Who are you?” she said as she stared at his crunchy body.

“I’m Chips Ahoy and I think you’re the most delicious cookie I’ve ever seen,” he exclaimed. “What’s your name?”

“M-m-my name is Oreo,” she said excitingly.

Oreo had never heard any other cookie say such a thing to her. His flattery made her heart flutter and she began to fall in love with Chips Ahoy.

He came closer to Oreo and whispered to her, “I have fallen for you and it appears you have fallen for me.”

“But…” she said, as she turned away from him. “As much as we adore each other, we can’t be together.”

Oreo knew that they could never be together, because it was taboo in the cookie world to mix. They would be looked down upon by not only the other Chips Ahoy and Oreos, but also the Fig Newtons, Nutter Butters, Teddy Grahams, and all the others.

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” Chips Ahoy said as he turned Oreo back towards him.

He looked intensely at her and said, “All that matters is what you and I think.”

Taken by his strong statement, Oreo led Chips Ahoy to a secluded area on the shelf, behind the Pepperidge Farms Goldfish.

Once they were safely hidden, Chips Ahoy grabbed Oreo and began passionately licking her white creamy center. Oreo had never felt anything so good before.

After a few minutes, Oreo wanted to return the favor, so she began nibbling on Chips Ahoy’s chocolate chips. Then things got really hot and heavy between the two of them and crumbs began flying everywhere.

(Editor’s Note: I could be explicit here, but I REALLY don’t want an NC-17 rating for this post. Besides it’s more fun if you use your imagination.)

After that night of passion, Oreo soon learned that she was pregnant.

For nine months, Chips Ahoy and Oreo were afraid of what their child would look like. But when it was born, it turned out to be a beautiful combination of each cookie. It had the creamy white center of Oreo, sandwiched between two smaller Chips Ahoy.

They quickly decided to name their child Chips Ahoy Cremewich.

Then just like a scene from Nature on PBS, they began eating their child.

They were surprised how good Chips Ahoy Cremewich tasted. It was damn good. So good that they wished they hooked up sooner. After they were done eating, they had more hot cookie sex and made more Chips Ahoy Cremewiches.

And that’s how the Chips Ahoy Cremewiches were created.

Item: Chips Ahoy Cremewiches
Purchase Price: $4.99
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Brings together the best of Oreos and Chips Ahoy. Damn good. Sometimes all you need is love.
Cons: Formed from intercookie breeding (It seemed so wrong, but yet seemed so right).