Month: November 2004

REVIEW: Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl

Marvo 14 Comments

Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl

Sometimes I buy a product to please the Television Advertising Gods in hopes that they stop playing the DAMN annoying commercial that promotes the product.

This was the case with the new Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl.

The commercial goes something like this:

Some guy and his cute girlfriend come up to the register. The guy asks the person at the register if it’s true that the employees won’t make a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, until they order it. The person working the register says yes.

Then the guy jerks around with the Taco Bell employees by not completing their order for the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl. This goes on for a while, until the cute girlfriend interrupts him and finishes the order.

Why is it that some cute and smart women end up with assholes?

Anyway, in hopes of putting a stop to this commercial, I purchased a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl with it’s grilled, marinated all-white-meat chicken; cool, crisp lettuce; fiesta salsa; hot steaming rice; and warm beans. It also came with a dressing, which apparently gives it its zest.

I decided to taste the dressing first to find out if it was going to be another McDonald’s buffalo sauce.

Well the dressing tasted like crap, but I thought the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl wouldn’t be a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl without the zest, so I added it.

To my surprise, mixing it with the Border Bowl made it taste pretty good.

I guess it’s kind of like how fertilizer smells and tastes like crap, but when added to a flower garden, it makes the garden look beautiful.

You might be wondering how this is possible. Well let’s just chalk it up as one of those mysteries that may never get solved because most people don’t care, like whether or not Creed was a Christian rock band.

Despite sacrificing a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, I still see the DAMN commercial.

It’s a good thing the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl is tasty, because it looks like I’m going to have to eat a few more to please the Television Advertising Gods.

Item: Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl
Purchase Price: $3.79
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: A meal in a bowl. Border Bowl tastes good with dressing.
Cons: Damn annoying commercial. Dressing tastes like crap without Border Bowl. Didn’t please Television Advertising Gods.

Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding

Marvo 19 Comments

Jell-O Oreo

I really like pudding, but I’m not sure why.

It could be because pudding is really good. Or because pudding is fun and quick to make. Or because pudding is something I enjoy licking off of a woman’s body. I don’t know.

What I do know is that the Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding I bought was really good. Then again I really enjoy anything labeled Oreo or cookies and cream, but not as much as licking pudding off of a woman’s body.

Anyway, making the pudding took less than five minutes and after I was done, I let it sit in the refrigerator for awhile.

Later, I pulled the bowl out and began eating it.

While eating it, I flipped through the 200-plus television stations I can watch and I happened to come across The Cosby Show. Then, thanks to Mr. Cosby, an idea popped into my head:

JELL-O PUDDING POPS, BABY!!!

You blogging moms like that idea, right? Pretty good, eh? I feel so Martha-ish.

I think I’d make a great blogging dad some day. If only I didn’t scare women away with that whole licking-pudding-off-of-their-body-thing.

Although making pudding pops was a good idea, there was a slight problem: I’ve never made pudding pops before. I didn’t know what I could use to put the pudding in, so that I could stick it in the freezer.

At first, I thought about putting the pudding into my, “Coffee: The Breakfast of Office Workers” coffee mug, but realized that I would have a pretty huge pudding pop on my hands.

Then I had the great idea to use an ice cube tray. So I scooped out the pudding and put them into the ice tray’s slots. I let them sit in the freezer for a couple of hours and they turned into frozen pudding goodness.

However, I had a problem with taking them out of the ice tray.

I know, blogging moms. I should’ve put popsicle sticks in them.

Unfortunately, I used up all of my popsicle sticks because when I role-play, I like to play doctor.

The pudding pops turned out pretty good, but I found out if you leave them in the freezer for more than a couple of days, freezer burn sets in.

So if you like Oreos, pudding, or licking stuff off of a person’s body, then I would recommend Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding.

Item: Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding
Purchase Price: $1.69
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Great tasting. Quick and easy to make. Great to lick off of body parts, if partner is willing.
Cons: Remember to use popsicle sticks when making pudding pops. Can get messy if trying to lick off of body parts.

The Incredibles Cereal

Marvo 18 Comments

The Incredibles Cereal

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Don’t ANY of you tell me anything about The Incredibles movie. I didn’t see it yet. I haven’t read any of the reviews. I don’t know how well it’s done at the box office. All I’ve seen is the movie trailer.

So don’t say anything.

Lalalalala. I’m not listening to you. Lalalalala. I’m not listening to you.

Also, DON’T tell me anything about the Star Wars Episode III trailer that played before the movie. Don’t you dare!

If ANY of you spoil this for me, I swear I’ll…Um…Keep. Doing. More. Reviews.

Anyway, I’ve wanted to see The Incredibles for a long time, but it wasn’t until I tried The Incredibles cereal that I REALLY wanted to see the movie.

I have this theory that if they make a movie promotional cereal and it sucks, that means the movie will kick ass. So far, basing a movie on how crappy the cereal is has been very accurate.

For example, I reviewed Spider-Man cereal, which came out with the release of Spider-Man 2 in theaters. The cereal wasn’t very good and there wasn’t anything special about it, but the movie was fricken’ awesome. Although I wish in Spider-Man 2 there was another scene with Kirsten Dunst in the cold rain.

Shrek 2 was another movie with a crappy cereal, but was a blast to watch in theaters.

So how was The Incredibles cereal? Hmmm… How can I put it nicely?

Let’s just say that the best part of the cereal was the word find puzzle on the back of the box, which took me a little too long to finish.

The cereal is supposed to have a strawberry flavor, which they call Incrediberry Blast. However, my taste buds seemed to think that it actually tasted kind of flowery. Now you’re probably asking yourself, “How do I know what flowers taste like?”

Let’s just say I like garnishes a little too much.

Item: The Incredibles Cereal
Purchase Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Limited edition, thank goodness. Puzzle on back of box.
Cons: Flowery taste. Needs a toy in the box. The movie will be waaaay better.

REVIEW: SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal

Marvo 8 Comments

SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal

I’ve always been a sucker for cereals with marshmallows.

Whether it’s Lucky Charms or Count Chocula, I’ve enjoyed sinking my teeth into those crunchy freeze-dried marshmallows. There’s something about them that makes the cereal better.

Oh, I know. They add more sugar.

Being a connoisseur of fine breakfast cereals with marshmallows, I had to try the SpongeBob SquarePants cereal, with marshmallows in the shapes of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pineapple.

Honestly, I don’t know who Patrick and Pineapple are, because I’ve never watched an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. I also haven’t watched an episode of the O.C., American Idol, or CSI, because I’m afraid if I did, I would get hooked and never leave my apartment.

Oh, wait. I’m already hooked on the internet and never leave my apartment.

As for SpongeBob SquarePants, I’ve never watched it because it’s on Nickelodeon, which is a 24-hour kids network. I’m a 28-year old man. I’m too mature to watch a kids network. Instead I watch the Cartoon Network.

(sigh)

No wonder the women run away from me.

The SpongeBob SquarePants cereal is kind of like Cap’n Crunch with marshmallows, except without the raw upper palate that Cap’n Crunch gives me. Although I don’t know if you should trust me with taste comparisons, since it seems like I’m the ONLY person who thinks Pepsi Holiday Spice tastes like Coke.

Well the marshmallows definitely add a lot to the cereal, but I felt they were kind of small and I didn’t think there were enough of them. You can never have too many marshmallows.

Actually, if they made a cereal out of just marshmallows, I would be all over that, like paparazzi around Tara Reid .

Item: Kellogg’s SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal
Purchase Price: $3.69 (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Mmmm…Marshmallows. Cap’n Crunch like.
Cons: Not enough marshmallows. Small marshmallows. I’ve never watched SpongeBob SquarePants.

Happy Day Off!!!

Marvo 32 Comments

We’re sorry, we’ve decided to take the day off.

Yes, we’ve noticed that this is the second straight week we haven’t had a review on Thursday, but it’s not like we’re planning this.

Okay, this week we planned it. But last week, we didn’t plan for our hard drive to crash.

However, we’re going to make it up to you folks.

Yes, it does smells like another product review election.

But you know what, I’m feeling like Oprah, except without the millions of dollars and Dr. Phil. So not only are we going to have a product review election, we’re also going to give you TWO reviews tomorrow.

(audience screams)

YOU GET A REVIEW!

YOU GET A REVIEW!

YOU GET A…

Oh wait, there’s only two reviews.

Um…All of you have to share the two. I don’t know how you’re going to split it up, but you folks can figure it out.

So for this election we’re going to give you three choices and the top two vote getters will have their reviews posted on Friday.

Here are your choices:

1. Fruit Harvest Peach Strawberry Cereal

2. The Incredibles Cereal

3. Spongebob Squarepants Cereal

To vote, just leave a comment with your choice.

Voting will end at 12:01 am Hawaii Standard Time (HST) on Friday.

If you want to know what time that is in your neck of the woods, visit this site.

Now Rock the Vote!!!

Voting is now closed.