REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie

Ben & Jerry's Hannah Teter's Maple Blondie

I don’t think I’ve ever met a flavor of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream that I didn’t like, even their new Limited Batch Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie. I don’t know if I like them all because I’m high or because they’re high. If I were high, I’d think anything tastes awesome. But I think it’s them who are high, because I don’t get high and I believe the only way anyone could create the flavors they come up with is if they’re under the influence of a little marijuana, or as they probably call it in Vermont, where Ben & Jerry’s headquarters is located, Burlington Buzz.

If this is the case, I imagine the conversation that eventually led to the creation of Maple Blondie went something like this:

(NOTE: The following conversation would be a lot better if you imagine Cheech and Chong having it.)

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: Hey man, I wanna make an ice cream for Olympic gold medalist Hannah Teter.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: What? You want to make a bong out of a heater?

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: No man, an ice cream for Hannah Teter. She’s from Vermont, man.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: Oh yeah, man. That would be awesome. What should we put in it?

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: I don’t know. Let me think about it while I smoke a bowl.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: Aw man. I’m gonna do the same thing.

Five minutes later

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: Hey man, what are we doing?

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: I forgot. Naw, naw, man. I remember. We wanted to make a flavor for Hannah Teter.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: Aw yeah man. That’s right.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: She’s from Vermont, so we should put in things that Vermont is known for.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: So what is Vermont known for?

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: Burlington Buzz?

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: Naw man, we can’t put Burlington Buzz in an ice cream. Burlington Buzz only goes great with brownies.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: Oh man, we should put brownies in the ice cream.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: Oh, that’s sweet, man. But we still need to add an ingredient Vermont is known for.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: Burlington Buzz?

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: Naw man, we can’t do that. I need to think about this. Pass me that bong we made from that Vermont maple syrup bottle.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: Aw man, remember we broke it when we were partying with Phish. But I have another bottle. All we have to do is get rid of the maple syrup in it.

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #1: Man, we should use that maple syrup in an ice cream. Maple ice cream would be good. What should we mix with the maple ice cream?

Ben & Jerry’s Worker #2: Burlington Buzz?

Ben & Jerry’s Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie consists of maple ice cream with blonde brownie chunks and a maple caramel swirl. The maple ice cream by itself has a mild flavor, but when eaten with the maple caramel swirl, it reminds me of a Werther’s Original butterscotch candy. The blonde brownie chunks, which I wish there were more of in the pint, have a brown sugar flavor to them. They also add a chewy and very slightly gritty texture to the ice cream.

Overall, the Ben & Jerry’s Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie is a very good ice cream that’s a great representation of Vermont — from the sweetness of the maple syrup to how cold it can get in the area. It’s an ice cream that Burlington Buzz smokers will love.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 240 calories, 11 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A and 10% calcium.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie reviews:
On Second Scoop
Hamburger Calculus

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie
Price: $3.99
Size: One Pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Very good. Maple ice cream with the maple caramel swirl tastes like a Werther’s Original. Brownie chunks provide a nice chewiness. Made from cows that aren’t treated with rBGH. Proceeds go to help Teter’s charity, which helps a village in Africa. Making a bong out of a maple syrup bottle.
Cons: Not enough brownie chunks. Maple ice cream itself has a mild flavor. Might be too sweet for some. Forgetting what you’re trying to accomplish.

PRIZE DRAWING: Because All Of You Aren’t Willing To Fly Thousands Of Miles To Buy SPAM-Flavored Macadamia Nuts

After reading TIB’s review of SPAM-flavored macadamia nuts, some of you were puzzled by the idea of a mystery meat-flavored nut. Some of you were disgusted. And some of you were like, “Hell yeah! I gots to get my hands on that shit!”

If you want some, here’s your opportunity to win some. The Impulsive Buy is giving away a 4.5-ounce can to five lucky readers.

Now some of you might not want SPAM-flavored macadamia nuts, but that shouldn’t stop you from entering because the SPAM coating comes right off under cold water, leaving you with regular macadamia nuts.

To enter this prize drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. Say whatever you like: A haiku about how much you love SPAM, a sonnet about how much you hate SPAM, the letter M or your favorite line in Return of the Jedi (which is probably “It’s a trap!”).

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Sunday, January 24, 2010 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s open to everyone who’s 18 years old or older.

Good luck and may the Force be with you!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you something with “t2r9u3 hgori 4thej ulfkjsdlf” in the subject line. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you junk mail that’s addressed to “Current Resident.” Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or Mark McGwire’s inability to get me to believe the steroids were for “health reasons” and nothing more.


Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

It was Brit Week at Gigi Reviews. (via Gigi Reviews)

I believe Jackie Chan should stop starring in American films and make another Police Story movie with an action sequence that involves a vacuum cleaner and/or a shopping cart. Also, with a Sammo Hung cameo. (via Pajiba)

You would think Necco would try to improve their Sweethearts Valentine’s Candy, since it’s the worst candy you can give someone you love, but nope, they did the opposite. (via Candyblog)

I don’t need an energy drink to flirt. All I need is me, myself and I, an IM chat client and my internet anonymity. (via Energy Fiend)

I’d really like to see Special K come up with a diet that only involves their new fruit crisps. (via Yum Yucky)

You may think this review of two holiday fast food milkshakes doesn’t matter because the holiday season has passed. But I say nay, my friend. This review isn’t late, it’s extremely early. Because they’ll probably bring back the shakes next holiday season. (via Hamburger Calculus)

REVIEW: Macadamia Nuts with SPAM

Macadamia Nuts with SPAM

To Hawaii residents, macadamia nuts are like flowers and most of the stuff at Spencer’s, they’re not something they would buy for themselves.

However, that may change thanks to these Macadamia Nuts with SPAM, which combines the canned nut tourists love to buy with the flavor people in the other 49 states don’t understand why Hawaii residents enjoy.

Even for me, someone who enjoys the taste of SPAM, the combination made me scratch my head. When I first saw a picture of the can, I thought it was a heavily Photoshopped creation, like Tara Reid’s recent spread in Playboy. But even when I saw it with my own eyes and held a can in my hand, I still couldn’t quite believe it and thought fake snakes were going to jump out when I opened it.

But that didn’t happen. The only thing that jumped out was the scent of macadamia nuts with a noticeable amount of SPAM. Each nut has a slight pink powdery coating, which makes sense since a SPAM product wouldn’t be one if it didn’t come in the pink hue that even disgusts the pink-loving Hello Kitty.

While looking at them, all I could think about was whether they would be gross, like the Playboy pictorial of former WWF wrestler Chyna, or disappointing, like Olivia Munn’s safe-for-work Playboy photos.

Macadamia Nuts with SPAM Closeup

Fortunately, they were neither.

While there’s definitely a SPAM flavor, it’s not overpowering and the combination of the mystery meat and macadamia nuts was surprisingly tasty. While I prefer to have my macadamia nuts dipped in sweet chocolate, the SPAM coating is a good savory option, even though the idea of SPAM in pink powdered form is kind of unsettling, like Marge Simpson posing in Playboy.

But, again, I enjoy the taste of SPAM.

If you don’t like SPAM, you’ll probably avoid these Macadamia Nuts with SPAM, much like how I avoided the issue of Playboy with Heidi Montag on the cover.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 200 calories, 20 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 145 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 4% iron.)

Other Macadamia Nuts with SPAM reviews:
The Tasty Island

Item: Macadamia Nuts with SPAM
Price: $4.99
Size: 4.5 ounces
Purchased at: Longs Drugs
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mystery meat and macadamia nuts are a surprisingly tasty combination. SPAM flavor isn’t overpowering. My knowledge of celebrities who have been in Playboy. The monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats in macadamia nuts. Makes a great WTF gift. Olivia Munn.
Cons: Not for those who don’t like SPAM. Pink powder on them makes them look a little frightening. Marge Simpson, Chyna and Heidi Montag in Playboy. Olivia Munn’s non-nude Playboy photos. Only available in Hawaii.

NEWS: Vitaminwater Connect Gives Facebook Users Something Appropriate To Spit Out When They Find Out Via Facebook The Ex They Still Think About Is Now Married

Last year, Vitaminwater allowed their Facebook fans to create a new flavor and the result of that is Vitaminwater Connect. The newest beverage from the Coke-owned company is a black cherry-lime flavored water that contains eight “key nutrients” and caffeine. Sadly, none of the ingredients in the beverage were grown via FarmVille.

As with all flavors of Vitaminwater, it contains the obligatory light-hearted copy in all lowercase letters:

“we caught you. no use denying it. your fingerprints are all over this bottle. after connecting on Facebook, you voted on the flavor & designed the label—it was great having you do all the work! and since you’ve been so busy pretending not to notice friend requests for about 3 days, posting pics of events (that you’re still at), and clicking through photos of ‘friends’ you barely know (ever get nervous they can tell?), better crack open this bottle. it’s got 8 key nutrients from vitamin a to zing plus caffeine to give you some extra energy… because based on last night’s pics, it looks like you’ve got some serious untagging to do.”

It won’t be available until March, but you can kill some of that time by playing Mafia Wars or Bejeweled Blitz.