SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 4/22/2014

Written by | April 22, 2014

Topics: Spotted on Shelves

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Brach's Celebration Candy Corn

Of course Brach’s would offer red, white, and blue candy corn for the Fourth of July. I hope Brach’s makes white candy corn for Labor Day. (Spotted by Nick at Price Chopper.)

Johnsonville Butcher Shop Style

Can someone explain to me what “butcher shop style” means. Also, what the hell is a Swisswurst? (Spotted by Nicolas at Walmart.)

Chef Boyardee Good To Go Mac & Cheese Snack Kit

Chef Boyardee Good To Go Beef Ravioli Snack Kit

Chef Boyardee Good To Go Beefaroni Snack Kit

I wonder if there was someone at Chef Boyardee who decided a Snack Pack chocolate pudding goes great with Beefaroni and Mac & Cheese, but not Beef Ravioli. (Spotted by Lauren at Winn Dixie.)

Banquet Quick Fries

These Banquet Quick Fries are worthy of a microwaveable tray, but the fries in regular Banquet frozen meals will remain limp, depressing, soggy strips of once-fried potatoes that turn smiles into grimaces. (Spotted by Michael at Schnucks.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

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REVIEW: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Angus Beef Melt

Written by | April 21, 2014

Topics: 2 Rating, Frozen Food, Hot Pockets

Hot Pockets Limited Edition Angus Beef Melt

Some memories are best left in their own time. Case in point: Third wave ska, Disney Afternoon cartoons, JNCO pants. Let them be. Revisiting these things is a risk, a danger to the fond nostalgia they might evoke at this point in time. This is because they are objectively poor (and memories are unreliable), composed of a multitude of components and emotions, including the way we picture our younger selves—hopeful, untainted, resilient. Memories are a trick. We’re all on the same page here, right? Memories are a trick. Got it? Good.

Cue the time machine. Sometimes it’s a phone booth, sometimes it’s a DeLorean, and sometimes it’s a British phone booth. In this case it’s a supermarket freezer, packed full of frozen treats, yearning to be consumed. The colorful packaging displaying giant carb pills chock full o’ meat ‘n dairy tantalize and beckon, ready to send you back ten, fifteen, twenty years. Whatever you like, master. Look, it’s even a fixed run! Hot Pockets Limited Edition Angus Beef Melt. What a beaut.

Remember Hot Pockets?

Flaky crust injected with beef or pork — an inside-out pizza, a sandwich with no edges. An afternoon treat before soccer practice, or during a Mortal Kombat II jam sesh. Enjoyed with a cold Fruitopia. Mom, stop trying to make phone calls, I’m on AOL! Aw, man I got Hot Pocket all over my hip-hop Looney Toons t-shirt. I know, I know. We just went over this. Memories are lies, yeah yeah. … Eff it, we’re going back! It’s a time machine, bro. You can’t not go. It’s a time machine. Don’t be lame. Let’s do it. Start it up!

The Hot Pockets Limited Edition Angus Beef Melt sucks. The box promises Angus beef, portabella mushrooms, provolone and mozzarella and “soft-baked bread.” The bread is soft, yes, sort of like a ciabatta or something. It’s also super soggy after the requisite minute and fifty seconds in the microwave. Maybe there’s a conventional oven plan we can put this on? The box has no instructions for that. All the best, we’ve seen microwavable burritos. We don’t have 40 minutes to sit around waiting for a Hot Pocket to thaw.

Hot Pockets Limited Edition Angus Beef Melt Innards

There are a few hits of “premium meat” flavor and mushroom taste, which is somehow immediately fleeting, taken over by steaming hot filling that tastes like nothing. The photo on the box is stuffed with beef and cheese, and the bisected reality is one of a space worm from Dune that feeds on bad choices and nostalgia. The beef on the box is sliced and layered. The beef in the actual pocket is chopped into bits, resembling the leftover bits from a deli slicer. Even the box has memories that lie.

Hot Pockets Limited Edition Angus Beef Melt Closeup

The worst part is that it’s not substantial at all. It barely registers as a snack. If you’re not gonna make it good to eat at least food coma us so we can dream about a Hot Pocket that is satisfying on some level. It was a bad omen when taking it out of the microwave, the Hot Pocket looked like a pet gerbil that had made a doodie mess out of its backside all over the plate. It looked shameful, like it had made a mistake. It’s not your fault, though. The mistake was all ours.

As the time travel effects wear off and we slingshot back to the present, we see a whirlwind of our past: First girlfriend, favorite teacher, Chuck Berry’s cousin Marvin Berry, wife of multiple time travelers Rachel McAdams. Reflecting on our trip, Prophet Gaffigan was right. We should have never gone back. Now the entire past is up for scrutiny. Maybe everything in the past sucks, except for Batman the Animated Series, Starter jackets, and the Hubble Space Telescope.

The question is: Did the Hot Pocket get worse, or was it never good in the first place? The answer doesn’t matter. In 2014, it’s garbage. We’re all about e-cigs, Teslas, and Google Glass now. Perhaps it was a fine product for children. But we’re adults. We’ve had sushi. We’ve eaten Ethiopian food. This is not for us anymore. Forget it, Jake. It’s Hot Pockets.

(Nutrition Facts – 270 calories, 90 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 490 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.)

Item: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Angus Beef Melt
Purchased Price: $2.00
Size: 2 sandwiches/box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Very cheap at a buck a piece. Maybe one bite of okay flavor.
Cons: Not substantial. Contents eventually taste like nothing, like a waste of product. Should be at least filling if not tasty, but is neither.

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SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 4/21/2014

Written by | April 21, 2014

Topics: Spotted on Shelves

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Hormel Natural Choice Sriracha Deli Chicken Breast

Hormel Natural Choice Basil, Rosemary, and Olive Oil Deli Turkey Breast

Does this mean we’re one step closer to Sriracha Spam, Hormel? (Spotted by MaryLeigh at Walmart.)

Absolute Fruit Sorbet Desserts in Natural Fruit Shells

Absolute Fruit sorbet desserts in natural fruit shells are absolutely freaky. (Spotted by Leslie at Giant Eagle.)

Harley Davidson Roadhouse Customs Sausages

Will these Harley Davidson Roadhouse Customs Sausages make me fart like a Harley Davidson motorcycle? (Spotted by Nicolas at Walmart.)

Kraft Jet-Puffed Cand Eggmallow

Sugar coated marshmallow? Hmm. Instead of Kraft Jet-Puffed Candy Eggmallows, perhaps they should be called Kraft Jet-Peeped Candy Eggmallows. (Spotted by Nick at Price Chopper.)

Thomas' Limited Edition Maple French Toast Bagels

What would one spread on Thomas’ Limited Edition Maple French Toast Bagels? (Spotted by Claire G at Weis Markets.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

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SPOTTED ON SHELVES – Doritos Jacked Test Flavors 404, 855, and 2653

Written by | April 20, 2014

Topics: Spotted on Shelves

Doritos Jacked Test Flavor 404

Doritos Jacked Test Flavor 855

Doritos Jacked Test Flavor 2653

These brings back memories of the Doritos X-13D Flavor Experiment and Doritos Quest. Not knowing the flavor scares me, but excites me at the same time. Also, will flavor be found on Test Flavor 404. Click here to read more about these flavors. If you’ve tried any of them, feel free to leave your thoughts about them in the comments. (Spotted by Nick at Price Chopper and thanks to TIB reader @bradensthompson for letting us know about them.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

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WEEK IN REVIEWS – 4/19/2014

Written by | April 19, 2014

Topics: Week in Reviews

Cheetos Flamin' Hot and Dortios Dinamita Chile Limon

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

You got your Cheetos Flamin’ Hot in my Doritos Dinamita Chile Limon! You got your Doritos Dinamita Chile Limon in my Cheetos Flamin’ Hot. (via Chip Review)

I’ll leave this here just in case you’re wondering how well jalapeño and pineapple go together. (via Brand Eating)

I’ll leave this here just in case you’re wondering how tasty a McDonald’s jalapeño aioli is. (via Foodette Reviews)

The number of flavors a Baskin-Robbins shop has is 31. The number of flavors Baskin-Robbins ice cream bars come in is three. (via On Second Scoop)

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