The Impulsive Buy » Kellogg’s

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts

Jeff — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:00:11 +0000

Pop-Tarts are just friggin’ weird. They resemble a tart as much as I look like actor Tom Cruise, or even pre/post-drug fiend Tom Sizemore. The pastry is exactly two ninety degree angles that form an exact rectangle scarier than the black monolith in Kubrick’s classic. Instead of being filled with stars, Dave, it is filled with jam, calories, carbohydrates and sodium. The frosting is shiny like nail polish and is harder than fondant. So yes, this is not health food but its shape does scream convenience.

You won’t find Pop-Tarts in a bakery. When you give them to a child, you can’t help but make the “sorry face.” All the cool kids have the Toaster Strudels but Pop-Tarts have persevered through all of it. These ubiquitous things have remained a part of our existence and I am sure when the Sun starts expanding in its death, the waters on Earth have dried up, all mammals have become pieces of tasty jerky, those Pop-Tarts are still going to survive. I know so.

And as weird as they are, like Tom Sizemore and his old drug habit, I have a strong compulsion to buy any new flavor of Pop-Tarts I see. I just have to. I don’t care if I get mostly disappointed when I eat them. I just need to have them now. It’s the same exact feeling I get when I buy supermarket sushi or when I watch German art films.

I habitually stop by the Pop-Tarts section when I go to down the cereal aisle. To my delight, I saw a box of Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts. With a title like that, I was expecting this to rival the KY Jelly Fire and Ice. I could blame The Impulsive Buy and say I bought these because I am obligated to review them. In truth, I would have bought them anyway because I just need to.

From gumdrops to Sunkist, I love all things orange flavored. The fact there is an orange pictured amongst the fruits pictured on the box will probably be the closest thing I will ever get to a marmalade Pop-Tart. To be specific, there is a strawberry and cherry pictured as well. I’m assuming this is the fruit fusion which doesn’t seem that wild but it’s Pop-Tarts we’re talking about here.

Amusing to me, the only fruits listed in the ingredients are cherries and apples. Even more fascinating are the instructions on how to toast your goodies. I’m not sure what it says about its target audience. They even have a diagram to emphasize how to toast these things. More depressing is what does this say about me? I had to toast another because I burned my first pastry.

I normally eat these untoasted but I will review these Pop-Tarts in both the raw and the cooked form.

Unsheathing the treat out of its silver wrapper, it was a bit comical to me how vibrant the colors of the frosting were. It looked like someone slathered mustard on it and then zig zagged ketchup (in true 1950’s kitsch) all over the tart. This thing could double as Jem’s truly outrageous maxi-pad.

In the simplest form, without toasting, the crust is dry as expected. The frosting is the same vague sweet flavor that can be found on all Pop-Tarts with that unnatural sugar shell. The bite is surprisingly a bit tart and not overly sweet. I like it because it is not an abundance of immediate sugar that will numb your tongue.

The jam itself has a strong cherry flavor but I’m not sure if it overwhelmed the orange and strawberry. Not really a surprise since they aren’t listed in the ingredients. I ended up taking a couple more bites and only the tart cherry jam shines through. That is kind of disappointing but the fact that this (let’s face it, these things are really big cookies) is not as sweet as the other flavors is a plus.

Toasted, it smells like baked sugar but not in a welcoming bakery way. It’s just baked sugar. I hate that smell which is why I never toast them, but I’m also lazy. Texture wise, the frosting adds a nice crispness and the jam is even more intense. The taste is improved but not enough for me to bother toasting these things. I’m making a “lazy face” here.

Let’s be honest and come to an agreement that nobody really craves these things. There are better ways to spend 200 calories and the sodium is high enough to offset my blood pressure meds. I can’t tell you how many unfinished boxes of Pop-Tarts I have chucked out. I liked this one despite the repulsive color frosting but will probably not finish the box.

I would still make the “sorry face” if I had to give one to my little niece or any other kids looking for a snack. Yet, I (in a non-committal way) would eat these again as I made the “yeah, I know” face. So yeah reader, I know.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of Saturated fat, 2 grams if Polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 170 mg of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than one gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein)

Item: Kellogg’s Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts
Price: $1.99
Size: 14.1 ounces/8 toaster pastries
Purchased: Publix
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: The tart sweetness is a nice change. Easy to hold. Tom Sizemore in Heat. Tom Cruise in Collateral (Michael Mann is the man). Making faces. If you love cherry, you cannot go wrong. Toasting it has a nice texture. 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Cons: No orange flavor. Easy to burn if you’re a dummy like me. Crust is dry but that’s to be expected. Wild frosting does nothing for the Pop-Tart. The color is a bit gross looking. Tom Sizemore in that sex video. Tom Cruise in MI:2. Loaded with sodium, unless you love sodium! 2010: The Year We Make Contact.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Cereal

Drew — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 10:00:42 +0000

Faithful TIB readers will recall Jasper reviewing Kellogg’s Krave Chocolate Cereal, stating that while it wasn’t exactly an “adult” cereal, it was tasty without making him feel like the 11-year-old that he actually is (probably) (just kidding, Jasper!). I read that with great interest, then scooped up a box of Krave Double Chocolate at the first opportunity, determined to see whether upping the chocolate quotient would make me less wizened and grinch-like. While I’m still cursing at people who don’t use their turn signals, I have noticed a 54 percent decrease in shuffling, complaining about the chill, and watching Jay Leno, so I’m going to call this one a success!

On opening the box and taking a whiff, I was greeted with a vague chocolate smell, similar but not entirely like other chocolate cereals like Cocoa Pebbles or Cocoa Puffs. Even holding a piece right up to my nose, it’s not as powerful a scent as I would have expected out of double chocolate anything; but the smell may just be locked in by a non-nutritive cereal varnish, semi-permeable but not osmotic, which coats and seals the piece. Regardless, I started by trying a few pieces dry, and I was happy with what I experienced. The cereal bits are suitably crunchy without being too hard or jagged edged, and the small burst of chocolate inside hits you like a little surprise a second or two after your taste buds have registered the outer layer. It’s a well timed one-two punch, with the outer part being a bit of a subtler, less intense chocolate, but the inner component being richer. High marks all around.

Given that, I was really eager to get the milk on and see how I liked them. Regrettably, I have to report that while milk is almost always an improvement to cereal, it had the opposite effect on Double Chocolate Krave. Don’t get me wrong, they’re still flavorful, but almost too much so — my teeth seemed to be on the verge of hurting with every bite. My suspicion is that when the milk penetrates to the inside layer of chocolate, it turns it more liquidy; and while you’d think that would be a good thing, it actually makes it overly chocolate-y, if such a thing is possible. I mean, I have a sweet tooth and all, but a 17-year-old girl who got dumped a week before prom would say this was a little too much chocolate. I feel like I visited a guy on the street corner looking for an ounce of weed and he injected me with black tar heroin.

Aside from the flavor, I found that they didn’t stay crunchy in milk very well at all — a mere five minutes of soaking reduced them to the firmness of a mushy banana, so either they don’t maintain consistency or someone at the grocery store is slipping acid into my milk. Probably both. (I have a lot of enemies.) Since Jasper reported that the uni-chocolate variety held its crunchiness pretty well in milk, I’m wondering if it’s something to do with the different outer layers — maybe nutella and whatever else is in the casing of the regular variety is better at saying no than chocolate, the village bicycle.

While I can only give Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate a moderate score due to its overpowering taste and loose consistency in milk, I’d definitely recommend picking some up to eat dry as a party snack or something. All told, it appears to simply be that rare cereal that’s better without the milk. The back of the box makes reference to “chocovores,” so I guess I’m just one of those chocovores who likes his meals raw and unseasoned. Grrrrr.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Cereal reviews:
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp

Item: Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Cereal
Price: $3.99
Size: 11 ounces
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes great dry. Good crunch. Not overpowering scent. Nice one-two chocolate flavor combo. Satisfying your chocolate craving for the next five years. Would probably make for a good party snack food.
Cons: Milk somehow makes it too sweet and chocolate-y. People who don’t use their turn signals. Gets soggy quickly. They misspelled “crave.” Being the only product in the world where more chocolate is a bad thing. Comparing chocolate to hardcore drugs.

NEWS: Canada Now Enjoying Kellogg’s Cinnamon Corn Pops

Marvo — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 21:12:48 +0000

It’s rare for Kellogg’s to release a different variety of their Corn Pops.

The last and only time they did it was in 2007 when they introduced Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops, which disappeared from store shelves, not because they were popular, but because they were discontinued. Kellogg’s has recently released a new Corn Pops flavor, but it’s only available in Canada.

According to this post over at the Cereal Bits forum, Kellogg’s Cinnamon Pops has started appearing on stores shelves. You can read more about the cereal on Kellogg’s Canadian website.

To be honest, I’m not a fan of Corn Pops. They don’t hurt my teeth the way I like them to be hurt like with other sugary cereals. I also tried Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops and I didn’t care for it either, so I’m not at all eager to see these Cinnamon Pops cross the border into the United States.

A cup of Kellogg’s Cinnamon Pops has 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 20 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 1 grams of protein.

If any of our Canadian readers have given it a try, let us know what you thought of it in the comments below.

Source: Cereal Bits

Image via flickr user Nomadic Lass / CC BY SA 2.0

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut Cereal

Marvo — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 02:03:55 +0000

Kellogg’s new Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal, which shouldn’t be confused with Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunch cereal, has no fiber.

If I was a twelve-year-old, I wouldn’t give a damn about it not having fiber. But I’m an adult now, and the woman in the Metamucil ads, who’s also in the Esurance ads and in this 1-800-DENTIST commercial, tells me I need fiber.

Sure, I could get it from fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes, but that would involve me buying fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes. I can’t keep track of which fruits I need to smell, squeeze, or spin on the floor in order to determine if they’re ripe. Also, even though I love saying the word “legumes” as much as I love pronouncing the word “incestuous,” legumes make me too le-gassy.

I need to get 30 grams of fiber a day and the Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal is not helping. If you think about it, how can this cereal not have any dietary fiber? It’s caramel flavored corn flakes topped with roasted peanuts. A bowl of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes has a gram of fiber, while peanuts are a good source of fiber. If Dr. Spock ate this cereal, he would say, “This cereal and its lack of fiber is illogical.”

While the cereal is clearly illogical, it does taste very good.

Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal smells like Cracker Jack, and it should because they’re pretty much made from the same ingredients: corn, peanuts, and molasses. For those of you who are too young to know what Cracker Jack is, according to Wikipedia, some consider it to be the first junk food, so your grandparents might’ve gotten cavities from it.

The cereal’s strong sweet aroma made me believe the cereal was going to have a teeth-hurting sweetness, but it didn’t. Initially, the cereal had more of a molasses flavor than caramel, but the caramel does pop up. Not every flake has bits of peanuts attached to it, but I could definitely taste a nuttiness. Overall, the cereal tastes kind of like Cracker Jack, so if you miss Cracker Jack Cereal, Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal might be a worthy replacement.

But just don’t expect it to give you any dietary fiber.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut
Price: $2.99
Size: 13.4 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Really good. Tastes and smells like Cracker Jack. The blue eyes of the woman in the Metamucil and Esurance commercials. Doesn’t get soggy too quickly. Saying the word “legumes.”
Cons: Provides no fiber. Having to figure out whether a fruit is ripe or not. Having to make sure I’m getting enough fiber. Eating too many legumes.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran

Jeff — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:00:30 +0000

I outgrew a lot of things, shedding interests like Beat Takeshi dispatches bodies in his awesome Yakuza films. I outgrew “yo mama” jokes. I outgrew my obsession with INXS. I even outgrew prank calling Chinese people claiming I was a pizza delivery guy and someone better Goddamn pay me or else (sorry Yen Sun wherever you are). To be honest, *69 proved to be my Kryptonite and effectively stopped me from my misdemeanant hobby. But you know? I have never outgrown cereal.

Hopping off my glorious Vespa, I arrogantly parked my scoot right by the side of the automatic double glass doors. Walking past the scowls of employees and customers, I was in Target looking for two things: some plug-in air fresheners and Frosted Flakes. Even though I enjoy eating the occasional fancy lad food (shaved truffles may have lost some of its allure thanks to the nouveau riche infection but they sure are tasty), a simple bowl of cereal comforts me like none other.

I can eat a bowl for any meal or a late night snack. I love eating “mini-wheats” out of the box as if they were cookies. Is it the perfect comfort food? No, but it is close since cereal is so familiar and convenient. And if you’re a faithful reader of The Impulsive Buy, you can tell that we have more choices than ever for cereal.

My selection for cereal is shameless. As an adult man who favors blazers, I feel like I should really be ordering a proper drink (and I do! Chin, chin!!) regardless if I act like an adult at the end of the night. An adult man ordering a Jägerbomb is plain embarrassing. Don’t even get me started on the Red Bull and vodkatinis…I’d rather be caught drinking a can of Four Loko wearing a shiny shirt with a spiky fade.

Ah, but cereal! Lovely sexy cereal with milk and the silver spoon, I lurve you. I would be happy with a bowl of Lucky Charms as I would be with a bowl of fart inducing Weetabix topped with blueberries. I have no problem eating Froot Loops while watching something responsible where everyone speaks in English accents. My love affair with all things cereal is one of the few constants in my life.

You know suicide sodas? Mixing all the flavors from the dispensers to create an amalgam of sugary fizzy goodness? I’m like that with cereals. Like a chemist, I would mix some Corn Flakes with Alpha-Bits and some puffy Kix to top it off. So just when I thought I couldn’t top off my cereal porn anymore, I found a box of Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran.

Raisin Brain is like your old standard, like Tony Bennett. It’s not something I want to listen to all the time but when I do, it’s pretty damn good. I like Raisin Bran but need to be in the mood for it. I engulfed a box of it when I recuperated from my car accident. I always thought it made my skim milk creamier and I loved the sweet chewiness from the slightly soggy raisins. So this version reminds me of the Michael Bublé take of Raisin Bran.

The box eschews any thoughts that this is your Grandfather’s Raisin Bran with “Cinnamon Almond” blazed on to the box with a yellow brown background. The famous “Two scoops!” tagline and the earnest looking sun holding exactly two scoops beckons you to open that box.

Upon ripping the cellophane bag, the waft of toasted wheat and sweet raisins welcomed me. There is a pleasant but very faint smell of baked cinnamon rolls that emanates way in the background but this is cereal not wine. The cereal had quite a few raisins sans “plump” but there were seldom any almonds in my bowl. I dumped the bowl back into the package. This time I shook up the box like I’d shake any convicted bastard in a shaken baby case to see how they like it and poured another. The result was the same, a good amount of raisins but the thin slivers of almonds were so few.

The almonds were supposedly toasted as well but I couldn’t taste it. Eating a few without milk confirmed my suspicions. The cinnamon is so faint that it basically whispers “Hey don’t forget about me.” Knowing that most people eat their cereal in milk, I went ahead and proceeded to dine like the normals do hoping that the cinnamon taste would be more prevalent.

The milk did indeed emphasize the slight cinnamon taste. In fact, I think the cinnamon was now whispering, “Here I am. See? Why didn’t you believe me? You have trust issues.” Definitely, the cinnamon smell was stronger than the taste. While it does state that the cinnamon is dusted but damn…I think there is more cinnamon flavor if I sucked on the box. Most of the cinnamon taste was in the milk left after you’ve eaten it all.

Regarding the line that breaches the crunchy/soggy measure, if it takes you more than a few minutes to eat a bowl you are either: eating too big of a bowl or you don’t like the cereal. I’ve never done formal tests but I’m assuming most people take a couple of minutes or so to eat cereal.

I went ahead and let the bran sit in milk for exactly 120 seconds and it stayed crunchy. The raisins rehydrated slightly which is good but plumpness is overly optimistic. Another plus? The good news is that if you like Raisin Bran you will not be disappointed because it tastes like Raisin Bran with some almonds your jerky younger brother threw in there to be funny. Now I like Raisin Bran but I really was hoping for a different spin on the cereal.

My love for cereal is still strong but I would not buy this again. I can only eat so much Raisin Bran and I can only listen to so much Rat Packy/Swing Jazz standards. Now please tell my wife to turn off the Michael Bublé. My ears are bleeding.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 1/4 cup (cereal only) – 200 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 grams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 260 milligrams of potassium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran
Price: $2.99
Size: 14.5 ounces
Purchased at: Super Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It tastes like Raisin Bran. Stays crunchy and makes your milk slightly cinnamony. Prank phone calls. People scowling at you. Beat Takeshi’s films.
Cons: It tastes like Raisin Bran. The cinnamon taste is barely there. Few measly slivers of almonds. Taste wise, the only toasted thing were the flakes. Justifying prank calling by telling myself I’m only goofing on my own nationality so I won’t feel guilty…Damn you *69! Michael Bublé.

NEWS: Get Your Fiber On With Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Cinnamon Almond

Marvo — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 23:32:32 +0000

For decades, Kellogg’s Raisin Bran was just raisins and bran flakes. Then Kellogg’s released Raisin Bran Crunch, which included honey oat granola clusters and bran flakes that didn’t take 10 seconds to get soggy. Then the Big K, which no one calls Kellogg’s, introduced Raisin Bran Extra. It had yogurt clusters, dried cranberries and almond slices.

Now K-to-the-E-to-the-double-L-to-the-O-to-the-double-G-to-the-apostrophe-S, which also no one calls Kellogg’s, has a new Raisin Bran variety to help you achieve your recommended daily allowance of fiber — Raisin Bran Cinnamon Almond.

The new cereal is made up bran flakes with cinnamon dusted raisins and toasted almonds. Yup, cinnamon dusted raisins, which is a change from their usual sugar dusted raisins.

A 1 1/4 cup serving without milk has 200 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 260 milligrams of potassium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

NEWS: Kellogg’s Squeezes In One Last New Pop-Tarts Release Before The End of 2011

Marvo — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 19:00:00 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Kellogg’s Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tarts review

When I heard about the Limited Edition Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts in October, I thought that would be the last new Pop-Tarts flavor Kellogg’s would introduce in 2011. After all, they released five new flavors this year.

I’d list them all, but I believe reading that list might make your ass a little bigger.

But here I am with about three weeks until the end of the year and I’m writing this post about Kellogg’s latest Pop-Tarts flavor — Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Fruit Fusion.

Out of all the Wildlicious Pop-Tarts flavors available, which I also won’t list for fear of making your ass bigger, Frosted Wild! Fruit Fusion is by far the wildest of the bunch because it’s not just one fruit that’s gone wild. This Pop-Tart is the Joe Francis of Pop-Tarts because it makes cherry, orange, strawberry, raspberry, blueberry, and other fruits go wild. It’s topped with yellow frosting, orange icing drizzle, and multi-colored sprinkles.

One Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Fruit Fusion Pop-Tart has 200 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat (made with partially hydrogenated oil), 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user heydrienne / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Printed Fun Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts

Drew — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 10:00:16 +0000

The element of surprise can be a valuable tool. As the Japanese poet Bashō famously observed, “When you surprise your enemy, you fuck his shit up.” [Translated] That’s true both on the battlefield and in the kitchen. I’ve eaten and reviewed plenty of foods that have surprised me, some pleasantly, some less so. One of the draws of foreign food, as related to me by people who try it, is the chance to encounter new tastes you’ve never experienced before and weren’t expecting.

But as God is my witness, Pop-Tarts are not such a food. No one buys Pop-Tarts for the mystery factor. You purchase them because you know exactly what you’re getting: a flaky pastry, probably frosting on top, and filled with whatever flavor you selected, be it S’Mores or Raspberry Milkshake or Soylent Green. If I got a Pop-Tart that didn’t taste like what it was named, I would only eat the entire box in three days under extreme protest, I promise you that. So when I learned Kellogg’s was releasing another limited edition holiday variety of Pop-Tarts, this one flavored like sugar cookies, my only thought was: they’d damn well better taste like sugar cookies. Well, as it turns out:

…..yeah, basically they taste like sugar cookies. Phew.

While no living human has eaten as many Pop-Tarts varieties as The Impulsive Buy’s editor-in-chief, I have been around the block a few times myself, and these are among the better-tasting Pop-Tarts I’ve tried. They don’t taste exactly like real sugar cookies, which obviously don’t have vaguely marshmallow-y filling inside them like these do, and the texture is a bit different from crumbly sugar cookies. You wouldn’t mistake them for cookies in a blind taste test is what I’m saying, but you’d still probably ask for another bite. The sweetness lingers in your mouth afterward and might be too much for those without a sweet tooth, though I doubt the sugar-averse are picking up a package of these anyway. And as simple as sugar cookies are, I’m glad Kellogg’s didn’t try making them Sugar Cookie Ice Cream Cone (With Rainbow Sprinkles and Hot Fudge) Pop-Tarts, which would’ve ruined it. For once they wisely showed some restraint.

Not a lot, mind you. I’m guessing someone’s train of thought was that if the pastry itself was going to be straightforward, they’d better jazz it up in other respects. Said jazzing occurs two ways, the first of which is the wrappers. As you probably know, they come in packs of two inside shiny foil wrappers.

What I’ve never seen before is little word balloons with slogans extolling the virtues of the product contained therein, and yet there they were. I’m guessing they’re randomly generated, since one of my wrappers sported the phrase “We look good in silver,” and immediately below it, “Silver is your color.” Some are almost slightly funny, most just annoying. I kept looking for one promising good things were right around the corner, but no dice.

But trite-ass slogans don’t sell Pop-Tarts, as my grandmother used to say — the main draw, other than the taste, is the “printed fun” promised in the name. See, each pastry hosts a scene of a smiling creature frolicking in winter, be it kittens skiing or a penguin flipping you the bird (I assume… it’s hard to tell without fingers), or most bizarrely, a snowman bobsled team sporting two of Jamaica’s three national colors, suggesting someone at Kellogg’s has a sly sense of humor and a fondness for Cool Runnings.

The polar bear is skating rather than enjoying a cool, refreshing Coca-Cola, missing out on a golden opportunity for cross-promotion if you ask me, but then food blogging’s gain was the marketing world’s loss, obviously. Anyway, they’re… well, they’re cute. It’s not like kids needed an extra incentive to eat warm rectangles of sugar and fat, but they fit the holiday theme and allow you the chance to bite a seal’s head off without going to jail, so there’s that.

I unapologetically kind of dig these. I should probably be annoyed by the excessive cuteness of the printed images, far more saccharine than anything contained within the pastry itself. But… well, it’s the holiday season. If there’s ever a time to refrain from mocking overly sentimental things, minus the last five paragraphs, this is probably it. They taste good and pretty similar to actual sugar cookies, the printed images will appeal to their intended audience of children and me, and they can be used as a last-minute gift in a pinch, if it turns out your girlfriend doesn’t find the “Dick in a Box” skit as hilarious as you do. Overall, as shameless holiday tie-ins go, they’re definitely among the better ones.

(Nutritional Info – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 50 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein)

Item: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Printed Fun Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts
Price: $3.39
Size: 21.2 oz/12 toaster pastries
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: (Mostly) taste like sugar cookies. Delicious filling. Abundant frosting. Affordable price. Cute animal images. Keeping it simple. Some of the foil word balloons.
Cons: The element of surprise in Pop-Tarts. Atsa lotta sugar! Missed marketing opportunities. Overly cutesy. Most of the foil word balloons.

NEWS: Kellogg’s Krave Cereal Is Koming To Amerika

Marvo — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:22:34 +0000

Update: Click here to read our review

In 2010, Kellogg’s introduced Krave cereal in the UK and then bombarded its citizens with commercials like the one above. Our friend Jim at Chocolate Mission reviewed a couple of Krave cereal flavors a few weeks ago.

Oh wait, I’m sorry. According to the TIB Style Guide, because I’m referring to a UK product, I have to type, “reviewed a couple of Krave cereal flavours a few weeks ago.”

Ever since reading that review, I’ve been kraving Krave because I love a cereal that borders on the line of cereal and candy. Thankfully, I soon won’t be kraving Krave, instead I’ll be kramming Krave down my oral kavity because Krave is koming to Amerika.

The US version of Krave cereal will come in two varieties: Chocolate and Double Chocolate. The chocolate version consists of a crispy multi-grain cereal outside with a smooth chocolate inside, while the double chocolate version will have a chocolate flavored cereal on the outside with a smooth chocolate inside.

A serving of Krave Chocolate has 120 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. A 3/4 cup serving of Krave Double Chocolate has 120 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Both varieties are fortified with vitamins and minerals.

Source: Kellogg’s website

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Choco Zucaritas/Frosted Flakes Chocolate

Drew — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Hola, mi amigos! Como estas? Esta es la Compra Impulsiva, y hoy–

Ah, dammit… sorry, I was looking at the wrong side of the box. As it happens, the package of Frosted Flakes Chocolate I picked up has English on one side; but instead of a maze or outlandish claims about being healthy for you on the back, we’re treated to a mirror image of the front except the product name is now “Choco Zucaritas.” (Es nuevo!) Interestingly, the top and bottom of the box only use the Spanish name, and that’s what’s shown above the nutritional information on the side, so I guess it’s primarily targeted at Spanish speakers? Either way, I applaud Kellogg’s for reaching out to the Latino community, despite it serving as another painful reminder that when choosing a second language in school, I picked French instead of one that might conceivably be useful to me someday. That’s okay — I’ll be the one laughing when Canada finally invades, ya hosers.

But let’s get serious for a second: we’re talking about a product that on the surface sounds… well, fantastic. Awe-inspiring. God’s own breakfast cereal, one might reasonably speculate. I’ve sampled plenty of cereals in my day, but I always find my way back to Frosted Flakes in the end, because it’s one of the best. Which begs the question: can you improve upon the best? True innovators always think so, and Kellogg’s has given it a shot by adding a chocolate coating to the classic sugared flakes. You might consider that overkill — can your palate really handle frosting AND chocolate at the same time? — but it’s that kind of thinking that could have deprived the world of Peanut Butter Cups, so I’m prepared to give this a shot.

Opening the package immediately wafts a strong chocolate scent into your nostrils. I wondered for half a second why it smelled so familiar before realizing it’s the identical aroma given off by Cocoa Krispies. Promising, and a look at the flakes doesn’t change that assessment, though it is a little surprising. I think I was expecting flakes that were entirely chocolate, but that’s not what these are. Nor are they regular flakes with just a slight dusting of chocolate on them. It’s a little hard to describe, but basically they look like Frosted Flakes that are in the process of converting to chocolate, like you caught them mid-transformation or something. Remember in The Monster Squad when that cop shot Dracula, and they found him stuck halfway between human and bat forms? It’s like that. Also, don’t think about that scene before you eat these, it’s gross.

Unfortunately, if the smell and the appearance of Frosted Flakes Chocolate are like the first 1:18 of “The Final Countdown,” the taste is the remaining three minutes and fifty-two seconds, where even Europe fans pack up their stuff and head for the exits. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason the two flavors of frosting and chocolate don’t mesh well together. It’s just too much, and I’m a guy who never shies away from the most cavity-inducing option. For the first second or two they taste fine, but then it’s almost like a time delay kicks in and both the sugar and chocolate flavors burst onto the scene at once. And like every pair of cops ever depicted on TV or in the movies, they don’t play well together.

It highlights the danger of going in with such high expectations, I guess, because it’s not like Frosted Flakes Chocolate are terrible. They’re chocolatey, they’re sugary, they stay crunchy for the same length of time as the regular variety. We’re all familiar with gimmick cereals and I guess I hoped these would be different, because chocolate + frosting = win, right? But it’s like listening to two talented rappers battling, only instead of taking turns they’re both going at the same time, so everything sounds like, “Yo, your girlfriend your momma came over last really knows how to WORK that pole my rhymes are dope, you got no hope to cope, you’re a joke and my ASS, bitch.” Then they both drop their microphones at once and you go deaf.

Or, as Antonio el Tigre would say: No son gr-r-randes!

(Nutrition Facts — 1 cup — 110 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, 13 grams of other carbohydrates, and 1 gram of protein.)

Other Kellogg’s Choco Zucaritas reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: Kellogg’s Choco Zucaritas… I mean, Frosted Flakes Chocolate
Price: $2.93
Size: 18 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Learning Spanish while I eat breakfast. Smells just like Cocoa Krispies. The Monster Squad. Satisfying your curiosity. Peanut butter cups. The first 1:18 of “The Final Countdown.” Both individual tastes are good.
Cons: Chocolate and frosting tastes do not mesh well. That much hype is a lot to live up to, and it doesn’t. Choosing French in school. Simultaneous rap battles. My rhymes. No son grandes.

NEWS: Keep Santa Jolly By Leaving Him Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts On Christmas Eve

Marvo — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 10:50:19 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts review

Over the past few years, Kellogg’s has been producing their Limited Edition Printed Fun Gingerbread Pop-Tarts for the holiday season. These Pop-Tarts have images of what appears to be spray tan addicted folks skiing and snowboarding.

This holiday season, Kellogg’s is not only re-releasing Gingerbread Pop-Tarts, it’s also introducing the Limited Edition Printed Fun Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts. According to the Kellogg’s website the limited edition Pop-Tart is, “Topped with white icing and fun, wintery pictures of decorated cookies, these pastries have delicious sugar cookie dough baked inside a sugar cookie crust.”

The “wintery pictures” on the Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts don’t consist of spray tanned skiers or snowboarders. Instead, they have slightly less creepy images like a polar bear ice skating and a penguin wearing earmuffs and a scarf.

A Kellogg’s Printed Fun Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts have 200 calories, 50 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.

Source: Kellogg’s website

VIDEO REVIEW: Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tarts

Marvo — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 09:10:34 +0000

Yes, another Pop-Tarts review, but this time it’s in video form.

This is our 24th Pop-Tarts review and it’s also TIB’s 1,000th review overall.

WOO HOO!

I’d like to thank TIB’s past and present writers, who have helped this quasi-product review blog achieve this milestone. But we wouldn’t have reached this milestone if it weren’t for all of you who read our words (and watch our occasional videos). Because, seriously, if no one read this blog, I would’ve allowed it to join the millions of dead blogs floating around on the internet.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy TIB’s 1,000th review.

Notes:

Dave Matthews image via Flickr user Spector1 / CC BY SA 2.0

Strawberries image via Flickr user coolmikeol / CC BY 2.0

Raisins image via Flickr user bastique / CC BY SA 2.0

Raw meat image via Flickr user VirtualErn / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free

Jeff — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 10:00:17 +0000

I believe Gwyneth Paltrow was the first big celebrity to bring it to the attention of the mass public. Gluten free is supposedly the new rage diet of those settled in the film industry. But I ask you, what do they know? These people are the same dum-dums that gave us The Human Centipede and still allow Owen Wilson and Diane Keaton to collect a paycheck. Ask anyone with celiac and I bet you they would prefer to go back to a normal diet instead of that no wheat crap. So if you’re gluten free by choice, I have to say you are a tool with a glutton for punishment. Is it hip to say you choose to have herpes? Neither is it cool to say “I’m choosing to be gluten free” moron.

Eating and being afflicted with celiac is akin to that one bad relationship we all get ourselves into. You know where the sex is good but you have to put up with the needling snipes, the roll of the eyes, and the hours of arguing only to be followed by steeping oneself in cheap gin and tonics. As an aside, I will tell you that I was lucky because my comic book collection shielded me from many intimacies. You could say I was a connoisseur of scrambled porn. In fact, I watched so much of it in college that Picasso’s figures appear normal to me. (I lurve you channel 68!)

Celiac is the awful curse of being allergic to anything with wheat and my wife has it (Yes, I still have my comic books but she needed a green card). Seeing her bowled over in pain when she accidentally eats something with wheat is awful. Yet even with the stomach pangs and crippling discomfort that she suffers, my wife still misses eating a real slice of pizza or twisting her fork in a bowl of noodles. As a lark, I sometimes secretly toss flour in my wife’s food when she and I have a disagreement. Score one for the passive aggressive psychopathic behavior.

Amongst the quinoa pastas and breads made with tapioca flour, I have the misfortune of trying many things that are gluten free. A lot of them taste terrible or weird and some are passible. Now I have to admit, most gluten free versions suck but I have to believe when Marie Antoinette said let them eat some damn cake, she meant people who have celiac too.

So like most couples do on a mundane Sunday morning, we were shopping at our local supermarket hoping to beat the crowds and old people who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle looking for foot ointment.

Perusing the cereals, my wife let out a scream I haven’t heard since she got her said green card for our sham marriage. She stumbled on a box of the fabled Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free. Leery of the cereal, I had to try it for myself. I was suspicious as Snap, Crackle and Pop had a fake smile on the box, but most elves do, right?

Upon opening the package, I noticed the corner was stamped “Whole Grain Brown Rice” in a cartoony font. Now all my friends know my extreme loathing for brown rice so this gave me a slight dramatic pause. We went ahead and tossed it in our cart and scurried home to try it.

I reached in the box and grabbed a handful of kernels to examine. They looked like the real stuff, felt like the real stuff but I was unsure if they would taste like the real stuff. Munching on a few, the familiar toasted rice flavor was immediate. The cereal was not too sweet like the normal version. So yes, despite using brown rice, they taste just like the ordinary Rice Krispies. I ate a bit more just to make sure because I couldn’t believe it was made from brown rice and they were gluten free.

I poured some in a bowl with milk, still not convinced they would still taste the same. I usually use skim milk but I selected the 2% in anticipation that it would taste bland. Like alchemy, the cereal let out that nostalgic popping once the milk touched the rice. Spoonful upon spoonful, it was hard to believe but these things tasted exactly like Rice Krispies. The cereal held up in the milk too, retaining that crispness.

These are a summer release and hopefully will be a part of Kellogg’s regular offerings. I am sure that if someone switched the cereals on me like those old Folgers coffee commercials, I would not be able to tell the difference. This was a winner in my opinion and for a gluten free option to taste like the real thing…well it’s rarer than me getting lucky in college.

I was excited because the back of the box has a recipe for Rice Krispies Treats. There is a shortage of really good tasting sweets that are wheat free so I’m sure this will be a godsend to my wife and others who have celiac. I plan on making a batch of these since we bought so many boxes.

This cereal is an example that gluten free is not synonymous with repulsive. I hope other manufacturers can take a page from Kellogg’s and give people suffering from celiac a delicious option. You truly do not appreciate great tasting gluten free choices until you’ve eaten a pretzel devoid of wheat or downed a sorghum beer. I think I would rather eat exactly what those girls did in The Human Centipede, which is probably gluten free too when you think about it.

(Nutrition facts – 1 cup is 120 calories, with ½ cup of skim milk, 160 calories, 1 gram of fat – none being saturated, trans, polyunsaturated or monounsaturated fats, 0mg of cholesterol, 190 mg of sodium, 90mg of potassium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, 25 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein and NO WHEAT)

Item: Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Gluten Free
Price: $2.99
Size: 12 ounces free of wheat
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 9 out of 10 (if you like Rice Krispies)
Pros: You cannot tell they are gluten free. They still snap, crackle, and pop. Being able to tell if those are boobies or legs.
Cons: May be hard to find right now. Sham marriages. Choosing to be gluten free. Celiac sucks too.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts

Marvo — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 18:00:00 +0000

I don’t bake, hang out at bakeries, or lollygag in the aisle at my local supermarket that consists of sugar, spice, and everything needed to make baked goods, so I didn’t know about the confetti cake.

If I lingered in the baking aisle like I linger in the magazine section at ~~Waldenbooks~~ ~~Borders~~ Barnes & Noble, I would’ve eventually noticed Duncan Hines makes a Confetti Cake Mix. But instead I had to learn about the confetti cake’s existence via Kellogg’s Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts.

I also probably would’ve learned about confetti cake earlier if one of the baker’s dozen or so of cake reality shows out there made one. Seriously, I’ve watched Ace of Cakes, Amazing Wedding Cakes, Cake Boss, Ultimate Cake Off, Fabulous Cakes, Cupcake Wars, DC Cupcakes, The Cupcake Girls, Last Cake Standing, Staten Island Cakes, and Have Cake, Will Travel, and not once did any of them bake this colorful dessert.

With its white frosting with colorful sprinkles on top, Limited Edition Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts look they contracted clown herpes, which I believe one can get by either being sprayed with water from a water squirter that looks like a flower or while stuffed in a small car with many other clowns. While the exterior looks like clown herpes, the multicolored cake-flavored filling looks like the pus that would ooze out of clown herpes sores.

Geez, I totally made these Pop-Tarts sound completely unappetizing, which, by the way, they are not.

The Limited Edition Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts are surprisingly tasty and they do taste like cake, albeit a slightly artificial cake. The crust does have a buttery flavor to it, but because that butteriness seems to linger in my mouth for a while it’s a little off-putting.

Okay, those last two sentences probably didn’t help make these Pop-Tarts sound appetizing, but, overall, I really like them and I think they’re yummy enough that I would put them somewhere at the bottom of my list of Top 10 Favorite Pop-Tarts Flavors of All-Time.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories, 35 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat*, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oil

Item: Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts
Price: $2.79
Size: 8 count
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Tastes like cake. Buttery crust. Tastes great toasted or not toasted.
Cons: Looks like they have clown herpes. Limited edition. Confetti sprinkles come off easily. The number of cake reality show. The number of brick and mortar booksellers.

NEWS: Kellogg’s March To Pop-Tartize Every Dessert Continues With Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts

Marvo — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 20:17:53 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts review

With the release of the new Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts, I now realize Kellogg’s has an almost endless supply of desserts they can choose from to create new Pop-Tarts flavors that are poor representations of the actual desserts. I can imagine Custard Pie Pop-Tarts, Red Velvet Cupcake Pop-Tarts, Strawberry Cheesecake Pop-Tarts, Tiramisu Pop-Tarts, and Fruitcake Pop-Tarts.

With all of these Pop-Tarts dessert flavors, I can also imagine someone making a parody of those Yoplait Light Yogurt commercials with women bragging about how they’re eating all these desserts and losing weight, but they’re really eating Yoplait yogurt.

According to the Kellogg’s website, the Limited Edition Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts consist of “colorful confetti sprinkles on top of the white-frosted, buttery crust and inside the cake-flavored filling.”

One Frosted Confetti Cake Pop-Tart has 190 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and fortified with 8 vitamins and minerals.

Source: Kellogg’s website