REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND – Häagen-Dazs Bourbon Pecan Praline, Simple Orange with Banana, & Atkins Farmhouse-Style Sausage Scramble

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Ha?agen-Dazs Bourbon Pecan Praline

Item: Ha?agen-Dazs Bourbon Pecan Praline Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 14 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: It tastes like I could get drunk from it. Bourbon ice cream had a wonderful flavor that went well with the buttery and sweet praline pecans. Decent amount of crunchy pralines pecans. No bourbon burn, which would be weird with an ice cream. Didn’t get drunk from it.
Cons: At times, the combo of bourbon ice cream with brown sugar bourbon swirl was a bit cloying. Bourbon not listed in ingredients. Limited edition. Didn’t get drunk from it, but I did find myself making out with the container, so maybe I did.
Nutrition Facts: 1/2 cup – 280 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Matt Hearts Ice Cream

Simple Orange with Banana

Item: Simple Orange Juice with Banana
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 58 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: A pleasant orange juice variation. Slight banana flavor complements the orange juice. Good source of potassium. Orange juice not from concentrate. Provides 100 percent of our vitamin C.
Cons: Has only 10 milligrams more potassium than regular Simply Orange. Barely noticeable banana aroma. I wish it had a bit more banana flavor. Doesn’t come in a huge jug I can do curls with to build my biceps.
Nutrition Facts: 8 fl oz. – 120 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 460 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 25 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein.

Atkins Day Break Farmhouse-Style Sausage Scramble

Item: Atkins Day Break Farmhouse-Style Sausage Scramble
Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 7 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent flavor. Sausage has a pleasant mild flavor. Looks like a lot of food before being microwaved. Makes my kitchen smell like bell peppers. Lots of sausage. Surprisingly, non-dried out eggs have flavor. Awesome source of protein. 5 grams of Atkins Net Carbs for you Atkins dieteers.
Cons: Everything shrinking dramatically after being microwaved. Some eggs were dried out. Cheese not noticeable. Awesome source of saturated fat. Pricey.
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 260 calories from fat, 29 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 400 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 22 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 20% calcium, 35% vitamin C, and 10% iron.

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND – Dr Pepper Gum, Doritos Ranch Hot Wings Jacked, Tostitos Cantina & BK Loaded Tots

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Wrigley's Hubba Bubba Dr Pepper Bubble Gum

Item: Wrigley’s Hubba Bubba Dr Pepper Bubble Gum
Purchased Price: $1.49
Size: 5 pieces
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes almost like Dr Pepper. Soft chew when it has flavor. Flavor lasts for a few minutes. If I had the ability, I could blow bubbles the size of my head with this gum. Sweetened using sugar, corn syrup, and artificial sweeteners.
Cons: My inability to blow bubble gum bubbles bigger than my fist (I have small fists). Only five pieces. Not a soft chew after the flavor goes away; it gives my jaw a low impact workout. I feel like I need to brush my teeth after chewing it.
Nutrition Facts: N/A
Other reviews: TV and Gum Are Awesome

Doritos Jacked Ranch Dipped Hot Wings

Item: Doritos Jacked Ranch Dipped Hot Wings
Purchased Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 10 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasing tangy hot wing sauce flavor with a bit of creaminess. There’s a slight chicken flavor thanks to the ingredient chicken fat. Hearty crunch. Huge chips. New Doritos logo.
Cons: Red hue makes them look evil, but they aren’t very hot. Not as addictive as most other Doritos varieties. Smelling them will burn nostrils, just like real hot wings. Not for MSG haters.
Nutrition Facts: 1 oz. – 130 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 290 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Junk Food Guy, Brand Eating, Chip Review

Tostitos Cantina Thin & Crispy

Item: Tostitos Cantina Thin & Crispy Tortilla Chips
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like other Tostitos tortilla chips. Simple ingredients. Crispy. With some Corona beers and these chips, you could make your Taco Bell meal seem like it’s from a cantina.
Cons: Tastes like other Tostitos tortilla chips. Too fragile for thicker salsas.
Nutrition Facts: 1 oz. – 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Spoil Your Dinner

Burger King Loaded Tater Tots

Item: Burger King Loaded Tater Tots
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 8 pieces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: At times, it kind of tastes like a loaded baked potato. Slightly crunchy exterior. Longer than BK’s Cheesy Tots. Better than Burger King’s fries. Available in 8, 10, or 12 pieces. BK’s changing menu.
Cons: Not a lot of bacon flavor and can’t taste the bacon at all in some tots. Light cheese flavor. Potatoes inside looked more like mashed potatoes than tater tots. Not as satisfying as BK’s Cheesy Tots. Made with partially hydrogenated oil.
Nutrition Facts: 380 calories, 22 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 640 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Junk Food Betty, Brand Eating

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (FREEZER AISLE EDITION) – 4/2/2013

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish freezer aisle products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Hungry-Man Garlic Sauce Saute Chicken Power Meal

Item: Hungry-Man Garlic Sauce Saute Chicken Power Meal
Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 12 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Hearty meal. Lots of corn, carrots, and broccoli. Pasta cooked perfectly. Nutrition facts are closer to Lean Cuisine meals than to other Hungry-Man meals. Corn tastes like the stuff in Swanson frozen meals, which I kind of like. Long plastic tray make me feel like I’m eating from a trough.
Cons: Need a stronger garlic sauce or more of it. Could use a bit more chicken. Pricey. Chicken was more salty than flavorful, and was a little dried out. Left a fine grittiness in my mouth.
Nutrition Facts: 320 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 630 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 20 grams of protein, 30% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 30% vitamin C, and 10% iron.

Totino's Pizzeria Cheesy Garlic Rolls

Item: Totino’s Pizzeria Cheesy Garlic Rolls
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 19.8 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant garlic flavor. Easy to make. 40 rolls per bag. Better when heated up in the oven. There’s some about the crust that I love.
Cons: Garlic not strong enough to fend off vampires. Slightly weird buttery flavor. Innards oozes out in the oven. Innards oozes out in the microwave. Trans fat.
Nutrition Facts: 6 rolls – 210 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 390 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Fat Guy Food Blog

Totino's Pizzeria Meatball Marinara Rolls

Item: Totino’s Pizzeria Meatball Marinara Rolls
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 19.8 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Its flavor reminds me of a sausage Totino’s Party Pizza. Decent tasting sauce. Lots of sauce. Frozen ones can be used to pelt your enemies.
Cons: Sauce, cheese, and meat oozes out in the microwave. Sauce, cheese, and meat oozes out in the microwave. Not a lot of cheese. Good source of trans fat. Being the target of people throwing frozen Totino’s Pizzeria Rolls.
Nutrition Facts: 6 rolls – 200 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 350 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Fat Guy Food Blog

Morningstar Farms Mediterranean Chickpea Veggie Burgers

Item: Morningstar Farms Mediterranean Chickpea Veggie Burgers
Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 4 patties
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Mild chickpea flavor with a bit of onion and garlic. 100% vegetarian. Low fat. Good source of fiber. They look and taste better than Morningstar Farms regular veggie burger patties. Decent source of protein.
Cons: Chickpeas tend to explode in the microwave. Spinach and tomatoes aren’t noticeable. Patties will look small on top of premium buns.
Nutrition Facts: 1 burger – 110 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 170 milligrams of potassium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (YOGURT EDITION) – 3/28/2013

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish yogurt varieties we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Yoplait Pro-Force Mixed Berry Burst

Item: Yoplait Pro-Force Mixed Berry Burst
Purchased Price: $2.49 (on sale)
Size: 4 3.5 oz. cups
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice generic berry flavor. Fat free. Good source of calcium. No berry seeds. Good source of protein and calcium. Contains live and active cultures. Product name doesn’t have a Z that replaces an S.
Cons: No chunks of fruit; blueberry, strawberry, and raspberry flavors come in the form of puree. An adult eating kids yogurt. Product name is kind of silly; it’s as if they’re saying they want to force protein into kids.
Nutrition Facts: 1 container – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, and 25% calcium.

Yoplait GoGurt Twisted Strawberry Mango Tango

Item: Yoplait GoGurt Twisted Strawberry Mango Tango
Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 8 2.25-oz. tubes
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Strawberry Mango combo is tasty. Very portable. Contains live and active cultures. Gluten free. No spoon needed.
Cons: It’s disappointing the yogurts were not in separate chambers. Two colors in every tube that look like one color when I open the box. Not that great of a source for protein and calcium. Trivia printed on tubes will help your kids become know-it-alls.
Nutrition Facts: 1 tube – 70 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 10% calcium.

YoCrunch Blueberry Yopa

Item: YoCrunch Yopa! Blueberry with Granola
Purchased Price: 62 cents (on sale)
Size: 5.3 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice blueberry flavor. Fruit on the bottom. Good source of protein. Contains live and active cultures. Granola provides a nice crunch.
Cons: Unnecessary exclamation point in name. Not as tangy as other Greek yogurt I’ve had. My urge to say, “Yopa! Gangnam Style!”
Nutrition Facts (with topping): 180 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, and 15% calcium.

YoCrunch Yopa! Toasted Almonds Greek Yogurt

Item: YoCrunch Yopa! Vanilla with Toasted Almonds
Purchased Price: 62 cents (on sale)
Size: 5.3 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Surprisingly good (I thought it was going to be boring). Vanilla-y with a hint of almonds. Crunchy almonds. It’s got live and active cultures: it’s what digestive systems crave! Almonds provide more protein and vitamin E. Good source of protein.
Cons: May seem like a boring flavor to some. Not as tangy as other Greek yogurt I’ve had. Stop it with the exclamation points. See, I didn’t use one in the previous sentence; I totally could’ve. Has same amount of sugar as a Pop-Tart.
Nutrition Facts (with topping): 200 calories, 8 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 15 grams of protein, 20% calcium, and 20% vitamin E.

YoCrunch Breakfast Blends with Post Fruity Pebbles

Item: YoCrunch Breakfast Blends with Post Fruity Pebbles
Purchased Price: $1.50 (on sale)
Size: 4 3.75-oz. cups
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Might possibly be better than Fruity Pebbles in milk. Fat free. Gluten free. Crispy Fruity Pebbles cereal. Contains live and active cultures. Perfect Fruity Pebbles to yogurt ratio.
Cons: Should’ve been Cocoa Pebbles (which is better). Size is only enough to be part of a complete breakfast. Not a great source of calcium.
Nutrition Facts: 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, and 10% calcium.

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (STORE BRAND EDITION) – 3/26/2013

Here are some quick reviews of new store brand products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Market Pantry 90 Calories Fiber & Chocolate Chewy Bars

Item: Market Pantry 90 Calories Fiber & Chocolate Chewy Bars
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 5 bars
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant chocolatey flavor and aroma. Nice chewiness; a bit chewier than a Rice Krispies treat. Same amount of fiber and cheaper than Fiber One 90 Calorie Chocolate Chewy Bars. There’s a coffee-like flavor at times.
Cons: Bars are on the small side. Only 5 bars, so if you’re sharing a box with someone, you may have to fight for the last one. .02 ounces lighter and half a gram more fat and saturated fat than Fiber One version.
Nutrition Facts: 1 bar – 90 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 85 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Market Pantry Peanut Butter Crunchy Granola Bars

Item: Market Pantry Peanut Butter Crunchy Granola Bars
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 12 bars/6 pouches
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Edible. 18 whole grains per two bars. Crunchy. Easy to chew. Two bars per pouch so you can share or eat one and then smash the other on the ground while a starving person watches.
Cons: Weird peanut butter flavor. Weak weird peanut butter flavor. They kind of look as if they’re decomposing. Extremely awesome at making crumbs.
Nutrition Facts: 2 bars – 190 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 6 gram of protein.

Market Pantry Fuji Apple Sparking Water Beverage

Item: Market Pantry Fuji Apple Sparking Water Beverage
Purchased Price: 69 cents
Size: 33.8 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: So good that I could drink a lot of this. When well chilled, it tastes very close to Fuji apples. Inexpensive. Zero calories, fat, and carbs. Naturally flavored.
Cons: Contains no juice. Artificial sweeteners stand out when it gets a little warm. No caffeine, but that’s usually the case with sparkling water. So good that I could drink a lot of this.
Nutrition Facts: 8 oz. – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, and 0 gram of protein.

Market Pantry Mango Colada Fruit Smoothie

Item: Market Pantry Mango Colada Fruit Smoothie
Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 8 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant pineapple flavor. Awesome source of vitamin C. Tastes not bad when water is used instead of juice. The sound of ice being crushed in a blender.
Cons: Not much coconut flavor. Not much mango flavor. Yogurt comes in the form of a powder packet. If you like thick smoothies, you’re going to have to add ice. Might go well with rum.
Nutrition Facts: 1/2 package (made with water) – 140 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 6% calcium, and 50% vitamin C.