The Impulsive Buy » Ice Cream

NEWS: I Hope Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Rocky Road-ish Is Delicious-ish and Creamy-ish

Marvo — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:00:00 +0000

With flavors like Karamel Sutra and Schweddy Balls, I thought Ben & Jerry’s new Limited Batch Rocky Road-ish honored pornstar Rocki Roads, but it does not. Not only does it not honor Ms. Roads, it also doesn’t have any chocolate ice cream, hence the name Rocky Road-ish.

Instead of chocolate ice cream, which is standard for the rocky road flavor, the limited edition ice cream is made up of toasted marshmallow ice cream with a toasted marshmallow swirl and fudge covered almonds. With that much marshmallow I’m surprised the creative folk at Ben & Jerry’s, who love pop culture references, didn’t call this ice cream Stay Nutt Marshmallow Man.

On Second Scoop has a review of the new flavor.

A 1/2 cup serving has 250 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 24 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user dmott9 / CC BY ND 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 12/17/2011

Marvo — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 10:50:55 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

This will allow you to enjoy prime rib without having to wait in line at a buffet for someone in a white uniform to cut a slab for you under a heating lamp and place it on your plate with a small cup of au jus dipping sauce. But after eating it you’ll wish you were waiting in line at a buffet for someone in a white uniform to cut a slab for you under a heating lamp and place it on your plate with a small cup of au jus dipping sauce. (via Freezer Aisle Files)

Mince pie ice cream…boring. Minced meat pie ice cream…not boring, but also damn disgusting. (via Foodstuff Finds)

It might just be me, but Big Bamboo Jamaican Irish Moss Peanut Drink is a total word clusterfuck. (via Foodette Reviews)

Hanging candy canes on branches is a great way to decorate a Christmas tree. Hanging bottles of candy cane soda on branches is a great way to kill a Christmas tree by ripping off its limbs. (via BevReview)

Image via flickr user VirtualErn / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Edy’s Slow Churned Rich & Creamy Triple Cookie Fudge Sundae

Drew — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 10:00:37 +0000

If you’ve ever wondered how dedicated I am to this gig — if I’m just in it for the obscene salary, free back rubs, and ungodly number of loose women — then wonder no more. A guy who’s just phoning it in, when reviewing a triple-flavored tub of ice cream, will simply dig in a spoon at random and start going to town. A true professional will make certain he’s taking bites from each individual segment to ensure he’s getting an accurate flavor reading, pausing between each to “cleanse the palate” with some water. He will do this no matter how hoity-toity it may make him feel at the time or how many beers he must drink afterward to not feel like a snobbish food critic. Hypothetically.

But let’s face it: the world is changing. Things that delighted and enthralled older generations just can’t cut it with today’s consumers, and unless you spent last Saturday in the parlor smoking and listening to the phonograph, I’m sure you agree. By that token, Neapolitan ice cream was something to lose your shit over in the 1800s and quaintly pleasant in the late 20th century, but it’s just not cutting it in a new millennium. Recognizing this trend, Edy’s has acted to rectify it by introducing a new tri-flavor: Triple Cookie Fudge Sundae. Or possibly they just read my mind and realized I don’t like strawberry. Either way: woohoo! Note that this is part of Edy’s “Slow Churned” slightly healthier line of ice cream. There apparently is another version in the “Fun Flavors” line, but I haven’t seen it.

As you can tell from the picture and probably could have guessed otherwise, a circular container is not conducive to perfectly equal proportions between the flavors. That’s bad news if you’re a chocolate fiend, since it’s confined to a thin band sandwiched between the two vanilla-based varieties. On the plus side, the circular nature of the tub favors those who like to mix their flavors, allowing one to easily scoop a swath through all three. (Ice cream segregationists are out of luck… take your intolerance elsewhere, this is a progressive blog.) Again, I tried to sample each flavor individually for reviewing purposes, but if you’re just eating a bowl absentmindedly while watching TV, you’re going to have definite flavor mixing; whether that’s a plus or a minus obviously comes down to personal preference.

The first flavor listed is vanilla chocolate chip & cookie dough, which seems overly verbose: I think the vanilla part is implied, and do you really need that ampersand in there? Regardless, it’s pretty good ice cream, fairly creamy with a nice aftertaste. (In fact, the carton itself boasts of its “now creamier taste,” though since this is a new flavor, I assume they’re talking about the slow-churned line in general.) If I have a complaint, it’s that it doesn’t overload you with cookie dough chunks — they’re there, but not exploding out of every spoonful.

The middle variety is chocolate with fudge swirl, ironically perhaps the most boring flavor. That’s not easy to pull off when you’re sandwiched between two varieties of vanilla, which should tell you something. It’s perfectly fine chocolate ice cream, but the fudge swirl is tasty but inconsistent, and I usually like something with contrasting texture mixed into my ice cream, though your mileage may vary. For that reason, I wasn’t disappointed that this flavor accounts for the lowest total percentage of the tub.

For some reason the vanilla & brownies tastes a little creamier than the vanilla cookie dough, which is probably my imagination since I’m sure they were made from the same vanilla base. The brownie chunks are surprisingly gooey and taste slightly like dark chocolate. I don’t have any complaints about them except that there aren’t enough in there, even in comparison to the chocolate chip cookie dough, which as you’ll recall wasn’t exactly overwhelming me with its density either.

Taken as a whole, Edy’s Triple Cookie Fudge Sundae isn’t an unqualified success, but it’s certainly far from a failure. I enjoyed myself while eating it, and I definitely wouldn’t be averse to having some again. And since it’s slow churned, there’s a lot less fat and calories than regular ice cream, which is great. But at the same time, it lacks that real “pop” that makes the memory of it stick with you long after the container is finished. Maybe it was the stinginess of the mix-ins, or perhaps it was a bad idea to have two vanilla-based flavors… swapping one out with butter pecan, say, or making two of them chocolate-based could’ve been a way to go. Still, if you decide to pick up a carton, I think you will like it. You just might want to adjust your expectations going in for a good, not a great flavor.

(Nutrition Facts — 1/2 cup — 110 calories, 25 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein)

Item: Edy’s Slow Churned Rich & Creamy Triple Cookie Fudge Sundae
Price: $3.39
Size: 1.5 quarts
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Kicks Neapolitan ice cream’s ass. Not that bad for you. Promotes integration. Name is fun to say. Creamy. Reviewers who go the extra distance.
Cons: Too much J.D., not enough Turk. Mix-ins not prevalent enough. Ice cream segregationists. Chocolate with fudge swirl should not be (but is) boring. Lacks that “wow” factor that separates stars from supporting ice cream.

NEWS: Ben & Jerry’s Banana Cream Pie Ice Cream is Probably Less Funny To Shove Into Someone’s Face Than an Actual Banana Cream Pie

Marvo — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 10:12:44 +0000

When I read about the new Ben & Jerry’s Banana Cream Pie ice cream over at Rodzilla Reviews, I got excited because I loves me some banana cream pie. This is the second cream pie flavor B&J have put out, with Boston Cream Pie being the other. This gives me hope that they’ll someday come up with a Shaving Cream Pie ice cream.

Ben & Jerry’s Banana Cream Pie ice cream is made up of banana ice cream with pastry cream swirls, marshmallow swirls, and pie crust pieces. In order to get some, you’ll have to walk through a Walmart, since it’s an exclusive flavor. Thankfully, walking through a Walmart is much safer now that there aren’t people getting pushed around and trampled for $2 waffle makers. Or $1.28 towels. Or cheap Blu-Ray players.

A 1/2 cup serving contains 260 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

Source: Rodzilla Reviews

Image via flickr user CommandZed / CC BY ND 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 11/26/2011

Marvo — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Back in the 1980s, Snickers was promoted as a candy bar that could satisfy me, but it never could satisfy my childhood hunger. Too bad Snickers back then didn’t come in a one pound size, like they do today. (via Candyblog)

Hey, guys who like to cheat on your girlfriend or wife. Can’t come up with a good explanation for why you have the smell of perfume on you to your girlfriend or wife after coming home late? Well, you have one now. (via Foodstuff Finds)

I fully believe a bottle of Extenze Male Enlargement Energy Shot could extend my penis, if I duct tape the bottle to the tip of my penis. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

Many of you are probably sick of seeing, smelling, or hearing about turkey, so here’s a Turkey Hill ice cream review for you. Oh, and here’s another Turkey Hill ice cream review. All hate mail can be sent to theimpulsivebuy at gmail dot com. (via Junk Food Guy and Crazy Food Dude)

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 11/12/2011

Marvo — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 11:09:28 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Bottled water with caffeine isn’t very impressive. Bottled water with radioactive materials that could mess with my DNA and give me super powers would be impressive. (via Food Junk)

Worx may work, but there is something Worx needs to work on — spelling. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

What would I do for this Klondike bar? Probably nothing and just let it melt away. Unless I was starving to death, then I’d kill someone for it. (via Crazy Food Dude)

Jamie Oliver makes junk food? Am I in an alternate universe where the Top Gear guys mostly review reasonably priced cars and put stars in an expensive supercar? (via Gobble Monkey)

Arby’s Super Reuben does look super, and when I say “looks super” I mean it looks like it was killed with kryptonite. (via Would I Buy It Again)

Image via flickr user quinn.anya / CC BY SA 2.0

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls

Drew — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 10:00:51 +0000

Hi, everyone. I’m Drew, and you’re reading The Impulsive Buy. Well, the holiday season is almost here, and if you’re not an avid Delicious Dish listener like me, you may have missed this tidbit: frequent guest Pete Schweddy has sold his Season’s Eatings bakery to ice cream chain Ben & Jerry’s. This is good news for consumers nationwide who have long dreamed of enjoying those famous balls, but were prevented by distance from doing so. Thankfully B&J’s didn’t leave us hanging, developing a new flavor that Mr. Schweddy has repeatedly expressed a desire to dip his balls into. And now it’s finally ready to be thrust upon the general public.

Even so, don’t think it was easy. Schweddy Balls was released over a month ago, but it proved surprisingly hard to find. I had to visit a lot of places, some less savory than others; but finally my persistence paid off and I was able to get my hands on Schweddy Balls. Let’s give it a once-over, shall we?

The first thing that jumps out at you about Schweddy Balls is the color — very, very white, with just a few visible black spots that might concern you at first. No worries though, as closer inspection reveals them to be malt balls and fudge-covered rum balls. Yes, that’s right: B&J’s subscribes to the notion that if one ball is good, two are clearly better. The texture, as you’d expect, is quite different between the two varieties. The rum ones, though lent some firmness by the fudge, are still fairly soft and squishy. In contrast, the malt balls are quite hard and (be warned) make a loud noise when chewed. No lie, my wife was actively annoyed by how loudly I was crunching my balls next to her.

Noise aside, both kinds of balls are pleasing to the tongue, the fudge and rum melding into a nice richness and the malt balls being… well, basically just regular malt balls. They’re smaller than you might’ve expected, perhaps due to the cold. In addition, they’re spread quite liberally throughout the mixture, so if you were worried about there not being enough balls to go around, think again.

The other thing you’ll notice right away about Schweddy Balls is the smell — if you put your nose right up there, you can really detect the rum fragrance. Unfortunately, that also leads me to the biggest problem: the aroma is far stronger than the taste. Perhaps in fear of overwhelming their audience, B&J’s made the hint of rum much less than a hint. It’s barely detectable on its own, so you’re essentially just eating vanilla ice cream with balls in it. Plentiful balls, to be sure, but not so much so that you’ll have one in every bite. Probably half of your spoonfuls will just be vanilla ice cream; and while B&J’s know how to make a decent vanilla, it still could’ve benefited from a fudge swirl or something to keep things interesting. You have to feel bad for Pete Schweddy, with the entire weight of the dish resting on his balls.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t briefly mention the durability of Schweddy Balls. This may be a non-factor for most of you, but I purchased a carton on my lunch break, stored it in the work freezer, and then took a 40-minute car ride to a van rental place, a 10-minute wait, a 5-minute drive to a furniture store, 10 minutes of loading a table and chairs into the van, and a 5-minute drive to my house before it saw the inside of a freezer again. Yet when I opened the carton the next day, there were no signs it had melted even a little. Give them credit, those balls held up remarkably well.

I really wanted to give this flavor a higher score, because of both the salacious name and those panties-in-a-bunch parent groups protesting it being in stores while their kids are home viewing the original sketch on Hulu. But while I’d love to tell you there’s no beating these balls, that’s just not true — they can be beaten, and beaten soundly, by many of B&J’s other flavors. Weighted against average, everyday ice cream, this holds up pretty well. But we’ve come to expect a lot more from those gentlemen from Vermont, and unfortunately their Schweddy Balls just don’t quite measure up. It’s not terrible, but with the exception of the titular item, is just somewhat underwhelming.

Mmmm, balls!

(Nutrition Facts — 1/2 cup — 270 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15 grams of total fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls reviews:
Junk Food Guy
Foodette Reviews
On Second Scoop

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls
Price: $3.39
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Obscure “The State” references FTW. The longer you search for Schweddy Balls, the more satisfying it is when you find it. Carton references the “racy double entendres” of the original skit. Plenty of balls to go around. Plaid logo = nice little touch. Rum/fudge balls are succulent and rich. I got paid money to make fifty ball jokes — deal with it.
Cons: Malt balls make loud, annoying sound when chewed. Kind of bland when you don’t get a ball in your mouth. Doesn’t 26 grams of sugar just mean they dumped an entire jar of sugar in the carton? Missed opportunity for “Waffle Coneheads” and “Chocolate Chip in a Box” cross-promotions. Rum scent more powerful than rum flavor. Ball jokes stopped being funny after the first three.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 9/17/2011

Marvo — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I’ve always wondered what happens to the uneaten cake at weddings. (via On Second Scoop)

Sadly, just like cola champagne, you can’t get drunk with a bottle of soda pinot noir. A serving of liquid NyQuil has more alcohol than the both of them combined. (via The Soda Jerks)

May the Force be with you. But if that’s not possible because you lack midi-chlorians, you can at least write the words “the Force” in this and then carry it around with you. (via Office Supply Geek)

Remember Dippin’ Dots? If so, a company now makes a candy version of the frozen treat. I wonder if, just like Dippin’ Dots, they’ll become all the rage for a little while and then fall into obscurity. (via Candyblog)

Wendy’s is testing macaroni & cheese, chili cheese fries, and baked sweet potatoes. Great. More items to draw me away from the Wendy’s Garden Side Salad with vinaigrette I should be choosing. (via We Rate Stuff)

This ginger beer dares drinkers to try it. Well, I double dog dare it to pour itself down the drain. I don’t think it’s got the balls to do it. (via Eat! Drink! Snack!)

Image via flickr user kimberlykv / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake!

Drew — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 10:00:42 +0000

Hey so guess what — I found the damn ice cream.

Irony is a bitch, amirite? After literally weeks of searching for the latest Ben & Jerry’s flavor and eventually settling for Breyers Chips Ahoy! as a consolation prize, I finally located Fair Goodness Cake! before I’d even submitted that last review. Yeah. That’s like getting a friend request from the girl you had a crush on in high school two weeks after you’ve gotten married.

Except… often when that happens, you realize almost immediately that, old infatuation be damned, you absolutely ended up with the right person. That happened to me — it’s crazy to think that if I’d actually had the stones to ask her out back in the day, I could right now be with a diehard Twilight and Justin Bieber fan who’s never heard of capital letters. (Because: hi, we’re 31 years old. The Biebs should not be on anyone’s radar who was born in the ’80s.) So I approached Fair Goodness Sake! with anticipation, but just a little hesitance as well.

Juliet famously pondered what was in a name, to which Ben and Jerry’s response is clearly, “An opportunity for a double pun, duh.” Fair Goodness Cake! isn’t the slickest of their ice cream names, but you’ve got to respect the sheer ambition of referencing both the fair trade nature of the ingredients and the flavor itself in the title. I’d been looking forward to this one for a while because, beyond the fact that B&J rarely steer me wrong, I was curious to see if I could taste the difference between standard chocolate ice cream versus “German chocolate cake” ice cream.

In answer to that question: yes, although it’s subtle. I’d say the chocolate is probably a little darker and richer than what you’d consider “ordinary” chocolate, both in appearance and flavor. Texture wise, while there are some crumbled cake bits in it, they’re pretty unobtrusive and blend well into the smoothness of the ice cream. If anything, they could’ve added a little more German chocolate cake without anyone complaining, I’m guessing. FGS! also contains coconut, which I personally can take or leave. To me it’s like the kid sidekick of the ice cream world — I’m not going to complain if it’s there, but if it happens to get accidentally left out, or blown up or beaten to death with a crowbar, I’m kind of okay with that. Anyone who got that reference, collect five nerd points and give yourself a wedgie immediately.

But I know that many of you, like my wife, are avowed coconut lovers, and rest assured that Ben & Jerry have not forsaken thee. Fair Goodness Cake! boasts a strong, distinctive coconut presence that can’t be ignored. Arguably a little too much so — the container boasts of a coconut caramel swirl, but the caramel is almost an afterthought, disappearing quicker than a bartender’s attention when you sit down and order a water (or so I’m told by people who order water in bars). In all seriousness, the caramel is there, but very subtle and definitely overpowered by its bigger, more prominent cousin. Damn your diva-esque ways, coconut!

Despite what the name might lead you to believe, there’s nothing especially esoteric about Fair Goodness Cake! ice cream. It’s not some incredibly niche flavor that like three people will appreciate; it’s just solid, non-flashy ice cream. Nothing wrong with that (other than the price… five dollars?!), and while I might’ve desired more parity between the coconut and the caramel elements, overall it’s still tasty stuff. Coconut lovers can probably add an extra point to that score, but for everyone else: don’t hesitate to pick some up if you see it, but I wouldn’t drive more than a mile out of your way to get some either. Although it is a limited batch, so if you DO decide to partake, don’t wait too long — he who hesitates does not eat cake.

(Nutrition Facts — 1/2 cup — 260 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake! reviews:
On Second Scoop
Rodzilla Reviews
Ice Cream Snob
Fish and Spaghetti

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake!
Price: $4.99
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Finally finding the damn stuff. Further confirmation that you married the right person (not that any was needed). Cake chunks that enhance the rich chocolate. Nice texture. Double puns. Doesn’t spare the coconut, if that’s your thing.
Cons: Does EVERY new frozen dessert have to have an exclamation mark in its name? Kid sidekicks. Remembering you never would’ve stood a chance with the girl you’re making jokes about. Who hid the caramel? $5 is pretty ridiculous for a pint of ice cream.

NEWS: Ben & Jerry’s Releases Limited Edition Schweddy Balls Flavor

Marvo — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 22:36:59 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Schweddy Balls review

I’m an avid watcher of Saturday Night Live and my favorite skit of all time is Schweddy Balls. If you’ve never seen the skit because you’re too young or you think SNL was better during the (insert former cast member here)-era, you can watch the clip below (unless you live in a country outside of the US because Hulu clips don’t play outside of the US).

For those who can’t watch the clip, the sketch stars Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon, as hosts of the “Delicious Dish,” a National Public Radio program parody, along with Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy, the fictional owner of Season’s Eatings Bakery.

To honor Saturday Night Live and the greatness of that skit, Ben & Jerry’s has launched a new limited edition flavor called, you guessed it, Schweddy Balls.

The new Schweddy Balls flavor features Fair Trade vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and is loaded with fudge covered rum balls and milk chocolate malt balls.

A 1/2 cup serving has 270 calories, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

The newest Ben & Jerry’s limited-batch flavor is currently available at participating Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shops across the country and at supermarkets nationwide while supplies last.

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: September 2011

Marvo — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 21:00:00 +0000

Here are some of this month’s limited time offers.

Ooey Gooey Caramel Brownie is Dairy Queen’s Blizzard of the Month. The treat combines gooey caramel, real fudge brownies pieces, and choco chunks blended with creamy vanilla soft serve. It was also Blizzard of the Month in April 2010 (read On Second Scoop’s review here). A small serving has 570 calories, 21 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 85 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 65 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein. I was going to put the nutrition facts for a large serving, but I didn’t want to blow your mind…and your heart.

This month’s Slurpee flavor has a football-related theme, so I shall fill this paragraph with football terminology. Cherry Orange Blitz will bicycle kick your mouth with fruity flavors, dribbling between sour and citrus. Oh wait, wrong football. According to the Slurpee website, Cherry Orange Blitz also contains ginseng, green tea, and guarana extract, so it might provide an energy boost for gamers. Speaking of those who enjoy games, specially marked cups will have codes that will help players earn rewards for the Facebook game Madden NFL Superstars. A 16-ounce cup of Cherry Orange Blitz has 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, and 27 grams of sugar.

Baskin-Robbins’ Flavor of the Month is French Toast. The flavor consists of french toast flavored ice cream with bits of gooey maple bread pudding. A 4-ounce scoop has 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 335 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 28 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

Subway’s September $5 Featured Footlong is the Turkey Breast &…ZZZZZZ. W-w-what? What was I saying? Oh yeah, September’s $5 Featured Footlong is the Turkey Breast & Black…ZZZZZZ. Oh man. Subway’s Turkey Breast & Black Forest Ham makes me quite sleepy. It’s not very exciting since it’s a regular item on Subway’s menu. A 6-inch sub has 290 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 820 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, and 18 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user Mulad / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Breyers Blasts! Chips Ahoy! Chocolate Chip Cookies

Drew — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 20:12:32 +0000

[Apologies if this review is a little disjointed, I'm writing it in the throes of a nasty head cold. It's progressed to the point where my white blood cells are marshaling their forces, drawing troops away from unessential functions like "breathing" and "not feeling like shit" to prepare for the final engagement. If you see another review from me in 10 days or so, they were victorious. If not, tell all of their mothers that their sons died like men. Cowardly, impotent men.]

A request was made in the comments section of my last review that I tackle some Ben & Jerry’s. There actually is a new B&J flavor out that I’d love to subject to either a blistering tongue-lashing or an exquisite tongue-… something else; but as I took the liberty of pointing out, Ben & Jerry’s has a billion flavors but never the one you need. That’s okay, though, because in the midst of my search, I came across this little gem: Breyer’s Blasts! Chips Ahoy! Chocolate Chip Cookies. (The extra exclamation points stand for flavor and copyright protection, respectively.) It seems like both a simple and a delicious concept, if not a little derivative. I picked it up, but couldn’t help wondering if there would really be anything to set it apart from chocolate chip cookie dough.

You can call me finicky or demanding or unfathomably sexy or stubborn if you like, but there are certain things I expect from a frozen dairy dessert bearing the name of a popular cookie company, and that’s that it A) be good, and B) taste like cookies, ideally chocolate chip, and even more ideally chocolate chip that won’t make me fat. Since Chips Ahoy! delivers on nearly all of that (operating under the Schrödinger’s Diet theory that if I don’t step on a scale, I both will and will not have gained any weight), I think we can call it an unqualified success. But succinct crib notes aren’t why you come to the food blog dubbed “Best Punctuated” by Consumer Reports, so allow me to expand on why this should be your next dessert purchase.

On first glance, Chips Ahoy! looks a lot like Moose Tracks or any other fudge-based frozen dairy dessert you can imagine. The first bite, however, is enough to tell you that it’s much more than that, as you get hold of a chocolate chip or two. And those are good, nicely complementing the fudge stripes and giving you a little bit of texture variety. But what’s even better is when you also get some cookie in there as well. You won’t in every bite, at least not in equal degrees; some bites will feel like you’re actually eating a soft Chipwich, while others will just have a little hint of cookie dough. But it’s never completely missing, and that’s what’s important. Nearly as critical is the fact that the fudge makes its presence known without overwhelming any of the other tastes.

You might have noticed that I used the word “soft.” One thing I worried about with this flavor was that it would have hard chunks of cookies you could practically break your teeth on. After all, they’re surrounded by freezing cold dairy dessert, not exactly conducive to softness. But somehow, those sonsabitches down at the Breyers factory made the cookie chunks stay remarkably soft, possibly through the use of chemicals or dark sorcery. It’s crazy how soft they are, and I’ve read comics where a 5th dimensional imp rides a dog with a mask on its face accompanied by a teenage girl in a red and green dress whose sole function is to prove that Robin isn’t gay. So I know from crazy.

But in the end I don’t particularly care how they do it, just that the cookie veins are both rich and tender. Like Elvis. That’s very much the case, and it comes in conjunction with smooth, tasty frozen dairy dessert and fudge that distinguishes itself instead of fading into the background like that kid from Family Matters who vanished between seasons and was never heard from again, unless you watch porn. (Which I don’t, Mom.) Man, I need to stop watching so much TV. My foibles aside, this is some mighty delicious frozen dairy dessert whose sole negative is that it’s, uh, not especially good for you. Portion control is strongly recommended, but if you’ve got the calories to spare, give this flavor a try.

(Nutrition Facts — 1/2 cup — 140 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of total fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein.)

Other Breyers Blasts! Chips Ahoy! reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Breyers Blasts! Chips Ahoy! Chocolate Chip Cookies
Price: $4.59
Size: 1.5 quart
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Surviving the common cold. Multiple exclamation points. If you don’t step on the scale, you haven’t gained any weight. Discernible but not overwhelming fudge. Surprisingly soft cookies. Rich frozen dairy dessert. Most bites have at least some cookie in them.
Cons: Not finding the flavor you need. Gaining weight if you eventually do step on the scale. Not exactly a “light” dessert. A little expensive. Forgotten child stars. Bat-Mite, Ace the Bat-Hound, and Bat-Girl.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 8/20/2011

Marvo — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I’m no beer drinker. I’ll stick with adult beverages that have either umbrellas or straws in them. But this Newcastle Brown Ale Ice Cream sounds good. It definitely sounds much better than Old Milwaukee Light Ice Cream. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Frito-Lay combines cheesy and spicy for the billionth time. Okay, I’ll admit, billionth time is a complete exaggeration. It’s more like the millionth time. (via Food Junk)

Do kids in Japan giggle whenever they see the words “Crunky Ball Nude“? Because If I were to say those words to a typical sixth grader here in the US, I would make them giggle. Then they would tell their parents about what I said to them and soon after I would find myself being taken into police custody. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

I can’t believe this is a favourite in Canada. It’s flavour doesn’t sound very good and it’s colour doesn’t look very good. But I kinda still want to eat it. (via Tasty Lies)

Wendy’s adds more cheese to a cheeseburger. I look forward to the day when they add more frost to their Frosty. (via We Rate Stuff)

Image via flickr user Sean Davis / CC BY ND 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 8/6/2011

Marvo — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Mr. Happy has his very own candy. If they’re good, I wonder if they’ll turn me into Little Miss Sunshine? If they’re bad, I wonder if they’ll turn me into Mr. Mean? Also, is stuffing a whole bag of them into Little Miss Chatterbox’s mouth a good way to shut her up? (via Foodstuff Finds)

Technically, isn’t EVERY granola bar made up of ingredients smashed together to form a bar. (via We Rate Stuff)

Three words: Big Milky Balls. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Chick-fil-A has a new mulitgrain oatmeal. I’m told it doesn’t have any chicken in it. BAH! Perhaps Chick-fil-A should change its name to Chick-fil-GrAin. (via Grub Grade)

First, it was Ben & Jerry’s with their Clusterfluff (which they changed to What A Cluster). Now, Klondike has What The Fudge? Ice Cream Sandwiches. I hope Skinny Cow comes out with Suckie Suckie Fudgie Fudgie Fudge Pops. (via Freezer Burns)

Image via flickr user SpindlierHades / CC BY 2.0

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: August 2011

Marvo — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:01:27 +0000

Here are some of this month’s limited time offers.

This month, Slurpee is partnering up with the WWE for this month’s featured Slurpee — Berry Citrus Slam. It’s a blend of raspberry and orange. If you’re into holding wrestling matches between collectable Slurpee cups, you’ll be happy to hear 7-Eleven will be offering exclusive cups and straws highlighing WWE superstars, like John Cena, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and other WWE wrestlers who aren’t popular enough to star in movies. An 8-ounce serving has 65 calories, 0 grams of fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, and 17 grams of sugar.

Baskin-Robbins’ Flavor of the Month is Picnic Punch, a watermelon and green apple sherbet that reminds you summer is almost over and the cold non-sherbet eating months are around the corner. A 4-ounce scoop has 160 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 33 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Dairy Queen’s Blizzard of the Month is the Nutter Butter Blizzard which is made up of Nutter Butter cookie pieces and Nutter Butter peanut butter crème filling blended with creamy vanilla soft serve. A medium Nutter Butter Blizzard has 960 calories, 39 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 660 milligrams of sodium, 135 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 92 grams of sugar, and 20 grams of protein.

Cold Stone Creamery’s Gold Cone Flavor of the Month is Mojito Sorbet, which the Cold Stone website describes the lime-flavored treat as “a refreshing blend of mint coupled with the unique texture of a sorbet.” However, they forgot to add, “without the warmness of alcohol.” A medium serving of Mojito Sorbet has 310 calories, 3 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 71 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

August’s $5 Featured Footlong is their Buffalo Chicken. I’m not a fan, but it appears others really like the combination of buffalo glazed chicken and ranch dressing. A six-inch Buffalo Chicken has 460 calories, 19 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1390 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 27 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user Michael_Lehet / CC BY ND 2.0