Quiznos Makes Jared Cry By Having As Many Meatball Subs As Subway

The Primo Meatball sub from Quiznos may consist of seasoned meatballs, zesty marinara sauce, and mozzarella cheese, but the one thing it probably doesn’t have is the ability to make Italian mothers everywhere cry. With 1000 calories, 45 grams of fat, and 2,950 milligrams of sodium in the large version of this sandwich, the only thing it can make Italian mothers do is feel extremely sluggish after eating it and have the desire to take a nap. Fortunately, Quiznos offers smaller versions of the sandwich, like they do with all of their sandwiches. I’m personally not much of a meatball sandwich kind of guy, because I’ve ruined in way too many white shirts while eating spaghetti and meatballs. But if you’re not afraid to ruin a shirt and want to eat something hearty, this Primo Meatball sub might be for you.

11 thoughts to “Quiznos Makes Jared Cry By Having As Many Meatball Subs As Subway”

  1. The ONE time I had a meatball sub from Subway, it was so bad I didn’t go to Subway again for 10 years. It was like they strained all the spaghetti out of a can of Chef Boy-r-Dee and dumped the rest in the sandwich. If the Quizno’s version looks anything remotely like it does in that photo, my faith in humanity may be restored, along with my faith in chain sammich shops.

  2. 3000mg of sodium? Just needs ramen noodles. Though there is probably a Japanese 7Eleven working on the issue right now.

  3. a)I have never eaten at Quiznos. I rarely go to Subway but hit up Firehouse Subs often. Their steak and cheese sub is delicious.
    b)The only times I’ve eaten a meatball sub is in my college cafeteria when they’d feed them to us at 9pm when they were feeding us off leftovers. They were decent tasting, but not anything I’d pay for.

    Also, I’m Sicilian, so I’m sure my grandmother’s meatballs were a lot better than Quiznos.

    But Quiznos has large and small sizes? Not six inch or foot long? Weird.

  4. I like going to Quiznos, since it’s the closest thing to my work. They rave about how healthy and toasty their products are, but you can practically feel your insides wither like slugs after all the salt that gets poured into your system.

  5. Yep, Quiznos has small, which is about 4 inches, medium, which is around 6 inches, and large, which is 12 inches (former employee of Quiznos, unfortunately)

  6. Clarification: the Quiznos Regular size is 8 inches, and it’s “Goldilocks” perfect for me: Subway’s 6-inch is too small, and the 12-inch way too big.

  7. @tim – I’m 100% sure the Quiznos version will look nothing like it does in the picture, unless your Quiznos sandwich maker is the slowest and detailed Quiznos sandwich maker ever.

    @gko – Just combine two of them together and you’ll have 3Gs and hypertension.

    @Chuck – So that’s what the “triple” means. It’s not triple steak, it’s the 3,000 milligrams of sodium.

    @armauld – I’d try it too, but it probably won’t end up looking like the picture.

    @Neil – Wow that’s a mean heartburn!!!!!

    @Natalie – Their size names reminds me of Starbucks and Jamba Juice.

    @Heidi – I never considered Quiznos as healthy. Maybe it’s because they don’t have some dude named Jared who whips out his old pair of jeans whenever he gets the chance.

    @Elizabeth – But you got free food, right?

    @Fred – Sadly, I can eat an entire footlong in one sitting. I have no willpower. 🙁

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