Over the years, I have learned an important lesson: When alcohol and silicone are taken away from something, they instantly lose their fun factor.
For example, a party at the Playboy Mansion wouldn’t be any fun without alcohol and silicone. Strip clubs would be less enjoyable minus alcohol and silicone. Finally, Anna Nicole Smith would be less fun and harder to parody without alcohol and silicone.
Recently, I found a product that debunks the lesson I learned, the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray. Not only does it not have any alcohol or silicone, which it proudly boasts on its packaging, it also doesn’t have any calories, fat, sodium, carbohydrates, and cholesterol.
With none of that in the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray, you’re probably asking yourself, how can it be any fun?
Well with the right people, items and body parts, it can be hella fun.
For example, did you see the episode of Family Guy when the employees of Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory had a competition at their company picnic to see who could catch a greased-up deaf guy? You can recreate this thanks to the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray.
Just get a bunch of your friends. Find a place with a lot of open space, like a city park, state university campus, or cemetery. Then have everyone draw straws. The one with the shortest straw has to strip down to their skivvies and be sprayed all over with the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray. Give that person a 30 second head start and some earplugs, then you folks can have yourself some greasy giggly fun.
Oh yeah, just a warning. Do not play this game in the middle of the day, unless you plan to eat your friend once you capture them and they’ve had time to cook in midday sun.
Do you have plastic sheets, a significant other, and did you run out of sensual massage oil?
If you said yes to all three, you can use the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray in your foreplay activities. Just spray it on body parts and then rub, stroke, lick, and/or tickle. I sprayed some on my body and it felt kind of good once I got used to the butter scent. I also made a video of me rubbing it on, which you can view here (Quicktime required).
Oh yeah, another warning. Do not use the cooking spray as a lubricant for condoms and please remember to dispose of plastic sheets when done with sweet, sweet lovemaking.
Now if you’re really crazy and want to have some real fun, you can use the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray to cook things or add some light butter flavor to foods like popcorn.
Usually, I use a tablespoon of butter when making an omelette, but the other morning I used the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray to make a turkey, cheese, and broccoli omelette. I really couldn’t taste the butter flavor from the cooking spray, but it did prevent my eggs from sticking to the pan.
Like its greasy distant spraying cousin, WD-40, the Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray has a lot of fun uses, but you just have to find them. Although WD-40 totally sucks as a sensual massage oil.
Item: Mazola Pure Butter Cooking Spray
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Hella fun. No fat. No cholesterol. No sodium. No carbs. No calories. Can add a light buttery flavor to popcorn. Aluminum can is strokeable. Not just for cooking, it’s like WD-40. Possible massage oil replacement.
Cons: A Playboy Mansion party without alcohol and silicone. Too light of a buttery taste. Might’ve been more fun with alcohol and silicone.
lmao, funny review and movie. I HOPE that was your elbow, I think that was your elbow…that image isn’t going away though 😉 The Mazola Oil was quite thick
You make me smile downstairs!
I’m awfully excited by the shape of the spray bottle, too. I’m seeing a stop at the grocery store on the way home and a nice, loooooong evening. Thanks, Marvo!
i agree with skibs pleaseeeeeee let that be your elbow…. and yucks it is thick!
Ah, my, nice use of “perspective” in the video there, Marvo. I have a can of olive oil Pam (TM) that has been following me around the world for the past decade plus…I guess that shows you how much cooking I do. I bought the thing in Okinawa when I was in the military.
Another use for cooking spray: if makes fingernail polish dry faster. Just spray it on and it dries almost instantly.
I forget why I know this, but it works!
and the video..That was hot. I think I need a moment…. 😀
great entry, oh masterful one. i do wish they’d ditch the aerosol-can format for good; i hate all the crap packaging that’s out there screwing up the environment, man. i’ve seen basic “pump-spray” products – like, i think there’s one by I Can’t Believe It’s Butter – that are basically the same thing but in a non-aerosol package.
but p.s. this IS the most phallic product i’ve seen since i stopped at Toys in Babeland last year
That video killed me! Hahahahahaaha.
Oh, and kudos for another great review. 😉
I use it on my parachute cables, works great and fewer malifuctions. Also neccessary if you date flight attendants.
Gay
My God. That video…I don’t know whether to be aroused or disturbed.
Loved the Family Guy reference, btw.
damn, even the bottle it’s in screams sex. it looks like a giant dildo!
Inner thoughts “Please, please…let that be two fingers, a squished ear, anything but a butt. Oh dear blogging gods how I love you for saving me”
No calories? Tastes great? Yeah, I’ve heard that line before…
video = disturbing. until i realized it was ur elbow. that was clever haha
but i will so buy this when i run out of lube…
peace
I find food like that incredibly scary. If no calories, fat or anything what’s in it? But I’ll bet it would be awesome for greasing up a slip and slide. Grease and lubricants always work better than water, and you can get some serious velocity on those things. If you can’t find a slip and slide just spray some of this stuff down on a bunch of garbage bags for a true ghetto version of the popular classic.
So if you spray this on a pan over an open flame, is the belief that it will catch fire and blow up in your hand (goodbye hand, HellO hospital!) still a possibility?!
lol maybe a new Mythbusters ep…..
omg it looks so phallic…i MUST have it!
Marvo you crack me up that video was awesome. I’ve tried the Pure olive oil spray- it’s awesome for sautee-ing veggies.
Nice video, i totally thought that was NOT your elbow…!!!
I’m just glad I’m not the only one who thinks it looks like a giant dildo!
I’m dissapointed that it’s your elbow!
how much would you charge for some saucy pictures of you and that oil?
;D
I’M TOUCHING ALL THE CANDY!
LOL, of *course* that was your elbow Marvo, unless your hand is bigger than your butt. That would truly be frightening.
you forgot to mention it’s sexy, curvy shape.
Oooh la la, the sexy elbow! With that dildoesque bottle, the butt-elbow thing, and the foamy whiteness of the spray, I have to say this doesn’t make me think of cooking so much as sex. Buttery sex….
Hahaha, that packagining description reminds me of a bottle of apple juice I once had that proudly proclaimed: “Plastic Bottle – Excellent Source of Vitamin C!”.
Marvo, that is a sexy, sexy bottle it comes in…