REVIEW: Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink

On the front of the Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink can it describes the exotic car maker as, “A high quality brand with over 25 years of unique style; a mix of power, elegance and creative engineering. For both men and women with character all of their own, who refuse to go unnoticed. Tonino Lamborghini: classic by definition, audacious by nature.”

However, I prefer to describe the Italian automaker as, “An extremely expensive brand with over a quarter of a century of making cars that almost all of us can only dream of driving and have a fuel inefficiency of 10-12 miles per gallon. For both douchebags and rappers who have money to burn, get off on the common folk staring at them with envy and have small penises to compensate for. Tonino Lamborghini: difficult to drive over speed bumps by design, extremely high car insurance premiums by nature.”

While, today, I may think Lamborghinis are extravagant and fuel-inefficient small penis compensators, I didn’t feel this way when I was 10 years old. Back then, the Lamborghini Countach was my dream car, thanks to twin Autobots Sideswipe and Sunstreaker who both transformed into Countaches.

Of course, back then I didn’t know Lamborghinis were the same price as some houses and that I would never be able to afford one. I liked them because they were fast, looked futuristic and the name Lamborghini expanded my Italian vocabulary beyond just pizza, spaghetti, lasagna and mamma mia.

The Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink is much like any Lamborghini sports car. It’s pricey at $1.79 per 8-ounce can; I can buy a 16-ounce Monster Energy Drink for $1.99. It’s hard to find. And buying it makes me feel like a douchebag.

This energy drink is not only like a Lamborghini sports car, it’s also like a Red Bull because it tastes just like it. However, I don’t think it’s as smooth as a Red Bull and it doesn’t give me wings. It’s also disappointing that as an energy drink inspired by a high-octane sports car it doesn’t have more of an energy kick. With only 80 milligrams of caffeine and 100 milligrams of taurine, it doesn’t provide much energy for me.

Overall, the Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink is a slightly cheaper Red Bull replacement. Yes, I wrote that the Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink is expensive, but Red Bull is even more so and I consider it to be the Bugatti of energy drinks.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can/8.4 ounces – 128 calories, 0 grams of fat, 252 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 29 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, 125% niacin, 100% pantothenic acid, 385% vitamin B6, 208% vitamin B12, 100 milligrams of taurine and 80 milligrams of caffeine.)

Other Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink reviews:
What I Drink At Work

Item: Tonino Lamborghini Energy Drink
Price: $1.79
Size: 8.4 ounces
Purchased at: Nijiya Market
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes just like Red Bull. Multilingual can. Autobots Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. No high fructose corn syrup. Cheaper Red Bull replacement.
Cons: Pricey for an 8-ounce energy drink, when compared with a $1.99 16-ounce Monster Energy Drink. Hard to find. Buying it makes me feel like a douchebag. Only 80 milligrams of caffeine. Awesome source of sugar. Compensating for a small penis with the purchase of an exotic car.

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 9/25/2010

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

I didn’t know there were Xbox 360 controller-shaped caffeinated soaps. I guess it’ll give me something else to play with while in the shower. (via Possessed By Caffeine)

Wrigley produced chewing gums that are supposed to taste like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and Strawberry Shortcake. Hey, Wrigley! You know what would make a great flavor for gum? Listerine. Or meat. (via Foodette Reviews and Snack Love)

If I don’t get a Ghostbusters 3 movie next year, the only way I could cope is by toasting Stay Puft Caffeinated Marshmallows with a proton pack stream. (via Caffeine-A-Holic)

If you want to consume 1,800 milligrams of caffeine and 37,500 percent of your daily recommended intake of vitamin B12 at one time, now you can. But I wouldn’t recommend it, unless you want to experience the greatest crash ever — death. (via What I Drink At Work)

Ben & Jerry’s now has a snickerdoodle ice cream, which means they’ve created ice cream flavors of two of my least favorite cookies: snickerdoodles and ginger snaps. I hope they don’t make an ice cream based on my third least favorite cookie — the Spritzgeb√ɬ§ck. (via On Second Scoop)

NEWS: Cream of Wheat Introduces What Could Possibly Be The Least Appealing Way To Enjoy Cinnabon

Cream of Wheat hot cereal is promoted as “good nutrition for all ages.” Cinnabon is known as what negates whatever exercise you did the day before. So combining the two to create the new Cream of Wheat Cinnabon flavor is a bit odd, but I’m not surprised by it.

Recently, Cinnabon has been on the march to place their cinna-stamp on whatever products they can get their hands on, like Cinnabon Snack Bars, Cinnabon Cereal, Cinnabon pancakes, Pillsbury Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls and Cinnabon Lip Balm With all of these products, it seems Cinnabon is doing whatever it can to stay relevant. Too bad Cinnabon can’t make a celebrity sex tape, because I believe that would help and get it a show on the E! Network.

A Cinnabon Cream of Wheat packet contains 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamin and minerals.

NEWS: Pepsi Japan To Release Another Limited Edition Flavor, Pepsi America Still Won’t Re-Release Crystal Pepsi

Next month, Pepsi Japan will release the limited edition Pepsi Mont Blanc, which, sadly, will not taste like Montblanc pen ink.

The soda’s sweet chestnut flavor is inspired by the Mont Blanc dessert, which is made with pureed chestnuts and whipped cream.

At the rate Pepsi Japan pumps out limited edition sodas, if the Japanese get a limited edition version of Crystal Pepsi or Holiday Spice Pepsi before the United States does, I’m going to punch a Japanese man in the face.

And since I’m the closest Japanese man near me, I’ll be punching myself like the bullies made me do in elementary school.

Pepsi Mont Blanc will be made in limited numbers and available in Japan in 490 ml bottles for 140 yen starting on October 26th.

Or if you live in the United States, they will be available in 490 ml bottles for five to seven US dollars plus shipping on October 25th on eBay.

REVIEW: Dannon Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake

(NOTE: Please don’t do this. Thank you.)

Dear YouTubers,

You know what YouTube needs? No, not more cute cat/dog/turtle humping videos.

There needs to be videos of people attempting to eat dozens of containers of Activia consecutively. I’m not talking three or four cups of Activia, I’m talking Sam’s Club-sized cases of the stuff.

Why do we need these videos? Because, currently, there isn’t any video documentation of the effects of someone eating a shit-ton of Activia.

So which one of you daring amateur internet video producers will meet this challenge for a chance at viral video history? No matter how far you get or how many pieces of furniture you might soil, you’ll be internet famous, and could possibly be featured on Web Soup, tosh.0 or the offbeat news section of the USA Today.

Not willing to put your digestive system in harm’s way, you say?

C’mon. Several of you kings and queens of consumption have done it before by trying to either down a gallon of water, chug a gallon of milk, quaff an entire bottle of tequila, guzzle a bottle of pancake syrup or drink a two liter bottle of soda. There are many more but I don’t want to make you chug down YouTube videos of folks chugging down various liquids because I want you to chug a case of Activia.

If one of you attempts this digestive endeavor, might I suggest calling the video: The Activia 14 Minute Challenge. Might I also suggest that if you get tired of eating whatever Activia flavor you end up with from Sam’s Club, you should mix it up with the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake.

If you thought regular Activia made eating digestive bacteria taste good, then you’re going to really love cups of the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake yogurt…until you eat about a dozen of them in a row. But for the first couple of containers, you’d probably enjoy their sweet and tangy flavor, along with the smoothness of the yogurt. Although you might be disappointed that the yogurt tastes more like regular strawberry yogurt than strawberry cheesecake flavored yogurt, but it’s quite good for regular strawberry yogurt.

Why is it so good?

Because the yogurt doesn’t contain any artificial sweeteners, has real pieces of strawberries and has more sugar than a Frosted Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tart. So the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake yogurt is good for you because of the digestive bacteria, but it’s also bad for you because it’s like eating candy.

Activia is supposed to help with “slow intestinal transit.” But if one of you takes The Activia 14 Minute Challenge, Activia could help you reach a level of internet celebrity that’s equal or greater than the sneezing baby panda bear…and it could also help you achieve quick and violent intestinal transit.

I look forward to seeing the videos soon.

Love,
Marvo

(NOTE: Again, please don’t do this. Thank you.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container/4 ounces – 140 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 240 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein and 20% calcium.)

Item: Dannon Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake
Price: $3.00 (on sale, $3.50 reg.)
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good if you like strawberry yogurt. Contains probiotic cultures. Contains pieces of fruit. Smooth yogurt. Good source of calcium. Sneezing baby panda bears.
Cons: Doesn’t really taste like strawberry cheesecake. Great source of sugar. Eating a case of Activia. Slow intestinal transit. Quick and violent intestinal transit.