THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 4/2/2011

Keep Falling

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Have you ever had the pleasure of sitting under a waterfall? I have. The continuous flow of water being poured on top of you makes you feel like you’re one with nature. The rumbling of the water removes all other sounds, except the thoughts in your head. The weight of the water is like your soul giving yourself a bear hug. It’s a feeling that you will never forget and yearn for when the stresses of life wash over you. So I’m pretty sure, the Orbit Mist Crisp Mint Waterfall sucks in comparison. (via Gum Alert)

Finally, a 3 Musketeers bar that honors Porthos’ body. The Musketeers say, “One for all, and all for one,” but Porthos was more like one and a half to one and three fourths. (via Candyblog)

The Arby’s Angus Three Cheese & Bacon reads like a list of things your doctor will tell you shouldn’t eat. (via Junk Food Betty)

Geez, shouldn’t this be the opposite? The King’s facial expression doesn’t change AT ALL, but Burger King’s Chicken Tenders keep changing. (via An Immovable Feast)

Samba Kisses Better? No, Marvo kisses better. Actually, Marvo kisses best because he uses a lot of Chap Stick to keep his lips supple. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

REVIEW: Orbit Pina Colada Gum

I wish Orbit Gum would stop pussyfooting around it.

The girly drink flavors have to come to an end and they have to develop beer-flavored chewing gum. It seems like the next logical step for Orbit, unless they want to go all Willy Wonka on us and make a three-course-dinner gum.

I’ve even come up with beer gum names they can use for a small upfront five-figure fee and future royalties: Aroma Ale and Muddy Minty Stout.

Right now, Orbit has four flavors named after girly alcoholic beverages: Sangria Fresca, Fabulous Fruitini, Mint Mojito and, their latest, Pina Colada. Although, before they come out with their beer-flavored gum, I hope they introduce a margarita flavor, which I believe is the Official Drink of College Girls Who End Up On Girls Gone Wild Videos.

The scent of the Orbit Pina Colada is part coconut and part pineapple, which, obviously, makes sense since they’re two of the main ingredients in a pina colada. Here’s something not so obvious about coconuts and pineapples; they make excellent weapons in close combat.

The hard exterior of coconuts can knock out an opponent or be used as a shield, while a pineapple can cause brief paralysis, but it’s not due to its spiky skin, instead it’s from the shock of being attacked with a fruit.

I’m not a fan of pina coladas, coconuts or asinine news anchor banter, unless it contains the phrase “keep fucking that chicken,” but I really enjoyed the flavor of this gum. It has a strong, sweet pineapple flavor with a bit of coconut, and there’s a little bit of mint, but not enough to make me think it’s freshening my breath. After about four minutes of chewing, it loses most of its flavor, but I kept it in my mouth for another 20 minutes or so before I had to spit it out due to an almost complete lack of flavor.

While it may not contain any alcohol, unless you consider sugar alcohol something you can get wasted off of, and it’s kind of a girly flavor, I think the Orbit Pina Colada Gum is quite tasty and I’ll continue to purchase it. If you’re looking to add something different to your chewing gum rotation, this would make a fine pick…until Orbit Muddy Minty Stout Gum is available.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 1 gram sugar alcohol and 0 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: Snack Love loved it and so did Gigi Reviews.)

Item: Orbit Pina Colada Gum
Price: $1.17
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Great pineapple/coconut flavor. Sugar free. Flavor lasts a decent amount of time. Something different to add to chewing gum rotation. News anchor bloopers ending up on YouTube.
Cons: Not really minty. No alcohol. Asinine news anchor banter. Being attacked by a coconut or pineapple. No beer flavored gum, yet.

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 10/10/2009

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

Call me old school, but I believe gum should be used to hide that fact that one has been drinking, not enhance it. (via Snack Love)

I wonder how well antibacterial pencils would do in a pencil fight. (via Office Supply Geek)

It turns out I’m a sick bastard. I thought it said “bukkake.” (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

The Black Jack Taco from Taco Bell has a black taco shell. I guess it sort of makes sense it comes in the color of death. (via Grub Grade)

For some reason, I have the urge to smoke these. (via ZOMG Candy!)

Photo via Wikimedia Commons.

REVIEW: Orbit Positively Pomegranate Gum

Pomegranate used to be one of those foods that pretentious, health conscious people in intellectual, or gourmet culinary, circles used to brag about at art auctions or fundraising benefits for obscure diseases. Now, it seems that pomegranate is that indie band who sold out by signing with a major label and having their Top 40 single remixed by T-Pain (which was also re-remixed by Kidz Bop).

Everything is coming pomegranate flavored, including ice cream, lip balm, alcoholic beverages, cereals, condoms and personal lubricants. Well, the last two I’m not too sure if they do come in pomegranate, but if I find them in my product expeditions, I will let you know.

I know I’m going to sound like one of those assholes that say they were fans of a band “before they got popular,” but I’ve been enjoying pomegranate since I was a wee little thing. Of course, my mother didn’t call them pomegranates; they were Indian apples (or Southeast Asian apples if you want to be politically correct). They were so beautiful that I would consume each seed individually, because they were like little rubies. I would also run my hands through all of the seeds and pretend I was a billionaire heiress counting her jewels (Hmm…maybe that’s something I should tell my future therapist). But now that pomegranate is the “it” fruit, more people are consuming pomegranate “flavored” items and not tasting the real McCoy.

Orbit Positively Pomegranate does not taste like the real McCoy, because it’s artificially flavored, of course. When has something artificial tasted or felt better than the real thing?

Wait…maybe I won’t go there.

The gum has a strong texture to it, but I find that a lot with Orbit Gum, it’s not hard per se, but if you can’t chew it, it might be time to admit defeat, let go of your pride and buy a pack of Freedent. I can best describe the gum as having a generic fruity gum flavor; it’s tasty, but you can’t really distinguish much of it. As for Positively Pomegranate’s stamina, it needs some help from those little blue pills, topical creams or whatever gum uses to boost up flavor longevity.

It’s really odd, but I found after chewing it for about two hours I developed a sore throat, which has never happened before with gum. It’s still tasty, but is it worth the throat discomfort that lasts longer than the gum’s flavor? Probably not. Of course, this was my personal experience; and like weight loss commercials that air after Taco Bell ads showing burritos in all of their beefy, cheesy glory, individual results may vary.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Orbit Positively Pomegranate Gum
Price: $1.49
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Wawa
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Nice fruity flavor. Good chewing texture. The irony of fast food ads followed by weight loss commercials. Sugar free. Being ahead of the curve and not being an asshole about it.
Cons: Flavor isn’t really pomegranate. Gives sore throats, if chewed on for a long time. Pretentious people who make it clear that they are ahead of the curve. Indie bands who sell out. Kidz Bop albums. That weird Orbit chick in the commercials.