In my parents’ attempts to slim me down so that they wouldn’t need to order husky children’s clothing from the Sears & Roebuck catalog, they fed me Raisin Bran. While other kids my age were chomping down on sugary cereals with names they would use in the future to order drugs, like Trix and Lucky Charms, I was consuming bran flakes that got soggy as soon as it was exposed to moisture with raisin that had a weird white coating.

My parents were never able to order regular sized clothing for me, thanks to the sodas and Otter Pops I consumed at my friend’s house down the street, but if the new Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Extra was introduced back then, I might’ve not been on the borderline of child obesity. This new cereal not only contains the obligatory crunchy bran flakes and plump raisins, it’s also made up of yogurt clusters, sweet cranberries, and almond slices. It’s like a hippie natural foods store in a box. A cup of it has 190 calories, 3 grams of fat, 140 milligrams of potassium, 7 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

According to the experts, who probably wear lab coats and ask others to call them Dr. So-and-So, we should be consuming 25-30 grams of fiber per day, which is roughly more than half a loaf of whole wheat bread, a little more than an entire can of kidney beans, or approximately the amount of fiber found in the large cardboard box a refrigerator comes in. The experts also say that most don’t consume an adequate amount of fiber every day, except for Jack LaLanne, prune lovers, and panda bears. I know I need more fiber in my diet, but I feel there’s a major problem with fiber. It’s just not flamboyant enough.

Thankfully, there’s Pink Lemonade Metamucil which now makes fiber a little more FA-BU-LOUS.

Sure, it’s better for me to get my fiber from real foods like whole wheat bread, brown rice, bran cereal, vegetables, fruit, Taco Bell’s bean burrito, and Idaho potato vodka, but they just don’t have the sense of style that the Pink Lemonade Metamucil does. Many of the foods that have a decent amount of fiber come in the color brown, but despite all the efforts of UPS, brown has NEVER been in style. Some of you might be saying vegetables and fruits are colorful, however, I say to those people, J. Crew clothing is also colorful, but I would never be seen wearing any of it.

The Pink Lemonade Metamucil tastes like pink lemonade and for something that’s sugar free, it’s surprisingly sweet. Thank you, aspartame. It’s just as flavorful, fiber-rific, fierce and fabulous as the Berry Burst Metamucil. It’s also several times tastier and better looking than the plain old original orange Metamucil, which makes people drinking it look like they should be at a Florida farmers forum. The cloudy pink color of the Pink Lemonade Metamucil is totally fabulous, although its slightly grainy texture is not so hot, but it’s what I expected from a fiber supplement. However, if you like your fiber to be as flamboyant as a flamingo or Richard Simmons, this Metamucil’s for you.

(Supplement Facts – 1 rounded tsp – 20 calories, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of soluble fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 0.5 milligrams of iron, 35 milligrams of potassium, and 50 grams of fierce.)

Item: Pink Lemonade Metamucil
Price: $10.34 (24.1 ounces)
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Flavorful, fiber-rific, fierce and fabulous. Tastes like pink lemonade. Sugar free. Better than the original orange Metamucil. Jack Lalanne. Panda bears. J. Crew clothing.
Cons: It’s got a grainy texture, but that’s expected since it’s Metamucil. Turns into goop if not consumed quickly. The color brown. Trying to consume 25-30 grams of fiber per day. Eating cardboard.