Gillette Fusion Power

(Editor’s Note: To understand today’s review, you should be familiar with the MTV show Pimp My Ride. If you aren’t, read about it here, then read the review.)

(Marvo enters West Coast Customs.)

Xzibit: Check this out. When I first saw your razor, Marvo, I wanted to dispose of your disposable razor because it looked like it couldn’t even shave the mustache off of a Russian female weightlifter on steroids. It had only two blades that looked as sharp as a butter knives. Plus, it had that lame blue and seafoam paint job. But the fellas at West Coast Customs turned your butter knife into a samurai sword. Check out your new razor.

(Pulls curtain off of new razor.)

Marvo: OH SNAP! NO WAY! NO WAY! NO WAY, MAN! That can’t be my razor!

(Marvo jumps on Xzibit, accidently scratching Xzibit’s face with his beard)

Xzibit: Yo, Grizzly Adams! Get off of me!

(West Coast Customs crew clap and cheer.)

Q: Wassup, Marvo. Now the first thing you probably notice about your new razor is the color. We had to get rid of that wack blue and seafoam paint job because it looked depressing. So we hooked you up with a copper and silver paint job, but as you can also see, we put on a lot of chrome.

Marvo: Awww, hell yeah! Now that’s whut I’m talkin’ ’bout!

Q: You’ve got a chrome handle and a chrome neck, so you can always check yourself to see how good you’re looking.

Xzibit: Or see if you’ve got anything between your teeth. Heh, heh.

Q: We also put on some ground effects to make your razor look sleek. It’s easy to detach the ground effects from your razor. Also, if you look underneath the ground effects there’s room for extra razor cartridges.

Marvo: Damn!

Q: Now remember how your razor had just two blades that couldn’t put a dent into the dense hairy legs of a mountain hippie. We solved that by taking out your two lame blades and replacing them with FIVE smaller and thinner blades.

Marvo: No way! FIVE BLADES! How did you guys do that?

Xzibit: Ancient Chinese secret. Heh, heh.

Q: Also, you know how sometimes it’s hard to even out your sideburns. Well we added a sixth blade on the top of the razor’s head to help you maintain your sideburns. So incase you want to be Elvis, you’ve got the Precision Trimmer to help you.

Xzibit: (Impersonating Elvis) Thank you. Thank you very much.

Q: Now Mad Mike’s gonna show you all the crazy electronics we put in your razor.

Mad Mike: Hey, Marvo. Press that copper button right there.

(Marvo presses button.)

Marvo: OH SNAP! It’s vibrating.

Mad Mike: That vibrating is actually gentle micro-pulses which will help you get a closer shave by stimulating your hair.

Xzibit: It vibrates? So I guess guys AND girls will like your razor. Heh, heh.

Mad Mike: To make it vibrate we put a battery in your razor. It’s even got a indicator that tells you when your battery is running low.

Marvo: A battery!?! No way, dawg! That’s insane.

Xzibit: Now there’s one last thing I want to give you. Because it costs and arm and a leg to buy replacement cartridges for your new razor, I’m going to give you a set of extra razor cartridges.

Marvo: Thanks Xzibit, and thanks West Coast Customs, you guys did an awesome job, but now I have to take this razor for a test spin.

Xzibit: Well dawg, you’ve officially been pimped.

(Marvo heads back home in his beat down Ford Pinto. He pulls up to his apartment where his friends are waiting. Marvo shows them his pimped razor. His friends go wild.)

Random Friend: Oh my god! It vibrates!

Random Friend Who Is Pretending To Be Marvo’s Friend Because He Wanted To Be On TV: There’s FIVE BLADES! Oh, I can’t wait for the six blade razor.

Sasquatch: Oh man, I TOTALLY need one of those!

Marvo: Man, getting my razor pimped was the best thing that has ever happened to me, even better than that time I saw John Ritter at our local shopping center. Although, it took some time getting used to my pimped razor because the head of the razor is so big. The Precision Trimmer totally helped with maintaining my sideburns. I definitely think I got a closer and more comfortable shave than with my old blue and seafoam razor, but I think the shaving job was just as good as my other razor. Maybe with my clean shaven face, the women will starts to notice me.

Marvo: Thanks MTV for Pimpin’ My Razor.

Item: Gillette Fusion Power
Purchase Price: $9.94
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Close and comfortable shave. Just as good as my Gillette M3Power Nitro. Totally pimped our razor. Shiny. Five frickin’ blades. Precision Trimmer is helpful with sideburns. It frickin’ vibrates. Low battery light indicator. Shower safe.
Cons: Big razor head took some time getting used to. Not backwards compatible with Mach3 cartridges. New cartridges cost an arm and a leg, around $14 for only FOUR of them.

33 thoughts to “Gillette Fusion Power”

  1. I think I must be getting old…I had never heard of this show prior to your review. Of course, I have an ultra-pimped electric razor myself (Norelco) so maybe I’m being fashionably modern without trying.

  2. What about the matching shaving gel, Marvo? For the full experience, SURELY you want to use the fusion gel, too? All right, for Christmas I got an electric razor that I love, so no more blades. Besides, I once again state my fear of razor blades that vibrate. I still just have this horrible image of slicing my face to ribbons with one of those. It looks cool, though.

  3. You’re the second person this week that made a spoof on pimp my ride. First i saw pimp my golfcart, then this. What has the world come to?? 5 blades? Y not 16?

  4. I hate to say it, but if they ever come out with the pink and girly version, I’m so there. I’m sorry, Schick Quattro for Her, but I’ll drop you like a bad habit for a 5-blader.

  5. Whats next?! A razor that does the shaving on its own?!

    I need someone to pimp my razor too, I have the Venus Vibrance.

  6. Damn, I thought $5 for 4 carts on my Quattro was expensive. Not too much facial hair on me though.

    Now you need MTV to come and Pinp My (your) Blog. Wonder what it would look like. Hot tub in the back seat? 50″ plasma? (I think that is as big as they ever went)

  7. There’s a show on CMT called “Trick My Truck.” It’s a complete ripoff of “Pimp My Ride.” What’s next, a Food Network show called “Mack My Macaroni”??

  8. Loved the before and after shots. I just got this razor with out the Power as I was worried like everyone else about 5 blades of vibrating power on my legs!

  9. Mir – Oh, don’t worry. I’m used to being called buttface.

    Lord Jezo – I’ll be laughing when someone gets to eight blades. Or when some company comes up with the greatest one blade razor ever.

    Master Foley – Thanks. I like it too. I also like the review where I’m talking to Hitler about pears.

    Chuck – But is your ultra-pimped razor colored copper and chrome? That’s totally pimpin’.

    Lizzy – This is the result of watching a little more MTV than I should. I’ll probably do a Cribs-like review next.

    Pel – I tried looking for the matching shaving gel and aftershave gel, but none of the stores carried it. But the stores did have lots and lots of $14 Fusion Power replacement cartridges.

    Lucy – Shhhh! Don’t give them ideas!!! They might actually do it!!!

    AmberLB – Actually, the battery gives it a nice solid feel. It’s definitely not unwieldy. But I’m used to razors with batteries in them, since I’ve been using another vibrating razor for the past few months.

  10. Mandy – I say within six months, you’ll have your wish granted. I really hope your wish is granted, because I wouldn’t mind reviewing it.

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – Ooh, like a Roomba!!! That would totally rock!!!

    Toni – It’s better than five bees vibrating on my face…You know Flintstones-style.

    Muneer – You lucky bastard! I wish I didn’t have a lot of facial hair. Anyway, I definitely need my blog pimped. This design is getting old.

    rfduck – I’d watch Mack My Macaroni. I bet it would be better than MTV’s Date My Mom.

    Damasta – I love that show too, but there hasn’t been a new episode for a while.

    Sasha_Kitty – Blade jugglers throwing knives around my legs is scary. Five blades shaving…Not so much.

    klew – It’s cool having Sasquatch over, but with his body odor, I don’t like him hanging around too much. I tried giving him deodorant, but all he did was just eat it.

  11. Yeah im too much of a cheap bastard to pay that much for the extra cartriges…I’m concerned that companies are going overboard with the number of blades attatched to stuff, someone will loose a chunk of chin and then all hell with break loose.

  12. For the Super Bowl ad, Gilette should’ve just had their CEO come on and say “Yo, Schick! Five blades, bitch. … What? Six blades? oh! oh! oh! Well lookie here! One more on the back!”

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