At a quick glance, these Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins look like Keebler Fudge Stripes cookies that were made by a drunk Keebler elf who turned to the bottle to help him cope with the fact that he works and lives in the same tree.

Or maybe these Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins were made by a former Keebler elf who got tired of squeezing the straight lines of fudge on each Keebler Fudge Stripes cookie.

All right, no elves produced these crispy cookies and they were made by a multi-million dollar machine in a huge factory somewhere. But, damn, I wish I was your lover…oh sorry, that Sophie B. Hawkins song has been showing up a lot in my 90s Pandora station. I meant to say, damn, that multi-million dollar machine makes one mean cookie.

I don’t want to brag, but when Nabisco first introduced their Newtons Fruit Thins, I knew they would put out a banana version of their crispy cookie. Although, to be honest, I thought they would’ve paired the fruit with nuts and not dark fudge.

I mean, just imagine a banana with some nuts. Don’t you think that’s a great combination? It totally makes sense. And I thought my idea was better, but the more I ate these Newtons Fruit Thins the more I realized how stupid my banana and nut cookie idea was.

The dark fudge drizzle is what makes these light and crispy cookies so wonderful. Its mild sweetness complements the mild flavor of the cookie with dried banana pieces baked in. It’s a perfect balance that’s extremely toothsome. As a banana lover, I’m glad the fudge doesn’t overwhelm the banana and I’m also happy Nabisco didn’t go all fudge crazy and decide to dip these cookies completely into fudge, much like their Oreo Fudge Cremes.

However, at times, I thought the banana and fudge combination tasted much like a graham cracker, which I’m not sure is a bad thing.

While the fudge drizzle helps these cookies taste awesome, they also cause the cookies stick together in the packaging and make these Newtons Fruit Thins slightly less wholesome than their non-drizzled brethren. These Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins are made with real fruit and whole grains just like all the other Newtons Fruit Thins, but, thanks to the dark fudge, it has ten more calories, a gram more of saturated fat, and a gram more of sugar than the non-drizzled varieties.

Also, while I’m in the middle of pointing fingers at the fudge drizzle, I’d like to note that a package of these cookies weighs in at 8.75 ounces, while a package of the non-drizzled Newtons Fruit Thins is 10.5 ounces. So we’re getting less cookies. Cookie Monster would not approve.

However, those are minor issues that will be forgotten once you start stuffing your maw with these delicious Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 cookies – 150 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 100 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins reviews:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins
Purchased Price: $3.68
Size: 8.75 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: These are awesome crispy cookies. Wonderful balance of banana and fudge. Fudge and banana combo is a much better idea than my banana and nut combo. Best tasting Newtons Fruit Thins flavor (thanks fudge). Contains whole grain and real fruit.
Cons: Slightly worse for you than regular Newtons Fruit Thins. No significant benefits from real fruit it contains. Less cookies than non-drizzled Newtons Fruit Thins. Fudge causes the cookies to stick together.

While these reviews are always a lot of fun to write, and hopefully slightly enjoyable to read as well, I want to be serious for a second. A few weeks ago, we found out my younger daughter is allergic to peanuts (and tree nuts, and sesame), culminating in a Mother’s Day trip to the emergency room. Fun! She’s perfectly fine — we’re learning what foods to buy and our house contains more adrenaline shots than the sets of Pulp Fiction and Crank combined — but it really caught us off guard. Between this and my older daughter getting a peanut stuck up her nose last year, I’m starting to think my ancestors owed George Washington Carver money or something.

Regardless, I mention this to explain why I was hesitant to pick up this new, peanut-y flavor of Ben & Jerry’s, exclusive to 7-Eleven. I could always keep it in the freezer at work, but it’s hard to write a review when you’re supposed to be… well, working. (Okay, it’s not HARD, but it’s frowned upon.)

Eventually I relented and brought it home, but I’ll say this: it’s a new experience to run out to the garage fridge every time I want to eat some ice cream, then make sure I wash my hands when I come back in. At least it’s summer; can you imagine me huddled out there in December, piteously lifting the spoon with shivering blue hands? Honestly, the lengths I theoretically might have gone to for you people.

Eschewing cutesy names like Karamel Sutra or I Wanna Dip My Malt Balls In It, this time B&J have elected to just tell you what it is: there’s nuts, there’s caramel, it’s swirled together. Transparency can be nice, though it feels a bit like watching a Michael Bay film titled “Stuff Blows Up and Also There’s a Pee Joke, Plus Boobs.” Maybe 7-Eleven stockholders hate puns, or possibly they just figured anyone making an impulse ice cream purchase while picking up a gallon of milk and some smokes wouldn’t properly appreciate clever wordplay. 

Your loss, 7-Eleven.

As for the appearance, you’ve seen B&J’s cartons before, obviously. The most noticeable difference is that the little emblem denoting the ingredients to be Fair Trade has changed — before it kind of resembled a stick figure, now it looks like the logo to Sea World. Maybe the peanuts were harvested on the ocean floor or have been secretly replaced with kelp?  Beyond that, the description promises nougat ice cream with peanuts, fudge flakes, and a salty caramel swirl. To put it mildly, that’s a lot to be getting on with. Your grandparents couldn’t find that many ingredients in an entire ice cream parlor, and B&J have crammed it all into one flavor. How will that play out?

Rather well, as it turns out, though not without some flaws. The peanuts are instantly recognizable, and extra enjoyable since they’ll pretty much never be allowed in this house again. The nougat ice cream is very rich and sweet; I’m a nougat fan, and this definitely gets the job done. The fudge can likewise easily be detected, and it and the peanuts are present in impressive quantities.

So what didn’t I like? Well, either there isn’t much caramel or the fudge is serving to mask it, because it doesn’t completely disappear but can easily be lost in the shuffle. Likewise, you’re not going to be able to tell whether the swirl is salty or not, although the peanuts fill that niche anyway, so the end result in your mouth is basically the same. I guess if you’re reeeeally reaching, it can be a bit tough to chew at times, though I personally like the textural variety and it’s certainly not going to be breaking your jaw.  And as I mentioned earlier, the sheer number of ingredients can make for a slightly schizophrenic taste experience, though certainly not an unpleasant one.

I feel like nearly every Ben & Jerry’s review wraps up nearly the same, but this is another winner for the boys from Vermont. I’m fairly certain I’d enjoy it even if I weren’t on peanut lockdown, but the “forbidden fruit” aspect certainly doesn’t hurt. Even if you’re able to eat peanuts all damn day, though, I’d still recommend you pick a pint up and try it for yourself… that is, if you can afford 7-Eleven’s absurdly high prices without breaking the bank.

(As a postscript, my wife adds that she called Ben & Jerry’s to see whether allergens would be a problem in a factory tour we may take on an upcoming vacation, and found them to be “insanely helpful.” They offered to comp us a pint of allergen-safe ice cream when everyone else gets a sample of the day so that our younger daughter doesn’t feel left out. I must say, that’s super cool of them.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 310 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of total fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Nutty Caramel Swirl reviews:
On Second Scoop
The Ice Cream Informant

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Nutty Caramel Swirl
Purchased Price: $5.49. Five and a half freaking dollars!
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Illicit peanuts are the best peanuts. Full nougat flavor. You will not get bored eating this ice cream. Father’s Day night officially NOT spent in the ER.
Cons: Not quite enough caramel. Mother’s Day night in the ER. Price suggests every other carton is expected to be shoplifted. Unimaginative name. Bringing something potentially lethal to your child into the garage is not Father of the Year material.

In this episode, Dubba eats ice cream that makes his hands shimmer; Ryan shows off his deep fried food knowledge; listen to Eric’s voice start off bad, but magically get better after five minutes into the show; and find out what snack makes me cry. We also talk about Watermelon Oreo cookies, fast food fajitas, and our Noshes of the Week!

You can subscribe to the show on iTunes, Stitcher Radio, or, if you want to listen in the podcast player of your choice, subscribe to the show’s feed. If you enjoy the show and subscribe to it on iTunes, we would greatly appreciate it if you took the time to rate us.

You can also download the episode or listen using the player below:

The show notes can be found on The Nosh Show website.

Thanks for listening!

If I watched Top Chef, I’m sure this would’ve been a big deal to me. If a company made a frozen meal conceived by a Masterchef, then I’d be all over that because Masterchef is my jam…mainly because I don’t subscribe to cable. (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

Whaaaaa? Potatoes get graded? Whaaaaa? Ore-Ida uses unnatural ingredients in their other potato wedges? (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

Oh, Kraft! You’re so wonderful at helping my lazy ass in the kitchen! (Spotted by Nicolas at Meijer.)

To be honest, I had no idea there was Asian yogurt…and I’m Asian. (Spotted by Kayla at Safeway.)

Enough with the sweet stuff, Fiber One! How about tackling the salty stuff, like potato chips and pizza. (Spotted by Adam at Walmart.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Here’s some fast food/junk food news from the past week:

I’m curious if someone will stack Jack in the Box’s new Big Stack and Big Waffle Stack to make an Ultimate Stack Sandwich. (via Grub Grade)

Enjoy Chuck E. Cheese quietly at home without kids screaming, running, crying, and throwing up around you. (via Business Wire)

I guess it’s the Year of the Poutine in Canada because a few weeks ago Jones Soda introduced poutine-flavored soda and now Pizza Hut has poutine pizza. Oh, I wish I had a passport…and money for a plane ticket to Canada. (via Brand Eating)

I hope the microwaveable cups Annie’s uses for their new microwaveable mac and cheese cups have bunny ears and a bunny tail. (via PR Newswire)

Japan’s popular Mister Donut will have donuts that taste like Japan’s popular Calpis beverages. I guess an American equivalent of that would be Dunkin’ Donuts making Mountain Dew flavored donuts. Oooh. That sounds awesome. Get on that, Dunkin’! (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

The best thing about Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo? No seeds to spit out. Well, on second thought, if it’s horrible, you’ll want to spit out the whole thing. (via Food Junk)

Dunkin’ Donuts has a Coolatta Hot Chocolate. Wow. They sure do like freezing hot chocolate. (via Thirsty Dudes)

I’d sure like to drink this out of Lord Stanley’s Cup. (via The Soda Jerks)

Lemonade Peeps? How about some chicken-flavored Peeps. Also, how about I not use the exact same line from last week’s Week in Reviews post. (via Candy Blog)

I guess zombies are so popular that Ben & Jerry’s decided to bring back a flavor from the dead. (via The Ice Cream Informant)

Looks like I’ll be going to Target tonight to buy me some Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo cookies. (Spotted by Adam at Target.)

Yes! Just what people have been clamoring for! More mayonnaise varieties! Amiright (Spotted by Adam at Walmart.)

“Suck it, Bear Naked!” said Post Honey Bunches of Oats. (Spotted by Adam at Target.)

Hey look. Another cheesy Goldfish variety. (Spotted by Emilie at Target.)

You can show your patriotism on the outside on Independence Day by wearing red, white, and blue. And you can show your patriotism to your insides by eating these Limited Edition Frosted Red, White & Berry Pop-Tarts and having a parade through your digestive system. (Spotted by Marvo at Walmart.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Hey! You know what was a great cookies and creme cereal? Oreo O’s, which is still available, but only in South Korea. I have a feeling this Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme cereal will not come close, but I hope it does. (Spotted by Stefanie at Target.)

“Vanilla” was how I described the following Chex varieties: Wheat, Corn, and Rice. I guess since there’s now a Vanilla Chex, I’m going to have to start calling them the “boring varieties.” (Spotted by Stefanie at Target.)

I predict Post will come out with a chocolatey version of their Honey Bunches of Oats Greek Cereal. Mark my words! (Spotted by Stefanie at Target.)

To be honest, at a quick glance, the flaxseed on those bran flakes look like they’re roaches. Two scoops of things that kind of look like roaches with Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Omega-3 from Flaxseed! Two scoops! (Spotted by Stefanie at Target.)

Argh! Shiver me timbers! Froot Loops Treasures! Cereal pieces wit’ strawberry flavored fillin’ inside! Oooh, band ‘o pirates everywhere gunna risk their lives fer that kind ‘o treasure! Ugh! It’s so hard to show sarcasm. (Spotted by Stefanie at Target.)

Thank you for all the photos, Stefanie! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

I find it odd that Fruttare would choose to call these “Dessert Bars”.

I usually do what food packaging tells me to do (once I pop, I don’t stop; I will, indeed, take it to the XTREME), but I have a thing about preconceived notions in regards to when I should be eating certain foods. I’ll order buffalo chicken strips for breakfast at Denny’s. I’ll even get a fourthmeal from somewhere other than Taco Bell.

To me, frozen treats are an “anytime food”. What’s wrong with a Klondike bar at 2pm? Otter Pop as a quick sugar fix in the morning? Sure, why not?

That said, Fruttare trying to tell me that their Fruit and Milk Bars are for dessert use only might as well be a dare to eat five of them for breakfast. In fact, their two major components – those being fruit and milk, if you haven’t gathered that yet – are like, 1/2 of what childhood commercials have told me is a complete breakfast. Just grab some toast and a bowl of Lucky Charms to go along with it and you’re set.

But, enough babbling about semantics. According to Fruttare, their Fruit and Milk Bars are “the first nationally available line of its kind”. While a super-quick Google search does not dispute that, things like frozen yogurt bars are rising in the ranks of frozen treats, so we’ll see how Fruttare’s take on frozen fruit+dairy holds up.

Fruttare Strawberry and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

I figured that if there was something that was going to be fundamentally flawed about these Fruit and Milk bars, it would come out in the Strawberry flavor. I like strawberries. I like milk. I like strawberry milk. I like strawberry ice cream. What could go wrong? She asks, ominously.

The answer to that is nothing, really. Right off the bat, I noticed that Fruttare Fruit and Milk bars are much firmer than Fruttare’s Ice Bars, which makes sense, because, well…milk.

The Fruit and Milk bars lack the tartness of yogurt, but have a nice, smooth texture. Strawberry and Milk had an excellent balance of milky flavor and authentic strawberry taste, complete with real strawberry chunks that were just the right size.

There were no inherent flaws with the Strawberry and Milk Dessert Bar. I found it to be an enjoyable frozen treat that wasn’t too sweet and had great fruit flavor.

If there’s a flaw to this flavor, it’s that it’s almost too pedestrian. It tastes like Fruttare took any major brand of strawberry ice cream and put it on a stick. While this results in tastiness, it doesn’t exactly break any major ground in the world of frozen milk-based foods, unless you count the stick, I guess.

Fruttare Peach and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

I remember that, as a kid, we always had a box of Quaker Instant Oatmeal Fruit and Cream Variety Pack in the house. The berry flavors always went quickly, and then it was a fight between my brother and I to see who could grab the Peaches and Cream first, leaving the loser with Bananas and Cream, which would usually languish in the box until my mother demanded that someone eat it before a new box could be bought.

Peaches and cream seem to be made for each other, at least, according to some R&B group I’ve never heard of and the lotion section of Bath & Body Works, which also taught me long ago that I’m allergic to anything that smells good. Seriously, I can’t walk past a B&BW in the mall without sneezing about five times.

In a surprising twist, I found that I enjoyed Peach and Milk even more than Strawberry and Milk. These bars have a great peach flavor without being too cloyingly sweet or overpowering, which I just now decided should be called “Canned Fruit Cocktail Syndrome”.

The peach and milk worked together like best friends, punctuated by real peach chunks that were the perfect size, neither so small they are just mush or so big that you feel like you’re chewing through your Dessert Bar.

I also found Peach and Milk to be refreshing, which is an unexpected sensation, given that I don’t exactly imagine myself reaching for milk when I’m looking to cool down. Peach and Milk would be a great treat in the steamy Georgian summer as you sit on the swing on your front porch.

That’s just a suggested serving. You don’t need to be in Georgia or have a swing – or a front porch, in fact – to enjoy a Fruttare Peach and Milk Dessert Bar. Or have it for dessert, dammit.

Fruttare Banana and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

The only artificially banana-flavored food I can tolerate are banana Runts, and that’s only because the shape of them is fun in my mouth. I mean that literally, so take your minds out of the damn gutter.

I think my dislike of artificial banana started as a very young child at the dentist’s office. For some reason, they thought banana would be a great flavor choice for that goo they smeared on my gums before they shot me full of Novocaine using a syringe that looked like it belonged to Dr. Killjoy. Dentistry has moved beyond that these days, but not by much, and the traumatic artificial banana memories remain. Traumananatic. Banatraumatic? Eh, nevermind.

I found the Fruttare Banana and Milk Bar to be an interesting mix of good and bad. It had a weird flavor combination of real and fake banana. I found the banana flavor to be too strong – the bar had a nice, smooth texture, but I wasn’t really able to enjoy it because there was so much banana flavoring crammed in there that it overwhelmed the milk part of the bar.

There was also a large disparity between the banana chunks. Some were tiny pieces of mush with no flavor distinguishable from the rest of the bar, while others were nice-sized chunks that gave a welcome burst of real banana flavor and the texture of real fruit.

Given the flavors so far, I was disappointed by the Banana and Milk Dessert Bar. If you really like bananas and don’t mind having some artificial flavor in the mix, then I’d call this a perfectly acceptable frozen treat. I personally found the fruit flavoring too aggressive and was a little put off by the small mushy chunks.

Fruttare Coconut and Milk Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bar

Coconuts in water and milk form have become quite popular, especially among people who enjoy following health crazes. If you believe all the hype, I’m pretty sure coconuts cure cancer, gout, restless leg syndrome, and that thing that’s been growing on your back that you’re afraid to see a doctor about.

Coconuts are also popular among people who like to voluntarily strand themselves on deserted islands, like Les Stroud, Bear Grylls, the Mythbusters, that hippy guy from Dual Survival who never wears shoes and constantly regrets it, every single person on the 26 seasons of Survivor, and Myke Hawke, who has the best name on television but doesn’t seem to realize it.

Oh right, and centuries of indigenous people around the world. Coconuts are popular. I think you get the idea.

Taking all of that into account, it seems natural that coconuts and milk would work well together in Dessert Bar form. And they did, for the most part.

Right off the bat, I noticed the Coconut and Milk Bar was much firmer than the other Dessert Bars. This might be because there seems to be a ton of coconut jammed in there.

Unlike the other Fruit and Milk Bars, Coconut and Milk had coconut shavings instead of chunks. I think this was a good choice by Fruttare, since coconuts tend to be more comfortable in shaved form.

Every bite of this bar had coconut shavings in it, so much so that after the milk part melted away, you were left with a little ball of coconut chaw. Luckily, coconut chaw is much tastier than tobacco chaw, and there is no spittoon required to consume these Dessert Bars.

Of all the Dessert Bars, Coconut and Milk most closely matched the tropical feel of their box. The coconut flavor and texture were definitely prominent, but the milk helped to smooth things out.

I have mixed feelings on the amount of coconut contained in these Dessert Bars, however. While it was a little bizarre to be left with some coconuts shavings to chew after the milk part melted away, but if you’re a coconut lover, this part might appeal to your tropical island fantasies.

I was surprised to find that Fruttare’s Fruit and Milk Dessert Bars had such different personalities, which makes me feel like one of those people who believe identical twins are practically the same person. Each bar had its own characteristics, and for the most part, they worked out. Seeing as how these are the first Fruit and Milk Bars available in the US, Fruttare did a pretty good job in breaking new ground.

(Nutrition Facts — 1 bar – Strawberry – 110 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than one gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 10% vitamin C, and 4% calcium. Peach – 110 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 10% vitamin C, and 4% calcium. Banana – 120 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 6% calcium. Coconut – 140 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 16% calcium.)

Item: Fruttare Frozen Fruit and Milk Dessert Bars (Strawberry, Peach, Banana, and Coconut)
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 4 bars per box
Purchased at: Received samples from Fruttare
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Strawberry)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Peach)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Banana)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Coconut)
Pros: Strawberry and Peach had perfectly-sized fruit chunks. First Fruit and Milk Bars in the US. Peach was surprisingly refreshing. Banana had some larger chunks that were authentic. Coconut was very tropical. Milk went smoothly with the fruits. Myke Hawke’s name.
Cons: Strawberry was pretty ordinary. Calling them Dessert Bars is dumb. Banana and some artificial flavor and mushy chunks. Being allergic to things that smell good. Banana flavor overwhelmed milk flavor. Coconut might have too much coconut for some. “Chaw”.

Ursa Minor: it’s not just a constellation.

For decades now Nabisco has offered box-fulls of “ursa minors” or, for those of us who don’t speak Latin and have to use Google to translate (i.e. me), “little bears.”

Yes, these wee little ursidae-shaped graham cookies have nourished the childhoods and adulthoods of many humans marching forth into unknown world.

And while the world is still rife with unknowns, I am confident I can keep on marching while nourishing my brain with a bunch of little bears from a box of Teddy Grahams, and now Nabisco is offering these graham-infused goodies in Apple flavor.

The ever-classic duo: One bear cheers. The other does a cool dance with his hands down. Or maybe reverse jumping jacks? Or a 90s workout video? I’ve never really known.

I once read that animals gather together in anticipation of a natural disaster. If that’s true, these Teddy Grahams make me wonder if I should stock up on canned goods and AA batteries because there are a buncha bears gathered in here. According to my calculations calculator, I get a whopping 216 bears per box. That’s enough bears to last me a hibernation…or at least three episodes of Breaking Bad and some midnight ice cream (Maybe a good Talenti vanilla bean? Or Jeni’s Brown Butter?)

But number games aside, how does their taste stand up to their fellow mammal-shaped brethren?

Apple, apple, apple. That’s what I hope for in taste of an Apple Teddy Graham and, boy howdy, that’s what I got. No mushy, half-hearted pomme flavoring here. These taste of tart, crisp Granny Smiths and, while it doesn’t say so in the ingredients, I swear there’s a hint of a lemony bite hidden in here. There aren’t any apple chunks hangin’ around, but the presence of a quality applesauce is present throughout each graham. It’s like the crispy bits of apple pie crust in the form of a grizzly.

If that Teddy Graham were Indiana Jones, the apple would be the boulder chasing him through the cave.

Now, if I had the chance, some secret agent skills, and a power tool that would allow me to swoop in during the dark of night and edit the Teddy Graham recipe, I’d add some cinnamon to get a little depth to these itty-bitty wonders as the apple flavor can get overwhelming, but it’s nothing a little blending with some cinnamon Teddies couldn’t fix.

What’s surprising is that the applesauce doesn’t affect the snap of these bears. They remain just as crunchy as any Teddy Graham I’ve ever encountered, a pleasant discovery given that applesauce tends to make baked goods more dense and chewy. The snap also makes these exceptionally easy to munch. Theoretically, if I continued at the rate I’m going, I’d build up my jaw muscles enough so that I’d soon be ready for try-outs for the sport of “Chewing” at the next Olympic games.

And, while the snackability rate is possible in theory, after a handful or two, I’m good. These quell any apple pie craving, but they’re not my favorites. I commend the presence of calcium and whole grains and actual applesauce, but the apple flavor gets dull after a bit and I’m ready to move on.

In the end, these grahams came, saw, and were eaten, and, by all the pigeons in Central Park, I do declare they delivered on their promise. At the same time, they don’t quite fill the cookie craving in my soul. If you hoard your Granny Smiths at the spark of fall’s harvest or have dreamed of small crisps that evoke apple pie crust, these may be right up your alley. For me, they get a gold star for being pleasant, but haven’t yet reached a caliber of greatness.

(Nutrition Facts – 24 pieces – 130 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 10% calcium, 10% iron, and 10% zinc.)

Item: Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple
Purchased Price: $2.88
Size: 10 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Predominant thought while eating is, “Pretty good.” Tastes like real apples in graham form. Real applesauce. Calcium. Whole grains. A cookie that doesn’t explode my cholesterol levels. In the shape of a bear. Secret agent skills. 90s workout videos.
Cons: Predominant thought while eating is, “Pretty good.” Could use a pinch of cinnamon. Apple flavor gets overbearing. Doesn’t quite fill cookie craving. Foreboding natural disasters. Realizing my dependency on calculators. There is no “Chewing” competition at the Olympics.

There ain’t no party like a Limited Edition Totino’s Mexican Style Party Pizza Party cuz a Limited Edition Totino’s Mexican Style Party Pizza Party stops when the Limited Edition Totino’s Mexican Style Party Pizza Party runs out. (Spotted by Adam at Walmart.)

Nature Valley making something other than granola? Have I been transported to another dimension where Nature Valley makes only oatmeal products and Quaker makes only granola products? (Spotted by Bobby at Woodman’s.)

Oh, thank goodness! I don’t have a big enough stomach to eat a a full-sized DiGiorno Pizza Dipping Strips. Oh, who am I kidding? I do. (Spotted by Marvo at Safeway.)

Wow! Cracker Jack is pumping out new varieties like it’s on crack. (Spotted by Cortney at CVS.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Throughout the course of human history, it becomes necessary, at certain times when the illusion of progress has been reached, to stretch culinary creativity even further.

Especially in fast food lest we become too far accustomed to dry hamburger patties on stale sesame seed buns or rubbery egg byproducts adorned with nothing more than cold, unmelted processed “cheese.”

In 2009, it was the Double Down. More recently, it was the fusing of chip and taco for Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Tacos. Shocking, innovative, delicious, and perhaps even life threatening in copious amounts? No doubt. But completely freaking worth it.

But has such innovation been available before 10:30 AM?

No.

So with an eye towards pushing the envelope of acceptable gluttony at the breakfast table even beyond the realms of Fruity Pebbles consumed with half-and-half while sitting naked in front of reruns of Looney Tunes*, Dunkin’ Donuts has unveiled the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich.

To be honest, I wasn’t surprised when I heard about it. Don’t get me wrong, I was excited to try the sandwich, but not in the OMG shock-and-awe kind of excitement that resonates in middle school text message conversations. Personally, I’ve been eating salty and meaty things on donuts for years.

What with the proximity of Burger King and Krispy Kreme in Salt Lake City Airport’s Terminal B, it was inevitable during my money-strapped and homesick college days that those two worlds would collide in a surprisingly tasty combination. And given the burgeoning popularity of any number of Luther Burger designs, I know I’m not the only one who has been waiting for the mainstream acceptance of using a donut as a bun.

Boasting a pepper-fried egg and cherrywood-smoked bacon, the sandwich comes out just like any of Dunkin’s other toasted sandwiches — an employee zaps the egg and bacon in a microwave/toaster oven/silver box I presume cooks (or at the very least warms) the food, and then the contents are assembled on the bread of choice. I didn’t ask if I could get the sandwich with another type of donut, but the Original Glazed is a no brainer.

However, Dunkin’s Glazed Donut has its flaws. Namely, it’s a bit on the petite side, and doesn’t have the kind of homemade rise that really, really good donuts have. But it’s still light and airy with that sweetly rich taste of fried dough that makes eating a donut much more pleasant than eating…Well, celery or some crap like that.

I especially liked how the flavors of the fried egg and bacon, oozing their own buttery and pork fat juices, respectively, seeped inside of the donut. It’s like someone decided to put sweet cream butter on a donut. Why has no one thought to do that before?

Anyways, the glaze, while slightly chipped in places and not boasting 100 percent topside coverage, had been warmed in the radiant heat of the wrapper, resurrecting it to a fresh baked, slightly gooey, and stick-to-your-fingers texture that will leave you licking your lips hours after finishing.

As for the pepper fried egg and cherrywood bacon, both were good, but not that good. The egg had a decent flavor with some saltiness and butteriness. It didn’t, however, have a crisp fried egg texture. And the only thing the black pepper specks added to the party was a hint of disjointedness with the donut’s sweetness.

The bacon was good, but limp. They were the standard fast food precooked strips that (ironically) many fast food restaurants are moving away from these days. Lacking crunch or a pronounced smoke flavor, I didn’t pick up on the cherrywood and missed what could have been a real textural contrast with the donut. Worse yet, I even managed to pick up a slightly burnt taste on the edges of one the stripes.

However, despite the bacon’s faults and it being cliché to say sandwiches scream for more bacon when all other attempts at improvement fail, this donut sandwich needs more damn bacon!

I also have to admit the sandwich is already a bit awkward to eat given its construction. Wrapped tightly in paper, the donut itself is compressed and somewhat steamed by the warm contents of the egg and bacon. That combination causes the donut’s underside to break down like a helpless burger bun battling against too much fat and moisture from a seeping patty.

Thusly, attempting to pick it up and eat it like an actual sandwich is a recipe for getting donut goo on yourself. I don’t mind so much because I think donut goo could make an attractive moisturizer or cologne.

Dunkin’ Donut’s new Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is innovative, but messy. It’s good, but not great. It’s well thought out, but not executed well. In short, it’s not all that it could be, and not all that fast food junkies demand it should be. Still, for those spurred on by a bit of impulse and a hankering to try something new for their morning (or afternoon) routine, it’s an enjoyable bite of sweet and salty.

*Hypothetically speaking, of course.

(Nutrition Facts – 360 calories, 180 calories from fat, 20 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 720 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.)

Other Dunkin’ Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich reviews:
Grub Grade
Junk Food Guy

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich
Purchased Price: $3.39
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Another affirmation of team sweet ‘n salty in the fast food world. Glazed donut gets resurrected in an gooey way. Egg patty has surprisingly good flavor. Tastes like a buttered glazed donut. Less calories than Dunkin’s “healthy” Turkey Sausage Sandwich.
Cons: Doesn’t go big or bold enough. Bacon lacks crunch or cherry smoke flavor. Pepper fried egg is not actually fried in butter, but instead infused with “Natural Sautéed Flavor.” Messy. Awkward to eat. Doesn’t feel quite worth its price tag.

Here are a few reviews posted this past week from other blogs we follow.

If you burn your mouth with the toasted marshmallow in a s’more, you can get some relief and continue to have that s’mores flavor in your mouth with this. (via On Second Scoop)

Sir Kensington now has mayonnaise. Maybe with this classy mayo I can make a sub sandwich taste more like a yacht sandwich. (via Foodette Reviews)

Bubblegum Peeps? How about some chicken-flavored Peeps? (via Candy Blog)

Get the flavor of a McDonald’s Big Mac without the Big Mac price and, at the same time, probably irritate McDonald’s employees by ordering this custom sandwich. (via Brand Eating)

You could put a Mountain Dew Code Red between your lips. Or you could put Mountain Dew Code Red on your lips and then put Mountain Dew Code Red on someone else’s lips. (via Soda Tasting)

If these Lean Cuisine entrees are honestly good, then does that mean Lean Cuisine’s other frozen entrees are liars? And if I stick them in the microwave for too long, will their pants catch on fire? (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

I just learned oikos means family or house. Thank you, internet! (Spotted by Kelcey at Fresh Grocer.)

Turn vanilla ice cream into a liquidless root beer float with Smucker’s Magic Shell Root Beer. Or if you miss the liquid, just wait with it for a few minutes in the summer sun. (Spotted by Eric at Winn Dixie.)

Tsssss. Tsssss. Tsssss. I’m just making the sizzling sounds these Smart Ones Pork Carnitas Fajitas probably won’t make. Or I’m licking my finger and touching myself with it to show how hot I am. (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Are you allergic to peanuts? Are you also allergic to chocolate? If so, I regret to inform you that Skippy has just released a new product that you won’t be able to eat. It’s the new Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate! (Aren’t you excited, Mr. Allergies?)

Actually, I wish I was a bit more excited myself. In all honesty, the peanut butter and chocolate combination has been done countless times in the past, and I just don’t see a reason to go nuts (get it?) over a new peanut butter chocolate combination spread.

Skippy better blow my mind with this one. Truthfully, I’m expecting this to taste like a spreadable Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. (My PB & Choc standards are set high, I know.)

Opening up the jar, we find a dark, creamy substance reminiscent in color of Ferrero’s Nutella, though not quite as dark. In fact, the label even informs me that this peanut butter contains sixty percent less sugar than Nutella. (Could it be anywhere as addictive as Nutella, though? Does it contain sixty percent less crystal meth?)

Before I even had the chance to slather my upper lip in peanut butter like some peanut-crazed version of Clarice Starling during the autopsy scene of The Silence of the Lambs, I noticed the strong scent of this Skippy peanut butter. Wow, it smells exactly like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Surprising, right?

First, I tasted the peanut butter straight, digging out of the jar using only a spoon. When eaten alone, the peanut butter tastes remarkably similar to Reese’s Pieces and less like a Reese’s Cup. The chocolate and peanut butter flavors mix together into a thick, creamy, and tasty spread.

Next, I decided to dip anything I could find into the peanut butter. Cookies. Cakes. Fruits. Small animals. Homeless people. You name it, I dipped it. (I must say, dipping a homeless person into the peanut butter was a bit difficult. I only managed to fit Stinky Greg’s hand inside of the jar before he shanked me.)

Most of what I dipped (aside from Stinky Greg) tasted great along with the peanut butter. At first, the chocolate taste shines through and really complements the peanut butter. Because it’s a bit less thick compared to Nutella, it also spreads pretty well.

Unfortunately, as I ate more and more of this peanut butter, it seemed to lose its chocolatey taste, and the peanut flavor of the spread became most prevalent in each bite. For this reason, I found the prolonged taste to be disappointing. Furthermore, I failed to notice that this peanut butter is mixed with dark chocolate and not regular milk chocolate. Dark chocolate has a distinct sort of cocoa sweetness, which was definitely unidentifiable in this peanut butter spread. I can’t really say that Skippy has impressed me with this one.

Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate provides a pleasant chocolate and peanut butter taste, but its chocolate flavor slowly becomes masked the more it is eaten. Although the spread is enjoyable, I find it largely unmemorable. I recommend Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate to hardcore fans of the peanut and chocolate combination who might be able to overlook its flaws.

Just don’t try dipping any homeless people into it.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp – 200 calories, 130 calories from fat, 14 grams of total fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 12 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein.)

Item: Skippy Natural Peanut Butter Spread with Dark Chocolate
Purchased Price: $3.04
Size: 15 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant mixture of peanut and chocolate flavors. Tastes similar to Reese’s Pieces. Impersonating characters from The Silence of the Lambs.
Cons:Seems to lose chocolate flavor as more is eaten. Chocolate doesn’t taste like dark chocolate. Being shanked by Stinky Greg.