REVIEW: Honey Maid Birthday Cake Teddy Grahams

Honey Maid Birthday Cake Teddy Grahams

Bears and birthday cakes do not mix.

At least that’s what the security guards told me when I tried to feed Greg the Grizzly a slice of red velvet with cream cheese frosting. Those misinformed fuddy-duddies. If bears don’t actually want to eat cake, then why are they always stealing picnic baskets? Who are we to say no to bears?

In spite of these warnings, Honey Maid has defied zoo security and mixed bears with birthday cake as part of their newly released Birthday Cake Teddy Grahams.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’ve never tasted a bear before — Greg’s guards told me no nibbling allowed. I have tasted Teddy Grahams, though, and I consider myself a fan of those teeny-tiny ursine cookies.

If you’ve never tried Teddy Grahams, they’re nothing more than little crackers that resemble happy cartoon bears. Each of these bears has either both its arms up, or both its arms down. The result is one of the lamest attempts to dance to “Y.M.C.A.” that the world has ever seen.

Honey Maid Birthday Cake Teddy Grahams 2

Because these particular Teddy Grahams are birthday cake-flavored, each cracker is speckled with rainbow color, as if it has contracted a fabulous version of measles. Discomeasles, anyone?

Their scent is somewhere between Nilla wafers and cupcakes. Their flavor is…not what I was expecting.

When I think of “birthday cake,” I imagine strong flavors alluding to vanilla frosting and rainbow sprinkles. These Teddy Grahams are heavy on the graham flavor with merely a faint hint of birthday cake sweetness. It’s an accurate imitation of cake batter, but it only shows up after the graham flavor begins to dissipate.

At first, I was a bit disappointed the birthday cake flavor was this mellow, but these Teddy Grahams have quickly grown on me. Because they’re so plain, they’re very easy to eat in large amounts. I no longer have the sweet tooth of an 8-year-old child, and these Teddy Grahams allow me to snack without feeling like I’m injecting sugar directly into my bloodstream. I honestly prefer them over the other Teddy Graham flavors: honey, cinnamon, chocolate, grizzly, panda, polar, etc.

Though different from what I had anticipated, these Birthday Cake Teddy Grahams have earned my approval. I’m glad Honey Maid chose “birthday cake” as their new Teddy Graham variety, and not another trendy flavor. I can just imagine sea salt caramel, coffee, and sriracha Teddy Grahams. Those would have been unbearable. (Stop complaining. I had to fit in a bear pun somewhere, okay?)

(Nutrition Facts – 24 pieces (30 grams) – 140 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Honey Maid Birthday Cake Teddy Grahams
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 10 oz. box
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Not overwhelmingly sweet. Super snackable. Discomeasles…? Bear puns.
Cons: Primarily graham-flavored. Zoo security. Bear puns.

QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Honey Maid Grahamfuls Cinnamon Creme

Nabisco Honey Maid Grahamfuls Cinnamon Creme

Purchased Price: $3.50
Size: 8 packs/box
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Smells like a cinnamon roll. The cinnamon creme enhances the graham cracker flavor. Fortified to provide 20 percent of your daily calcium. Graham crackers have a nice crispity crunch. No high fructose corn syrup or artificial flavors. Made with 100% whole grain.
Cons: Cinnamon creme isn’t very cinnamon-y. Doesn’t taste much different than a regular graham cracker. Instead of saying “Natural Flavor with Other Natural Flavor,” can’t the box say “Natural Flavors.” Cinnamon is a bit too far down the ingredients list. The ends of the cinnamon creme sometimes look like a butt.

Nabisco Honey Maid Grahamfuls Cinnamon Creme Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 1 pack – 110 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 1 grams of protein, 20% calcium, and 4% iron.

REVIEW: Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple

Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple

Ursa Minor: it’s not just a constellation.

For decades now Nabisco has offered box-fulls of “ursa minors” or, for those of us who don’t speak Latin and have to use Google to translate (i.e. me), “little bears.”

Yes, these wee little ursidae-shaped graham cookies have nourished the childhoods and adulthoods of many humans marching forth into unknown world.

And while the world is still rife with unknowns, I am confident I can keep on marching while nourishing my brain with a bunch of little bears from a box of Teddy Grahams, and now Nabisco is offering these graham-infused goodies in Apple flavor.

Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple Duo

The ever-classic duo: One bear cheers. The other does a cool dance with his hands down. Or maybe reverse jumping jacks? Or a 90s workout video? I’ve never really known.

I once read that animals gather together in anticipation of a natural disaster. If that’s true, these Teddy Grahams make me wonder if I should stock up on canned goods and AA batteries because there are a buncha bears gathered in here. According to my calculations calculator, I get a whopping 216 bears per box. That’s enough bears to last me a hibernation…or at least three episodes of Breaking Bad and some midnight ice cream (Maybe a good Talenti vanilla bean? Or Jeni’s Brown Butter?)

But number games aside, how does their taste stand up to their fellow mammal-shaped brethren?

Apple, apple, apple. That’s what I hope for in taste of an Apple Teddy Graham and, boy howdy, that’s what I got. No mushy, half-hearted pomme flavoring here. These taste of tart, crisp Granny Smiths and, while it doesn’t say so in the ingredients, I swear there’s a hint of a lemony bite hidden in here. There aren’t any apple chunks hangin’ around, but the presence of a quality applesauce is present throughout each graham. It’s like the crispy bits of apple pie crust in the form of a grizzly.

Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple Big ol' apple

If that Teddy Graham were Indiana Jones, the apple would be the boulder chasing him through the cave.

Now, if I had the chance, some secret agent skills, and a power tool that would allow me to swoop in during the dark of night and edit the Teddy Graham recipe, I’d add some cinnamon to get a little depth to these itty-bitty wonders as the apple flavor can get overwhelming, but it’s nothing a little blending with some cinnamon Teddies couldn’t fix.

What’s surprising is that the applesauce doesn’t affect the snap of these bears. They remain just as crunchy as any Teddy Graham I’ve ever encountered, a pleasant discovery given that applesauce tends to make baked goods more dense and chewy. The snap also makes these exceptionally easy to munch. Theoretically, if I continued at the rate I’m going, I’d build up my jaw muscles enough so that I’d soon be ready for try-outs for the sport of “Chewing” at the next Olympic games.

And, while the snackability rate is possible in theory, after a handful or two, I’m good. These quell any apple pie craving, but they’re not my favorites. I commend the presence of calcium and whole grains and actual applesauce, but the apple flavor gets dull after a bit and I’m ready to move on.

In the end, these grahams came, saw, and were eaten, and, by all the pigeons in Central Park, I do declare they delivered on their promise. At the same time, they don’t quite fill the cookie craving in my soul. If you hoard your Granny Smiths at the spark of fall’s harvest or have dreamed of small crisps that evoke apple pie crust, these may be right up your alley. For me, they get a gold star for being pleasant, but haven’t yet reached a caliber of greatness.

(Nutrition Facts – 24 pieces – 130 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 10% calcium, 10% iron, and 10% zinc.)

Item: Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple
Purchased Price: $2.88
Size: 10 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Predominant thought while eating is, “Pretty good.” Tastes like real apples in graham form. Real applesauce. Calcium. Whole grains. A cookie that doesn’t explode my cholesterol levels. In the shape of a bear. Secret agent skills. 90s workout videos.
Cons: Predominant thought while eating is, “Pretty good.” Could use a pinch of cinnamon. Apple flavor gets overbearing. Doesn’t quite fill cookie craving. Foreboding natural disasters. Realizing my dependency on calculators. There is no “Chewing” competition at the Olympics.

REVIEW: Nabisco Honey Maid Banana Vanilla Crème Grahamfuls

Nabisco Honey Maid Banana Vanilla Crème Grahamfuls

S’MORES!

S’MORES!

HOW COULD THESE NEW HONEY MAID GRAHAMFULS NOT HAVE A S’MORES VARIETY? GOOD GRIEF!

WHO LEFT THE S’MORES OUT? WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO?

I WANT THE HONEY MAID BEE TO STING THE NABISCO EXECUTIVE WHO LEFT OUT S’MORES! AND IF THAT NABISCO EXECUTIVE IS ALLERGIC TO BEE STINGS, THEN SKIP THE BEE STING! INSTEAD OF S’MORES, WE’RE STUCK WITH PEANUT BUTTER, PEANUT BUTTER & CHOCOLATE, AND BANANA VANILLA CREME!

S’MORES!

I’M SORRY…I’m sorry. As you can see by my excessive use of caps and exclamations points, and a Baha Men reference, I’m upset about the varieties Nabisco has chosen for their new Honey Maid Grahamfuls line. I really thought Nabisco would be SMART ENOUGH…

Okay…calm down. Breathe.

I really thought, since they’re using graham crackers, they would have a s’mores flavor. Yes, it’s the obvious choice, but it’s also the yummiest choice. Besides, Nabisco has proven with these horrible peanut butter and chocolate-filled Ritz Crackerfuls that they aren’t good with the PB&C Flavor Factory. Since there’s no s’mores flavor and the other two Grahamful flavors would probably disappoint, I was left with the Banana Vanilla Crème flavor, which ended up not being a bad thing.

Each individually wrapped Grahamful is 4.5 inches long and 1.25 inches wide, and look like they’re ribbed for no one’s pleasure. They’re made with 100 percent whole grain, contain no high fructose corn syrup, have no artificial flavors, and they are quite possibly the second greatest graham cracker snack behind s’mores.

Nabisco Honey Maid Banana Vanilla Crème Grahamfuls Closeup

Yup, you read right. Suck it, cheesecakes with graham cracker crusts and graham Goldfish!

So what makes these Honey Maid Grahamfuls so palatable? Two words: banana powder. I know, it totally sounds like the street name for cocaine that’s grown in the same fields as bananas in Columbia, but it’s the natural flavoring that gives the crème filling its enjoyable mild banana flavor, which complements the crème’s vanilla flavor well. The off-white colored crème wasn’t nearly as sweet as the bright white colored crème in the middle of an Oreo cookie, but that’s a good thing because it didn’t overwhelm the two graham crackers. As for the two graham crackers that make up the bread of this cracker sandwich, they were airier than regular Honey Maid Graham Crackers, but had the same honey and sugar sweetened flavor that we all love and enjoy.

Honey Maid’s Banana Vanilla Crème Grahamfuls were extremely tasty. Although, perhaps I find them delicious because I’m more monkey than human since the amount of body hair I have isn’t much different than a monkey’s.

Now that Nabisco has introduced us to Ritz Crackerfuls and Honey Maid Grahamfuls, I really hope the future brings Premium Saltinefuls, individually wrapped filled crackers with soup-flavored fillings.

And, I hope the future also brings THOSE DAMN HONEY MAID S’MORES GRAHAMFULS!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack – 110 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 10% calcium, and 4% iron.)

Other Honey Maid Banana Vanilla Crème Grahamfuls reviews:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Nabisco Honey Maid Banana Vanilla Crème Grahamfuls
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 8 pack
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: A wonderful snack with a pleasant banana/vanilla/graham cracker flavor. Made with 100 percent whole grain. No artificial flavors. Better than Ritz Crackerfuls.
Cons: Sticking one-hit wonder music references in this review. No damn s’mores flavor. Provides only 10 percent daily value of calcium. Getting stung by the Honey Maid Bee.