REVIEW: Axe Whatever Messy Look Paste

On the Axe Whatever Messy Look Paste’s container, which for some reason kind of reminds me of the Legion of Doom’s headquarters, the following is printed on its label: “Girls don’t like that crusty, crunchy hair you get from gels.” If Axe’s canister copywriters are correct, I’ve been living in a style faux pas for the [...]

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NEWS: Axe Hair Products Contribute To Global Swarming of Dudes Who Reek

I had a crush on my English teacher when I was a freshman in high school. I was hoping she would break the law, go all Mary Kay Letourneau on my body and turn me into her underaged boy toy, but unfortunately my acne-covered face and braces didn’t persuade her to do so. [...]

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REVIEW: Axe Dark Temptation Shower Gel

I’m pretty sure that despite what Axe shows in their commercials, no guy has ever gotten laid because of an Axe body spray, deodorant, or shower gel. Some guy might say it was, but I’m positive that he got laid for other reasons, like alcohol, the woman’s need for a green card, desperation or [...]

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Axe Dry Clix

I didn’t realize how hard it was to find someone to smell my armpit. What’s wrong with a complete stranger, walking up in a trenchcoat, baseball cap and sunglasses to another person, and ask them if they would like to smell an armpit? It’s not like I’m asking them to lick it, there are people [...]

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Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub

The six F’s I earned in college…Check. Owning Carmen Electra’s rap CD…Check. Getting aroused by a Photoshopped nude image of Rosie O’Donnell…Check. That experiment involving peanut butter, a microwave, and a body part that rhymes with the word “machinist”…Check. Oh, hello there. I’m just making a list of things I want to scrub away with the new Axe [...]

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Axe Touch Shower Gel

If anyone needs help with the ladies, it’s me. When the best compliment I’ve received about my looks is, “You have nice ears lobes,” I know I’m gonna need a little extra help attracting women. So I turned to a product that claims women will be all over me if I use it, [...]

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