REVIEW: Yoplait Original Cookies ‘n Cream Yogurt

Yoplait Original Cookies 'n Cream Yogurt

Yoplait has a habit of turning desserts into yogurt flavors. However, the desserts are almost always cakes, pies, and other baked goods.

Off the top of my head that’s filled with useless information, Yoplait offers Key Lime Pie, Boston Creme Pie, Raspberry Cheesecake, Strawberry Cheesecake, Red Velvet Cupcake, Cinnamon Roll, Lemon Cream Pie, Blueberry Pie, Banana Cream Pie, Black Forest Cake, and Cherry Cobbler flavored yogurts.

While there are a lot of baked goods flavors, there aren’t many Yoplait flavors based on ice cream. There’s just Orange Creme and now the new Yoplait Original Cookies ‘n Cream Yogurt.

After I peeled back the foil lid, it was as if I was staring at the fur of the unluckiest Dalmatian ever. There are tiny dark specks in the yogurt that have no texture, but I’m not sure what they are. The ingredients list doesn’t show anything that would suggest there’s chocolate cookie crumbs. But vanilla bean is listed. So those dark specks could be tiny bits of vanilla bean.

Yoplait Original Cookies 'n Cream Yogurt Closeup

The yogurt smells like vanilla ice cream, but when I take a spoonful, I don’t instantly think of cookies ‘n cream. Instead, I think of regular vanilla yogurt. But if I think harder, it does begin to taste like vanilla ice cream. But, no matter how hard I try, I couldn’t taste chocolate cookies. The yogurt does have a light artificial banana-ish aftertaste, but that’s not cookies.

I’m surprised Yoplait didn’t include chocolate cookie crumbs in this yogurt to make the cookie flavor stand out. If this was a Yoplait Light Yogurt, I would understand it probably has something to do with fat, sugar, and calories. But this isn’t a Yoplait Light, this is sugary, YOLO Yoplait Original Yogurt. Sugar be damned!

Of course, chocolate cookie crumbs might get soggy sitting in yogurt for weeks. But if we can put a man on the moon, create computers that fit into our pockets, and make breakfast cereal that will remain crunchy weeks after it’s been opened, I’m sure it’s possible to make chocolate cookie crumbs that don’t get soggy in yogurt.

Yoplait Original Cookies ‘n Cream Yogurt is okay, but with its lack of chocolate cookie flavor, it really should’ve been called Yoplait Original Vanilla Milkshake Yogurt.

(Nutrition Facts – 170 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 26 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 20% vitamin D, 20% calcium, and 15% phosphorus.)

Item: Yoplait Original Cookies ‘n Cream Yogurt
Purchased Price: 74 cents
Size: 6 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Made with vanilla bean. Smells like vanilla ice cream and at times tastes like vanilla ice cream. No HFCS.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like cookies ‘n cream because it lacks chocolate cookie flavor. Dark specks have no texture. Odd to have a light artificial banana aftertaste. No chocolate cookie crumbs.

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REVIEW: Chobani Limited Batch Pumpkin Spice Greek Yogurt and Yoplait Limited Edition Pumpkin Cheesecake Greek Yogurt

Chobani Limited Batch Pumpkin Spice Greek Yogurt and Yoplait Limited Edition Pumpkin Cheesecake Greek Yogurt

Sometime between the introduction of Trix-flavored Go-Gurt and the advent of yogurt with poop-inducing bacteria, I lost all capacity to keep up with what is particularly trendy when it comes to fermented dairy. Kefir, you say? You mean that guy from 24? Call me overwhelmed, but I just don’t quite understand it all.

You know what I do understand? Pumpkin.

In donuts. In ice cream. In waffles and in cookies and, by George, this flavor actually works on a Pringle! And while I’ve yet to encounter the rumored Pumpkin Spice Burger the release of two new pumpkin-flavored Greek yogurts is enough to piqué my interest to an otherwise flabbergasting catalogue of yogurt types and flavors.

First up is Chobani, which has actually had a rough go of it in 2014. Banned by Russia for the Olympics and later accused of being Turkish, Chobani’s Limited Batch Pumpkin Spice Greek Yogurt holds the distinction of having actual pumpkin in the ingredient list, something that seemingly 90 percent of pumpkin-flavored goodies seem to be missing in what is becoming the most oversaturated single-product market since Pokémon cards.

Not to be outdone, Yoplait’s Pumpkin Cheesecake also features real pumpkin puree, in addition to the one-up mention of everyone’s other favorite cultured dairy dessert. I know what you’re thinking; cheesecake beats spice every time, right? But let’s not forget both these yogurts are of the 2 percent variety, and claim actual sugar to sweeten the deal. Pumpkin, milkfat, sugar? Seems like neither can go wrong.

Chobani Pumpkin Spice

If pumpkin spice is your deal—as in, you’re one of those people who carries around your own Williams-Sonoma Pumpkin Spice canister to dump on EVERYTHING—you’re going to love the Chobani rendition. All the usual spices are present, but it’s their intensity—as if fresh grated nutmeg and ginger were added just minutes before packaging—which is most striking.

The cinnamon has a floral quality rising above cheaper imitations, and the strong ginger notes give the flavor an exotic appeal. Still, the flavor seems incomplete. There’s an absence of vanilla that would otherwise bring the flavors together, and a quiet sweetness bemoans the decision not to go with a more intense brown sugar sweetness. The texture, too, is imperfect. More jiggly than creamy, with a hint of surface water, it lacks a degree of richness which otherwise would have gone a long way to making it one of the early highlights of pumpkin season.

Yoplait’s Pumpkin Cheesecake is a different gourd, but not completely. Call it a Kabocha Squash to your typical Sugar Pumpkin, if you will. The texture is actually remarkably similar to the Chobani flavor. A bit more prone to breaking into multiple blobs of orangish yogurt, but still reacting with a jiggly effect when prodded by spoon (or finger, I don’t judge).

Yoplait Pumpkin Cheesecake

I take a bite, hoping to be greeted by a rich and creamery fresh taste not unlike that Baskin-Robbin ice cream, but instead I’m left with a somewhat artificial spice flavor and odd acidic aftertaste. It’s not altogether unenjoyable because the yogurt base is sweeter and the pumpkin flavor more intense than the Chobani yogurt, but it still leaves something to be desired. The cheesecake flavor seems more buttermilk inspired than cream cheese, but unlike the Chobani Pumpkin Spice, there’s a more familiar dessert-inspired flavor. The sweetness sure isn’t lacking, and together with a robust pumpkin flavor, it’s more versatile to use as a dip or in smoothies.

Neither Chobani’s Limited Batch Pumpkin Spice nor Yoplait’s Pumpkin Cheesecake flavors blew me away, although the freshness of the pumpkin spice flavor in the Chobani yogurt might be the most authentic rendition I’ve had to date. But the problems for both yogurts are unfortunately all too familiar for the seasonally-inspired treat. Too little brown sugar sweetness and not enough richness leave the pumpkin exposed to blandness, and despite the addition of milkfat, the texture of both yogurts doesn’t conjure up images of dessert. I may not be hip to the latest fads in yogurt, but I think it’s a safe bet to assume adding pumpkin won’t be the next big thing.

(Nutrition Facts – Chobani Limited Batch Pumpkin Spice – 130 calories, 3 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, and 15% calcium. Yoplait Limited Edition Pumpkin Cheesecake – 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 16 grams of sugar, 11 grams of protein, and 10% calcium.)

Item: Chobani Limited Batch Pumpkin Spice Greek Yogurt
Purchased Price: $1.39
Size: 5.3 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Remarkably fresh and flavorful combination of cinnamon, ginger, and cloves. Contains actual pumpkin. Good source of protein and calcium. Sticking it to comrade Putin.
Cons: Not quite sweet enough to really showcase the pumpkin flavor. Lacks richness or creamy taste. Questionable country of origin.

Item: Yoplait Limited Edition Pumpkin Cheesecake Greek Yogurt
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: 5.3 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Sweet and authentic pumpkin flavor. Has a cheesecake tang. Tastes like dessert.
Cons: Jiggles more than a fat guy’s triceps. Gloopy. Spice flavor is artificial. More calories and less protein than Chobani.

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QUICK REVIEW: Yoplait Original Limited Edition Peppermint Bark Yogurt

Yoplait Original Limited Edition Peppermint Bark Yogurt

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Has a sweet and pleasant vanilla mint flavor with a hint of chocolate. Its flavor reminds me of an Andes Chocolate Mint. I didn’t think it would work, but it does. Container doesn’t have that lip regular Yoplait yogurt has that makes it hard to get every bit of yogurt out. 99 percent fat free and contains live and active cultures. Much better than that dreck known as Yoplait Light Limited Edition Pumpkin Pie Yogurt.
Cons: Four ounce containers are smaller than regular Yoplait containers; it’s gone in no time. Doesn’t contain crunchy peppermint bits. Some might think it contains too much sugar. I liked them enough that I’m a little disappointed I have to wait until September-October before I can eat them again (If Yoplait decides to bring them back).

Yoplait Original Limited Edition Peppermint Bark Yogurt Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 110 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 17 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 15% vitamin D, and 10% phosphorus.

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QUICK REVIEW: Yoplait Greek Blended Pineapple Yogurt

Yoplait Greek Blended Pineapple Yogurt

Purchased Price: Free*
Size: 5.3 oz.
Purchased at: Received from Yoplait
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful, sweet pineapple flavor, when I had a container with lots of pineapple chunks. No need to stir. Creamy. Surprisingly juicy pineapple chunks. Contains live and active cultures (but what yogurt doesn’t nowadays). Has 100 percent more protein than regular Yoplait yogurt. Picking the pineapple flavor because I live on a tropical island. No inward lip that makes it difficult to scrape out the yogurt like with regular Yoplait yogurt containers.
Cons: Inconsistencies with amount of pineapple chunks in containers; some had a lot and some had a little. 18 grams of sugar might be too much for some people. The pineapple provides very, very little vitamin C. Could use more calcium. Smaller containers than regular Yoplait yogurt.

Yoplait Greek Blended Pineapple Yogurt Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 140 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 11 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 10% calcium, and 20% vitamin D.

*Disclosure: I received a case of Yoplait Greek Blended Pineapple Yogurt from Yoplait to review. I didn’t receive any money for doing a review, I only received free yogurt. The fact that I received the yogurt for free did not affect my review of it. Also, the fact that the yogurt wasn’t shipped via UPS or FedEx and I had to drive to the frickin’ airport to it pick up from the office of some shipper I’ve never heard of also did not affect my review of it.

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REVIEW: Yoplait Fruplait (Strawberry & Harvest Peach)

Yoplait Fruplait (Strawberry & Harvest Peach)

I remember when yogurt came in two types: fruit on the bottom you had to mix-up yourself and the premixed fat-free gloop that left you disappointed.

Fast forward to 2013 and we now have yogurts that are whipped, yogurts specifically made to assist with cleaning your bowels, yogurts for kids, drinkable yogurts, yogurts with granola crumbles, lactose-free yogurts, fat-free yogurts, frozen yogurts from trendy named outlets where you can add chocolate covered potato chips and tapioca beads, and please don’t even get me started on those disgusting Greek yogurts that taste like rancid cheese.

There used to be a fine line between breakfast and dessert when it came to yogurt. The flavors available today guarantee some head scratching. Trust me, this becomes more apparent at 5:30 a.m. when you gulp down a chocolate silk pie-flavored yogurt. To ensure the waters stay muddled, Yoplait has released its new Fruplait line of niche yogurts.

Looking at Yoplait’s yogurt empire, I can understand why there has not been a yogurt like Fruplait before. It’s so elementary, it’s a wonder no one thought of it.

“You know what we need? More fruit in the yogurt,” Yoplait Brand Developer Number 305 screams. “We need a yogurt equivalent to a Michael Bay film stuffed with an Aerosmith soundtrack!”

The rest of the table asks, “Can we have Ving Rhames in it?”

“Sure, what the heck is he not in?”

“Yayyyy!!!” screams no one.

“Booooooo…” says Michael Clarke Duncan’s estate.

Because I love strawberry and peach, I bought both varieties. Plus, I have an indecision problem. I cannot just pick one. Like most Roman emperors, I needed them all. You can’t miss these because they are sold in a “convenient” four-pack with reserved white packaging.

I say, “convenient” only if you tend to buy four at a time because if you just want to try one and purchase maybe…I don’t know…one, like hoping for world peace, you’re out of luck Sunshine. Those miscreants at Yoplait made sure you have to have at least three in the fridge no matter how you like Fruplait.

Yoplait Fruplait (Strawberry & Harvest Peach) Containers

Unlike your Uncle Choy, who owes The Dragon of the Black Pool more than chicken fried rice and is now resting on the bottom of some retention pond, the fruit are in pockets, swirled in the middle and throughout the yogurt. As for the jammy goodness of the fruit, it has ample flavor and fruit.

Way more fruit.

Of course, that makes sense since the packaging tells you “2X the fruit of the leading yogurt.” With the strawberry flavor, it’s almost as if someone took a container of plain yogurt, went to an ice cream shoppe (with a soda jerk who speaks that 1920’s hoiky joiky lingo), and asked for extra strawberry topping. Creamy yogurt with an addictive sweet and syrupy fruit mix? Now if it sounds like I’m describing a dessert rather than breakfast, it’s because I am.

These yogurts add more haze to an already foggy patch the yogurt industry purposely created. I’m fine with it but trust me when I tell you that there is no way these are for breakfast. Both Fruplait varieties are the ubiquitous 99 percent fat-free, low fat yogurt, chock full of live and active cultures which have me imagine I’m drinking my plastic Sea-Monkeys tank.

Fruplait Strawberry is, as it says on the bottom of the package, “sheer joy in a cup.” The joy I got from this yogurt was a close second to the joy I get when my pee is so clean that I won’t violate probation. This yogurt is pretty damn good but I know it’s not the yogurt; it’s the sickly sweet strawberry pie like filling. If you love fruit-on-the-bottom strawberry yogurt, you will French-kiss and play Thompson Twins all night with this one.

Yoplait Fruplait Strawberry Closeup

First, there are big chunks of strawberry flesh that’s encased in that bright red jam. Second, you can mix it all you want, but it seems you will have a higher fruit to yogurt ratio. That’s good because while the yogurt is creamy, it has a slight chalky aftertaste that most fat-free yogurts have. The yogurt mutes the sweetness of the sundae-like strawberries, which is a good thing. However, the aftertaste ruins it just a bit.

Fruplait Harvest Peach must be peaches foraged from Candyland farms where trees grow whipped cream and bon-bons ripen in the orchards. The peaches, like the strawberries, were kick-started and chunky. They taste a little bit like the canned peaches you pretend are healthy but know the syrup says otherwise. But I like that, so if you’re not a fan of the tinned fruits, you should avoid. Harvest Peach is not as sweet as the Strawberry one and it seems the weird chalky aftertaste is tempered. The yogurt itself is as smooth and creamy as what’s in the Fruplait Strawberry.

Yoplait Fruplait (Strawberry & Harvest Peach) Spoons

Low-fat, live and active cultures, and vitamins aside, we’re not eating Fruplait for that nonsense. We’re eating these because we are too lazy to make an actual sundae or parfait. That’s fine with me because every time I stick a spoon in one, I’m giving the middle finger to anybody who said, “You can’t have dessert for breakfast.”

Yes, I can, jerks. Yes, I can.

(Nutrition Facts – Strawberry – 110 calories, 1 gram of total fat, less than 5mg of cholesterol, 50 mg of sodium, 160 mg of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 16 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein. Harvest Peach – 120 calories, 1 gram of fat, less than 5 mg of cholesterol, 55 mg of sodium, 170 mg of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Yoplait Fruplait (Strawberry & Harvest Peach)
Purchased Price: $2.50 each
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Strawberry)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Harvest Peach)
Pros: The amount of fruit. The strawberry is jammy goodness. Michael Clarke Duncan in Armageddon. The yogurts are smooth and creamy. 99% fat-free homies. Creepy dead Roman emperors.
Cons: The peach is far from harvested. The slight chalkiness of the yogurt itself. Michael Clarke Duncan in Daredevil. You are forced to buy four of them at one time. Comic book movies that get it so wrong.

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