REVIEW: Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts

Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts



It’s as if my mouth has been turned into a portal to Hell and demons and molten lava are bursting out of it. Please make it stop. MAKE IT STOP!

It’s so hot I may never taste again because my taste buds have been destroyed by the heat. Not even ice water can soothe the scalding feeling in my mouth. It feels like I just spent seven minutes in heaven with a fire breathing dragon. IT’S SO HOT! Tell my family that I love them.

The previous words are what I might’ve said if the Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts was five alarm spicy, but I think Planters is being a bit generous by calling it “Five Alarm Chili.” Even if they called it Planters Four Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts, I’d still think they were overstating how spicy they are.

But then again, me likey the spicy so I may have different standards than other people when it comes to spiciness. Over the years, I’ve eaten a lot of spicy foods and during that time I’ve come up with my own spicy food scale.

One Alarm – Light burn. Quickly dissipates. Water isn’t necessary.

Two Alarm – Mild burn. Lingers a little. Sips of water might be needed.

Three Alarm – Good burn. A little bit of sweating. Large swigs of water necessary. Makes me slightly uncomfortable.

Four Alarm – Really good burn. Face excreting sweat and tears. Glasses of water necessary. Milk would be a better option. A little regret.

Five Alarm – Holy Hell that is hot! Face excreting sweat, tears, and snot. Water won’t help. My mouth screams for ice cream to cool it down. Lots of regret. Praying it’s not as spicy going out as it was going in. Lots of leftovers that may not get eaten due to fear.

Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts Closeup

If I had to place the Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts somewhere on my spiciness scale, I’d probably consider it to be Two Alarm spicy. However, I’m fine with that because if it were any spicier, the heat might’ve overshadowed the peanut’s flavor, which is quite good.

When I popped one in my mouth it had a pleasant onion and garlic flavor at first and then the chili pepper flavor quickly followed along with the heat. Unfortunately, the flavoring comes in the form of a powdery coating that doesn’t stick well to the peanuts so most of it ends up at the bottom of the bottle.

Even though I scoffed at Planters for calling these slightly spicy peanuts “Five Alarm,” I have to say I enjoyed scoffing them down in handfuls.

Other Planters Fire Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts reviews:
Junk Food Guy
Brand Eating
Mikey’s Kitchen

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 39 pieces – 160 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 4.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Item: Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 1 pound
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Combination of flavor and spiciness is addictive. Spiciness doesn’t overpower the flavor. Awesome source of mono- and polyunsaturated fats.
Cons: Not five alarm spicy. Seasoning doesn’t stick well on the peanuts. Eating spicy Five Alarm foods. Spending seven minutes in heaven with a fire breathing dragon.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 11/5/2011

London 2012 Olympic Mascot Wenlock

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Soooo…the mascot for the London Olympics…um, what is it supposed to be? With the gigantic eye, I’m guessing it represents the thousands of closed-circuit television surveillance cameras all over London. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Paper hole puncher review! Or as I like to call them, confetti makers. Or as janitorial people call them, The Devil. (via Office Supply Geek)

I’m disappointed this Alaskan wilderness trail mix doesn’t contain bear, moose, salmon, or crude oil. (via Foodette Reviews)

Bazooka Gum has a comic strip on its wrapper. The wrappers on these Maoam chews have what I assume are Kama Sutra position instructions. (via Candyblog)

REVIEW: Cinnamon M&M’s

Cinnamon M&M's

When I heard about Crispy M&M’s, I celebrated by eating a spoonful of Rice Krispies. So when I learned about Cinnamon M&M’s, I thought I’d celebrate in a similar fashion and eat a spoonful of cinnamon.

However, it turns out eating cinnamon powder is really hard to do. If only, I searched on YouTube using the words “cinnamon fail” before my celebratory cinnamon consuming, then I would’ve seen the dozens of failed cinnamon eating attempts that involved lots of coughing.

A bag of Cinnamon M&M’s contains candy with four different colored shells: red, dark red, dark brown, and darker brown. Although, at different angles, it kind of looks like there are only three. They also come in different sizes. Some are the same size of regular M&M’s, while others are just as big as Peanut M&M’s or a size in between.

The candy has a pleasant, but very faint, sweet cinnamon flavor and it goes well with the milk chocolate. You’ll probably get more cinnamon flavor if you were to open your mouth downwind from some poor man or woman who just failed at eating a spoonful of cinnamon. Unfortunately, for some strange reason, that very faint flavor pretty much disappears after eating four or five pieces, and it tastes as if you’re eating regular M&M’s.

Cinnamon M&M's Closeup

I thought the disappearance of cinnamon flavor was weird so I decided to do some experiments, and I’ve come to the conclusion that not all the pieces of candy in a bag of Cinnamon M&M’s have cinnamon in them. (Oh wait, the ingredients list doesn’t list it as cinnamon, instead it’s listed as “Natural Flavor.”) I believe the small dark brown pieces taste like regular M&M’s, while the red and dark red pieces have cinnamon flavor.

I did eat several red pieces in a row and the cinnamon flavor didn’t fade, so perhaps the disappearance of the cinnamon flavor when I first ate them could be attributed to me not eating more red pieces. I’d find out for sure, but I’ve already gone through half of the bag while writing this review.

One last thing. It’s been several minutes since I ate my last Cinnamon M&M, but it left behind a slightly cinnamon-y, slightly weird taste in my mouth. I wish I had some cinnamon gum to get rid of it.

The seasonal Cinnamon M&M’s are a nice tangent from the usual flavors, but its subdued cinnamon flavor doesn’t make me want to start a Facebook campaign to get Mars Inc. to make it a regular year-round flavor.

(Nutrition Facts – 1.5 ounces – 210 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Cinnamon M&M’s
Price: $2.99
Size: 9.9 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant cinnamon flavor. It’s another M&M’s flavor. Candy comes in a variety of sizes and colors. Crispy M&M’s.
Cons: Faint cinnamon flavor. Not all of the pieces seem to have cinnamon flavor. Where are Crispy M&M’s? Left a weird taste in my mouth. Trying to eat a spoonful of cinnamon.

NEWS: Cinnamon M&M’s May Brighten Your Holidays and Help You Forget About Crispy M&M’s


Update: Click here to read our Cinnamon M&M’s review

If you love cinnamon and M&M’s, get ready to have your tongue’s mind blown because Mars just released Cinnamon M&M’s, according to this tweet from online grocer ShopFoodEx:

Perhaps the coolest new item in ages is now available…Cinnamon M&M’s. They are a seasonal item and we only have 1 case in stock.

Yup, Cinnamon M&M’s are hitting shelves now.

Update: Shameful Pantry already has a review of them.

Sure, it’s not Crispy M&M’s, but it’s a nice holiday surprise and if they end up being really good, I may forget about Crispy M&M’s.

If you tried Cinnamon M&M’s, let us know what you think about them in the comments below.

Source: ShopFoodEx Twitter

Image via Shameful Pantry