In the 1980s, there was a Dr Pepper-flavored gum with a liquid center produced by a Wrigley subsidiary called Amurol, which also produced A&W Root Beer, RC Cola, and 7Up bubble gum. Oh, Amurol also produced Mr. T Gold Chain chewing gum. These soda-flavored gums were also discontinued in the 1980s.

However, Dr Pepper fans will soon get to experience The Dr in chewable form when Wrigley releases Hubba Bubba Dr Pepper gum later this year. Oh, but that’s not all soda-flavored gum chewing fans. There will also be an Orange Crush-flavored Hubba Bubba as well.

Each pack will contain five pieces, but we’re not sure if it will have a gushing liquid center like the original Dr Pepper gum.

Since the dawn of stuff, people have been looking for a way to get their dessert fix on for a mere five calories. While early attempts by our ancestors to eat grass and cut pieces of cake just really, really small yielded lackluster results, the efforts of Wrigley and their Extra Dessert Delights gum have recently revolutionized the way we experience dessert.

No longer forced to choose between extreme portion control or insane feats of metabolic fitness to combat the effects of grandma’s apple pie or a container of mint chocolate chip ice cream, we can now chow down on our favorite sweets for the caloric equivalent of an ounce of chopped radishes.

This summer, Wrigley expanded their temping Extra Dessert Delights line of sugar-free gums with a root beer float-flavored variety.

I was an early convert to Extra’s Dessert Delights and have now tried all the flavors, including the now-defunct Rainbow Sherbet flavor (still mourning that one, for what it’s worth). So there was no question I’d be buying the new Root Beer Float gum, eschewing the ever-present threat of becoming a human whoopee cushion, all thanks to those lovely sugar alcohols, which, if I’m not being clear enough, will give you more gas than Saudi Arabia.

I like my Root Beer crisp, rough around the edges, and on the high side of the carbonation spectrum (think Barq’s) and won’t waste time on that smooth A&W crap that might as well be cream soda. No, I’m a Barq’s man, dammit, and when it comes to proper root beer float construction, I won’t settle for no boxed Walmart Frozen Dessert nonsense to pair with my soda. Nope, its good old fashioned, full fat vanilla bean hard ice cream for me, and anything less is a travesty that should be banished from these here United States.

The root beer flavor of Extra’s gum doesn’t have that hard and slightly bitter bite, and it sure doesn’t have the kind of carbonation that will help me win a burping contest with my nine-year-old cousins. It does, however, have a proper balance of vanilla and spice, with a prerequisite sweetness to please anyone not horribly averse to the long litany of artificial sweeteners used in its construction.

Sadly, Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float is another gum that suffers from the time-space continuum of the gum paradox, which, if you’re unfamiliar, confirms the very fact that the better tasting the gum, the less time the flavor lasts. I got a good minute of strong root beer float flavor from my sticks, but after that, it’s the law of diminishing returns. Unlike a real root beer float, you can’t even burp up the taste hours later.

And this, my friends, leads to the greatest travesty of all. Remember those hard-learned lessons regarding sugar alcohol consumption? In my efforts to keep a constant and bottomless root beer float going (and at a mere 10 sticks, only 50 calories) the laws of nature eventually caught up to me. I need not say more.

Extra’s new Dessert Delight’s Root Beer Float Gum tastes like a root beer float, but it doesn’t impress me. For it to impress me, Extra would have to pull a page from Willy Wonka and either A) Make the gum change from apple pie to strawberry shortcake to key lime pie to root beer float without making me turn into a gigantic blueberry or B) Come up with a way to make the flavor last more than a minute.

Given how far we’ve come as a culture in gum flavor development, it amazes me this hasn’t happened yet. Finally, let’s be real, Extra. When it comes to your sugar alcohol warning, tell it like it is. Attempting to recreate a never-ending root beer float may not leave you burping, but it will leave you feeling like the human equivalent to a whoopee cushion in the hands of an overzealous 10-year-old.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum reviews:
Mmm…Deliciousness
The Mind of a Big Cat

Item: Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum
Price: $2.00
Size: 3 pack/15 sticks
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a root beer float. Smells like a root beer float. Good balance of vanilla and sassafras flavor. Smooth. Only 5 calories a stick. An All-American summer.
Cons: Gum paradox strikes again. Excessive consumption of sugar alcohols. No bite. No smooth, creamy richness component. Mug not included. Sugar alcohols.

Wrigley says their new Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet gum is made up of the flavors orange, lemon, and lime. So I was hoping a stick of it would look like a vertical strip cut off from a Rastafarian flag, but it was just pink.

Of course, I should’ve easily guessed the gum’s color because the packaging has so much pink that I’m disappointed the profits from this gum don’t go to breast cancer research.

To be honest, I had forgotten what rainbow sherbet tastes like so I headed to the nearest supermarket to pick some up. Unfortunately, all the store had was a 4-quart pail of rainbow sherbet, so if you invite me to your Super Bowl party, guess what I’m bringing.

After chewing on a piece of Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet gum and eating a little rainbow sherbet straight from the 4-quart pail using the smallest spoon I could find, I thought the gum didn’t really taste like rainbow sherbet. Instead it had a generic mild citrus flavor, which eventually became more lime-ish the more chewed on it. I also noticed the sherbet has a sourness that the gum lacks.

With all of that said, I have to say the Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet gum has a good flavor, even though it’s not rainbow sherbet. It’s a pleasant soft chew and the flavor lasts for a decent amount of time.

And thank goodness it has all of these traits because it seems it’s only available in packs of three. So if this gum sucked, guess what I also would’ve brought to your Super Bowl party.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet
Price: $2.17
Size: 3 pack/15 sticks
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good flavor. Sugar free. Low calorie. Pleasant chew. Flavor lasts. Being irie. Super Bowl parties.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like rainbow sherbet. Having to buy a 4-quart pail of rainbow sherbet. Gum is not multicolored. Lot of pink, but no money going to breast cancer research.

A wise white man with lines in his head was once asked, “Will it ever stop?” The wise white man replied, “Yo, I don’t know.” And that is the same answer Wrigley would probably give if they were asked when their Wrigley’s 5 line would come to an end. It’s not stopping this year, because they recently released their new Wrigley’s 5 RPM gum.

What does RPM stand for? If you don’t own a record player or don’t look at the tachometer in your car’s dashboard, it’s revolutions per minute. But since Wrigley’s 5 is supposed to be the “cool” gum, the marketing folks at Wrigley probably gave a different cool meaning for RPM, like Really Punk MMMMM.

Just like with Wrigley’s 5 React offshoot, Wrigley’s 5 RPM comes in two flavors: fruit and mint. Actually, to be more accurate, it’s “an energizing fruit flavor” and “a relaxing mint flavor.”

Wrigley’s 5 RPM gum is appearing in stores now and just like all 5 gum flavors they’ll come in stylish black packs with 15 sticks per pack.

Update: Click here to read our Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum review

I wonder if the upcoming Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum will foam in my mouth like when vanilla ice cream and root beer come together in a glass. Most likely that’s not the case, but that would make the gum a bit more authentic…and probably rabies pranks will rise.

Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float will be the latest gum flavor in the sugar-free dessert flavored gum lineup, which also includes Mint Chocolate Chip, Key Lime Pie, Strawberry Shortcake, Orange Creme Pop, and Apple Pie.

Yes, I know the lineup by heart.

The root beer flavored gum won’t be available until the summer of 2012 because it just recently earned the right to be made by winning Extra Dessert Delights Fan Flavorite Vote on Facebook. Root beer float garnered 662,817 votes, crushing the other two choices, lemon square and bananas foster, which received 363,389 and 360,731 votes, respectively.

So get ready for another dessert-flavored chewing gum that’s significantly less satisfying than the real thing.

I’m going to help Wrigley Gum.

I’ve come up with a bunch of names they can use for free for any upcoming Wrigley’s 5 flavor. Why free? Because I’m too lazy (and cheap) to file trademarks with the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

I was surprised by how easy it was to come up with possible names. If you look at all the current flavors, it appears naming them involves either watching the Weather Channel (Rain, Solstice, Flare, and Vortex), throwing darts at the Periodic Table of Elements (Cobalt), or pulling random words at Urban Dictionary (Elixir, Lush, and Zing). So that’s what I did.

So here you go, Wrigley: Lunar, Polar, Reverb, Iridium, Mackadocious, Tungsten, Arcus, Radium, Aurora, Nickel, Ununhexium, Neon, Xenon, Razor, Fierce, Uranium, Plutonium, Avalanche, Blizzard, Brisk, Thrill, Celsius, Fahrenheit, Savage, Corona, Cyclone, Glam, Dew, Smooth, Flood, Kewl, Freeze, Halo, Radballs, Hurricane, Matrix, Iridescence, Redonkulous, Mist, Nocturnal, Fizzy, Nucleus, Ozone, Sassy, Crystal, Pulse, Solar, Crisp, Storm, Thermal, Thunder, Typhoon, Volcano, Vapor, Wave, Zodiac, and Tits.

You’re welcome, Wrigley.

Swerve was another word I found at Urban Dictionary, but it’s already being used by Wrigley for their latest addition to the 5 Gum line. For some of you who talk or text on your cell phone while driving, I’m pretty sure you’re quite familiar with the word “swerve”…and middle fingers. Wrigley has taken that word and used it to name their latest gum and its ability to go from a tangy to a sweet tropical flavor.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is the second tropical flavor in the 5 Gum line, with the other being Lush.

Swerve’s initial sourness wasn’t harsh and it had a little citrus flavor to it. The sour flavor goes away after 30 seconds and then you’re left with a standard tropical flavor, which tastes like it’s made up of some citrus, pineapple, and another fruit I couldn’t make out. It’s good, but I think I prefer Lush’s tropicalness.

Swerve significantly loses its flavor after 45-60 seconds and become a bit tougher to chew. After 3-4 minutes of chewing, I thought the gum had reached well beyond its end of life and deserved to be placed at (but most likely spat towards) the bottom of Hefty Jones’ Locker, which is what I call my trash bag-lined trash can.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is good for about 60-90 seconds, but after that it makes a sharp swerve downhill. So, perhaps, Wrigley should rename this gum using another term I found on Urban Dictionary — Minute Man. Because, like all minute men, it doesn’t last very long.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum
Price: $1.29
Size: 15 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant sour flavor. Good tropical flavor. Sugar-free. How easy it is to come up with possible Wrigley’s 5 gum names. Only five calories per stick. Urban Dictionary.
Cons: Doesn’t last very long. Gets tougher to chew after 60 seconds. Referring to Urban Dictionary for the billionth time in a review. The cost of filing trademarks. People who talk or text on their cell phones while driving.