Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

I’m not surprised a company offers a pizza made out of chocolate. But I’m surprised the company that offers it isn’t Domino’s. (via Chocolate Reviews)

If these potato chips are so exotic, why don’t I get a boner when I look at them, like I do when I see exotic women, exotic cars and exotic birds? (via Yum Yucky)

I should be afraid of a snack seasoned with something called “Death Sauce”, but I’m still alive after consuming a lot of the scarier sounding Taco Bell Nacho Cheese Sauce. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Speaking of nachos, Fritos has a limited edition flavor called Ballpark Nacho. I hear they’re a home run. They’re so tasty, you might want to steal them. They’re so good they might inflate your ERA (External Roundness of Abdomen). (via We Rate Stuff and Hamburger Calculus)

A company called Primer has a caffeinated breath spray to help keep you awake. Another great way to stay awake is to buy normal breath spray and spray it at your eyes. (via Caffeine-A-Holic)

Photo via Flickr user pietrolambert

Lay’s has recently introduced a new line of chips, marketing them as “regional flavors.” There are five different regional flavors, and one flavor that’s being introduced nationwide, which is Tangy Carolina BBQ. What’s up with that, Lay’s? Really, you’re going to pick Carolina to be your national representative? And you don’t even specify which Carolina? I would go with South, but only because Stephen Colbert is from South Carolina, and Stephen Colbert can pretty much get anybody to do anything he wants. He has his own treadmill on the International Space Station, for Christ’s sake.

Carolina conundrums aside, here are the five regional flavors:

Northeastern US: Pepper Relish – “Available in New York, Northeast and Mid-Atlantic States”

Midwestern US: Garden Tomato & Basil – “Available in the Heartland, the Mid American and Midwest States”

Northwestern US: Balsamic Sweet Onion – “Available in Alaska, the Pacific Northwest and Northern California”

Southwestern US: Southwest Cheese & Chiles – “Available in Texas, Southern California and the Mountain States”

Southeastern US: Cajun Herb & Spice – “Available in the Carolinas, the Southeast and Central Gulf States, and Florida”

Oh, so the Carolinas get two chip flavors, now? I smell a Carolinan plant in the Lay’s flavor lab. No, wait, I see it now – Stephen Colbert heard about Lay’s regional flavors and placed a quick phone call. Boom! Two Carolina flavors. Somebody needs to keep that man in check.

I have to say, though, all six flavors sound downright delicious. Potentially. I think we’re all aware of how easily chip flavors can go horribly wrong. I’m just thankful they kept the flavors pretty reasonable, instead of flying off the handle with flavors like hamburger, or hot dog. Or pizza. Or, God help us, Garbage Plate.

Unfortunately, I’ll never get to experience most of these flavors. While I find this marketing strategy cute, it does have the negative side effect of limiting Frito-Lay’s markets, and vaguely pissing me off in the process. Also, you could twist the “regional favorites” idea into “stereotypes about what certain people around the country like to eat.” Gulf States, you’re nothing but a Cajun-style blackened catfish to Lay’s.

And I, hailing from the unfortunate state of Arizona, arguably a Mountain State, am nothing but cheese and chiles. I think that loosely translates into “Mexican.” Where’s the Arizona shout out? Texas and SoCal, but not Arizona? I’m offended. C’mon, Lay’s; face it, when you think “southwest”, you think deserts, cacti, and Kokopelli. If that’s not Arizona, or at least, other people’s perception of it, then what is?

But hey, I’ll be honest – Arizona has a large Mexican population, and therefore, a lot of Mexican restaurants, which means lots of cheese, and lots of chiles. I am perfectly okay with this, since Mexican is my favorite kind of food, and you don’t have to look far to find an authentic Mexican food experience, aka the taquería. I can sit smugly in my small, dingy, non-air-conditioned local Mexican joint, confident that most of the rest of the country are chowing down on Chalupas, imagining that they are eating Mexican food. You are not. You fail.

The back of the bag features a recipe for…Southwest Cheese & Chiles Dip. That’s so meta. I’m not sure if this implies that you should dip your Lay’s Southwest Cheese & Chiles into your Southwest Cheese and Chiles Dip, but I have to say, that recipe actually sounds delicious. I might actually make it someday soon. Wait, the bag only contains the ingredients, not the recipe itself. I’m assuming the recipe is “mix everything together,” but now my confidence is shaken, because it says I have to go to Lays.com to see how to do it. So I did that. And I couldn’t find the recipe anywhere. I couldn’t even find a recipe section. I did a website search for it, and again came up empty-handed. “Did you mean sw cheese & chives dip?” NO. NO I DID NOT. If any of you readers out there can actually find the recipe, feel free to post the URL in the comments section. For now, I’m stumped.

So I guess I’ll never get to know if I’m a tool for taking cooking advice from the back of a bag of chips. I suppose that’s for the best. But hey, we’re not here for the dip, we’re here for the chips! Will they embody everything the southwest region stands for, which, apparently, is cheese and chiles?

I have to say, I actually made that semi-surprised “Mmmm!” sound out loud when I popped the first chip in my mouth. Which is even weirder than it sounds when you realize that I’m alone in my apartment with my two cats. Actually, I guess that’s better than someone hearing it, because really, who does that? Me, I guess.

What I’m trying to say here is that, while it’s kind of hard to go wrong with spicy cheese chips, these are some of the better ones I’ve had. The cheese is the exact same flavor as can be found in Lay’s Cheddar and Sour Cream. I’d fall over from shock if you told me that powder didn’t come from the same vat. Or whatever they keep their flavor powders in.

The chiles part of this equation is much milder than I expected it to be. Honestly, there’s almost no heat at all, which you might find disappointing, but then you hit one that gives you a little burst of unmistakeable chile flavor. It’s not just “generic spicy,” it’s chile. I’m going to say poblanos, even though they aren’t listed as an ingredient. The chips are perfectly in line with the mild heat of that pepper, too. Somehow, they made that poblano flavor happen, and, while subtle, it’s delicious.

I have to hand it to Lay’s – all stereotyping aside, I think they did a fine job of capturing the taste of the southwest. Of course, I can only speak for my home state, but they sure nailed the flavor of Arizona. Sure, cheese flavor, anyone can do that. It’s cheese. But when that chile flavor hits, I feel like I’m standing in the parking lot of my local Mexican grocery store, where they have a big 55-gallon-drum grill set up near the entrance, roasting big batches of poblano peppers. Now I sound like I’m writing a commercial for Lay’s. Damn you, Lay’s Southwest Cheese and Chiles!

As a side note, for those of you concerned with things like “health” and “not ingesting so many preservatives that your body embalms itself,” it might interest you to know that all the regional Lay’s are made with “all natural potatoes and seasonings.” Your days of yearning for a chip that isn’t made with Styrofoam potatoes is over. Raise your hands to the gods in thanks.

I may never get a chance to taste all the other regional flavors, but I give Lay’s Southwest Cheese & Chiles a thumbs up both for flavor and accomplishing their marketing goal, which was to capture the flavor of a distinct and unique region of the United States. For those of you living in the other 40.5 states, you can get creative and try to find this flavor on eBay or something, or you could try out your own regional flavor and see how it stacks up. Hopefully, you’ll be as satisfied as I am.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package — 290 calories, 170 calories from fat, 18 grams of total fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 8 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 8 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 800 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, 2% calcium, 20 % vitamin C and 6% iron.)

Item: Lay’s Southwest Cheese & Chiles Potato Chips

Price: 99 cents

Size: 1 7/8 ounces

Purchased at: Circle K

Rating: 8 out of 10

Pros: Captures the flavors of the region. The smell of roasting poblano peppers. All-natural ingredients. Tastes like chiles, not just “spicy.” Taquerías. Yummy cheddar flavor, even if it was stolen from another Lay’s product.

Cons: May disappoint some in the spicy heat department. The Carolinas get two flavors. Only available in 9.5 states. Mysteriously absent dip recipes. Stephen Colbert eventually ruling the world.

Oh my God! The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle feels like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into my mouth! It burns! It burns! It burns!

Okay, it’s not really that hot to me, but others might feel that way.

The winner of last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest is quite possibly the spiciest potato chip I’ve ever had, although I might’ve in the past had a potato chip that was so spicy that it traumatized me and caused me to lose any memory of it. Eating something so disturbing and losing my memory of it has happened before.

The Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle contains the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse: chili, chipotle, cayenne, habanero, and jalapeno. Thanks to those spices, each chip looks like it’s burnt rather than golden brown and they also look like scabs. The heat from the Five Peppers of the Hotpocalypse does not instantly hit you, like walking out of a Las Vegas casino on a hot summer day after 24 hours straight of debauchery, instead it’s a slow burn that builds up to a medium heat that sticks with you for a while.

While it may contain a spectrum of hot spices, the chipotle is the pepper that stands out the most and also provides a nice smoky flavor, which fortunately isn’t overwhelmed by the heat of the other peppers. Its smokiness combined with its spiciness makes for one delicious chip, although its heat will probably agitate some peoples’ palates. I’m not surprised I enjoyed them because I like spicy and I also believe Kettle Chips makes some of the best tasting potato chips on the planet.

So if you like spicy, I’d definitely recommend the crunchy Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle potato chips. But if you don’t like spicy, I’d definitely recommend staying away from these chips because it really will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 410 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% Vitamin A, 20% Vitamin C, and 4% Iron.)

(Editor’s Note: More reviews via Slashfood and The Cook’s Kitchen.)

Item: Kettle Chips Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips
Price: $3.29
Size: 5 ounces
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice smoky, spicy flavor. Crunchy. Lots of spices. No trans fat. Spices don’t overwhelm the chip’s flavor. Me likey the spicy. Winner of the last year’s Kettle Peoples’ Choice contest
Cons: Its dark color makes them look like scabs. If you don’t like spicy, it will feel like someone is pouring liquid chlamydia into your mouth. Might not be a permanent addition to Kettle Chips lineup. Eating something so traumatic that you forgot you ate it.

If you’re under the age of five, you probably won’t remember a time when Wheat Thins came in only two versions: original and low sodium. Since then, Nabisco has been pumping out new Wheat Thins flavors at a pace equal to the rate übermom Michelle Duggar pumps out new babies from her bountiful womb. One of the latest additions to the Nabisco snack family is the Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins.

Cinnamon seems like a logical sweet flavor for Wheat Thins to dip their whole grain toes in because, honestly, I don’t think the world is ready for the greatness that could be found in Frosted Wheat Thins, Chocolate Wheat Thins or Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins. Personally, I know I wouldn’t be able to handle that greatness, and if they ever did make any of those I would eat so much of it that they could no longer call it “Wheat Thins,” since it would cause me to become the opposite of thin.

Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins come close to that greatness because they are quite delicious, but I don’t have the urge to buy out the supply in every single store within a 20 mile radius, like I probably would with Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins. At first, I thought the cinnamon flavor was a little too light, but then remembered the name of the product and kept chomping along. Complaining about the light cinnamon flavor is hard when on the front of the box it says in nice big letters, “Lightly Cinnamon.” It’s like getting angry at Fatburger for making me fat through the consumption of burgers.

The more I ate the Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins, the more I thought it had the right amount of cinnamon flavor. There was just enough cinnamon to make you forget you’re eating Wheat Thins and getting five grams of whole grains, but not so much that you might think you’re snorting lines of cinnamon off of a hooker’s ass.

I have to say that this is one of my favorite Wheat Thins flavors, and much like I look forward to finding out how many more children Michelle Duggar can squirt out before menopause hits, I look forward to finding out how many more sweet Wheat Thins flavors Nabisco will pump out.

(Nutrition Facts – 15 crackers – 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 0% Vitamin A, 2% Calcium, 0% Vitamin C, and 6% Iron.)

Item: Nabisco Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins
Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Delicious. Right amount of cinnamon. First sweet Wheat Thins. One of my favorite Wheat Thins flavors. 5 grams of whole grain per serving. Frosted Wheat Thins, Chocolate Wheat Thins or Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins.
Cons: Contains HFCS. Getting fat by eating Fatburgers. Watching the TV Show 17 Kids and Counting (It’s not as entertaining as Jon & Kate Plus 8). Getting fat whenever Nabisco makes Frosted Wheat Thins, Chocolate Wheat Thins or Frosted Chocolate Wheat Thins.