REVIEW: Mountain Dew Dark Berry

Mountain Dew Dark Berry

The new, limited time only Mountain Dew Dark Berry is Mountain Dew with a blast of mixed berry. I think it’s fitting that this new Mountain Dew is berry flavored because berry is the fruit of justice.

Actually, I’m not 100 percent sure berry is the fruit of justice. But, when I say, “berry is the fruit of justice” in Batman’s raspy voice, it makes it sound like it is. Although, now that I think about it, if I said, “kumquats are the fruits of justice” or “cherimoya is the fruit of justice” in Batman’s voice, they also sound legit.

Actually, I don’t think there is a fruit of justice. There’s the TV show Sword of Justice, the Super Friends’ Hall of Justice, King Henry I was known as the Lion of Justice, and there’s 1990 National League Rookie of the Year David Justice, but no fruit of justice. Well, berry should be the fruit of justice because berries and justice can both end up sweet or sour.

I should let you know I wrote the previous paragraphs with Christian Bale’s Batman voice in my head. Well, I think it’s Christian Bale’s Batman voice, because I kind of forgot what it sounds like. So instead of re-watching the Christopher Nolan Batman movies, I just did a mashup with Keanu Reeves’ voice from The Matrix with Nicolas Cage’s voice from any movie he’s been in.

Mountain Dew Dark Berry, or as the lazy bottle says, Mtn Dew Dark Berry, has a dark purple color, which is fitting because purple is the color of justice.

Okay, again, I’m not 100 percent sure purple is the color of justice, but it might be because purple is the color of Daphne’s dress in Scooby Doo, and Scooby Doo is all about justice. Yes, I’m totally stretching it, but I really wish this Dew was blue in color so I could say blue is the color of justice because it’s one of the siren light colors on top of cop cars.

Mountain Dew Dark Berry has a berry aroma and flavor very similar to Mountain Dew Voltage, the raspberry citrus-flavored Dew that won the first Dewmocracy. Although, Dark Berry is supposed to be mixed berry, it tastes mostly like raspberries and at times it reminds me of a Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pop. There’s also the obligatory citrus flavor in Mountain Dew Dark Berry, but it’s subDEWed.

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Mountain Dew Dark Berry Closeup

I like Mountain Dew Dark Berry because it has a pleasant, sweet berry flavor with a hint of citrus, and a decent amount of sweet, sweet caffeine (91 mg per 20-ounce bottle). But just like Batman is haunted by the images of his parents being murdered in front of him, I can’t get out of my mind that I’ve had this Mountain Dew flavor before.

(Disclosure: I received this bottle of Mountain Dew Dark Berry for free from the folks at Mountain Dew in order to review it. I should also disclose I’m Batman.)

(Nutrition Facts – 20 ounces – 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 77 grams of carbohydrates, 77 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Mountain Dew Dark Berry
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: Received from the folks at Mountain Dew
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Nice berry flavor. Sweet, sweet caffeine. The rebooted Batman series. Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pops. Reading this review out loud using Christian Bale’s Batman voice.
Cons: Tastes too much like another Mountain Dew flavor. Might be too sweet for some. Remember that time Jim Carrey was The Riddler? The Dark Knight Rises is the last Christopher Nolan Batman movie.

REVIEW: Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts Candy Bar

Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts Candy Bar

Who doesn’t want things when they want them? For a culture that has found a way to hasten the delivery of materials in nearly every facet of life, we have yet to master the forever elusive and infinitely-adored Girl Scout Cookie. Unavailable anywhere but from the hands of the enterprising young scouts themselves, these cookies cannot be a more prized item. I’ve seen grown adults hoard these delicious treats like canned peaches in a 1962 bomb shelter.

One guy I knew could fill a tractor trailer with all the boxes of Tagalongs he’d stockpiled through the years. Another friend packed a large freezer in her garage with boxes upon boxes of Thin Mints, swearing that they tasted even better partially-thawed. All of this makes me believe that after the apocalypse, only two things will populate the earth: Cockroaches and frozen boxes of Samoas.

However, every year, the rest of us are forced to wait until Girl Scout Cookies go on sale. I know that when that much-anticipated order form starts making the rounds at the office, delicious and enticing visions of Thin Mints and my beloved Trefoils begin to dance through my head. But having a whole box of cookies (or more) to yourself is a spare-tire-inducing event. Good thing the Girl Scouts have teamed up with Nestlé to create Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Girl Scouts candy bars. Now I can have the taste of authentic Girl Scout cookies in a bite-sized package TODAY. For a limited time.

Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts Candy Bar Bars

Since Thin Mints are the most popular Girl Scout Cookie of all time, it makes sense to review the Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts candy bar. True fans will not be disappointed. The Nestlé Crunch Thin Mints candy bar is a very nice amalgamation of everything we love about original Crunch bars and Thin Mints: “Dark chocolate cookie wafers and mint chocolate créme, topped with airy crispies.” You get two bars in a wrapper, so it’s double the pleasure, double the fun. The candy tastes like the real thing except for the “airy crispie” bits, but those add a nice texture.

If you think about it, these Nestlé Crunch Thin Mints candy bars are like an ultra-light, super-portable box of cookies! Way to go, Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts candy bars! Yes, that’s an overly wordy title for something with a delightfully simple flavor. They’ve definitely got the “mint” part down with the tasty créme, but the “thin” part must have (thankfully) been lost in translation because these bars are pretty thick and coated in dense dark chocolate. You can’t go wrong with more dark chocolate.

Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts Candy Bar Innards

Also, the layered cookie wafers create a more delicate crunch than the original Thin Mint cookies which is pretty awesome. We’re talking crispy — As crispy as your burnout neighbor in college who always wore socks with soccer sandals and kept showing up asking if you had any salsa.

Those of us who adore Thin Mints may agree that waiting for Thin Mints to come out once per year is a real trial, so the Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts candy bars are a nice stop-gap. Impatient cookie hoarders rejoice!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 200 calories, 100 fat calories, 11 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 0% Calcium, 4% Iron, 10% Vitamin C, and 0% Vitamin A.)

Item: Nestlé Crunch Limited Edition Thin Mints Girl Scouts Candy Bar
Purchased Price: $1.19
Size: 1.3 ounces (36.8 grams)
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Cookie hoarding. Dense dark chocolate coating. Airy crispies. Double your pleasure.
Cons: Having to wait 12 months for delicious Girl Scout Cookies. Socks with sandals. Spare tires. Only available for a limited time.

NEWS: McDonald’s Offering Frappé Chocolate Chip To Cool You Down This Summer and Spicy Chicken McBites To Do The Opposite

McDonald's

Although not as vast as what Burger King is offering during this summer, McDonald’s has a couple of new products available for a limited time — the Frappé Chocolate Chip and Spicy Chicken McBites.

The Spicy Chicken McBites were being tested in certain regions over the past few months, but now they’re being rolled out nationwide. They’re available in the same three sizes regular Chicken McBites come in: snack, regular, and shareable. An Immovable Feast posted a quick review.

A regular size Spicy Chicken McBites has 410 calories, 25 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 890 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, and 21 grams of protein.

While I expected the Spicy Chicken McBites to be available nationwide, I didn’t see the McCafé Frappé Chocolate Chip coming. The creamy, blended beverage combines ice, a caramel coffee frappe base, a mocha coffee frappe base, and chocolate chips, all of which is topped with whipped cream and a double fisted dose of caramel and chocolate drizzles.

A medium Chocolate Chip Frappé has 630 calories, 28 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 89 grams of carbohydrates, 81 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 9 grams of protein.

NEWS: ZzzQuil Is Not A Fake Product Made Up By The Onion

ZzzQuil

Update: Click here to read our Vicks ZzzQuil review

You know how on the packaging for NyQuil there’s a warning to let people know they shouldn’t be operating heavy machinery after taking it. Well, the folks at Vicks NyQuil have a new product that shouldn’t be taken before operating any heavy machinery — ZzzQuil.

I’m not making that name up. That is what this new over-the-counter sleeping aid to help occasional sleeplessness is called.

The active ingredient in ZzzQuil is diphenhydramine HCI. According to the ZzzQuil website, the diphenhydramine acts as an antihistamine blah, blah, blah… Ugh. That explanation is so boring, it’s putting me to sleep. I guess ZzzQuil is so powerful that explaining it makes me drowsy.

While ZzzQuil comes from the same folks who brought us the sleep inducing, NyQuil, it doesn’t help with colds or the flu like NyQuil does. ZzzQuil comes in a berry-flavored liquid version and in LiquiCap form.

NEWS: Make A Part of Your Complete Breakfast Patriotic With Limited Edition American Apple Pie Pop-Tarts

My Apple Pie

At the rate Kellogg’s is going, I predict, within 10 years, there will be a Pop-Tart for every possible occasion.

There’s pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, Spookylicious Chocolate Fudge for Halloween, Spring Berry for spring, Gingerbread for Christmas, and every other Pop-Tarts flavor for 4/20. Now there’s Limited Edition Frosted American Apple Pie Pop-Tarts for the Fourth of July.

I hope they make a Columberry Pop-Tart for Columbus Day next.

I’m looking forward to trying this new apple flavor because back in the 1980s the frosted apple one was my favorite, and I’m hoping this one comes close to it. Although, the Limited Edition Frosted American Apple Pie Pop-Tarts don’t have much frosting on top. Instead, it looks like a first grader is practicing his or her lower case cursive L’s with a White Out pen.