Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

What’s Kolsyrad Äppeldryck? Is it a Norwegian punk bank? Or is it an IKEA drink? Or is it a piece of IKEA furniture? Or is it the name of a well-hung Swedish porn star? Click here to find out. (via Thirty Dudes)

7 Up calls itself the “Uncola,” but this retro 7 Up can is uncool. (via Soda Reviews)

These things look like a great way to highlight things in a book, but they won’t make good emergency pasties. (via Office Supply Geek)

Carbonation plus dairy? That sounds like a stomachache waiting to happen. Unless you drink this as a chaser. (via Gobble Monkey and The Soda Jerks)

Someone should come create a Trader Joe’s product review blog called Grader Joe’s. Until then, we’ll have to settle for these An Immovable Feast posts. (via An Immovable Feast)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I’m not impressed with Taco Bell’s XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito. If they want to impress me, Taco Bell should stuft a chicken burrito inside duck burrito and then stuft that inside a turkey burrito, creating a burrito turducken. (via Tampa Bay Food Monster)

Trader Joe’s has s’mores that you can enjoy without having to build a fire. I’m talking to you, Frankenstein. (via Candyblog)

Three words (maybe four, depending on how you count hyphenated words): Baby Ruth-Filled Jalapeños. (via That Bootleg Guy)

I guess even in other countries they need help pooping… I mean, maintaining a healthy digestive system. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

There’s a company that makes prickly pear soda. I hope they don’t make it by hand. (via Weird Soda Review)

Wouldn’t this three cheese ravioli from Weight Watchers be more effective for weight watchers if it contained just three cheese ravioli? (via I Ate A Pie)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Believe or not, TAB soda still exists. Since New Coke doesn’t, it’s good to know I’ll have something era-appropriate to drink during those special occasions when I wear my Members Only jacket and leg warmers. (via Clearance Cuisine)

Rhubarb custard isn’t helping the stereotype that the British have horrible tasting food. (via Foodstuff Finds)

7 Up has gone retro with a version sweetened with real sugar. Personally, I would’ve preferred a REALLY retro version that uses one of the ingredients from 7 Up’s original formula, a mood-stabilizing drug called lithium citrate, and uses its original name, Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda. (via The Soda Jerks)

Your can opener should probably thank Dave’s Cupboard for reviewing every store-bought clam chowder he could get his hands on. (via Dave’s Cupboard)

Here are more Trader Joe’s product reviews than you can shake a stick at. Oh wait, I mean, more Trader Joe’s product reviews than you can shake an organic, all-natural, gluten-free, vegetarian, and handcrafted stick at. (via An Immovable Feast)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I started up a frozen food review blog called Freezer Aisle Files. It’s been up for a few weeks and so far I’ve discovered it would take a lifetime to review every single Lean Cuisine meal and I learned what suiza is. (via Freezer Aisle Files)

If the drink of choice at the 19th hole of a golf course is beer, then I guess this energy shot for golfers could be the drink of choice at hole number zero. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

What would I do for a new Rocky Road Klondike Bar? Well, I’d see if my local grocer carries it, and if they do, I’d look to see if it’s on sale. If it’s not, I’ll wait until it does or I’ll search the coupon websites I’ve bookmarked and see if there’s a coupon I can print. If it’s on sale, I’ll first see if Ben & Jerry’s or Haagen Dazs has a new flavor and I’ll pick up that instead. But if not, I’ll probably get the Rocky Road Klondike Bar. (via On Second Scoop)

Trader Joe’s has a Japanese rice and vegetable bento box. Sounds like Trader Joe’s loves Asian boxes as much as I do. (via Freezer Burns)

Adam at Grub Grade reviewed the new McDonald’s McCafe Chocolate Banana Shake…which he purchased at eight in the morning. Well, it looks like I’ll be ordering a milkshake with my next Sausage McMuffin. (via Grub Grade)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

You know what I could really go for? Green Tea Oreos. Oh wait, I can’t because they’re only available in Japan and I’m too cheap to pay for shipping to order some online. I guess I’m going to have to settle for dipping my regular Oreo cookies into green tea instead of milk. (via Jim’s Chocolate Mission)

Innocent apple and orange juices? Give me two minutes alone with each of them and they won’t be so innocent anymore. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Why aren’t there more lettuce reviews on the internet? You know what? I’m gonna solve this problem myself. I’m gonna start my own lettuce review blog called Let Us Review Lettuce. (via Grand Store Brand Land)

It appears Hubba Bubba’s Mystery Flavor isn’t a hard mystery to figure out. If it was a Nancy Drew mystery, it would be the shortest one ever and it would be called: The Secret of the Neon Colored Chewing Gum. (via Gum Alert)

Seriously, Trader Joe’s? You couldn’t call it Bunny Gummy Tummies & Chummies. Well, now you can. You’re welcome. Oh yeah, I’m a rhyming master…except when it comes to the word orange. (via Sugar Pressure)

As we delve deeper into the ball-numbing coldness of winter, I have noticed that my pants fit a bit tighter and my shirts are suddenly more revealing in the nipple region. This is a terrible, terrible development for pretty much every single person on the planet. I can only assume that this is a direct result of my diet and lack of exercise. Like a hibernating bear, I have decided to forgo almost all physical activity and sleep as if my life cycle depended on it. I can’t even be bothered to walk to the liquor store when it’s less than 60 degrees outside.

Because of all of these things, I have recently decided to try to eat healthier by going to places such as Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. I used to figure that anything organic from these places would be healthy until I checked the nutritional facts on falafels and cream sauces. As it turns out, even the most ethically grown and sold produce can turn me into a fatass. While this is discouraging, it also forces me to put more thought into what I buy.

I scanned the impeccably clean aisles at Trader Joe’s and weaved through the hipsters and nice gay couples, finally stumbling upon the pasta section. I tried my hardest to ignore the plethora of cheeses that seemed to taunt me and instead focused on the intriguing Lobster Ravioli box. I figured that I couldn’t beat $2.99 for lobster, so I gave it a shot. Even if I could find a deal that beat $2.99, I would not dare eat it out of fear that it would be horrifically contaminated.

After riding my new wave of moral supremacy and self-satisfaction home, I took a closer look at the ingredients. What I saw was promising − lobster was the first ingredient in the filling, followed by ricotta cheese. This nearly knocked me to the floor, because almost everything else I eat is made out of high fructose corn syrup and corn oil. I had almost forgotten what food tasted like.

I followed directions and boiled the ravioli until they floated. After boiling, I found that they were still a bit gummy and dense. Plus, as you can see from the picture, I was saddened, but not surprised, at the lack of lobster chunks. You get plenty of lobster flavor, but none of that firm lobster flesh that my friend so unappetizingly referred to as “muscley.”

Luckily, I am a resourceful and clever man who always keeps a frying pan under his pillow. I sautéed it with some imitation butter and garlic and it made the pasta tender and tasty. I then tried it with Trader Joe’s organic pesto and had myself a fine little lunch. As I took the last bite of my methodically rationed portioned, I felt as though I was indeed a superior person who would soon be able to fit into his clothes once again. That would be well worth the $2.99 I paid for the box. Until then, the world will have to be comfortable with my nakedness.

(Nutritional Facts – 1 cup – 260 calories, 4 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 170 mg sodium, 42 grams of carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 4% Vitamin A, 2% Vitamin C, 8% Calcium, and 10% Iron)

Item: Trader Joe’s Lobster Ravioli
Price: $2.99
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Made with real food like lobster and ricotta cheese. The feeling of superiority I feel when I shop organically. Great price for a lobster product.
Cons: No chunks of lobster to be found inside the ravioli. Ravioli has to be sautéed in order to taste good. Any part of me being more exposed than it has to be. The laziness I feel whenever winter rolls around. My arrogance when I feel superior because I shop organically.