Wrigley says their new Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet gum is made up of the flavors orange, lemon, and lime. So I was hoping a stick of it would look like a vertical strip cut off from a Rastafarian flag, but it was just pink.

Of course, I should’ve easily guessed the gum’s color because the packaging has so much pink that I’m disappointed the profits from this gum don’t go to breast cancer research.

To be honest, I had forgotten what rainbow sherbet tastes like so I headed to the nearest supermarket to pick some up. Unfortunately, all the store had was a 4-quart pail of rainbow sherbet, so if you invite me to your Super Bowl party, guess what I’m bringing.

After chewing on a piece of Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet gum and eating a little rainbow sherbet straight from the 4-quart pail using the smallest spoon I could find, I thought the gum didn’t really taste like rainbow sherbet. Instead it had a generic mild citrus flavor, which eventually became more lime-ish the more chewed on it. I also noticed the sherbet has a sourness that the gum lacks.

With all of that said, I have to say the Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet gum has a good flavor, even though it’s not rainbow sherbet. It’s a pleasant soft chew and the flavor lasts for a decent amount of time.

And thank goodness it has all of these traits because it seems it’s only available in packs of three. So if this gum sucked, guess what I also would’ve brought to your Super Bowl party.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Extra Dessert Delights Rainbow Sherbet
Price: $2.17
Size: 3 pack/15 sticks
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good flavor. Sugar free. Low calorie. Pleasant chew. Flavor lasts. Being irie. Super Bowl parties.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like rainbow sherbet. Having to buy a 4-quart pail of rainbow sherbet. Gum is not multicolored. Lot of pink, but no money going to breast cancer research.

A wise white man with lines in his head was once asked, “Will it ever stop?” The wise white man replied, “Yo, I don’t know.” And that is the same answer Wrigley would probably give if they were asked when their Wrigley’s 5 line would come to an end. It’s not stopping this year, because they recently released their new Wrigley’s 5 RPM gum.

What does RPM stand for? If you don’t own a record player or don’t look at the tachometer in your car’s dashboard, it’s revolutions per minute. But since Wrigley’s 5 is supposed to be the “cool” gum, the marketing folks at Wrigley probably gave a different cool meaning for RPM, like Really Punk MMMMM.

Just like with Wrigley’s 5 React offshoot, Wrigley’s 5 RPM comes in two flavors: fruit and mint. Actually, to be more accurate, it’s “an energizing fruit flavor” and “a relaxing mint flavor.”

Wrigley’s 5 RPM gum is appearing in stores now and just like all 5 gum flavors they’ll come in stylish black packs with 15 sticks per pack.

I wonder if the upcoming Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum will foam in my mouth like when vanilla ice cream and root beer come together in a glass. Most likely that’s not the case, but that would make the gum a bit more authentic…and probably rabies pranks will rise.

Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float will be the latest gum flavor in the sugar-free dessert flavored gum lineup, which also includes Mint Chocolate Chip, Key Lime Pie, Strawberry Shortcake, Orange Creme Pop, and Apple Pie.

Yes, I know the lineup by heart.

The root beer flavored gum won’t be available until the summer of 2012 because it just recently earned the right to be made by winning Extra Dessert Delights Fan Flavorite Vote on Facebook. Root beer float garnered 662,817 votes, crushing the other two choices, lemon square and bananas foster, which received 363,389 and 360,731 votes, respectively.

So get ready for another dessert-flavored chewing gum that’s significantly less satisfying than the real thing.

I’m going to help Wrigley Gum.

I’ve come up with a bunch of names they can use for free for any upcoming Wrigley’s 5 flavor. Why free? Because I’m too lazy (and cheap) to file trademarks with the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

I was surprised by how easy it was to come up with possible names. If you look at all the current flavors, it appears naming them involves either watching the Weather Channel (Rain, Solstice, Flare, and Vortex), throwing darts at the Periodic Table of Elements (Cobalt), or pulling random words at Urban Dictionary (Elixir, Lush, and Zing). So that’s what I did.

So here you go, Wrigley: Lunar, Polar, Reverb, Iridium, Mackadocious, Tungsten, Arcus, Radium, Aurora, Nickel, Ununhexium, Neon, Xenon, Razor, Fierce, Uranium, Plutonium, Avalanche, Blizzard, Brisk, Thrill, Celsius, Fahrenheit, Savage, Corona, Cyclone, Glam, Dew, Smooth, Flood, Kewl, Freeze, Halo, Radballs, Hurricane, Matrix, Iridescence, Redonkulous, Mist, Nocturnal, Fizzy, Nucleus, Ozone, Sassy, Crystal, Pulse, Solar, Crisp, Storm, Thermal, Thunder, Typhoon, Volcano, Vapor, Wave, Zodiac, and Tits.

You’re welcome, Wrigley.

Swerve was another word I found at Urban Dictionary, but it’s already being used by Wrigley for their latest addition to the 5 Gum line. For some of you who talk or text on your cell phone while driving, I’m pretty sure you’re quite familiar with the word “swerve”…and middle fingers. Wrigley has taken that word and used it to name their latest gum and its ability to go from a tangy to a sweet tropical flavor.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is the second tropical flavor in the 5 Gum line, with the other being Lush.

Swerve’s initial sourness wasn’t harsh and it had a little citrus flavor to it. The sour flavor goes away after 30 seconds and then you’re left with a standard tropical flavor, which tastes like it’s made up of some citrus, pineapple, and another fruit I couldn’t make out. It’s good, but I think I prefer Lush’s tropicalness.

Swerve significantly loses its flavor after 45-60 seconds and become a bit tougher to chew. After 3-4 minutes of chewing, I thought the gum had reached well beyond its end of life and deserved to be placed at (but most likely spat towards) the bottom of Hefty Jones’ Locker, which is what I call my trash bag-lined trash can.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is good for about 60-90 seconds, but after that it makes a sharp swerve downhill. So, perhaps, Wrigley should rename this gum using another term I found on Urban Dictionary — Minute Man. Because, like all minute men, it doesn’t last very long.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum
Price: $1.29
Size: 15 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant sour flavor. Good tropical flavor. Sugar-free. How easy it is to come up with possible Wrigley’s 5 gum names. Only five calories per stick. Urban Dictionary.
Cons: Doesn’t last very long. Gets tougher to chew after 60 seconds. Referring to Urban Dictionary for the billionth time in a review. The cost of filing trademarks. People who talk or text on their cell phones while driving.

Update: Click here to read our Extra Dessert Delights Apple Pie Gum review

Update 2: Click here to read our Wrigley’s 5 Swerve review

Sometimes I wonder if Wrigley’s 5 Gum should change its name to I Thought I Told You That We Won’t Stop because the chewing gum line, which is marketed to teens, keeps expanding like my waistline has over the past seven years The Impulsive Buy has been around.

If you don’t know the 5 Gum flavors, let me fill your grey matter with a useless list that may write over some of your precious childhood memories: Cobalt, Flare, Rain, Elixir, Lush, Solstice, Zing, React Fruit, React Mint, Prism, Vortex, React 2 Fruit, and React 2 Mint. Oh wait, let me write over your memory of your first kiss with the next 5 Gum flavor, a tropical one called Swerve.

When Swerve becomes available later this year, it will be the second tropical flavor in the 5 Gum line, following Lush.

Also later this year, Wrigley will be adding Apple Pie to its portfolio of Extra Dessert Delights sugarfree gum. The flavor follows Strawberry Shortcake, Mint Chocolate Chip, Key Lime Pie, and Orange Creme Pop.

Come on, Wrigley! Stop ruining desserts for me! If I want to eat poor representations of desserts I’ll go to McDonald’s or make the desserts myself.

Both sugarfree gum flavors will come in the usual 15-piece slim pack.

With the introduction of each Wrigley’s 5 Gum flavor, Wrigley’s steps closer to displacing all the pudgy, homely packs of Wrigley’s Extra Gum with younger, sexier, and skinnier versions of them.

First, Extra’s Spearmint, Peppermint, and Cinnamon were superseded by Rain, Cobalt, and Flare. Then Extra’s Winterfresh, Bubble Gum, Island Cooler, and Berry Paradise were supplanted by Solstice, Zing, Lush, and Elixir. Finally, Extra’s Cool Watermelon and Cool Green Apple were displaced by Prism and, the latest Wrigley’s 5 Gum flavor, Vortex.

A pack of Vortex smells like what I imagine a Scratch n Sniff green apple sticker would smell like, an exaggerated artificial green apple aroma that I don’t want anywhere on my Trapper Keeper. The gum’s initial flavor is a bit harsh. The flavor has an unusual sour flavor for the first 20-30 seconds of chewing, but after that it tones down and the artificial green apple flavor comes through to ruin my taste buds’ day.

The gum loses most of its flavor at the 6-7 minute mark, which is surprising for a Wrigley’s 5 Gum. At the 8-10 minute mark, the gum takes a turn for the worst and it’s almost devoid of flavor. After 15 minutes, my taste buds couldn’t take it anymore and they ejected the gum. However, I quickly learned spitting out the gum was probably not a wise decision, since it leaves behind a horrible after-aftertaste.

Because I’m a mouth breather, every time I inhale after spitting out this gum, I could taste whatever flavor residue was left behind by Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum. This after-aftertaste is the worst part of this gum, because it tastes as though I ate a saltine cracker.

Now, I enjoy a good saltine cracker when I’m having trouble keeping down food or when I want all the saliva in my mouth to be sucked up, but having the flavor of one in my mouth after chewing gum is unpleasant. If only there was something I could chew on to get rid of that unpleasant taste in my mouth.

I can’t blame Wrigley’s for coming out with ANOTHER 5 Gum flavor to make Wrigley’s Extra Gum line be self-conscious about their looks, because the sexier chewing gum line, with its slim black box and one word names that have also been used by automobile manufacturers and strippers, is marketed to teens, and their tastes change as often as their Facebook statuses.

While Vortex wouldn’t make a good stripper name, although Vicky Vortex would make a good porn star stage name, Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum has a fitting name, because vortexes suck, and so does this gum.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum reviews:
Gigi Reviews
Gum Alert

Item: Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum
Price: $1.29
Size: 15 pieces
Purchased at: A Korean convenience store
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Sugar-free. Comes in a sexy, slim box, the skinny jeans of gum packaging, if you will. Saltine crackers when feeling icky. Trapper Keepers.
Cons: Like vortexes, this gum sucks. Unpleasant after-aftertaste, which is like eating saltine crackers. Slightly unpleasant artificial green apple flavor that makes my taste buds unhappy. Flavor doesn’t last long. Pudgy, homely packs of Extra Gum. Being displacing by a younger, sexier version.