Chips Ahoy cookies are like the human drug testing subjects of the cookie world because Nabisco will stick anything into them to see if it works. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups…yup. Heath Candy Bar pieces…yup. Candy coated chocolate pieces…yup. Oatmeal…yup. Patriotism…yup.

This time around they’re putting fudge into the center of their signature chocolate chip cookies to create Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey Chocofudge and Megafudge cookies. Yes, the fudge puts the “gooey” in the Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey. Yes, Chocofudge and Megafudge sound like Godzilla’s gigantic blob-like neighbors on Monster Island. And, yes, I wish one of them was named Superfudge so that, much like Nabisco stuffs fudge into these cookies, I could stuff this review with Judy Blume references.

The Chocofudge version looks like a regular Chewy Chips Ahoy cookie, while the Megafudge looks like a Chips Ahoy cookie from a bizarro dimension with its chocolate cookie and white chocolate chips. Although, due to the fudge injection, both varieties look a little more plump than regular Chewy Chips Ahoy.

Fudge fills each cookie like a Great Dane fills a Smart Car. With the amount of fudge it’s almost impossible to not get fudge in every bite, unless you’re one of those odd people who nibbles a cookie like a bunny rabbit nibbles on a carrot.

The Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey cookies are chewy, but I’m not completely sold on the gooey part. In my mind I’ve always imagined gooey being something soft and sticky that holds together as if their lives depended on it as it’s being stretched apart and only separating because gravity demanded it. Although, I may have this mindset from watching way too many pizza commercials. There is some stretching, but the fudge gives up easily, much like I do when playing Madden at All-Madden difficulty. But the fudge doesn’t cry, throw a controller across the room, and scream “I suuuuuck.”

While they aren’t gooey in my eyes, the Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey Chocofudge are really good and a step above regular Chewy Chips Ahoy. Heck, let me say they’re also better than regular non-chewy Chips Ahoy. The fudge, while not quality stuff, does give the cookie a significantly stronger chocolate flavor which makes these cookies much more satisfying than regular Chips Ahoy.

As for the Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey Megafudge, I can’t say I enjoyed them as much as the Chocofudge. And I blame the white chocolate chips for that. The chocolate cookie and fudge give it a deep chocolate flavor, but the white chocolate chips disrupt it. They’re like those people who ruin the telling of a really good story by interrupting the storyteller at the most interesting moments with meaningless comments and questions, like “What happened next?” or “If that was me, I’d slap that bitch.”

What happened next? If you shut up, you’ll find out.

I’m glad Nabisco decided to stuff fudge into these Chips Ahoy Chewy Gooey cookies instead of dipping them in fudge like they do with their Oreo cookies, because having fudge on the outside tends to get a little messy. Although, since Chips Ahoy are like the human drug testing subjects of the cookie world, I wouldn’t be surprised if a fudge filled and fudge dipped Chips Ahoy cookie popped up on store shelves.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – Chocofudge – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 grams of protein. Megafudge – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 grams of protein)

Item: Nabisco Chips Ahoy! Chewy Gooey Cookies (Chocofudge and Megafudge)
Price: $3.99 each
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Chocofudge)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Megafudge)
Pros: Chocofudge is a better Chips Ahoy cookie. Enough fudge to have fudge in every bite. Strong chocolate flavor. Not using an exclamation point after EVERY Chips Ahoy reference. Judy Blume.
Cons: Not as gooey as I hoped. White chocolate chips throw off flavor of Megafudge. People who interrupt storytellers. Playing Madden at All-Madden level.

When I bought the Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, I thought I was about to get my America on. But, my raging patriotism turned into dismay when I found out the cookies were made in Mexico.

Mexico? Really?

If your name has America in it, you better be made in America, just like Los Angeles-born actress America Ferrera. If these cookies wanted to truly be American, they should’ve been made in the good ol’ U-S-of-A…or where many American products are made — in China. Now some of you might be preparing blog comments in your head that include the words, “Mexico is in North AMERICA,” but that’s not the America I’m talking about, I’m talking about the good ol’ Red, White, and Blue, and not the good ol’…whatever colors make up the Mexican flag.

And…I just lost the four TIB readers that live in Mexico. You’re next, the two readers in South Korea.

On the Chips Ahoy! American Summer packaging, it says it’s “Crammed with Joy,” but it’s really chocolate chips; red, white, and blue candy coated fudge pieces; and disappointment crammed into a cookie that’s the same size as the regular version.

My displeasure with these cookies stem from the fact that they don’t taste any different from regular non-patriotic Chips Ahoy!

(See Nabisco. The previous sentence is why you shouldn’t use an exclamation point in your product’s name. People will see that exclamation point and think I’m really mad about Chips Ahoy! American Summer tasting like the regular version, but I only feel a little gypped.)

If you were to blindfold me with an American flag or blind me with the light from 50 stars, then tie my arms together using 13 stripes, and then have the ghost of Betsy Ross feed me Chips Ahoy! American Summer and regular Chips Ahoy! cookies using her sewing needles, the only way I could tell which is which is by the crunch of the candy coated fudge pieces, which is different from the crunch of the cookie. But, those two crunches combined with the rudeness of chewing with my mouth open, makes my maw sound like there are Fourth of July fireworks going on in there.

Yeah, that last sentence was a bit of a stretch, but I’m trying to make these cookies sound more American than they truly are. Because if you think about it, the red, white, and blue candy pieces could easily confuse people into thinking these cookies are Chips Ahoy! French Summer, Chips Ahoy! North Korea Summer, Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer, or Chips Ahoy! Faroe Islands Summer.

Again, with these Chips Ahoy! American Summer cookies, you’re just eating something that tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies. There really isn’t anything really spectacular about them. But, if you’re having a huge Fourth of July barbeque with excessive red, white, blue themed items, like napkins, plates, cups, balloons, types of tortilla chips, and inflatable outdoor playground bouncers, then Chips Ahoy! American Summer is perfect for you.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 cookies – 160 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and 6% iron.)

*uses partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Chips Ahoy! American Summer
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 12.2 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Resealable packaging. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats. Fourth of July barbeques. Outdoor playground bouncers.
Cons: Tastes like regular Chips Ahoy! Nothing spectacular about them. Could easily be confused as Chips Ahoy! Serbia and Montenegro Summer cookies. Chips Ahoy! having an exclamation point in its name.

Update: Click here to read our review

If fudge dipped Oreos are your only idea of a good time, then get ready for a couple of new Oreo Fudge Cremes flavors to rock your sad, lonely world. I spotted at my local Safeway the new Peanut Butter Oreo Fudge Cremes and Golden Oreo Fudge Cremes.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Oreo Fudge Cremes, Nabisco takes one of the two chocolate cookies (or vanilla cookies) and the Oreo’s creme filling and covers the whole thing in fudge like it’s Agent Strawberry Fields in the James Bond flick Quantum of Solace.

Last year, I gave the Mint Oreo Fudge Cremes a very positive review. Back then the Oreo Fudge Cremes came in an 8.5 ounce box, but these new flavors, along with the Mint and Original, are sold in a new 11.3 ounce packaging that looks similar to what regular Oreos packaged in.

More Oreo Fudge Cremes to enjoy? It looks like my sad, lonely world is about to get rocked.

I’m not sure of the reasons for coming out with limited edition Oreos, since it isn’t hard to get people to buy and eat regular Oreos.

Just place them on a plate next to a glass with cold milk or a glass bong with chronic marijuana and watch them disappear like $30 Blu-Ray players on Black Friday at Walmart or my patience when the person in front of me pays for things using only dimes, nickels and pennies.

Since 2008, Nabisco has been producing the Limited Edition Candy Cane Oreo for the Christmas season. Unfortunately, these cookies aren’t as useful as actual candy canes, which can be used as tree ornaments or an impromptu weapon when the dysfunctional family Christmas dinner gets too dysfunctional.

The Limited Edition Candy Cane Oreo combines three colors usually found in hell: black death, bloody red and soul white. One chocolate cookie has the usual Oreo imprint, while the other cookie has a snowflake imprint, and in between the cookies are red and white cremes. If you twist off one of the cookies, you’ll see the division of red and white creme, which looks disturbing because it kind of looks like the red creme is a tongue licking the white creme. So if you’re one of those people who like to lick the creme to oblivion, from certain angles, it might look like you’re French kissing the cookie.

The cookies smell and taste like the heavenly Girl Scout Thin Mints, although a slightly weaker minty version of them. They’re also less minty than regular Mint Oreos. These limited edition Oreos might be less minty than Thin Mints, but at least acquiring them doesn’t include having to deal with pushy Girl Scouts who are trying to get me to buy several more boxes than I should using the proven selling techniques of guilt and having a mother who’s a MILF.

The “crunchy sprinkles” in the red and white creme provide a pleasant added crunch to the cookies, which you might think would get lost in the crunch of the chocolate cookies, but instead provide a crystalline crunch on top of the cookie crunch.

Like my use of the word “crunch” and all of its derivatives in the previous sentence, there are a lot of sprinkles in the creme, which will make it feel like a well used piece of coarse sandpaper if you’re one of those people who like to lick the creme to oblivion. Sadly, the sprinkles don’t seem to be tiny bits of candy cane and both creme colors have the same vanilla minty flavor.

If you want your Oreo cookies to be as festive as a Christmas tree or that godawful sweater your co-worker wears every year to the company Christmas party, these Limited Edition Candy Cane Oreos will do the trick. If you like your Oreos to be addictive, then these will also do the trick.

If you missed them in stores this year, expect them to be around this time again next year, like extended shopping mall hours and a new annoying Elmo toy.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 6% iron.)

Item: Limited Edition Candy Cane Oreo
Price: $3.99
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like Girl Scout Thin Mints. Addictive. Impressing MILFs. Crunch sprinkles add a different texture. Thin Mints flavor without the Girl Scout guilt. Lots of crunchy sprinkles. Getting one of the few $30 Blu-Ray players on Black Friday. Regular Oreos.
Cons: Crunch sprinkles don’t seem to be bits of candy cane. Licking creme feels like licking coarse sandpaper. Limited edition. Having to defend or attack with a candy cane. High fructose corn syrup. Uses colors usually found in hell.

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

If you thought Cookie Monster was frenzied before, imagine him on caffeinated cookies. COOKIE!!! (via ED Junkie)

With the Shrek franchise coming to an end, expect the number of bright green colored products that promote the movie to disappear and then expect bright blue colored products to promote next year’s Smurf movie to replace them. (via The Candy Enthusiast)

The bright green color found in this mint candy bar is unusual enough that it might turn people off. If only there was a cartoon movie franchise that would make the color more appealing. (via Jim’s Chocolate Mission)

Adam over at Grub Grade got it his way at Burger King and created the Cluck Double, which combines two BK Spicy Chick’n Crisp filets, cheese, lettuce, ketchup and mustard in between a bun. I really hope the next custom sandwich he makes is called the Chicken Coop and is made up of ten BK chicken sandwich patties stacked on top of each other in between a bun and wrapped in a net made of bacon. (via Grub Grade)

Bearded Dr. Andrew Weil has a line of line organic fruit and nut bars. I hope another organic ingredient included is Dr. Weil’s beard trimmings. (via I Ate A Pie)

This pen holder is cool. But you know what else makes a cool pen holder? A desk. (via Office Supply Geek)

The new Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme cookies commemorate the 25th birthday of the Dairy Queen Blizzard.

Wait. The Blizzard is 25 years old?

Hmm…All this time I thought it was a minor. So seven years ago, I could’ve legally been hitting on the Dairy Queen Blizzard. I also could’ve looked at sexy photos of it on the internet and fantasized about it without fear of being arrested and having to register as a sex offender. But now that I know it’s 25 years old, the appeal of hooking up with the Blizzard has gone away. An older man getting with an 18-year-old is just below threesomes on the Things That Hugh Hefner Has Done That You Probably Never Will Experience Scale.

Why didn’t some pervert out there with knowledge of Adobe Flash or Javascript build an online 18th birthday countdown timer for the Blizzard?

If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.
If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.
If you’re a pervert and you know it,
Then your online 18th birthday countdown timer for an underage celebrity will surely show it,
If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.

Seriously, other tech savvy pervs have done it for the Olsen Twins, Hayden Panettiere, Britney Spears, Emma Watson, Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan.

Speaking of Lindsay Lohan and things I don’t want to lick, I’m not sure I like dragging my tongue against the Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme’s filling, which contains specks of Oreo cookies. It’s like I’m French kissing sugary coarse sandpaper or licking my unshaven face taint as I try to touch my nose with my tongue. The rough filling has a vanilla flavor that’s slightly more enhanced than what’s in between a regular Oreo cookie, and it’s almost as thick as the filling in a Double Stuf Oreo. I don’t think the limited edition cookie tastes like an Oreo Blizzard and I didn’t find it to be as delectable as regular Oreos. Maybe if I went meta and blended a few of them with some soft serve ice cream they would be better.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Dairy Queen Blizzard. I may have missed your 18th birthday, but I won’t miss the McFlurry’s. Someone please build an online 18th birthday countdown timer for the McFlurry.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 6% iron.)

(NOTE: On Second Scoop also reviewed them and definitely didn’t like them at all.)

Item: Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme
Price: $2.98
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: The House That Sam Built
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. Filling has specks of Oreo cookies and is almost as thick as a Double Stuf Oreo. Having Adobe Flash or Javascript skills, unless you’re an iPhone developer. Dairy Queen Blizzards. Getting to use the word “meta” in a review to make me look like I have vocabulary skills.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like an Oreo Blizzard. Not quite as good as regular Oreos. Missing the Blizzard’s 18th birthday. Contains high fructose corn syrup. Not as many cookies as a pack of regular Oreos. Licking an unshaven face taint.