QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Sweet Barbecue Rice Thins

Nabisco Sweet Barbecue Rice Thins

Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 3.5 oz box
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed these and they satisfy my taste buds as much as any Wheat Thins. Bold, sweet barbecue flavor, with a very slight kick, that made me forget I was eating something called Rice Thins. Better for you than Wheat Thins. If you’re allergic to gluten and want a crispy snack that’s full of flavor, you can’t go wrong with these.
Cons: The negative rice snack stereotype I created in my head thanks to being fed rice cakes as a child. Picking up a box will make you think you’re packing on some muscle, but it just that this snack is super light and airy. It’s a bit too easy to eat through an entire box.

Nutrition Facts: 13 pieces – 120 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nabisco Limited Edition Dill Pickle Wheat Thins

Nabisco Limited Edition Dill Pickle Wheat Thins

Consistency is a glorious, necessary trait for humanity. Not just being consistently good at something, mind you—like the SEC’s year in and year out domination of college football—but in being predictable in any sort of behavior or result.

It’s the kind of attribute which keeps order in the universe. Which allows us, at the end of the day, to know Jack Bauer will save the world from a catastrophic nuclear incident, or regardless of whatever the new Star Wars movies feature, the Stormtroopers are still going to suck at shooting.

You know what’s not consistent? Wheat Thins’ Limited Edition Dill Pickle crisps. They’re so woefully inconsistent. They remind me of what would happen if an NFL team ever alternated Tom Brady and Tony Romo for every other snap (note to Madden players, this is not advisable on All-Madden mode.) Rarely have I encountered a snack I’ve wanted to love so much and wanted to hate so passionately; seldom have I partaken in a game of flavor roulette like the one I experienced when dunking my hands into the neon-green pickle graced box.

I guess I should go back to the start of this love-hate relationship. I had high hopes for these given that I’m a card carrying dill pickle fiend. Okay, not so much that I would name my second-born son after the combination of herbs and vinegar, but enough that I get chided by friends for adding dill pickles to every sandwich imaginable. BLT? Better make that a BLTP. Peanut Butter and Jelly? Hey it’s not as crazy as it sounds! And don’t ask me to exercise restraint in the presence of Route 11’s Dill Pickle potato chips, which have just the right amount of zing and zang to perk up an otherwise refreshing and floral herb flavor.

Nabisco Limited Edition Dill Pickle Wheat Thins Closeup

The aroma of the crackers is intense, with a sort of unnatural and heavy smell that’s more reminiscent of a straight-up jar of Mt. Olive pickles than your standard dill pickle potato chips. The seasoning seems twofold in nature, with specks of both green dried dill weed and an odd powdery white substance adorning the crackers in varying levels of coverage. It’s this inconsistent coverage which I soon found to be the crackers’ undoing.

Those which aired on the lighter side of seasoning, with less of the powdery white substance and more of the dried dill, had a restrained vinegar flavor that perked my taste buds to the ensuing malty, wheaty sweetness of the cracker. Just the right amount of salt rounded out the sweetness, which reaches its apex upon the trademark crunch and glutinous chew.

That was cracker number one. Cracker number two proved less enjoyable. A lot less enjoyable. The chief culprit seems to be the powdery white substance. Heavy like the seasoning for sour cream, it’s got a buttermilk funk and an overbearing vinegar flavor that tastes way too much like pure dill pickle brine. Not the pickle, mind you, but the freaking brine. It’s just too strong and lacking any of the floral qualities of dill to render it as a true dill pickle flavor. In fact, it’s so overwhelming I would have thought I was eating white vinegar-flavored Wheat Thins. The worst part of the experience? The flavor overwhelms the backend malty sweetness, and damages the otherwise worthy Wheat Thins base.

That was cracker two. Cracker three was somewhere in between these two extremes, while cracker four was even better than cracker one, having little of the white residue to torment me with its excessive fermented funk. It was at that point that the Limited Edition Dill Pickle Wheat Thins and I decided to take a break from each other. Rather, it was at this point that I decided I needed a snack I could count on.

Nabisco Limited Edition Dill Pickle Wheat Thins Dill

The Limited Edition Dill Pickle Wheat Thins are the worst kind of snack imaginable because they manage to be both maddeningly heavy and repulsive but also herbaceously crunchtastic at the same time. Depending on the level of seasoning you encounter you’re either facing third and eleven with Tony Romo bound to screw it up, or Tom Brady ready to deliver a comeback touchdown toss. That kind of inconsistency is fine if you’re trying to test the limits of Madden NFL 2015, but it’s definitely not something I want in my snacks.

(Nutrition Facts – 14 crackers – 140 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of sugar, 4 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Dill Pickle Wheat Thins
Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 9 oz box
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful dill pickle flavor can be balanced, giving just the right combination of vinegar tang and herbaceous relief. Wheat Thins base is excellent as always. Background malt flavor meshes well with the dill. Crunchier than regular pickles and not as slimy. Knowing Stormtroopers will still suck at shooting in Episode VII.
Cons: Depending on the amount of seasoning, can be overbearing and excessively briny. Like drinking pickle juice on a hot summer and then taking a three mile run. Unrealistic hypothetical NFL personnel decisions only possible in Madden

QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Sea Salt Wheat Thins Popped

Nabisco Sea Salt Wheat Thins Popped

Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 4.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: If you love the flavor and crunch of Popchips, you’ll enjoy these. Serving size (27 chips) is kind of crazy, but in a good way because you could mindlessly pop these in your mouth one after another and then stop yourself because you think you’ve overindulged, but then figure out you haven’t reached one serving yet. Low fat. Just 130 calories per serving.
Cons: If you’re hoping for the flavor of Wheat Thins, you’ll be disappointed; it tastes nothing like Wheat Thins. Tastes too much like potato Popchips (dried potatoes are the second ingredient listed). If I want Popchips, I’ll go buy some damn Popchips. Doesn’t have the hearty Wheat Thins crunch. Lacks the perfect square shape to make it possible to play Wheat Thins football with them.

Nabisco Sea Salt Wheat Thins Popped Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 27 chips – 130 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 125 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 8% vitamin C, and 4% iron.

QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Cinnamon Sugar Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit Thin Crisps

Nabisco Cinnamon Sugar Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit Thin Crisps

Purchased Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Size: 7.6 oz box
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Has a strong sweet cinnamon flavor, but…(see below). Slight buttery flavor. Love the crunch of these. Ingredients lists real cinnamon and not that vague “natural flavor” crap. A low fat snack. Might be good on vanilla ice cream.
Cons: Strong sweet cinnamon flavor dissipates quickly. Does not come close to being as tasty as Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins, which I now miss Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins even more. Makes my fingers slightly greasy. Might be bad on vanilla ice cream.

Nabisco Cinnamon Sugar Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit Thin Crisps Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 10 crackers – 130 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 75 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nabisco Wasabi & Soy Sauce Brown Rice Triscuit Thin Crisps

Nabisco Wasabi & Soy Sauce Brown Rice Triscuit Thin Crisps

Once upon a time there was a cracker called Triscuit. It was wheat, oil, and salt. And for 50 years people liked it…allegedly.

Look, I’m not hear to disparage the tastes of those from the Greatest Generation. As far as I’m concerned, if you kick the Nazis asses and rise out of the Great Depression, you’ve more than earned the benefit of the doubt when it comes to what you consider good eats. These days though, I’m glad we have more than a few Triscuit flavors and other crackers to crunch. Rosemary and olive oil, caraway and dill, sundried tomato and basil—seriously, just give me some aged cheese and I’m ready to go to town.

Or not.

Triscuit’s latest crackers, the Wasabi & Soy Sauce Thin Crisps made with brown rice, don’t exactly lend themselves to cheese pairings. But one would think the pungent and salty double-whammy of wasabi and soy sauce would provide more than enough flavor to render toppings unnecessary. Good thing? The jury was out as I stared down the cracker box in my local grocery store with echoes of bygone Super Bowl beer commercials reverberating through my noggin. But clearly this cracker dared to go where few mainstream crackers have gone before, and I knew I had to try it.

Nabisco Wasabi & Soy Sauce Brown Rice Triscuit Thin Crisps 3

I’ve previously been intrigued by the crunch of the newer versions of Brown Rice Triscuits, but this is the first time the company has offered it in a Thin Crisps variety. The box claims the wasabi and soy sauce combination will deliver a “deeply intense flavor experience.”

It doesn’t.

I know this because I could stuff a handful of the crisps in my mouth and not make that face Steve Spurrier makes when his team fails to convert on third down. Also known as my Wasabi Face, it typically involves a momentary cessation of all vital breathing functions, an inward suction of the cheeks and lips, and, most importantly, a slight head shake in acknowledgement of the sinus-clearing capacity of wasabi paste.

Nabisco Wasabi & Soy Sauce Brown Rice Triscuit Thin Crisps 5

Because I go balls to the walls when I eat crackers, I made sure to measure the relative intensity of a handful of crisp against a single crisp topped with a dollop of actual Wasabi paste and a drizzle of soy sauce. Long story short, I instantly cleared up any nasal congestion by eating the latter crisp. I couldn’t say that about the former, although I did save my face from quite a bit of contorting.

Truth be told, I could appreciate having the flavor of wasabi in a cracker without having to subject myself to the physical effects of actual wasabi. Making a constipated face isn’t exactly how one envisions his or herself during the social occasions that oftentimes feature crackers, and in the modest flavor of the wasabi, in tandem with a subtle toasted brown rice sweetness, I found a happy snacking medium. Nevertheless, I do wish the soy sauce flavor had more pop, both in terms of its saltiness and that umami savoriness which makes it such a natural compliment to rice. It’s just not there, and if anything, I found the crackers to be slightly sweet instead of moderately, but pleasantly, salty.

Speaking of rice, while I appreciate the crunch on each crisp, the decibel level created within your noggin from each bite is incredibly distracting. Those who struggle with multitasking may wish to use caution, as chewing the Thin Crisps is not advised while listening to significant others speaking and/or operating heavy machinery. On second thought, these might actually come in handy…

Triscuit’s Wasabi & Soy Sauce Thin Crisps are a daring flavor for a mainstream cracker brand that has almost become synonymous as nothing more than a vehicle for cheese. But like most steps out of the familiar confines of our snacking comfort zone, the new crisps play it safe enough not to blow anyone’s head off with the intensity of their flavor.

(Nutrition Facts – 10 crackers or 30g – 130 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams polyunsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Wasabi & Soy Sauce Brown Rice Triscuit Thin Crisps
Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 7.6 oz. box
Purchased at: Weis Markets
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good change of pace from regular old boring Triscuit flavor. Brown rice has subtle toasted sweetness. Wasabi flavor without causing looks of constipation and third down futility. Whole grains.
Cons: Soy sauce flavor is weak. Wasabi flavor lacks nasal-clearing pungency of actual wasabi paste. Asian flavor profile kills the usual the cheese and cracker vibe with Triscuit. Makes a loud ass noise inside your head when you chew.