Happy Second Anniversary!!! (Or Happy Blogiversary!!!)

(Editor’s Note: I thought with it being The Impulsive Buy’s second anniversary today, I would take the time to let you know more about The Impulsive Buy via an interview with someone who knows me quite well. As a matter of fact, I’ve slept with this person so many times that this person knows the ins and outs about me, The Impulsive Buy, and a couple of sexual position that I cannot physically explain without dislocating something. The person I’m talking about is…myself.)

Marvo: First off, let me congratulate you on reaching the two year milestone at The Impulsive Buy.

Marvo: Thanks, it’s been an awesome two years.

Marvo: So let’s start at the beginning.

Marvo: Let’s.

Marvo: How did The Impulsive Buy start?

Marvo: On a dark and stormy night, I was celebrating the fact that I was unemployed and my girlfriend broke up with me by eating a half gallon of ice cream and Salt & Pepper Pringles, while reading The Onion online. I was reading The Onion because I believe that humor is the bandage for emotional wounds, I was eating ice cream because I believe it is the aloe vera for emotional burns, and I was eating the Salt & Pepper Pringles because they were new. While I was eating the Salt & Pepper Pringles, all I could think about was how crappy they were, but at the same time I was trying to prevent myself from laughing while reading some story at The Onion. That’s when I had my “you’ve got your chocolate in my peanut butter and you’ve got your peanut butter in my chocolate” epiphany and decided to start up The Impulsive Buy.

Marvo: Where did the name “Marvo” come from?

Marvo: Well, as you probably know, my first name is Marvin and I shortened it to Marvo, thinking no one would read my blog. But people began reading and the name just stuck. Thank goodness I didn’t use my original Yahoo! account name, sexxxycollegeboy1993.

Marvo: Did you know that “Marvin” means “great lover of the ocean?”

Marvo: Yes, I did, but I’m not a big fan of the ocean. Also, I like to think of myself as a great lover…period.

Marvo: I believe all your ex-girlfriends would say differently.

Marvo: You’re probably right.

Marvo: You’ve done 314 reviews so far, which one is your favorite?

Marvo: I don’t like to play favorites. I consider every single review to be like one of my illegitimate children from dozens of mommas. I sort of feel like Kevin Federline…Times twenty. I love every review equally, except the Rice Krispies Treats Kazaam Crunch review, which I wish I could drop off at an orphanage’s doorstep.

Marvo: So how are you going to celebrate the second year anniversary of The Impulsive Buy?

Marvo: I’ll probably be doing the same thing I did when it was born, eat a half gallon of ice cream, eat a can of Pringles, and cry my single lonely ass to sleep. Oh, also I’m going to have a frickin’ prize drawing. Booyah! Oh, wait. I mean, Yahtzee!

Marvo: What do you have as prizes for the Second Anniversary Prize Drawing? A date with you perhaps?

Marvo: A date with me would probably be the worst prize ever, because I would probably just take the winner to McDonald’s and only allow them to order stuff off of the Dollar Menu. Instead, three lucky Impulsive Buy readers will each receive a mystery box containing various products the Impulsive Buy has reviewed over the past two years. The contents of each box will vary.

Marvo: What do readers have to do to enter? Is there nudity involved?

Marvo: Thank goodness, no nudity…This time. To enter the Impulsive Buy’s Second Anniversary Prize Drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with whatever you want to say. Please make sure you fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping.

Marvo: Are you going to be a dick and not allow international entries?

Marvo: The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 and stop accepting entries on Wednesday, August 16, 2006. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE.

Marvo: So how are you going to determine the winners?

I haven’t decided that yet. Although I could just do what I did last year.

Marvo: Hey aren’t you forgetting the fine print?

Marvo: Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about sexy, single males waiting for you. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you letters that say “Do Not Discard” on the front of the envelope, which you eventually discard because it’s just a damn credit card application. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or Britney’s second child becoming the Antichrist.

Marvo: Well thanks for taking the time for this interview.

Marvo: Thanks for having me. Now if you’ll excuse me there’s a half gallon of ice cream and a can of Pringles with my name on them.

183 thoughts to “Happy Second Anniversary!!! (Or Happy Blogiversary!!!)”

  1. My own interview:

    Rick: What do you plan to do with the goodies you receive from Impulsive Buy?

    Rick: I expect I’ll rub it on my nipples and take pics. If any hair gel is included in the package, I will go immediately to the airport and try to get through security.

    Rick: Oooh! Topical humor! I like that.

    Rick: I swallowed a penny once.

  2. My husband would be crushed to know that I secretly visit your site daily hoping that you will wax reminiscant about your previous self indulgent sex-capades and unabashed gluttony. I have visions of you chasing Little Debbie cakes with Heinekins, brushing the Pringle crumbs off your bed as you drift off to sleep on your flannel Hello Kitty sheets. You ARE my dirty little secret and now I need to be spanked.

  3. I believe more interviewees should interview themselves. That way, you get both sides of the story.

  4. i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
    to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
    the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
    to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat

    now what you hear is not a test–i’m rappin to the beat
    and me, the groove, and my friends are gonna try to move your feet
    see i am wonder mike and i like to say hello
    to the black, to the white, the red, and the brown, the purple and yellow
    but first i gotta bang bang the boogie to the boogie
    say up jump the boogie to the bang bang boogie
    let’s rock, you dont stop
    rock the riddle that will make your body rock
    well so far youve heard my voice but i brought two friends along
    and next on the mike is my man hank
    come on, hank, sing that song

    check it out, i’m the c-a-s-an-the-o-v-a
    and the rest is f-l-y
    ya see i go by the code of the doctor of the mix
    and these reasons i’ll tell ya why
    ya see i’m six foot one and i’m tons of fun
    and i dress to a t
    ya see i got more clothes than muhammad ali and i dress so viciously
    i got bodyguards, i got two big cars
    that definitely aint the wack
    i got a lincoln continental and a sunroof cadillac
    so after school, i take a dip in the pool
    which really is on the wall
    i got a color tv so i can see
    the knicks play basketball
    hear me talkin bout checkbooks, credit cards
    more money than a sucker could ever spend
    but i wouldnt give a sucker or a bum from the rucker
    not a dime til i made it again
    ya go hotel motel whatcha gonna do today (say what)
    ya say im gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spankin
    drive off in a def oj
    everybody go, hotel motel holiday inn
    say if your girl starts actin up, then you take her friend
    master gee, am I mellow
    its on you so what you gonna do

    well it’s on n on n on on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    i said m-a-s, t-e-r, a g with a double e
    i said i go by the unforgettable name
    of the man they call the master gee
    well, my name is known all over the world
    by all the foxy ladies and the pretty girls
    i’m goin down in history
    as the baddest rapper there could ever be
    now i’m feelin the highs and ya feelin the lows
    the beat starts gettin into your toes
    ya start poppin ya fingers and stompin your feet
    and movin your body while youre sittin in your seat
    and the damn ya start doin the freak
    i said damn, right outta your seat
    then ya throw your hands high in the air
    ya rockin to the rhythm, shake your derriere
    ya rockin to the beat without a care
    with the sureshot m.c.s for the affair
    now, im not as tall as the rest of the gang
    but i rap to the beat just the same
    i dot a little face and a pair of brown eyes
    all im here to do ladies is hypnotize
    singin on n n on n on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    singin on n n on n on on n on
    like a hot buttered a pop da pop da pop dibbie dibbie
    pop da pop pop ya dont dare stop
    come alive yall gimme what ya got
    i guess by now you can take a hunch
    and find that i am the baby of the bunch
    ‘but that’s okay i still keep in stride
    cause all i’m here to do is just wiggle your behind
    singin on n n on n on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    singin on n n on n on on n on
    rock rock yall throw it on the floor
    im gonna freak ya here im gonna feak ya there
    im gonna move you outta this atmosphere
    cause im one of a kind and ill shock your mind
    ill put t-t-tickets in your behind
    i said 1-2-3-4, come on girls get on the floor
    a-come alive, yall a-gimme what ya got
    cause im guaranteed to make you rock
    i said 1-2-3-4 tell me wonder mike what are you waitin for?
    i said a hip hop the hippie to the hippie
    the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
    the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
    to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat
    skiddlee beebop a we rock a scoobie doo
    and guess what america we love you
    cause ya rock and ya roll with so much soul
    you could rock till you’re a hundred and one years old
    i dont mean to brag i dont mean to boast
    but we like hot butter on our breakfast toast
    rock it up baby bubbah
    baby bubbah to the boogie da bang bang da boogie
    to the beat beat, its so unique
    come on everybody and dance to the beat

    i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
    to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
    rock it out baby bubbah to the boogie da bang bang
    the boogie to the boogie da beat

    i said i cant wait til the end of the week
    when im rappin to the rhythm of a groovy beat
    and attempt to raise your body heat
    just blow your mind so that you cant speak
    and do a thing but a rock and shuffle your feet
    and let it change up to a dance called the freak
    and when ya finally do come in to your rhythmic beat
    rest a little while so ya dont get weak
    i know a man named hank
    he has more rhymes than a serious bank
    so come on hank sing that song
    to the rhythm of the boogie da bang bang da bong

    well, im imp the dimp the ladies pimp
    the women fight for my delight
    but im the grandmaster with the three mcs
    that shock the house for the young ladies
    and when you come inside, into the front
    you do the freak, spank, and do the bump
    and when the sucker mcs try to prove a point

    we’re treacherous trio, we’re the serious joint
    a from sun to sun and from day to day
    i sit down and write a brand new rhyme
    because they say that miracles never cease
    i’ve created a devastating masterpiece
    i’m gonna rock the mike til you cant resist
    everybody, i say it goes like this
    well i was comin home late one dark afternoon
    a reporter stopped me for a interview
    she said she’s heard stories and she’s heard fables
    that i’m vicious on the mike and the turntables
    this young reporter i did adore
    so i rocked a vicious rhyme like i never did before
    she said damn fly guy im in love with you
    the casanova legend must have been true
    i said by the way baby what’s your name
    said i go by the name of lois lane
    and you could be my boyfiend you surely can
    just let me quit my boyfriend called superman
    i said he’s a fairy i do suppoose
    flyin through the air in pantyhose
    he may be very sexy or even cute
    but he looks like a sucker in a blue and red suit
    i said you need a man who’s got finesse
    and his whole name across his chest
    he may be able to fly all through the night
    but can he rock a party til the early light
    he cant satisfy you with his little worm
    but i can bust you out with my super sperm
    i go do it, i go do it, i go do it, do it , do it
    an i’m here an i’m there i’m big bang hank, im everywhere
    just throw your hands up in the air
    and party hardy like you just dont care
    let’s do it dont stop yall a tick a tock yall you dont stop
    go hotel motel what you gonna do today(say what)
    im gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spank drive off in a def oj
    everybody go hotel motel holiday inn
    you say if your girl starts actin up then you take her friend
    i say skip, dive, what can i say
    i cant fit em all inside my oj
    so i just take half and bust them out
    i give the rest to master gee so he could shock the house
    it was twelve o’clock one friday night
    i was rockin to the beat and feelin all right
    everybody was dancin on the floor
    doin all the things they never did before
    and then this fly fly girl with a sexy lean
    she came into the bar, she came into the scene
    as she traveled deeper inside the room
    all the fellas checked out her white sasoons
    she came up to the table, looked into my eyes
    then she turned around and shook her behind
    so i said to myself, its time for me to release
    my vicious rhyme i call my masterpiece
    and now people in the house this is just for you
    a little rap to make you boogaloo
    now the group ya hear is called phase two
    and let me tell ya somethin we’re a helluva crew
    once a week we’re on the street
    just a-cuttin’ the jams and making it free
    for you to party ya got to have the movies
    so we’ll get right down and give you the groove
    for you to dance you gotta get hype
    so we’ll get right down for you tonight
    now the system’s on and the girls are there
    ya definitely have a rockin affair
    but let me tell ya somethin there’s still one fact
    that to have a party ya got to have a rap
    so when the party’s over you’re makin it home
    and tryin to sleep before the break of dawn
    and while ya sleepin ya start to dream
    and thinkin how ya danced on the disco scene
    my name appears in your mind
    yeah, a name you know that was right on time
    it was phase two just a doin a do
    rockin ya down cause ya know we could
    to the rhythm of the beat that makes ya freak
    come alive girls get on your feet
    to the rhythm of the beat to the beat the beat
    to the double beat beat that it makes ya freak
    to the rhythm of the beat that says ya go on
    on n on into the break of dawn
    now i got a man comin on right now
    he’s guaranteed to throw down
    he goes by the name of wonder mike
    come on wonder mike do what ya like

    like a can of beer that’s sweeter than honey
    like a millionaire that has no money
    like a rainy day that is not wet
    like a gamblin fiend that does not bet
    like dracula with out his fangs
    like the boogie to the boogie without the boogie bang
    like collard greens that dont taste good
    like a tree that’s not made out of wood
    like goin up and not comin down
    is just like the beat without the sound no sound
    to the beat beat, ya do the freak
    everybody just rock and dance to the beat
    have you ever went over a friends house to eat
    and the food just aint no good
    i mean the macaroni’s soggy the peas are mushed
    and the chicken tastes like wood
    so you try to play it off like you think you can
    by sayin that youre full
    and then your friend says momma he’s just being polite
    he aint finished uh uh that’s bull
    so your heart starts pumpin and you think of a lie
    and you say that you already ate
    and your friend says man there’s plenty of food
    so you pile some more on your plate
    while the stinky foods steamin your mind starts to dreamin
    of the moment that it’s time to leave
    and then you look at your plate and your chickens slowly rottin
    into something that looks like cheese
    oh so you say that’s it i got to leave this place
    i dont care what these people think
    im just sittin here makin myself nauseous
    with this ugly food that stinks
    so you bust out the door while its still closed
    still sick from the food you ate
    and then you run to the store for quick relief
    from a bottle of kaopectate
    and then you call your friend two weeks later
    to see how he has been
    and he says i understand about the food
    baby bubbah but we’re still friends
    with a hip hop the hippie to the hippie
    the hip hip a hop a you dont stop the rockin
    to the bang bang boogie
    say up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie the beat
    i say hank can ya rock
    can ya rock to the rhythm that just dont stop
    can ya hip me to the shoobie doo
    i said come on
    i go to the halls and then ring the bell
    because i am the man with the clientele
    and if ya ask me why i rock so well
    a big bang, i got clientele
    and from the time i was only six years old
    i never forgot what i was told
    it was the best advice that i ever had
    it came from my wise dear old dad
    he said sit down punk i wanna talk to you
    and dont say a word until i’m through
    now there’s a time to laugh a time to cry
    a time to live and a time to die
    a time to break and a time to chill
    to act civilized or act real ill
    but whatever ya do in your lifetime
    ya never let a mc steal your rhyme
    so from sixty six til this very day
    ill always remember what he had to say
    so when the sucker mcs try to chump my style
    i let them know that i’m versatile
    i got style finesse and a little black book
    that’s filled with rhymes and i know you wanna look
    but there’s a thing that separates you from me
    and that’s called originality
    because my rhymes are on from what you heard
    i didnt even bite and not a god d–m word
    and i say a little more later on tonight
    so the sucker mc’s can bite all night
    a tick a tock yall a beat beat yall
    a lets rock yall ya dont stop
    ya go hotel motel whatcha gonna do today (say what)
    ya say im gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spankin
    drive off in a def oj
    everybody go hotel motel holiday inn
    ya say if your girl starts actin up then you take her friends
    a like that yall to the beat yall
    beat beat yall ya dont stop
    a master gee am I mellow?
    its on you so whatcha gonna do

    well like johnny carson on the late show
    a like frankie croker in stereo
    well like the barkay’s singin holy ghost
    the sounds to throw down they’re played the most

    its like my man captain sky
    whose name he earned with his super sperm
    we rock and we dont stop
    get off yall im here to give you whatcha got
    to the beat that it makes you freak
    and come alive girl get on your feet
    a like a perry mason without a case
    like farrah fawcett without her face

    like the barkays on the mike
    like gettin right down for you tonight
    like movin your body so ya dont know how
    right to the rhythm and throw down

    like comin alive to the master gee
    the brother who rocks so viciously
    i said the age of one my life begun
    at the age of two i was doin the do
    at the age of three it was you and me
    rockin to the sounds of the master gee
    at the age of four i was on the floor
    givin all the freaks what they bargained for
    at the age of five i didnt take no jive
    with the master gee its all the way live
    at the age of six i was a pickin up sticks
    rappin to the beat my stick was fixed
    at the age of seven i was rockin in heaven dontcha know i went off
    i got right on down to the beat you see
    gettin right on down makin all the girls
    just take of their clothes to the beat the beat
    to the double beat beat that makes you freak
    at the age of eight i was really great
    cause every night you see i had a date
    at the age of nine i was right on time
    cause every night i had a party rhyme
    goin on n n on n on on n on
    the beat dont stop until the break of dawn
    a sayin on n n on n on on n on…
    like a hot buttered de pop de pop de pop
    a saying on n n on n on on n on
    cause i’m a helluva man when i’m on the mike
    i am the definate feast delight
    cause i’m a helluva man when i’m on the mike
    i am the definate feast delight
    come to the master gee you see
    the brother who rocks so viciously

    (i cheated and copy-pasted that)

  5. Juet recently found your site. You are awesome. I love the humor. Congratulations on 2 yearsI hope you’ve got a lot more in you.

  6. Marvo, you are the most awesome blogger ever…I hope you send some love from your area to this poor college student! Thanks 🙂

  7. I don’t care if I’m #118 – because one day I know I will be #1 – but Happy Birthday Marvos Blog!!! And although I really want to win this mystery box, I feel bad because I didn’t get you anything 🙁 I might share some of the goodies from my box if I win (blatant bribery). If I don’t win, just accept these birthday/blogiversary wishes!

  8. Happy Anniversary! I really like your reviews–you’ve taught me so much, like how to make my own energy drinks and what not to do with mint-flavored condoms ^.^

  9. P.S. And instead of wedding cake, you can re-create and we can serve that decadent chocolate dessert you made at QPRBE!


  10. Damn…at first I thought you were reviewing cake. ::sigh:: I suppose I will just enter this drawing in the hopes of winning some of the things you have most hated over the years (yeah, hated…because that would be sadistic and funny)

  11. I am considering myself out of the running since I won the Threadless contest (pat myself on the back) but figured I throw in an entry anyway. Marvo – keep up the good work. May all of your breakups result in something so productive and enjoyable!

  12. Marvo,

    Congrats on 2 years! I stumbled across this blog last year for a college assignment on emergent technology and how it can be used in the classroom, and I’ve been reading faithfully ever since. Keep ’em coming!

    Rating: 4 out of 5
    Pros: College, college parties, new posts often, you live in Hawaii, sweet reviews. Iiiicccceeee cccrrrreeeeaaammmmm. Less than 2 years until I’m done with college.
    Cons: College assignments. Teachers that smell funny. Living in cold weather. Paris Hilton’s new song. Couldn’t ever figure out the flavor of the Airheads mystery flavored slurpee.

  13. Congratulations on your 2nd Anniv Marvo! You’ve kept me entertained for some time now. Thanks! Ur great.

    Pick me, pick me, pick me!!

  14. I think your thong review is hands-down my favorite review. Any man willing to endure fabric in his crack for the sake of research gets my vote, plus now you and your fans finally understand how us women suffer for no pantylines. As you said, you definitely need an ass to wear thongs. Kudos for giving it the old college try. Congrats on two years!!

  15. You are a true inspiration. I’d like my blog to be more like yours. Originally it was all about food, now it is something else but more lame.

    Please enter me in the drawing and if I win I’ll promise a random blog post in response showing what I do with the products you send.

  16. So I guess that party idea we had with the oversized drinking glasses, depends adult diapers and locked lavatory door didn’t pan out…well, there’s always next year.

  17. Today I found a link to your site in my friend’s online journal and after reading only two reviews and your two year anniversary interview with yourself I think I want to marry you.

    This site is genius and I think you’re hilarious. Happy 2nd! Let me know if you change your mind about the nudity 😉

  18. I want to win a date with marvo! 😀

    Congrats marvo! I’ve laughed, I’ve cried (from too much laughing), and laughed again!

    In short: I loves me the reviews. Keep them up!! 🙂

  19. Oh marvo, you and your multiple personalities!

    But it did save me from those creapy alfredo-ramen things. Thank you.

  20. Once upon a time you did a review of Aquafina sparkling water. I scoured the stores far and wide to find said water and it never appeared in my neck of the woods. Then, one day, I went on a road trip to the left side of the country and I saw it in a gas station and of course I had to try the sparkling berry beverage that earned a one on your delightful rating scale. And you know what? I’m sad I Didn’t just trust your review. Blech.
    Happy Blogiversary

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