With the introduction of each Wrigley’s 5 Gum flavor, Wrigley’s steps closer to displacing all the pudgy, homely packs of Wrigley’s Extra Gum with younger, sexier, and skinnier versions of them.

First, Extra’s Spearmint, Peppermint, and Cinnamon were superseded by Rain, Cobalt, and Flare. Then Extra’s Winterfresh, Bubble Gum, Island Cooler, and Berry Paradise were supplanted by Solstice, Zing, Lush, and Elixir. Finally, Extra’s Cool Watermelon and Cool Green Apple were displaced by Prism and, the latest Wrigley’s 5 Gum flavor, Vortex.

A pack of Vortex smells like what I imagine a Scratch n Sniff green apple sticker would smell like, an exaggerated artificial green apple aroma that I don’t want anywhere on my Trapper Keeper. The gum’s initial flavor is a bit harsh. The flavor has an unusual sour flavor for the first 20-30 seconds of chewing, but after that it tones down and the artificial green apple flavor comes through to ruin my taste buds’ day.

The gum loses most of its flavor at the 6-7 minute mark, which is surprising for a Wrigley’s 5 Gum. At the 8-10 minute mark, the gum takes a turn for the worst and it’s almost devoid of flavor. After 15 minutes, my taste buds couldn’t take it anymore and they ejected the gum. However, I quickly learned spitting out the gum was probably not a wise decision, since it leaves behind a horrible after-aftertaste.

Because I’m a mouth breather, every time I inhale after spitting out this gum, I could taste whatever flavor residue was left behind by Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum. This after-aftertaste is the worst part of this gum, because it tastes as though I ate a saltine cracker.

Now, I enjoy a good saltine cracker when I’m having trouble keeping down food or when I want all the saliva in my mouth to be sucked up, but having the flavor of one in my mouth after chewing gum is unpleasant. If only there was something I could chew on to get rid of that unpleasant taste in my mouth.

I can’t blame Wrigley’s for coming out with ANOTHER 5 Gum flavor to make Wrigley’s Extra Gum line be self-conscious about their looks, because the sexier chewing gum line, with its slim black box and one word names that have also been used by automobile manufacturers and strippers, is marketed to teens, and their tastes change as often as their Facebook statuses.

While Vortex wouldn’t make a good stripper name, although Vicky Vortex would make a good porn star stage name, Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum has a fitting name, because vortexes suck, and so does this gum.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum reviews:
Gigi Reviews
Gum Alert

Item: Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum
Price: $1.29
Size: 15 pieces
Purchased at: A Korean convenience store
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Sugar-free. Comes in a sexy, slim box, the skinny jeans of gum packaging, if you will. Saltine crackers when feeling icky. Trapper Keepers.
Cons: Like vortexes, this gum sucks. Unpleasant after-aftertaste, which is like eating saltine crackers. Slightly unpleasant artificial green apple flavor that makes my taste buds unhappy. Flavor doesn’t last long. Pudgy, homely packs of Extra Gum. Being displacing by a younger, sexier version.

The Eclipse Breeze Gum contains an ingredient called cardamom, which sounds less like an ingredient and more like a dancehall reggae artist. Big up! According to the packaging, “Cardamom is a natural ingredient that has been used for centuries in Asian and India to freshen breath and is scientifically proven to neutralize even the toughest breath odors from coffee, garlic, onions and even smoking.”

This bad breath beating gum comes in two flavors: Exotic Mint and Exotic Berry. I have no idea what’s exotic about them. I’ve been to a number of places with the word “exotic” in their name, so I think I might know a little something about being exotic.

For example, I’ve been to Exotic Nights, Exotic Nites, Exotic Knights, Exotic Heaven, Club Exotic, Exotic Club, Platinum Exotic, Exotic Dreams, Wild Exotic, Exotic Pulse, Exotic Gold, Exotic Indulgences, Exotic House, Exotic Ecstasy, Exotic Moon, Exotic Moon 2, and Exotic Moon 3.

From my experiences at these fine establishments, I don’t think the flavors of the Eclipse Breeze gum are exotic because they don’t make me want to spit out dollar bills, like a human ATM, into the g-strings of female 20-somethings, or occasionally, usually during the day, 30-somethings with cesarean section scars.

Unlike most of the latest chewing gums, the Eclipse Breeze doesn’t have a strong flavor. While others give a big minty kick, these are more like a nudge. But don’t let that nudge fool you, the cardamom does an excellent job of freshening your breath, but it doesn’t do it by burning your mouth with mint flavor.

While the Eclipse Breeze gum does great with turning your foul breath into something much more pleasant, I wish the flavor of the Exotic Berry didn’t make me want to punch my own face to spit it out. At the beginning, it had a decent fake strawberry-ish flavor, but once I penetrated its hard outer shell, its taste quickly turned medicine-like, making me wonder if I was being punished for something.

As for the Exotic Mint, it was significantly better than Exotic Berry and its flavor reminded me of Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum, but I was disappointed a set of hot blonde twins didn’t come with it.

I guess I’ll have to go to Exotic Moon 2 for that.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 pieces – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol and 0 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: Gigi Reviews also didn’t care for the Exotic Berry, but enjoyed the Exotic Mint. Snack Love reviewed the Exotic Mint.)

Item: Eclipse Breeze Gum (Exotic Berry & Exotic Mint)
Price: $1.25
Size: 12-pack
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Exotic Berry)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Exotic Mint)
Pros: Does an excellent job of freshening breath quickly. Sugar free. Exotic Mint tastes like Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum. Five calories for two pieces. Exotic Moon 2.
Cons: Exotic Berry flavor was somewhat vile. Doesn’t have strong flavors. Flavors weren’t exotic and didn’t make me want to become a human ATM near women in g-strings. Cardamom sounds like a reggae artist. Exotic Knights, which got its name because Exotic Nights and Exotic Nites were already taken.