WEEK IN REVIEWS – 11/12/2011

Water bottles

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Bottled water with caffeine isn’t very impressive. Bottled water with radioactive materials that could mess with my DNA and give me super powers would be impressive. (via Food Junk)

Worx may work, but there is something Worx needs to work on — spelling. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

What would I do for this Klondike bar? Probably nothing and just let it melt away. Unless I was starving to death, then I’d kill someone for it. (via Crazy Food Dude)

Jamie Oliver makes junk food? Am I in an alternate universe where the Top Gear guys mostly review reasonably priced cars and put stars in an expensive supercar? (via Gobble Monkey)

Arby’s Super Reuben does look super, and when I say “looks super” I mean it looks like it was killed with kryptonite. (via Would I Buy It Again)

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 5/14/2011

Freezer Heaven

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I started up a frozen food review blog called Freezer Aisle Files. It’s been up for a few weeks and so far I’ve discovered it would take a lifetime to review every single Lean Cuisine meal and I learned what suiza is. (via Freezer Aisle Files)

If the drink of choice at the 19th hole of a golf course is beer, then I guess this energy shot for golfers could be the drink of choice at hole number zero. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

What would I do for a new Rocky Road Klondike Bar? Well, I’d see if my local grocer carries it, and if they do, I’d look to see if it’s on sale. If it’s not, I’ll wait until it does or I’ll search the coupon websites I’ve bookmarked and see if there’s a coupon I can print. If it’s on sale, I’ll first see if Ben & Jerry’s or Haagen Dazs has a new flavor and I’ll pick up that instead. But if not, I’ll probably get the Rocky Road Klondike Bar. (via On Second Scoop)

Trader Joe’s has a Japanese rice and vegetable bento box. Sounds like Trader Joe’s loves Asian boxes as much as I do. (via Freezer Burns)

Adam at Grub Grade reviewed the new McDonald’s McCafe Chocolate Banana Shake…which he purchased at eight in the morning. Well, it looks like I’ll be ordering a milkshake with my next Sausage McMuffin. (via Grub Grade)

REVIEW: Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwiches

The Klondike Bar is an American frozen treat icon that has been helping generations consume more than 50 percent of their daily recommended intake of saturated fat for almost a century. It’s the 800-pound gorilla of chocolate-covered ice cream treats, which got to 800 pounds thanks to Klondike Bars.

It’s hard for a company to equal a product that has helped many gain cellulite in unflattering areas and has caused a number of people to post videos on YouTube showing what they would do for a Klondike Bar, but Klondike is going to try with their new Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwiches.

Each square-shaped sandwich is made up of peanut butter-flavored light ice cream with a peanut butter and chocolate flavored swirl and chocolate chips between two chocolate wafers. They’re smaller than regular Klondike Bars in both size and the amount of saturated fat. An original Klondike bar has 11 grams of saturated fat, while this sandwich has three grams. However, I’m sure if the Klondike Sandwich was coated in a thick chocolatey shell, it would have a lot more saturated fat and would probably be awesome.

Unfortunately, the Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwiches don’t have a thick chocolatey shell and without one they’re not very impressive, or in Klondike marketing speak, there isn’t anything I would do for a Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwich. Wait. Actually, if the apocalypse were upon us and I had to do whatever it takes to stay alive, I’d kill a man for one and then eat the man I just killed, followed by the ice cream sandwich for dessert.

The flavor of the peanut butter ice cream was non-existent, like Kate Gosselin’s abilities to dance and to not look like a pushy bitch. The only peanut butter I could taste were from the peanut butter and chocolate swirls, which didn’t have any chocolate flavor and were more like globs than swirls. The chocolate chips did provide a different texture, but not much flavor. Thank goodness for the chocolate wafers, which not only brought the chocolate, but also were quite durable and didn’t stick to my fingers like the wafers do with other ice cream sandwiches.

Overall, I expected something a little bit better from Klondike. Their Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwiches aren’t worth getting fat over.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 200 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 6% calcium and 2% iron.)

Item: Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwiches
Price: $3.99
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Uses light ice cream. Less saturated fat than a regular Klondike Bar. Durable chocolate wafers. The Original Klondike Bar. Being the 800-pound gorilla.
Cons: Peanut butter ice cream had no flavor. Swirls were globs. Globs didn’t have any chocolate flavor. Not worth getting fat over. Kate Gosselin’s inability to dance and to not look like a pushy bitch.

REVIEW: Reese’s Klondike Bar

Reese's Klondike Bar

What would I do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar?

I think I’d do a lot for one, because they are pretty damn good with their Reese’s Peanut Butter-flavored ice cream and milk chocolate coating. They also apparently have Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces in the ice cream, but I didn’t see any in all of the six bars I had.

Unless, there weren’t pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Maybe there were molecules or atoms of Reese’s instead. Or perhaps quarks. Whatever amount of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were in each Klondike Bar, it didn’t help make it taste much like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. If it had visible pieces though, I think it probably would’ve tasted more like a one. Even though it didn’t taste like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, as I said before, it’s pretty damn good.

It also would’ve been cool if the Reese’s Klondike Bar was shaped like a giant peanut butter cup. Instead it came in the typical missionary-position-boring Klondike Bar block shape.

Besides the lack of pieces of Reese’s, another thing I didn’t like about the Reese’s Klondike Bar was the fact that it melted pretty quickly while I ate it. But then again, I do live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and it’s 83 degrees outside, so I should’ve expected that.

Overall, I do think the Reese’s Klondike Bar rocks and I think the best way for me to explain how much I like these Reese’s Klondike Bars would be to sing a song. Just to let you know, my voice has the power to break windows. Although the reason why windows break whenever I sing is because of the people breaking them to quickly get far away from me as possible. In other words, I can’t sing.

So I’ll just write a song and you can make your own melody and sing it at your office, house, or American Idol audition.

The Reese’s Klondike Bar Song

For just one Reese’s Klondike Bar I probably won’t do much.
If I were a woman, “first base” is all I would let you touch.
For one, I’d let Kate Moss do lines of coke off my butt.
I’d even buy K-Fed’s CD and then kick him in the nuts.

For just two Reese’s Klondike Bars I wouldn’t sell my soul.
If I were at a nightclub, I would dance with a troll.
For two, I’d force Nicole Richie to eat more than a bread roll.
I’d even beg Britney Spears to use birth control.

For just three Reese’s Klondike Bars the list gets a little long.
Added to that list, is me doing a striptease in a thong.
For three, I’d boo whenever I hear a Creed or Clay Aiken song.
I’d even protect Naomi Campbell’s assistants when they do something wrong.

For just four Reese’s Klondike Bars there are many things I would do.
If I were in Australia, I’d get into a ring and fight a kangaroo.
For four, I’d shut Bill O’Reilly’s mouth with some tape and glue.
I’d even bitchslap Star Jones during a taping of The View.

For just five Reese’s Klondike Bars almost anything would be okay.
I’d put on a tight dress, clear high heels, and lacy lingerie.
For five, I’d watch The Tony Danza Show every single day.
I’d even try to find out if Tom Cruise is really gay.

For just six Reese’s Klondike Bars I’d do everything and more.
For elderly, handicapped, and MILFs, I’d hold open a door.
For six, I’d touch one of Paris Hilton’s herpes or syphilis sores.
I’d even spend several dollars and buy Reese’s Klondike Bars from the store.

That’s what I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Anthony for letting me know about the Reese’s Klondike Bar.)

Item: Reese’s Klondike Bar
Price: $4.00 (on sale – Box of six)
Purchased At: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Damn good, despite not tasting like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Thick ice cream bar. Great to eat when it’s hot or when you’ve had your heart ripped out by an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. Actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Cons: Didn’t see pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Gets messy when eating them on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Almost all the things I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar. My inability to sing.