For those who don’t know, comedian Jerry Seinfeld is a big cereal fan. Every morning, I imagine he gets out of his bed made of money, goes down to his gold plated kitchen, and has to decide which cereal he will eat among the dozens of choices he has in his pantry. I also imagine the cereal is served on a silver platter by his butler in a stainless steel bowl and accompanied with a silver spoon and someone who reads the New York Times to him.

Being a cereal junkie myself, I sometimes feel like Jerry Seinfeld in the morning, except without the bed make of money, gold plated kitchen, silver platter, butler, stainless steel bowl, silver spoon, and someone who will read the New York Times to me. However, I do have about a dozen cereals to choose from in my pantry, and recently I added five brand new cereals from Kellogg’s.

So with this plethora of new cereals, I thought it’s a good time to have a good ol’ fashioned product election, which allows you, the readers, to vote for the product The Impulsive Buy will review next.

In this product election, you’ll be able to choose from five new cereals from Kellogg’s:

1. Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunch

5. Kellogg’s Organic Raisin Bran

The cereal with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be eaten and reviewed, while the other candidates will just be eaten.

To vote, leave a comment with this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person.

I’ll be accepting votes until Friday, July 14th. Shortly after the 14th, I’ll post the review of the winning cereal.

Now go vote like you’re a senator voting for net neutrality.

Updated 1:55 pm (Sunday) - Emailed the developer of the theme and we tried a couple of things, but couldn’t get it to work. So I switched back to the old theme, until something can be figured out. Oh yeah, Contact Form emails are being delivered again, so you can feel free to tell me how much I suck.

Updated 12:59 am (Sunday) - Still haven’t figured it out. I’ve been tweaking things all f’n day. All I need to do is figure out why I’m not getting emails to let me know someone has commented, why I’m not getting emails with the Contact Form, and why my frickin’ sidebar drop to the bottom on some posts. Maybe I need a different theme. Anyway, emailed the developer of the theme. Hopefully, he gets back to me.

Updated 11:58 pm - For some reason post with tall images will force the sidebar to the bottom of the page. I think it’s a CSS problem, but I’ve been messing with the CSS for about two hours and haven’t figured it out. Right now, I am TIB’s bitch.

Updated 3:34 pm - Emailing reviews is now available in pop-up form, because I couldn’t get it to work in the original way. Just like the efforts women go through to look prettier, the efforts I’m going through to make TIB prettier are time-consuming, except without the complications of trying to keep fake eyelashes on.

Updated 1:40 pm - I think my RSS feeds are working again.

Updated 1:22 pm - Um, my RSS feeds aren’t working ever since I tried using Feedburner. I think it’s because my permalinks are screwed up. Right now, almost everything looks good in Firefox and Safari, except that damn “Email Review” page. The contact page still doesn’t work. Also, if you’re running IE6 or IE7, please let me know if anything doesn’t look right.

Hi there. As you can see, the look of The Impulsive Buy has changed. If not, clear your browser’s cache. Anyway, there are numerous things that don’t work here, like the ability to email reviews and contacting me.

If there are other things that don’t look right or are broken, please let me know by posting a comment. Hopefully, I can solve all the problems over the weekend.

Wow! 300 reviews!

I can’t believe The Impulsive Buy has reached this milestone. But what’s more impressive is the fact that I didn’t need illegal performance enhancing drugs to reach it. All it took was hard work and dedication.

Some of you might say, “Well isn’t caffeine a performance enhancing drug? We all know you’ve done a lot of caffeine.”

My response to that would be, “No, caffeine is a legal, unregulated substance, and according to the Food and Drug Administration it’s safe for consumption. Now leave me alone, before I get all Barry Bonds on your ass and starting whining and complaining about the media.”

To celebrate the 300th review, The Impulsive Buy will be holding a prize drawing.

Three lucky readers will each receive a $25 gift certificate to Threadless, which The Impulsive Buy reviewed several weeks ago. So if you’re naked because you lost your clothes at the club while the DJ was spinning Nelly’s Hot in Herre, this would be your opportunity to no longer be naked.

To enter the 300th review prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “I’m drug free, check my pee” in it and whatever else you would like to say. Don’t worry, you don’t have to mean it.

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the gift certificates to the winners.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 and stop accepting entries on Wednesday, June 21, 2006. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE!!!

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you newsletters from Taiwan in Chinese. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for expired gift certificates, lost gift certificate codes, or the extra facial hair or enlarged forehead caused by the use of illegal performance enhancing drugs.

(Editor’s Note: If you’re interested — or bored — please check out the new review blog I started up called Cereal Mashup.)

Right now, The Impulsive Buy is being bombarded by visitors from somewhere unknown Kim Komando’s Cool Site of the Day. I just want to welcome those visitors from somewhere unknown Kim Komando’s Cool Site of the Day and hope you enjoy your stay here.

The Impulsive Buy is dedicated to providing humorous quasi-reviews about various consumer goods. Each review goes off on some tangent, but almost always comes back to complete the review. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t be a quasi-review website. Instead we would be some quasi-babbling website.

The Impulsive Buy USUALLY posts two or three reviews a week. About one in every fifty are actually any good.

The staff of The Impulsive Buy are not experts, but they do like to try anything that has any of the following words on the product: new, improved, new and improved, better tasting, reconditioned, less fat, fat-free, best-selling, less calories, reduced for quick sale, limited edition, free toy, 50% off, or now with Olestra.

If you want to take a look at the complete review archive, click here.

Thanks for visiting.

Marvo
Editor
The Impulsive Buy

PS - Where the heck are you folks coming from?

For this month’s prize drawing, I’m going to leggo a few Eggos.

Oh wait. For some reason, that doesn’t sound right.

It sounds either perverted or painful.

Anyway, two lucky readers will each win a box of Eggo Cereal, which The Impulsive Buy reviewed last month. Eggo Cereal is great for those who love waffles, but bad for those who hate spoons.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Leggo my Eggo” and whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, April 16, 2006. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, Canada, and Guam. (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam asking if you want to meet later. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about seminars that will improve your business relationships. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or you waking up with The King.

Saint Patrick’s Day is coming up and it’s a great day to get drunk, get pinched, and get caught urinating in public.

However, no one gives gifts for Saint Patrick’s Day. So this month two lucky readers will each receive a Saint Patrick’s Day gift from The Impulsive Buy.

These two lucky readers will each win A BOX of the Extra Cool Watermelon Gum, which I reviewed the other week. It’s enough gum to last for weeks, unless you have a strong oral fixation and you also like to share, then it will only last you a couple of days.

Just like last month, I’ll be having two separate drawings. However, this month, one drawing is for men only and the other drawing is only for the ladies in the hizzouse. So one Barney will win a box and one Betty will win a box.

However, if you happen to be a hermaphrodite, I will enter you in both drawings. But if you are a hermaphrodite, and you win, you MUST show proof in the form of a doctor’s note.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with THREE THINGS.

1. The words “Hey! Nice watermelons!”
2. Whether you’re a male, female, or a hermaphrodite.
3. Whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, March 19, 2006. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, Canada, and Guam. (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about “lovely russian bittches in action.” (Yes, that’s how the spammers spelled it.) The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about seminars that will improve your managerial skills. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or Brokeback Mountain not winning Best Picture.

Thank you George Washington and Abraham Lincoln for having your birthdays in the same month. If you didn’t, some of us might not have every third Monday of February off.

I’m sure there are people all over the United States, who at this moment, are celebrating all of your great achievements by going to the mall and participating in the various Presidents’ Day sales going on.

I might celebrate Presidents’ Day by going to CompUSA and purchasing a Seagate 200GB hard drive for $29.99 after rebates.

Anyway, I’d not only like to wish everyone a Happy Presidents’ Day, but I’d also like to announce the winners for this month’s prize drawing for the Method Olive Leaf Body Wash and the Gillette Fusion Power razor.

The winner of the Method Olive Leaf Body Wash is Eryn, who will be smelling like pepper over the next few weeks.

The winner of the Gillette Fusion Power razor is Tiff, who will either shave her legs with it or maybe have the opportunity to shave a yak. (Guess the cartoon reference that’s from and you’ll win nothing.)

Thanks to everyone who participated.

Happy Presidents’ Day!

Aaah, February…

It’s the month after January and before March. It’s my least favorite month, because every February I am reminded of heartbreak and heartache. There’s that one day in February that haunts me EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

For almost everyone else, that one special day in February is a joyous day filled with remembering, honoring, and cherishing. But for me, I am almost always alone on that day. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even recognize that special day anymore.

Sometimes I cry on that day, because I see everyone else enjoying it. Every year, I keep telling myself that next year will be different, because I’ll have a reason to celebrate it. But when the next year comes around, there isn’t any celebrating.

I hate Presidents’ Day!

Because I will never be president of anything…ever!

Anyway, there are two prizes for this month’s prize drawing.

One lucky reader will win a brand new Gillette Fusion Power razor, which I’ll be reviewing really soon, and another lucky reader will win a slightly used bottle of Method Olive Leaf Body Wash, which has been around my naked body.

So I’ll be having two separate drawings. One for the Gillette Fusion Power razor and another one for the Method Olive Leaf Body Wash.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with THREE THINGS.

1. The words I sing and dance to when I’m in the shower, “I rock the party that rocks the body!”
2. The prize you want to win (either the Gillette Fusion Power or the Method Olive Leaf Body Wash)
3. Whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, February 7, 2006 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, February 12, 2006. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, Canada, and Guam. (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam from some Chinese company that wants to sell you toothbrushes. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about classes that will improve your Microsoft Excel skills. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail or a possible eight blade razor.

Hi there! Um…No review today.

Just wanted to let you know that I upgraded the blogging software today. Because of that, some things might not work, like if you wanted to email a review to someone, you can’t do that yet.

Besides that, if you happen to visit The Impulsive Buy and something looks weird or something goes wrong, please let me know about it…Even though all of you will probably be watching the Super Bowl.

Speaking of the Super Bowl…My prediction? Steelers 34 Seahawks 14.

Well this will be the last Impulsive Buy post for the year, but it’s a Year-In-Review/Prize Drawing post.

First off, I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and I also want to thank everyone who reads the Impulsive Buy regularly. It’s a lot of fun trying to come up with new ways to make you laugh, make you nauseous, and make you watch a video of me stripping.

Also, I guess a Year-In-Review post wouldn’t be complete without a list of some of my favorite reviews over the past year. So here they are in no particular order:

10. Carb Well Golden Crunch Cereal
9. Canon PowerShot A85
8. Girl Scouts Thin Mints
7. Full Throttle
6. Del Monte Carb Clever Sliced Pears
5. BK Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
4. iPod Shuffle
3. Poop Water
2. Star Wars Cereal
1. Glaceau SmartWater

Aaah, good times. Good times.

Well on to this month’s prize drawing. I don’t know what I’m going to give away, but the theme of this month’s prize drawing is, “A Month’s Supply.” The theme means that whatever the prizes are, the winners will receive a month’s supply of it.

THREE lucky Impulsive Buy readers will each receive a month’s supply of something I reviewed in the past year. However, I guarantee it’s not the Carb Well Golden Crunch Cereal, because I believe they don’t make it anymore.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Happy New Year, Sucka!” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, December 27, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, January 1, 2006. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, and Canada. (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about making money by filling out surveys. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about seminars that will help you manage people better or improve your grammar skills. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, Johnny Damon going to the Yankees, or the destruction of the Earth at midnight on January 1st.

It’s been awhile since I had a product election here at The Impulsive Buy, which allows you, the readers, to decide what product The Impulsive Buy reviews next. The product election also allows me to clean up my apartment which currently has empty bottles of products strewn all over the place.

Fortunately, they are mostly empty bottles of soda and water. However, if they were all empty bottles of beer, I could sing the “99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall” song or Fox could shoot an episode of Cops in my apartment.

Anyway, over the past few months I’ve tried various beverages. A few of them are sweet, one is pure, one is healthy, and one gets me so wasted that it will make me think the TV show Joey is actually funny.

In this product election, you will be able to choose from six “poisons”:

1. Oxygen Water

6. Grey Goose La Vanille Vodka

The candidate with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be reviewed and the other candidates will either be recycled or turned into spittoons.

To vote, just leave a comment for this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person.

I’ll be accepting votes until Sunday, December 25th. Shortly after the 25th, I’ll post the review of the winning product.

Now go vote like it’s the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards.

Um, Sick Week will continue next week, because I kind of forgot that it’s Thanksgiving Week. Plus, I’m flying to Los Angeles today and I’ll be there until Sunday. But I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and let everyone know that tryptophan is your friend. Don’t fight it, invite it.

Oh, for those of you in other countries who don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, Happy (insert your country’s closest recognized holiday)!

If you need a review fix, I’ve started something at the OTHER blog called Haiku Review. The products used for the Haiku Review are ones that won’t be reviewed here at the Impulsive Buy, either because I’m lazy or they were the losers in my product elections. (Hmm…I haven’t had one of those in awhile.)

Anyway, once again, Happy Thanksgiving!

It’s November, so you know what that means…Thanksgiving.

A time when we stuff our faces with turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. Unless you’re vegetarian, then you might stuff your face with Tofurkey, a faux turkey made out of tofu. No matter how you stuff your face this Thanksgiving, one thing is for certain…leftovers.

Well two lucky Impulsive Buy readers will be storing and transporting their Thanksgiving leftovers in style because the Impulsive Buy is giving away two sets of the Hefty Serve ‘n Store plates and bowls.

Just remember to not microwave them.

November also means that Christmas is coming up. Is your office having a Secret Santa again this year and you want to give something better than the used Hillary Duff CD you gave away last year? The Impulsive Buy has got your back.

Another lucky Impulsive Buy reader will receive a copy of the book Stooples: Office Tools for Hopeless Fools. Of course, if you win it, make sure you read it before you re-gift it.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “TPS reports” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, November 8, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, November 13, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, and Canada. (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about prescription drugs from Canada. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about seminars that will help turn you into a millionaire overnight. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, premature balding, or you not being able to find parking at the mall during Black Friday.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Charlie Kondek from Hass MS&L for sending me the Hefty Serve ‘n Store sets to give away and thanks to Adam Najberg, co-author of Stooples, for sending me a copy of his book to give away.)

Thanks to my recent review of the Trojan Elexa line of products, I’m stuck with a whole bunch of condoms that I’ll probably never use, unless I sell my body on the streets. Unfortunately, my body won’t make much money on the streets, so it would be a waste to use these condoms that way.

To get rid of all these condoms, I’ve decided to become a Condom Fairy again and give away to ONE lucky winner a Trojan Elexa prize pack, which is basically whatever products were left after testing. Although I also took a few condoms for my “Just in case I get some. Oh, who the hell am I kidding, I’m not getting any” stash.

In total, there are 8 Natural Feel condoms, 8 Stimulating condoms, 8 Ultra Sensitive condoms, one tube of Intimacy Gel, and 5 Freshening Cloths. Also, since I “used” the Vibrating Ring, I’ll purchase a new one and add it to the prize pack.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Set it to vibrate” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, October 16, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States and US Military APOs (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

To determine the winners, I will draw a circle on a piece of cardboard and place all the entries in the circle. Then I will put the Vibrating Ring in the middle of the circle, turn it on, and let the Vibrating Ring choose the winner.

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about Bill Gates wanting to give you money. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you catalogs for adult videos. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, any Lindsay Lohan car accident, or any spawn Tom Cruise produces.

Congratulations to Impulsive Buy readers Aaron, Kate, and Chris for being the winners of this month’s prize drawing. Sorry, no pictures this time, but even if I did take picture, they would’ve been boring. It would’ve been pictures of me pulling out entries from a trucker hat. Yawn!

Oh, while I have your attention, I guess I should let you folks know about a new blog I started with the world’s most boring title, “Marvo’s Blog.” I just started it a couple days ago, and it will either give you a behind the scenes look at what it’s like to be a quasi-product review blog editor or it will be about puppies and butterflies. Actually, to be honest, I’m not sure what that blog is going to be about.

If you’re bored, you can check it out here.

PS - I’m sorry there haven’t been many reviews for the past couple of weeks, but by this weekend I’ll be done with my freelance gig and I’ll have more time to write reviews. I’ve got some awesome products to review. Not only do I have an edible hemp product, I’ve also got a sexual product that vibrates, but it’s not what you think.