August 14th is National Creamsicle Day.

I didn’t know that until just moments ago and although it’s only a few more months until it comes around again, I’ve been making up for the years I didn’t celebrate National Creamsicle Day by eating one Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo for each year I missed it. Unfortunately, I don’t know when the holiday was established, so I hope the thirty cookies I’m eating will make up for it.

When the holiday comes around again, I won’t be sucking, licking, or biting a frozen Creamsicle to celebrate the day. Instead, I’ll be eating more of these Limited Edtion Creamsicle Oreo cookies to honor the orange and vanilla treat. I hope they’ll still be available, since they’re limited edition.

Why not honor a Creamsicle by eating a Creamsicle? Because I believe one should honor something by eating something else that honors it. I wouldn’t eat an actual flag on Flag Day or a mother on Mother’s Day. In the case of Flag Day, I would eat something that honors the flag, like a cake or cookie decorated to look like an American flag or a pizza that uses pepperoni and mozzarella cheese to create the thirteen stripes.

Although, to be honest, I don’t really celebrate Flag Day, because no one gets the day off, there aren’t any fireworks, and I don’t want to blow my entire patriotic load before the Fourth of July.

Speaking of blowing entire loads, it looks like the folks at Nabisco have been doing just that with their Oreo cookies. Over the past two months, they’ve not only released these Creamsicle Oreos, but also Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreo, new flavors of Oreo Fudge Cremes, Oreo Brownies, and Triple Double Oreo.

However, out of that high fructose corn syrup-sweetened group, Creamsicle Oreo is the only one labeled limited edition and I’m disappointed by that because they make me wish every day was National Creamsicle Day.

After all the twisting, licking, biting, and other verbs that sound sexual but are also done with Oreo cookies, I think the cookie as a whole doesn’t taste like a Creamsicle. However, the orange and white creme itself does taste very similar to the frozen treat, but it doesn’t have a strong enough flavor to stand out from the vanilla Oreo cookie. When the creme is combined with the vanilla Oreo cookie, its flavor reminds me of Fruity Pebbles.

Even though the Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo as a whole doesn’t taste like a Creamsicle, it’s still a pretty good cookie. And I look forward to celebrating National Creamsicle Day with it.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein and 2% iron.)

Item: Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo
Price: $2.98
Size: 15.25 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Creme taste like a Creamsicle. As a whole, it tastes like Fruity Pebbles. Honoring something by eating something that honors it. The number of Oreo varieties released recently.
Cons: As a whole, it doesn’t taste like a Creamsicle. Limited edition. Missing years of celebrating National Creamsicle Day. Eating an actual flag on Flag Day.

Just come out and say it, Post.

You’re not 100 percent sure you like Honey Bunches of Oat with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches and Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches. They probably didn’t test well internally, but you’re going to put them out there as limited edition products to see if the general public likes them, and if they do, you’re going to distribute a press release that says they were so popular that you decided to make them permanent members in the Honey Bunches of Oats line.

Or, of course, I could be completely wrong because I’ve got my head so far up the ass of convenience food news that I think I’m able to read between the lines of every new product a company introduces.

I guess I just don’t understand why these two varieties are limited editions because both are much tastier than many of the current permanent Honey Bunches of Oats varieties. **cough** Pecan Bunches **cough** Real Peaches **cough** Real Strawberries **barf**

Both flavors are similar to others from Honey Bunches of Oats’ past. In 2004, Post released Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, which has been discontinued. If the term “EPIC FAIL” was part of my vernacular in 2004, I would’ve called Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas an EPIC FAIL for its disgusting, milk-absorbing banana pieces. As for a close relative of Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches, there’s current flavor, Honey Bunches of Oats with Cinnamon Bunches.

Like most Honey Bunches of Oats varieties, these two limited editions come with the standard crispy flakes that quickly get soggy in milk, crunchy oats, and a touch of honey. I’ve never been a fan of getting a touch of honey, and I really wish these two had an inappropriate massaging of honey instead.

The Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches have a pleasant cinnamon flavor, but not overpowering. That cinnamon flavor, along with the oat clusters, make the cereal taste like a Nature Valley granola bar. I was pleasantly surprised the dried apple pieces didn’t soak up milk faster than a chubby, thirsty cat on a hot summer day and that there were a decent amount of them. Although, they didn’t provide as much apple flavor as I hoped, but what can I expect from dehydrated versions of their former selves. Overall, I enjoyed it and think it should be a permanent member of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.

As for the Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches, I also liked it and think it should be a regular variety available to all, all the time. The bananas are baked into the oat clusters and they give the cereal a mighty good banana flavor. If you like how banana chips taste, then you’re going to like this cereal. Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches is what the banana-flavored Honey Bunches of Oats should’ve been in 2004.

I may want both these cereals to become regular additions to the Honey Bunches of Oats line, but, of course, it’s not up to me, it’s up to Post. To help, I could create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page, but I’m lazy, and I only like these cereals, I don’t LOVE them, which is just like how I imagine Post feels about them.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (just cereal) – with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 15 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals. with Banana Bunches – 120 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 18 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a whole lot o’ vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches
Price: $4.49 each (on sale)
Size: 17.5 ounces (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Size: 18 ounces (with Banana Bunches)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Banana Bunches)
Pros: Tasty. Bananas are baked into the bunches. Decent amount of apples. LEHBOOWRAACB tastes like a granola bar. LEHBOOWBB tastes like banana chips. Should be permanent members of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.
Cons: Needs inappropriate massaging of honey instead. Soggy flakes. Being too lazy to create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page. Limited Edition. My head being so far up the ass of convenience food news.

The Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts are a seasonal flavor that’s been around for a few years, but I never picked them up because the images printed on them freak me out.

The images include a gingerbread house with a working chimney and gingerbread men ice skating, snowboarding and being an ice hockey goalie. Seriously, they look like the hallucinations one would have if they decided to huff a spray snow can or wear a homemade Santa beard made with cotton balls and rubber cement.

Gingerbread men don’t snowboard or ice skate. They just lie there on their backs with their arms stretched out and legs spread open, like a prostitute letting time pass by, waiting for their pay, while their client does their thing on top of them, occasionally letting out an unenthusiastic moan or “You feel so good.”

Instead, Kellogg’s should’ve printed realistic holiday images on these Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts, and I’m not talking about Santa or Christmas trees.

I’m talking about images of people camping out the day before Black Friday at a Best Buy, hoping to score a dirt cheap laptop or HDTV from a brand they’ve never heard of. I’m talking about images of two adults fighting over a toy in the middle of a Walmart. I’m talking about images of children finding out that Santa doesn’t exist when they see their parents stuffing their stockings on Christmas Eve. I’m talking about images of Jewish people having to explain to non-Jewish people what Hanukkah is and how to spell it.

Kellogg’s decided to go bareback with these Pop-Tarts and not make them frosted. I don’t think the Pop-Tarts’ brown crust makes a good canvas for the machine that stamps on the images because the combination of the crust and Federal Food Drug & Cosmetic Act-approved food coloring makes it looks like the Jersey Shore’s Snooki is snowboarding, ice skating and playing goalie for the New Jersey Devils on these Pop-Tarts.

Although they’re not frosted, there are sugar crystals sprinkled on top, which seems unnecessary because sprinkling sugar on an already sugary Pop-Tart is like pooping on poop. What really gives these Pop-Tarts their sugary, teeth-rotting goodness is the white filling inside them, which has a strong vanilla flavor with a bit of gingerbread. The filling combined with the mild gingerbread flavor of the pastry, creates a pleasant Pop-Tarts flavor, which makes me regret not overcoming the freaky images on these Pop-Tarts earlier.

Overall, I enjoyed the Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts, especially when toasted and flipped over so I didn’t have to stare at an image of Snooki skiing while eating it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry/50 grams – 200 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts
Price: $3.99
Size: 12 pastries
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant gingerbread flavor. Best when toasted and flipped over. Vanilla filling also had a little gingerbread flavor. Sniffing rubber cement. Contains seven vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Not frosted. Images freak me out. Gingerbread images remind me of Snooki. Limited edition. Missing Thanksgiving dinner to wait in line at Best Buy for a cheap laptop.

The Limited Edition Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts are one of the few Pop-Tarts flavors that make sense, unlike any Pop-Tarts flavor that include the words “creme” or “milkshake.”

The Pop-Tarts’ crust represents the crust of the pie. The orange pumpkin filling represents the pumpkin in the pie. The white frosting represents the whipped cream dollop on top of the pie. And the fall-colored sprinkles represent excessive Thanksgiving feasting. Because just like getting up for a third helping of turkey and gravy, they’re completely unnecessary and probably aren’t good for you.

Seriously, I’ve never seen anyone put sprinkles on a pumpkin pie’s whipped cream dollop. Sprinkles over the frosting on top of a cupcake…yes. Sprinkles on top of a banana split…yes. Sprinkles dumped into my mouth so I can spit out rainbows…yes. Sprinkles to represent clown pubic hair stubble on a whipped cream bikini bottom…yes. But never on top of whipped cream on a pumpkin pie.

Despite the use of sprinkles, Kellogg’s was able to produce a Pop-Tarts filling that tastes like pumpkin pie, thanks to the use of pumpkin, cinnamon, high fructose corn syrup and, possibly, Black Magic. To be honest, it’s really scary they were able to do so, since most Pop-Tarts don’t really taste like the flavor they’re attempting to emulate.

But I guess that’s just the power of Black Magic.

Because of its familiar pumpkin pie flavor, I have to say I enjoyed the Limited Edition Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts, and they’re definitely somewhere on my Top 10 List of Favorite Pop-Tarts Flavors. It’s too bad they’re a limited edition, but I hope they bring them back next Fall — without the unnecessary sprinkles.

But if you do happen to get your hands on a box or two of the Limited Edition Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts, might I suggest sharing them with friends, just like the Pilgrims and Wampanoag Indians shared fowl, beans, nuts and communicable diseases during the first Thanksgiving.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry/50 grams – 200 calories, 45 grams from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less that 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

(NOTE: Thanks to Roddy from Rodzilla Reviews for mailing me a box.)

Other Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts reviews:
Rodzilla Reviews
Cookie Madness
Junk Food Betty

Item: Limited Edition Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts
Price: $3.50
Size: 12 pastries
Purchased at: Giant Eagle
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pop-Tarts filling tastes like pumpkin pie. One of my top 10 favorite Pop-Tarts. Using Black Magic to create Pop-Tarts. One of the few Pop-Tarts that tastes like what its emulating. Decent source of vitamins and minerals. Comes in a 12 count box. Spitting out rainbows.
Cons: Sprinkles were unnecessary. High fructose corn syrup. Limited edition flavor. Hard to find. Using Black Magic for evil. Communicable diseases. A third helping of Thanksgiving dinner. Clown pubic hair stubble.

The main ingredients that make up the hoity-toity dessert, Bananas Foster, is bananas, vanilla ice cream and the warm sauce that tops it all. Sounds good, right? But that’s not the best part. The sauce is made from butter, brown sugar, dark rum, and banana liqueur. That sounds even better, but that’s not the best part. The best part is when the alcohol is added and it ignites like an outdoor Weber grill filled with lighter fluid-soaked pieces of charcoal.

As you can see, Bananas Foster is a dessert made with ingredients that all sorts of folks will enjoy. Sweet tooths will love the ice cream, alcoholics will love the rum, monkeys will love the bananas and pyromaniacs will love the fire. Unfortunately, the Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster Ice Cream doesn’t include the fiery theatrics of the dessert it attempts to emulate, but it does have the bananas, sugar AND rum.

Yes, there is actual rum in this concoction, but it’s listed at the bottom of the ingredients list, which means you’ll get diarrhea way before you get drunk if you attempt to get hammered with this ice cream.

The Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster Ice Cream is comprised of two components: banana ice cream and brown sugar rum swirls. It smells like banana bread, but tastes like heaven, if the clouds in heaven were yellow and they rained brown sugar and cinnamon and occasionally spritzed rum. The banana ice cream has a strong flavor, but thankfully it isn’t artificial, like most of Heidi Montag’s body. The banana, brown sugar, cinnamon and rum create an awesome, creamy combination that will help you forget about an ex-boyfriend or any other stereotypical scenario seen in movies or on television where eating ice cream is used to help one cope or as encouragement for children to be victorious in the sport they are participating in.

I can’t say whether or not this ice cream tastes like Bananas Foster because I’m too poor to eat at any of the fine dining establishments that offer the dessert and, just like cavemen and mummies, I’m terrified of fire.

However, if Bananas Foster tastes just as titillating as the Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster Ice Cream, I’ll look forward to the day when I can afford to eat at a fine dining establishment, be called “sir” by the employees, drink out of real crystal glasses that make noises when glide my finger around the rim and, after building up some courage, order Bananas Foster — with a side order of fire extinguisher.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 240 calories, 13 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A and 10% calcium.)

Item: Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster
Price: $3.99
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Damn good. Smells like banana bread. Banana ice cream doesn’t have an artificial taste. Creamy good. Will help you forget about exes and encourage children to be victorious in sports, if you believe what you seen on television or in the movies.
Cons: Can’t get drunk off of the rum in the ice cream. This ice cream doesn’t have any fiery theatrics. Only available until December. Doesn’t come in a full pint size. Heidi Montag before her plastic surgery. Heidi Montag after her plastic surgery. Fire.

The new Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme cookies commemorate the 25th birthday of the Dairy Queen Blizzard.

Wait. The Blizzard is 25 years old?

Hmm…All this time I thought it was a minor. So seven years ago, I could’ve legally been hitting on the Dairy Queen Blizzard. I also could’ve looked at sexy photos of it on the internet and fantasized about it without fear of being arrested and having to register as a sex offender. But now that I know it’s 25 years old, the appeal of hooking up with the Blizzard has gone away. An older man getting with an 18-year-old is just below threesomes on the Things That Hugh Hefner Has Done That You Probably Never Will Experience Scale.

Why didn’t some pervert out there with knowledge of Adobe Flash or Javascript build an online 18th birthday countdown timer for the Blizzard?

If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.
If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.
If you’re a pervert and you know it,
Then your online 18th birthday countdown timer for an underage celebrity will surely show it,
If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.

Seriously, other tech savvy pervs have done it for the Olsen Twins, Hayden Panettiere, Britney Spears, Emma Watson, Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan.

Speaking of Lindsay Lohan and things I don’t want to lick, I’m not sure I like dragging my tongue against the Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme’s filling, which contains specks of Oreo cookies. It’s like I’m French kissing sugary coarse sandpaper or licking my unshaven face taint as I try to touch my nose with my tongue. The rough filling has a vanilla flavor that’s slightly more enhanced than what’s in between a regular Oreo cookie, and it’s almost as thick as the filling in a Double Stuf Oreo. I don’t think the limited edition cookie tastes like an Oreo Blizzard and I didn’t find it to be as delectable as regular Oreos. Maybe if I went meta and blended a few of them with some soft serve ice cream they would be better.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Dairy Queen Blizzard. I may have missed your 18th birthday, but I won’t miss the McFlurry’s. Someone please build an online 18th birthday countdown timer for the McFlurry.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 6% iron.)

(NOTE: On Second Scoop also reviewed them and definitely didn’t like them at all.)

Item: Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme
Price: $2.98
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: The House That Sam Built
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. Filling has specks of Oreo cookies and is almost as thick as a Double Stuf Oreo. Having Adobe Flash or Javascript skills, unless you’re an iPhone developer. Dairy Queen Blizzards. Getting to use the word “meta” in a review to make me look like I have vocabulary skills.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like an Oreo Blizzard. Not quite as good as regular Oreos. Missing the Blizzard’s 18th birthday. Contains high fructose corn syrup. Not as many cookies as a pack of regular Oreos. Licking an unshaven face taint.