There are so many things I don’t know. Like where Atlantis went. Or why they cancelled Legends of the Hidden Temple. Or why so many words starting with “x” sound like they should start with “z.”

It is in the fog of such mental eclipses that I become aware that I need some brain food to clear my mind. Fortunately, the folks at Ben and Jerry’s have taken heed to the call for quality brain food by expanding their line of Greek Frozen yogurt. Thus, with four bucks and a clean spoon, I set out on my Odyssey to the fluorescent depths of the freezer section, where I stared with big, lugubrious eyes at the array of compassionate new pints. Luckily, unlike Homer’s version, this Odyssey did not end in the violent murders of dozens of male courters. On the contrary: it ended in caramel. Caramel and vanilla.

Ah, yes, sitting there like freshly fallen snow.

And that’s the money shot, people: vanilla Greek frozen yogurt with a honey caramel swirl.

I go for the base first and it holds a vanilla yogurt tang, with the vanilla coming in as the forerunner in flavor. I’m happy to discover that any metallic artificial vanilla flavorings have been sent to the dry cleaners and then destroyed by said metaphorical dry cleaning machine. At the same time, the vanilla here comes from extract and, well, it’s just ho-hum. It’s still pretty good, but, if my old friend vanilla bean were to show up, he would be welcome.

Probiotics have always made me nervous. They sound like mutant slugs that emerged from the dank sewers and are now dragging their limp bodies through the city streets, leaving a trail of sludge behind. Where did these little bacteria come from? Where are they on the evolution scale? What do they want with my dairy products??

Well, at this moment, I don’t care as 1) I see no traces of mutant slugs in this pint and 2) I’m about 87 percent positive that those little microscopic organisms are responsible for this ever-so-slight tang that comes at the end of all the layers of sweetness in this yogurt, giving it a taste that is not unlike cannoli filling. In fact, if you put this in an ice cream cone, it’s arguable that you’ve got a pretty good 2-second cannoli-like treat in your ravenous paws.

As with most frozen yogurts, this pint gets soft quicker than the time it takes for a jackrabbit to chase down an armadillo in a canoe rowing down the Mississippi River, which, for those who may not have seen this sight [yet], would be really, really fast. I dig this consistency. Just a slight 5-10 minute defrost allows the yogurt to become as fluffy as those 125-dollar pillows. Only this is in a tub. And not made of cotton. And it tastes good, so nevermind. It’s nothing like pillows.

Desserts with caramel tend to hold the risk of being overpowered by caramel’s strong sweetness, but this holds a pleasant light caramel flavor without becoming toffee-like or burnt. The caramel itself has a good pull and cuts like butta’, a texture which I came to appreciate as it made it a cinch to scoop lots on one’s spoon. At various points, you may found yourself hitting glorious globs of this honey caramel swirl. If you get a big enough caramel blob, you may receive the unique experience of honey oozing from the caramel’s core. This honey is of the nonaggressive variety, bringing a sugary sweetness without smacking one in the face like a field of pollen.

Looks like something worthy of MoMA.

Ben and Jerry’s is known for taking ice cream alchemy and transfusing it with imagination; pushing the boundaries of what we believe ice cream can be and flipping it on its dairy-filled backside; and for stuffing 473 milliliters of chocolate fish and marshmallow crème into a cardboard cylinder.

This isn’t one of those ice creams.

It is, however, a vessel of agency. This time, they’re letting we [the consumers] stuff our bowls with mix-ins to our own discretion, and, boy howdy, is this hankerin’ for some mix-ins. Perhaps some Oreo cone pieces? Or chocolate covered pretzels? Or Sriracha Potato Chips? I dunno. Go crazy. Watch the walls of this Ice Cream Coliseum crumple at your feet.

In a world of unknowns, this pint’s pretty straightforward. It’s not cutting edge or froo-froo Magoo. It’s just vanilla and honey caramel and doesn’t try to be anything greater. I like it that way. While it doesn’t wow me enough to slide out my chocolate favorites, it’s a pretty good contender if I’m looking for a honey frozen yogurt.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup [99 g] – 190 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein.)

Other Ben and Jerry’s Vanilla Honey Caramel Greek Frozen Yogurt reviews:
On Second Scoop
One Step at a Time

Item: Ben and Jerry’s Vanilla Honey Caramel Greek Frozen Yogurt
Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Food Emporium
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Simple. Fluffy texture. Caramel everywhere. Nonaggressive honey. Nice balance of tang and sweetness. Good vessel for mix-ins. 2-second cannoli. Doesn’t try to be anything greater than it is. Finding a reason to use the word “lugubrious.” Jackrabbits chasing armadillos.
Cons: Melts dangerously fast. Ho-hum vanilla. No exciting mix-ins. Might be kinda boring to some. Sludge monsters. The canceling of Legends of the Hidden Temple.

I remember when yogurt came in two types: fruit on the bottom you had to mix-up yourself and the premixed fat-free gloop that left you disappointed.

Fast forward to 2013 and we now have yogurts that are whipped, yogurts specifically made to assist with cleaning your bowels, yogurts for kids, drinkable yogurts, yogurts with granola crumbles, lactose-free yogurts, fat-free yogurts, frozen yogurts from trendy named outlets where you can add chocolate covered potato chips and tapioca beads, and please don’t even get me started on those disgusting Greek yogurts that taste like rancid cheese.

There used to be a fine line between breakfast and dessert when it came to yogurt. The flavors available today guarantee some head scratching. Trust me, this becomes more apparent at 5:30 a.m. when you gulp down a chocolate silk pie-flavored yogurt. To ensure the waters stay muddled, Yoplait has released its new Fruplait line of niche yogurts.

Looking at Yoplait’s yogurt empire, I can understand why there has not been a yogurt like Fruplait before. It’s so elementary, it’s a wonder no one thought of it.

“You know what we need? More fruit in the yogurt,” Yoplait Brand Developer Number 305 screams. “We need a yogurt equivalent to a Michael Bay film stuffed with an Aerosmith soundtrack!”

The rest of the table asks, “Can we have Ving Rhames in it?”

“Sure, what the heck is he not in?”

“Yayyyy!!!” screams no one.

“Booooooo…” says Michael Clarke Duncan’s estate.

Because I love strawberry and peach, I bought both varieties. Plus, I have an indecision problem. I cannot just pick one. Like most Roman emperors, I needed them all. You can’t miss these because they are sold in a “convenient” four-pack with reserved white packaging.

I say, “convenient” only if you tend to buy four at a time because if you just want to try one and purchase maybe…I don’t know…one, like hoping for world peace, you’re out of luck Sunshine. Those miscreants at Yoplait made sure you have to have at least three in the fridge no matter how you like Fruplait.

Unlike your Uncle Choy, who owes The Dragon of the Black Pool more than chicken fried rice and is now resting on the bottom of some retention pond, the fruit are in pockets, swirled in the middle and throughout the yogurt. As for the jammy goodness of the fruit, it has ample flavor and fruit.

Way more fruit.

Of course, that makes sense since the packaging tells you “2X the fruit of the leading yogurt.” With the strawberry flavor, it’s almost as if someone took a container of plain yogurt, went to an ice cream shoppe (with a soda jerk who speaks that 1920’s hoiky joiky lingo), and asked for extra strawberry topping. Creamy yogurt with an addictive sweet and syrupy fruit mix? Now if it sounds like I’m describing a dessert rather than breakfast, it’s because I am.

These yogurts add more haze to an already foggy patch the yogurt industry purposely created. I’m fine with it but trust me when I tell you that there is no way these are for breakfast. Both Fruplait varieties are the ubiquitous 99 percent fat-free, low fat yogurt, chock full of live and active cultures which have me imagine I’m drinking my plastic Sea-Monkeys tank.

Fruplait Strawberry is, as it says on the bottom of the package, “sheer joy in a cup.” The joy I got from this yogurt was a close second to the joy I get when my pee is so clean that I won’t violate probation. This yogurt is pretty damn good but I know it’s not the yogurt; it’s the sickly sweet strawberry pie like filling. If you love fruit-on-the-bottom strawberry yogurt, you will French-kiss and play Thompson Twins all night with this one.

First, there are big chunks of strawberry flesh that’s encased in that bright red jam. Second, you can mix it all you want, but it seems you will have a higher fruit to yogurt ratio. That’s good because while the yogurt is creamy, it has a slight chalky aftertaste that most fat-free yogurts have. The yogurt mutes the sweetness of the sundae-like strawberries, which is a good thing. However, the aftertaste ruins it just a bit.

Fruplait Harvest Peach must be peaches foraged from Candyland farms where trees grow whipped cream and bon-bons ripen in the orchards. The peaches, like the strawberries, were kick-started and chunky. They taste a little bit like the canned peaches you pretend are healthy but know the syrup says otherwise. But I like that, so if you’re not a fan of the tinned fruits, you should avoid. Harvest Peach is not as sweet as the Strawberry one and it seems the weird chalky aftertaste is tempered. The yogurt itself is as smooth and creamy as what’s in the Fruplait Strawberry.

Low-fat, live and active cultures, and vitamins aside, we’re not eating Fruplait for that nonsense. We’re eating these because we are too lazy to make an actual sundae or parfait. That’s fine with me because every time I stick a spoon in one, I’m giving the middle finger to anybody who said, “You can’t have dessert for breakfast.”

Yes, I can, jerks. Yes, I can.

(Nutrition Facts – Strawberry – 110 calories, 1 gram of total fat, less than 5mg of cholesterol, 50 mg of sodium, 160 mg of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 16 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein. Harvest Peach – 120 calories, 1 gram of fat, less than 5 mg of cholesterol, 55 mg of sodium, 170 mg of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Yoplait Fruplait (Strawberry & Harvest Peach)
Purchased Price: $2.50 each
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Strawberry)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Harvest Peach)
Pros: The amount of fruit. The strawberry is jammy goodness. Michael Clarke Duncan in Armageddon. The yogurts are smooth and creamy. 99% fat-free homies. Creepy dead Roman emperors.
Cons: The peach is far from harvested. The slight chalkiness of the yogurt itself. Michael Clarke Duncan in Daredevil. You are forced to buy four of them at one time. Comic book movies that get it so wrong.

(Margaret stands alone, staring up at the dairy aisle. Her mom patters behind her, shopping for holiday groceries. Mom spots the yogurt product standing before her daughter, stops, leans in, and whispers)

MOM: “You sure you wanna do that?”

MARGARET: “No…but I will.”

And with that, I grabbed the box of four compartmentalized containers of congealed dairy product, swiped through the self-checkout, snapped into my car, and shot into the mid-day sky like Bruce Willis on a day when he feels he’s going to Die Hard, faced with nothing but the great destiny that lay ahead. A destiny shrouded in mystery, nuance and…applesauce.

(Cue a rapidly conducted orchestra of violins suited for an action film à la Hans Zimmer)

Applesauce.

Yogurt.

Two ingredients, both alike in dignity, and, despite the mind-boggling, candy-coated, granola-filled, extra-fruitinated conundrum that is the yogurt aisle these days, it was with this dignity in mind that I pursued this new thrust into the foray of yogurt varietals.

I noticed that the size of the cups was four ounces, which is but a wee little lass in comparison with the six-ounce containers I’m accustomed to. In fact, I almost didn’t go for it, but then I realized: dad-gum, it’s cute, and, like the big eyes of a beagle puppy, I could not resist. Could. Not. Resist.

I like vanilla yogurt. I have a secret affair with sugar cookies. I yearn for strawberries in January as Marcia Brady yearned for Davy Jones. Indeed, with so many qualities going for it, things were on the upside for this yogurt cup as I peeled back the aluminum covering to reveal…

Taupe.

A controversial color, indeed. It is the color of hotel lobbies and stale hospital waiting rooms. However, it is also the color of winter scarves and hamburger buns and those crummy kindergarten clay animal sculptures I tried to make (Was it a hippo? Was it a giraffe? We’ll never know…). This said, perhaps, taupe is a color of potential.

There it is, in all its taupe-like potential.

That kinda darker taupe swirl is the applesauce and, indeed, this tastes of applesauce. The applesauce itself had a little bit of a citrus somethin’ somethin’ with a hint of strawberry at the end, which is a nice little zing-pow-zam for you comic-book-sound-effects lovers. The texture of the applesauce blends well with the yogurt, maintaining a smooth consistency, although the vanilla, the sensitive flavor it is, seems to be lost in the midst of the apple.

Now, on to the cookies.

I’ll give it to you, YoCrunch: you give me lots of toppings. Over the years, you’ve nourished me with a scandalous mélange of edible “garnishes.” Like Oreos. And Reeses Pieces. And Oreos (wait…did I already say that?). And now, ye bringeth me these crumbly bits of a sugar cookie, which are good. Super good. Like makes-me-want-to-dance-the-whatoosie good (a miraculous and terrifying sight, indeed…). It would be great if you went into the cereal business and made this into a cereal. Could you do that for me, YoCrunch?

My love for these cookies was quashed by my own hand as I made the terrible mistake of stirring the cookies into the yogurt, resulting in a gloppy mess that tasted vaguely of cabinet shavings coated in strained milk product. Be warned, fellow eaters: do not mix your cookies in yogurt!

If you have a little pocket in your heart for the humble applesauce and desire to treat your cookies with respect (and I know you do), I recommend you pursue your yogurt cup using my newly developed 3-Step Cookie Pouring Technique (patent pending):

Step 1: After opening yogurt and stirring applesauce around, pour half the cookies on top.

Step 2: Without mixing the cookies, eat first half of the container.

Step 3: Now, pour the rest of the cookies on top of the bottom half of the yogurt and scoop-and-crunch away.

This will ensure you both cookie enjoyment and a non-mushy crunch with every vitamin-A-and-D-filled bite you take.

Despite their drab color and small size, these little cups offer a great deal to the world of apple yogurt. Indeed, they are the closest dairy product I’ve found to emulate an apple crumble in a factory-sealed plastic cup, and their size makes them easy to take anywhere, granting you the official right to enjoy one of these suckers whenever you like. It’s not quite dessert and not quite filling enough for a snack either, which makes it just right for any freakin’ time you want some smooth apple yogurt and cookies. A true embodiment of the philosophy that great things need not come in large packages.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup (with cookie topping) – 110 calories, 40 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, Less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: YoCrunch Vanilla Nonfat Yogurt with Mott’s Strawberry Applesauce
Purchased Price: $2.58
Size: 1 box/4cups
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Smooth texture. Delicious cookie crumbles. Vitamins A and D. Good ratio of applesauce to yogurt. A little strawberry zing. Comic book sound effects. Dancing the whatoosie. Kindergarten clay sculptures.
Cons: Small size. Vanilla flavor seems absent. Food that taste like soggy cabinet shavings. Taupe. Hospital waiting rooms. Too many Die Hard films.

Hey, guys. Listen. Seriously, listen. I have found a well-kept secret from the Mediterranean that you do not want to miss. I really think it’s going to be the next Big Thing.

I can feel you quivering with anticipation, so I won’t drag it out: it’s Greek yogurt.

Wait, what? Greek yogurt has already gained mainstream popularity and has inundated the country’s supermarket dairy sections? How was I supposed to know that? Okay, well keep listening, because here’s the twist: there’s now Greek frozen yogurt.

Oh, that’s not new either? Where did you hear that? Oh, maybe it was here. Or here. Or here. Or here.

Sigh. The saying is true; there is nothing new under the sun.

But hey, these Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars are different. They’re new! And they’re made by Yoplait! I’ve trusted Yoplait for all my yogurt needs since I was a youth. Plus, they taught me about the silent “t” well before Stephen Colbert came on the scene.

A brief refresher course on Greek yogurt: it is also called strained yogurt, because, um…it’s been strained. Specifically, they squuuuueeeze out the whey, leaving a substance that is thicker than your average yogurt, yet still rich in flavor but lower in sugar and carbs.

Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars also come in Raspberry, Peach, and Strawberry Banana, but I chose the Honey Caramel variety because, in addition to never having tried Greek frozen yogurt, I’ve also never tried anything honey caramel-flavored. In fact, I’ve never even seen anything honey caramel-flavored before this.

Now I’m paranoid that there’s some honey caramel craze out there that I’m not aware of. I’m going to look like a pretty big idiot making fun of Greek yogurt at the beginning of this review when honey caramel has taken over store shelves and I haven’t even noticed. Maybe I’m in the dark, like Winnie the Pooh with his head stuck in the honey pot. Or a beehive. Man, that bear was stupid. I don’t want to be Winnie-the-Pooh stupid.

Right off the bat, the box of Yoplait’s Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars wants to hit me over the head with healthy boasts like “2x the protein of regular frozen yogurt”, “only natural flavors”, and “live and active cultures”.

I’ve always been kind of creeped out by yogurt’s live and active cultures, but I figure it’s better than dead and inactive cultures, or even undead cultures. Oh sure, everyone expects the zombie apocalypse to come from some sort of virus or science experiment gone wrong, but nobody suspects the yogurt.

…Yeah, I’m definitely paranoid.

While I’ve never had frozen Greek yogurt, I have had its refrigerated counterpart, so when I tried the Yoplait Honey Caramel bar, I was expecting the tartness that is the signature of Greek yogurt. I got that tartness, but it was more subtle, and also brought along a good friend – sweetness.

In fact, subtlety seems to be the word of the day for these yogurt bars. It was tart but not too tart and sweet but not cloyingly so. The caramel was delicious but not like eating a giant spoonful of the stuff. There was a hint of honey; that was one flavor that may have been a little too subtle, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The yogurt was very smooth and creamy, and it held up very well as I ate it. No sticky hands here. I’m assuming the qualities of the yogurt – especially the Greek part – were responsible for it not melting down my hand.

I’m far, far from a health nut, but it’s hard not to notice that the daily value percentages under the nutritional facts are single digits across the board. These yogurt bars are good and good for you! Well, at the very least, they’re not very bad for you.

I find it interesting that all the things I liked the most about Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel could just as easily be construed as faults by someone with a different palate. “Not sweet enough.” “Not tart enough.” “Not enough caramel.” “Not enough honey flavor.” Oh wait, I actually said that one.

Different strokes for different folks, as they say, and Yoplait stroked me the right way. Wait, that came out wrong. And it rhymed. Four times. You’re lucky you’re so tasty, Honey Caramel Yogurt Bars.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 90 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 110 milligrams of potassium, 13 grams of total carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugars, 5 grams of protein, and 15% calcium.)

Other Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars Honey Caramel
Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 1 box/6 bars
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Creamy texture with just the right tartness and sweetness. Live and active cultures. Nice caramel taste. No sticky hands. Actually not bad for you. Getting stroked by Yoplait.
Cons: Honey flavor was a little too subtle. The yogurt zombie apocalypse. May not appeal to those who want a sweeter treat with stronger flavor. Committing accidental multiple rhymicide

Yoplait, the most popular yogurt company that ends with a silent T, has recently come out with a new line of frozen yogurt pints and bars.

This isn’t the first time Yoplait has entered the frozen yogurt market. In 2006, they released several frozen yogurt cereal bars, which I don’t remember.

Yoplait’s new frozen yogurt line is being produced by the same company that makes Blue Bunny ice cream. Yoplait Original Frozen Yogurt Pints come in seven flavors: Cherry Orchard, Peach, Mixed Berry, Mountain Berry, Strawberry, Strawberry Banana, and Vanilla. Yoplait Original Frozen Yogurt Bars come in Harvest Peach and Strawberry Banana.

Oh, but that’s not all, live and active culture lovers.

They’ve also got Greek Frozen Yogurt Pints, which come in Black Cherry, Blueberry, Honey Caramel, Peach, Raspberry Fig, Strawberry, and Vanilla. And there are two Yoplait Greek Frozen Yogurt Bars — Honey Caramel and Raspberry.

Our friends at On Second Scoop reviewed the Original Strawberry and Greek Strawberry pints.

All things considered, I fancy myself as a fairly simple individual. I wear jeans and a T-shirt on most days, bring my own brown bag lunch to work, and am as happy as a peach just sitting around and watching football on a Saturday night.

Given that I count Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Simple Man in my Top 25 songs of all-time, you might even find my picture next to “Simple” in your dictionary at some point in the near future.

You know what’s not simple, though? Yogurt. I mean, there are a gazillion yogurt companies, each of which produces a gazillion varieties and flavors.

Take Yoplait.

You’ve got your Light yogurt for the calorie counters. Then there’s your Original for the no-fussers. There’s the Lactose Free for those who “don’t do” milk, Greek yogurt for the those who couldn’t spend that summer “discovering themselves” in Europe, and Whips yogurt for those who’d rather just have mousse. There’s Go-Gurt for those of us still living out BMX dreams from the 90s, Light yogurt with Fiber for those who need help pooping and want to lose weight, and Trix Yogurt for kids, or just people who want to try to feed their bunnies dairy.

And now, there’s Yoplait Simplait Yogurt.

Psh. Like a silent “T” can ever be simple.

Yoplait Simplait Strawberry Yogurt has only six ingredients — cultured pasteurized Grade A milk, strawberries, sugar, corn starch, vegetable juice (for color), and natural flavor. I could’ve taken the simple route and picked up only the Simplait Yogurt to review, but I decided to complicate things, and possibly hurt my chances of seeing my mug in the dictionary, by comparing it with the Yoplait Original and Light versions to see if there was any difference.

Long story short, there was. As soon as I busted the caps tops of the Light, Original, and Simplait varieties of strawberry yogurt I bought, I immediately noticed contrasting consistencies. A small amount of water appeared to have risen to the top of the whole milk Yoplait yogurt, but otherwise it was thick and creamy, rising off my spoon with an almost frozen yogurt like consistency. The Original version appeared, to borrow from my extensive vocabulary, to hold a shape somewhere between gloopy and watery, owning a consistency similar to the thin slime Nickelodeon used to shoot at people during Figure it Out. As for the Light version, it’s more on the watery side.

The Simplait didn’t just put the other versions of Yoplait’s Strawberry yogurt to shame in terms of its creaminess, it also tasted much better. The sweetness is mild and milky, reminding me of fresh ice cream, where the Original’s sweetness is over-the-top and cloying while the Light’s version is artificial and tastes strongly of strawberry cough medicine. Both the Simplait and Original have solid strawberry flavors, but the real bits of tart strawberry seeds seem to taste truer with the added richness of full fat yogurt, as opposed to the more gel-like Strawberry puree that comes across as a little too processed in the Original.

I’ll be honest with you, I’m surprised – very surprised – by how much I ended up preferring the Simplait yogurt. It has a thick and creamy consistency equal to that of most Greek yogurts at a fraction of the price, while also owning a rich flavor that features unencumbered fruit flavor and even a little texture. True, it’s double the calories of light yogurt and has a few grams more saturated fat than the Original variety, but it’s a small price to pay for a simpler, and much more pleasing, final product. Heck, it might even compete with my picture for that future spot next to “Simple” in the dictionary.
 

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container – 200 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 24 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, and 20% calcium.)

Item: Yoplait Simplait Strawberry Yogurt
Purchased Price: 50 cents (on sale)
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Thick and creamy texture that puts non-Greek yogurts to shame. Milky richness that adds balance to mildly sweet strawberry flavor. Real chunks of berries. Costs just as much as yogurts filled with crap. Doesn’t taste like cough syrup.
Cons: More calories and fat than any light or nonfat yogurt. Strawberry flavor comes across as muted to those used to a diet of Coke Zero and Cap’n Crunch (guilty as charged). Losing my claim to a dictionary entry to a damn container of yogurt. Excessive female oriented marketing.