It’s hard to imagine why it’s taken so long for the Japanese makers of Coke to come up with the Green Tea Coke Plus with Catechin. After all, the Japanese love green tea. They love it HARD. I think they love it just as much as smoking, manga, short schoolgirl skirts, posing for pictures and physically abusive game shows.

I’m also surprised the American makers of Coke didn’t come up with it sooner because, as they’ve proven time and time again, they’ll shoehorn almost anything into their cola. They’ll shoehorn it HARD. Some ingredients they’ve added to Coke or Diet Coke include: coffee, vanilla, black cherry, lime, lemon, Splenda, cherry and zeros.

Although it doesn’t specifically say on its label, the Green Tea Coke Plus with Catechin is really less like regular Coke and more like either Diet Coke or Coke Zero since it contains artificial sweeteners and no calories. Despite its name, it doesn’t contain vitamins like the U.S. version of Diet Coke Plus. The “plus” in this soda’s name is either for the catechins the green tea provides or it’s being marketed to sumo wrestlers.

Catechins are antioxidants and are mostly found in teas, but also in some chocolates. Studies have shown that catechins prevent plaque from building up on artery walls, some forms of cancer and aging. In my personal studies with catechins and green tea, it seems to turn me into a pompous ass by making me extend my pinky outward when drinking tea.

The Green Tea Coke Plus’ smell and initial flavor reminds me of the American version of Coke Zero, but not as prominent, which doesn’t surprise me because Coke from Japan tends to have a slightly muted flavor compared with their American counterparts. The green tea flavor doesn’t kick in until a few moments later, but when it does, it’s subtle and without any of the bitterness that green tea is known for.

Being someone who enjoys Coke Zero, I enjoyed the flavor of the Green Tea Coke Plus with Catechin, although I wish it had a little bit more green tea flavor. As for the catechins, I think you’d be better off drinking cups of regular green tea because there’s probably not a significant amount of catechins in each bottle of Green Tea Coke Plus, unlike green tea itself.

But overall, I like it HARD.

(Note: Orchid64, who purchased and sent the Green Tea Coke Plus for me, also reviewed it, along with Mike’s Blender. Also, below is a stupid experiment I did with the second bottle of Green Tea Coke Plus I had. It’s stupid because I totally wasted a good bottle of soda that’s hard for me to obtain. Enjoy my wastefulness.)

Item: Green Tea Coke Plus With Catechin
Price: 147 yen
Size: 500 ml
Purchased at: Received from Orchid64
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: I like it HARD. Tastes like Coke Zero. No calories. Easy to drink. I guess some catechins are better than no catechins. Green tea. Short schoolgirl skirts on women 18 years old or older. Japanese game shows.
Cons: Only available in Japan. Not enough green tea flavor for me. Not sure how much catechins it provides, but it’s probably not much. Wasting a perfectly good bottle of soda with a stupid dated Mentos experiment.

DISGRACE!

I demand the limited edition Japanese Soy Sauce Kit Kat commit seppuku right now, because it’s nothing like what I expected.

What did I expect?

I thought the whole Soy Sauce Kit Kat was going to come in the color of death, much like actual soy sauce. I’m not talking about just black or the color of eyeliner around Pete Wentz’s eyes, I’m talking about a black so dark that it’s only found in black holes and in the chest cavity of those who kill kittens and puppies for pleasure.

I wanted it to be so black that if I were to touch it, I would either wither and turn into a pile of dust or my fingers would end up in an alternate universe where dinosaurs still roam the lands and Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have their own reality show called Survivor: Heidi and Spencer Trapped on an Island Forever With Hungry Dinosaurs.

Instead it has a white chocolate exterior and a tan wafer interior.

While the Soy Sauce Kit Kat didn’t come in a color that was blacker than the void where Simon Cowell’s heart is supposed to be, I thought it was going to have a strong salty soy sauce flavor that’s so real that I would want to melt each Kit Kat finger down to liquid form and dip my spicy tuna roll or salmon nigirizushi into it. But the Soy Sauce Kit Kat doesn’t have a hint of soy sauce flavor, instead it has a strong maple syrup scent and taste.

WTF, Japan!

I expected, nay, I wanted to be disgusted by this flavor of Kit Kat. I also wanted to brag about how I was man enough to consume a salty, black Kit Kat that made my saliva glands close shut by getting a t-shirt that said, “I Survived a Soy Sauce Kit Kat.” But no, Nestle, the makers of Kit Kat in Japan had to rain on my parade and sic Godzilla on my floral floats and marching bands.

Now I’m stuck with a box of delicious tasting, crispy, maple syrup-flavored, white chocolate Kit Kat, which is the complete opposite of what I wanted. The only thing that kind of disgusted me was the unusually long length of time the maple syrup flavor lingered in my mouth, but it didn’t make me gag like a salty soy sauce flavored candy would’ve.

What are those crazy bastards in Japan going to do to mess with my taste buds next time? A Natto (fermented soybeans) Kit Kat that tastes like cotton candy? A Seaweed Kit Kat with a caramel flavor?

DISGRACE!

(Note: The AV Club reviewed these last year.)

Item: Nestle Soy Sauce Kit Kat
Price: FREE
Size: 12-pack
Purchased at: Received from parents
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice maple syrup flavor. Crispy. Heidi and Spencer being eaten by dinosaurs. The variety of Kit Kat flavors in Japan. Being able to say I ate something disgusting.
Cons: Doesn’t have a hint of soy sauce flavor. Doesn’t come in the color of death. Fingers are smaller than regular sized Kit Kat. Hard to find outside of Japan. The maple syrup flavor lingered in my mouth longer than I wanted it to. Limited edition. Having your parade attacked by Godzilla.

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

I’ve tried this pricey toothpaste before and me likey because it’s refreshing and it combines my name with my twin sister’s name. Wonder Twin powers, activate! (via +/-)

Tuna + Mayo + Corn + Pizza = Pass (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Can’t stop staring at cans. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

I hope this bring us one step closer to making energy bacon a reality. (via Energy Drink Ratings)

Speaking of bacon, I was hoping that this chicken wrapped in bacon would be awesome, but it proves the cardinal rule of bacon — it makes everything better — wrong. I weep with sadness. (via Freezer Burns)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

I have a crush on the Chocolate Crush Pocky…AAAAAAAAGH!!! Someone shoot me before I turn into Gene Shalit! (via The Japanese Crush Pocky)

Sadly, I will never have the opportunity to wrap my sexy lips around the Dunkin Donuts Breakfast Sandwich. Instead I’m stuck with replacing the muffin on my Sausage and Egg McMuffin with Eggo Waffles. (via Grub Grade)

When did energy drinks become gangsta? Is it the new malt liquor? Is it appropriate to “pour one for my homies”? (via Taurine Rules)

It doesn’t matter which chocolate covered raisin is better, you will probably choke on both of them in the theater when you see Doctor Manhattan’s blue schlong in the Watchmen. (via Second Rate Snacks)

Maybe I’m impatient, but I believe anything that takes 20 minutes to heat up in the microwave defeats the purpose of it being microwaveable. (via Freezer Burns)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

I don’t care what other people might say. Watching a grown man attempt to consume frozen doggie woggy and kitty cat treats and gag repeatedly on a video is entertainment in my book. (via Freezer Burns)

Powdered peanut butter sounds like it’s the ashes of dead peanuts and all you do is add water to make it reconstitute. Holy crap! Zombie peanut butter! Where’s Milla Jovovich? (via Yummy Diet Food)

My own recipe for Cinnabon cereal is much better than this crunchy Cinnabon cereal. Just get a big mixing bowl, dump a baker’s dozen of Cinnabon Minibons in it, add milk and enjoy with a ladle. (via The Skinny Plate)

Bah! Soy sauce potato chips aren’t black. I lower my head in disappointment and my face reddens with shame. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

A rubber ducky-shaped candy that doesn’t float upright? That’s going to upset Ernie and you don’t want to see Ernie get angry because when he does he starts to explain alphabetically how he’s going to beat you down. A is for ass kicking. B is for bitch slap. C is for crack down. D is for decking your grill. (via Candy Blog)

(Image from iStockphoto)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs, wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

Human babies are cute. Clam babies in a can — not so cute. (via Eyunta)

I want to know who the hell green lighted the idea for a new Street Fighter movie. I would like to blast a couple of hadoken at them. (via Pajiba)

Giant Pocky? Thanks, Pocky. You just made Japanese men even more insecure. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Fiber + antioxidants = Crazy nutritious. (via The Skinny Plate)

The new line of Haagen Dazs ice cream has only five ingredients, which means you’ll only have five ingredients to blame for your fat ass. (via Gigi Reviews)