Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

I’m not surprised a company offers a pizza made out of chocolate. But I’m surprised the company that offers it isn’t Domino’s. (via Chocolate Reviews)

If these potato chips are so exotic, why don’t I get a boner when I look at them, like I do when I see exotic women, exotic cars and exotic birds? (via Yum Yucky)

I should be afraid of a snack seasoned with something called “Death Sauce”, but I’m still alive after consuming a lot of the scarier sounding Taco Bell Nacho Cheese Sauce. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Speaking of nachos, Fritos has a limited edition flavor called Ballpark Nacho. I hear they’re a home run. They’re so tasty, you might want to steal them. They’re so good they might inflate your ERA (External Roundness of Abdomen). (via We Rate Stuff and Hamburger Calculus)

A company called Primer has a caffeinated breath spray to help keep you awake. Another great way to stay awake is to buy normal breath spray and spray it at your eyes. (via Caffeine-A-Holic)

Photo via Flickr user pietrolambert

There was a time when I liked Baked Lay’s and thought it was one of the greatest snacks ever invented, but I no longer have the same feelings. Of course, I enjoyed it in the late 1990s to early 2000s, when I had poor judgement and taste.

How poor?

Let me just say I had Creed’s “Higher” playing in heavy rotation on my Aiwa XP-V320 compact disc player and I wore a lot of jeans shorts with strategically placed tears in them.

But I’m glad I tried Baked Lay’s because it made me realize Creed was a shitty band and jeans shorts with strategically placed tears in them were never cool.

My love for Baked Lay’s was fleeting, just like Justin Bieber’s girlish voice will be after he passes puberty. I enjoyed it because it was a healthier alternative to regular potato chips. But the more I ate it, the more I realized it was a poor tasting substitute with the texture of a dehydrated sponge. When I finally came to this conclusion, it opened my eyes and made me realize I had no sense of fashion and that Scott Stapp was no Eddie Vedder.

Creed songs were like Baked Lay’s and visa versa. Both of them brought me no pleasure. As uplifting as their lyrics seemed, Creed songs have never made me feel good or made me want to play air guitar. And as healthy as they were, eating Baked Lay’s has never comforted me in a way that a bag of greasy potato chips does or made me want to get every last crumb of it by resting one of the bag’s open corners on my bottom lip and flicking the bag to let gravity bring whatever crumbs remain to my awaiting mouth.

Even when Lay’s introduced their cheddar and sour cream & onion varieties, I thought they were the Baked Lay’s version of Creed’s blander album Weathered. However, while Creed has gotten worse, Baked Lay’s has gotten better thanks to their latest flavor — Baked! Lay’s Parmesan and Tuscan Herb.

Unlike the cheddar and sour cream & onions versions, the Baked! Lay’s Parmesan and Tuscan Herb has a robust flavor that does a good job of hiding the fact that you’re eating a snack with the texture of a dehydrated sponge. The potato crisps (not chips, crisps) have a strong parmesan scent, which made me feel like I was snorting some lines of Kraft 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese with Chester Cheetah. However, while eating the crisps, the parmesan was less noticeable and the Tuscan herbs took over the flavor. I’m not sure what “Tuscan herbs” are, but in the ingredients list there’s basil, parsley, rosemary and dehydrated green and red bell peppers. The crisps’ flavor also has a hint of sour cream and a slight spicy kick.

Overall, the Baked! Lay’s Parmesan and Tuscan Herb was very tasty and slightly changed my opinion of Baked Lay’s. While its flavor does bring me some pleasure, it hasn’t changed my opinion that original Baked Lay’s sucks.

It sucks Creed hard.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 120 calories, 3 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 310 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium, 2% vitamin E and 2% iron.)

Item: Baked! Lay’s Parmesan and Tuscan Herb
Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Size: 8.75 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Robust flavor. Has a slight kick. Better for you than regular potato chips. Pearl Jam. Snorting lines of Kraft 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese with Chester Cheetah
Cons: Texture like a dehydrated sponge. Creed. Not as comforting as regular potato chips. Creed. Jeans shorts with strategically placed tears. Creed. What I liked in the late 1990s to early 2000s. Creed. Original Baked Lay’s.

Thyme is an herb that adds flavor to the Lay’s Balsamic Sweet Onion Potato Chips and is loved by people who know how to cook and use cookbooks, which I personally know nothing about, since most of the food I consume comes from either drive-thru windows, is heated up in a microwave or is purchased from under a heating lamp at a convenience store.

Also, the combination of thyme and the Food Network makes for a decent drinking game. Go and get yourself a bottle of tequila, plop yourself in front of the television at nine in the morning and every time a Food Network personality says “thyme” you take a shot of tequila.

For some of you, drinking in the morning may seem weird, so to overcome that uncomfortableness just imagine you’re in an episode of Mad Men. By noon, you’ll be drunk enough that you’ll want to fight your television every time Bobby Flay or Guy Fieri appears on it. By two in the afternoon, you’ll think Paula Deen is frickin’ sexy and rub sticks of butter around your nipples. And by four in the afternoon, you’ll thankfully be passed out during Rachael Ray’s 30 Minute Meals.

When I first tried the Lay’s Balsamic Sweet Onion Potato Chips, I thought they tasted earthy, like I dragged my tongue across a forest floor. While I thought they were a bit odd tasting at first, I slowly began to enjoy their herby, sweet onion flavor as I ate more of them and at times I swear the chip’s flavor reminded me of a Totino’s Pepperoni Party Pizza. But with that initial flavor, I can easily understand why someone might not enjoy these chips.

While not everyone will like the Lay’s Balsamic Sweet Onion Potato Chips, I have to give credit to Lay’s for having the brass potatoes to develop a snack that probably won’t have mass appeal. I’d expect a company like Kettle Foods to come up with a flavor like this, but not a big snack conglomerate like Lay’s. Although, if the Food Network/thyme drinking game turned into the Food Network/thyme bong hit game, the Lay’s Balsamic Sweet Onion Potato Chips may just sell out.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 4.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 4.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 115 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium, 10% vitamin C and 4% iron.)

Item: Lay’s Balsamic Sweet Onion Potato Chips
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Unusual, but enjoyable herby, sweet onion flavor. At times the chips remind me of a Totino’s Pepperoni Party Pizza. Contains polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fat. Being passed out during Rachael Ray’s 30 Minute Meals. Rubbing sticks of butter around your nipples.
Cons: Not everyone will like it. Initial taste was like I dragged my tongue across a forest floor. My diet. 4 grams of trans fat in a serving of Totino’s Pepperoni Party Pizza. Being drunk enough that you want to fight your television.

The Burger King Hot Fries Potato Snacks have got me thinking about an appropriate definition for the term “hot fries” for the Urban Dictionary website, which is a collection of slang words and phrases. So far, I’ve come up with three possible definitions.

1. A phrase expressing excitement like one would have after realizing they’ve received a fresh batch of french fries straight out of the fryer. Interchangeable with the phrase “hot damn.”

2. Sexy legs that may or may not be covered with red pantyhose.

3. Crabs-infested pubic hair.

Of course, the Burger King Hot Fries Potato Snacks have nothing to do with any of these definitions, but they are similar to the Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks I reviewed awhile back. I didn’t really care for those, so I’m not too eager to try these, even though its packaging claims it’s spicy, which is a flavor that my tastebuds enjoy, along with licking hot fries.

I’ll let you figure out which definition of hot fries I’m referring to.

Oh my God! The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle feels like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into my mouth! It burns! It burns! It burns!

Okay, it’s not really that hot to me, but others might feel that way.

The winner of last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest is quite possibly the spiciest potato chip I’ve ever had, although I might’ve in the past had a potato chip that was so spicy that it traumatized me and caused me to lose any memory of it. Eating something so disturbing and losing my memory of it has happened before.

The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle contains the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse: chili, chipotle, cayenne, habanero, and jalapeno. Thanks to those spices, each chip looks like it’s burnt rather than golden brown and they also look like scabs. The heat from the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse does not instantly hit you, like walking out of a Las Vegas casino on a hot summer day after 24 hours straight of debauchery, instead it’s a slow burn that builds up to a medium heat that sticks with you for a while.

While it may contain a spectrum of hot spices, the chipotle is the pepper that stands out the most and also provides a nice smoky flavor, which fortunately isn’t overwhelmed by the heat of the other peppers. Its smokiness combined with its spiciness makes for one delicious chip, although its heat will probably agitate some peoples’ palates. I’m not surprised I enjoyed them because I like spicy and I also believe Kettle Chips makes some of the best tasting potato chips on the planet.

So if you like spicy, I’d definitely recommend the crunchy Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle potato chips. But if you don’t like spicy, I’d definitely recommend staying away from these chips because it really will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 410 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% Vitamin A, 20% Vitamin C, and 4% Iron.)

(Editor’s Note: More reviews via Slashfood and The Cook’s Kitchen.)

Item: Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips
Price: $3.29
Size: 5 ounces
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice smoky, spicy flavor. Crunchy. Lots of spices. No trans fat. Spices don’t overwhelm the chip’s flavor. Me likey the spicy. Winner of the last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest
Cons: Its dark color makes them look like scabs. If you don’t like spicy, it will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth. Might not be a permanent addition to Kettle Chips lineup. Eating something so traumatic that you forgot you ate it.