Jif Peanut Butter & Honey Creamy Peanut Butter

Jif Peanut Butter & Honey

Dear Marvo,

At the Impulsive Buy, you’ve reviewed several products that you recommended for licking off of your lover’s body, like the Jello Oreo Instant Pudding and the Mrs. Butterworth’s Little Dunkers.

My wife and I would like to add some spice to our relationship by using food products during our lovemaking sessions.

We’ve grown tired of role-playing, strip poker, video taping, blindfolds, Kama Sutra techniques, exhibitionism, Tantric sex, ball gags, Kinky Kards, light bondage, heavy bondage, electric shocks, anal beads, partner swinging, strap-ons, watersports, whips, dildos, body painting, feathers, vibrators, sex swings, ben wah balls, Sybians, and nipple clips.

Recently, during a trip to the grocery store, we noticed the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey Creamy Peanut Butter and wondered if it would make a good product to lick off of our bodies?

Could you please let us know.

Thank you,
Wannabe Messy Lovers

Dear Wannabe Messy Lovers,

To be honest, I’m not a fan of using peanut butter in the bedroom.

First off, the smell of peanut butter is not sexy, unless you enjoy slapping shells with Mr. Peanut. One of the few things that can make the words, “I wanna lick your (insert body part here),” not so sexy is peanut butter breath. Also, that sentence is no longer sexy when it begins or ends with a name that’s not yours.

Another reason why I’m not a fan of using peanut butter during sex is because of the gooey consistency of peanut butter. As a matter of fact, the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey was noticeably thicker than regular Jif Peanut Butter, which was probably due to the honey in it.

The problem with the consistency of the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey and other peanut butters is that they’re harder to spread around than something like hot fudge, marshmallow fluff, maple syrup, edible lubrication, and Slurpees.

In the kitchen, if it’s harder to spread on bread, you may end up with torn bread. In the bedroom, if it’s harder to spread in your lover’s armpit, it’s going to be harder to lick out of your lover’s armpit.

There’s a reason why Mr. Owl bites to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop instead of licking all the way through. He knew the tongue is a muscle and it will get tired. If your tongue gets tired from licking up peanut butter, it’s going to be too tired to lick anything else, like nipples and in between toes.

The final reason why I think peanut butter is bad in bed is because there’s nothing erotic about peanut butter. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac; a bikini can be made from canned whipped cream; hot fudge, at the right temperature, can cause a pleasurable pain; and Slurpees can make your nipples hard.

Anyway, I wouldn’t recommend the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey for use in the bedroom, but I would recommend it for your next sandwich. The flavor sort of reminded me of the Jif Honey Roasted Peanut Butter I’ve tried in the past, but the honey flavor was not as strong.

It’s good stuff, but just not good enough for me to lick off of a woman’s breast, inner thigh, or taint.

The Impulsive Buy

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to CT from the Population Statistic for suggesting the Jif Peanut Butter & Honey Creamy Peanut Butter.)

Item: Jif Peanut Butter & Honey Creamy Peanut Butter
Purchase Price: $4.29
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Good. Nice light honey taste.
Cons: Noticeably thicker than regular peanut butter, which may make it slightly harder to spread on bread. Not good for licking off of a lover’s body. Nothing erotic about peanut butter. Peanut butter breath.

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