Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I’ve eaten bananas. I’ve sucked on many banana Slurpees. I’ve put on Banana Boat sunscreen. I’ve put a condom on a banana. I own clothes from Banana Republic. I have a 45 rpm record of Bananarama’s “Cruel Summer.” But I’ve never consumed a banana soda. (via Thirsty Dudes)

It looks like two chocolate bunnies have been going at it like rabbits. (via Candyblog)

Boy Bawang sounds like a Filipino boy band or the name of an extremely young-looking Southeastern Asian male prostitute. I have no idea what “bawang” means, and the review I linked to would probably include a translation, but I’m just going to leave it to my imagination. (via Food Junk)

Chick-fil-A attempts oatmeal. I hope they attempt beef next. (via Tampa Bay Food Monster)

Frito-Lay Japan has a Heinz ketchup-flavored corn snack in a package that looks like a giant ketchup packet. I wonder if I’m going to struggle to open it using my fingers and then get so frustrated that I’m forced to use my teeth. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

When I first received the Pepsi Strong Shot from Japan, I instantly noticed the five warnings printed all over it. But because my ability to read Japanese is so poor that my college Japanese professors should deeply bow their heads in shame for passing my Japanese illiterate ass, I didn’t know what they were warning me about.

Perhaps the can contains an evil tengu. Or a tentacled demon that wants to stick its tentacles in every single one of my orifices to torture me. Or maybe it’s a Pokemon. Or perhaps it’s telling me I watch too much anime at Crunchyroll.

After doing some research on the internets, I learned the warnings on the Pepsi Strong Shot tell potential drinkers that it’s HIGHLY CARBONATED and we should wait 15 seconds before opening it.

Really? Honto ni?

Does extra carbonation really warrant the five warnings printed on the can that’s four and a half inches tall? Because, seriously, the best case scenario from opening the can would be thirst quenching. The worst case scenario? A little more burping.

However, if the can’s warnings said it contained a tentacled demon, I believe the multiple warnings would be justified. Because the worst case scenario from opening the can would be a tentacle entering every hole in my body at the same time. The best case scenario? A tentacle entering every hole in my body at the same time, but leaving a three dollar tip after it’s done.

The Pepsi Strong Shot not only contains extra carbonation, it also includes extra caffeine. However, I’m not sure how much caffeine, since, again, I’m quite illiterate when it comes to Japanese. But I did get a small energy boost from it. Although, I have to admit, tentacles slithering into every hole in my head would do a better job of waking me up.

Even with a small energy boost, the Pepsi Strong Shot isn’t worth it, whether you pay 120 yen for a can in Japan or five dollars a can plus shipping via eBay from an expat living in Japan. It tastes just like regular Pepsi and the extra carbonation is probably the worst Japan Pepsi gimmick ever. I expected something spectacular from the company that developed cucumber and baobab flavored sodas.

The only thing the extra carbonation did was provide a little more pressure than usual when opening the can. If I want a Pepsi that provides a little more pressure when opening it, I’ll just get a regular can of Pepsi and shake it a bit. Even after it explodes, it’ll still probably have more soda left than what’s in the Pepsi Strong Shot’s small can.

(Nutrition Facts – 100 ml – 47 kcal, 0 grams of protein, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 11.7 grams of carbohydrates.)

(NOTE: Thanks to Orchid64 from Japanese Snack Reviews for sending me the Pepsi Strong Shot.)

More Pepsi Strong Shot reviews:
Mike’s Blender
Crunchgear

Item: Pepsi Strong Shot
Price: 120 yen (about $1.35 US)
Size: 190 ml
Purchased at: A store in Japan
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like regular Pepsi. Caffeine gave me a small energy boost. 0 grams of fat. Tentacled demons leaving a tip. Crunchyroll.
Cons: Nothing spectacular from the company that made cucumber and baobab flavored sodas. Extra carbonation is the worst Pepsi Japan gimmick ever. Excessive amount of unnecessary warnings. A demon’s tentacle entering every hole in my body at the same time. Available only in Japan. Being Japanese illiterate despite 2.5 years of college Japanese.

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

Vegetable Juice Kit Kat? Oh, Japan! Is there anything you won’t turn into a flavor of Kit Kat? (via Jen Ken’s Kit Kat Blog)

Oh Neutrogena, you and Clearasil made my high school years a little less pimply, although my slightly clearer skin couldn’t move me up the popularity totem pole. (via Review Spew)

I believe I am required by Asian pride to post Pajiba reviews of movies with an Asian cast. (via Pajiba)

If only scientists could come up with a way to turn candy corn into ethanol, then we wouldn’t have to eat it. (via Candy Blog)

But if they can’t turn it into ethanol, I hope they’re able to turn it into generic Fritos corn chips, because I’ll eat that. (via Cheap Eats)

Dear Hardee’s: Your Big Mac-competing Big Hardee is large and artery clogging, but I think you’re the only fast food chain with the cojones to sell a burger that uses beef patties as buns. Please make this happen. Thank you. (via Would I Buy It Again)

When I opened and smelled the Japanese Pepsi Shiso for the first time, I truly wondered whether or not a Japanese game show was going to break out around me called, “Nomimasu Ka?”, which in English means, “Will you drink it?”

(Note: My Japanese is EXTREMELY POOR. I have retained very little from my two years of Japanese language in college. So my Japanese above may not be correct.)

Every summer, Pepsi releases a limited edition flavor in Japan that can be described somewhere along the spectrum of unusual on one end and fucking weird on the other. In previous years, there’s been a Pepsi Blue Hawaii and a Pepsi Ice Cucumber, both of which landed on the unusual side of the spectrum.

The Pepsi Shiso is more on the fucking weird side.

I guess I find this bathroom cleaner-colored beverage very odd because I’m not familiar with shiso. But thanks to the information clusterfuck known as Wikipedia, I now know shiso is perilla in English, it is an herb in the mint family, and in Japan it is used in salads, spaghetti, meat and fish dishes, and occasionally used as a pizza topping.

Much like the other limited edition Pepsi from Japan I’ve tried, its initial flavor was a little off-putting, but the more I drank the better it seemed to taste, albeit still weird. Unfortunately, there isn’t any real shiso in this bottle filled with a liquid that’s colored like the radioactive rod that gets stuck in Homer Simpsons’ shirt during The Simpsons opening. Since I’ve never tasted shiso, I can’t tell you if this soda’s artificial flavor comes close to it, but I can tell you it tastes like sweetened grass. I also thought there was a cinnamon gum flavor as well, but mostly grass.

If I want drink something that makes my mouth feel like there’s a party going on in it, I’ll drink a rum and Coke or a Hawaiian Punch, but if I want to drink a beverage that makes my mouth feel like there’s photosynthesis going on in it, I’ll definitely drink a Pepsi Shiso.

(Note: Orchid64, who purchased the bottles of Pepsi Shiso for me, reviewed them and so did Mike.)

Item: Pepsi Shiso
Price: 147 yen
Size: 490 ml
Purchased at: Received from Orchid64
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: A little cinnamon gum flavor. It taste a little better the more you drink. It feels like photosynthesis is going on in my mouth. Interesting. Wikipedia.
Cons: Unusual taste. Sweet grassy flavor. Available only in Japan (although if you check eBay, you might be able to pick some up). Doesn’t contain actual shiso. Bathroom cleaner colored. Radioactive rod colored. My knowledge of the Japanese language despite two years of it in college.

Apparently, Japan has really huge balls.

It has produced some of the most innovative products available, like fuel-efficient hybrid cars; the Nintendo Wii; robotic dogs; vending machines that dispense beer, fried foods, or used schoolgirl panties; and Japanese ads starring American actors who need a quick buck due to their decline in popularity.

But, and this is where Japan earns its huge cojones, it has also developed some of the most fucked up products that no other country has the audacity to create, like tentacle anime porn, numerous products for comforting lonely sukebe men, Pokemon, and now the Japan-only Pepsi Ice Cucumber.

Along with Japan’s huge balls, which I think helps keep its islands afloat with the over 127 million people living on its back, I also think these crazy products Japan comes up with are the result of sucking the sake a little too much, if you know what I’m saying. But I can relate to that, because whenever I pound a few ochoko (small sake cup), I also want to do some crazy shit, like reenact the music video for Prince’s “When Doves Cry.”

How can u just leave me standing?/Alone in a world so cold? (World so cold)/Maybe I’m just 2 demanding/Maybe I’m just like my father 2 bold/Maybe you’re just like my mother/She’s never satisfied (She’s never satisfied)/Why do we scream at each other/This is what it sounds like/When doves cry

To come up with the idea for Pepsi Ice Cucumber, I’m guessing it took quite a lot of sake, just like it did for all the other crazy ideas for beverages in Japan and this commercial starring Nicholas Cage.

Much like how apple juice can look like beer and urine can look like pineapple soda, Pepsi Ice Cucumber’s green color makes it looks like Cepacol Mouthwash. Its flavor is light, just like actual cucumbers. There’s a slight fruitiness to it, but there definitely is a cucumber flavor to it, albeit artificial, like Paris Hilton holding the Bible.

To be honest, the Pepsi Ice Cucumber was not as bad as I thought it would be. Still it’s slightly gross and weird, but there’s something about it that drew me back to it. It’s like the relationship that Lindsay Lohan and rehab have.

Drinking a bottle was a vicious masochistic cycle. I’d take a sip, say to myself, “Damn, this is kind of nasty,” and put it back in the refrigerator. A few hours later I’d open my fridge, take a sip, say to myself, “Damn, this is kind of nasty,” and put it back in the refrigerator. It took me three days to finish a bottle.

Pepsi Ice Cucumber was available only in Japan, but quickly sold out. Right now, the only way for Westerners to get their hands on a bottle is through the virtual garage sale clusterfuck known as eBay, where prices can get semi-expensive thanks to overzealous capitalism and shipping. Is it worth spending a decent amount of money on this novelty soda?

It really depends on how big your balls are.

(Editor’s Note: Mike’s Blender also reviewed it, but since he lives in Japan, he paid much less for them and in yen.)

Item: Pepsi Ice Cucumber
Price: $24.99 (Three 500 ml bottles)
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Not as bad as I thought it would be. Slightly fruity. Something about it makes me come back for more. Japan has huge balls. The Nintendo Wii. Japanese commercials with American actors. Hybrid cars.
Cons: Light artificial cucumber taste was slightly gross and weird. Looks like mouthwash. Only available in Japan. The things I do when I drink too much sake. Anything with Nicholas Cage in it.